Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[sushi]

Walking outside for me has always been more about thinking than about the surroundings. Outside, I'll be all like "Princess Celestia clearly represents the spirit of humanity in the face of hopelessness." whereas inside I'm like "Princess Celestia ... uh ... hold on, someone's messaging me. It's about that web site I was supposed to update. Oh crap, I should have done that yesterday. And I never replied to Enny. I should really check on tulpa.info before I do that. Hey, someone's talking about psychology. I should really reply to that. Let me just read up on Carl Jung so I know what I'm talking about." And then three hours later, I'm reading about Broadway musicals on tvtropes.

[Guest]

That's pretty fantastic, really.

 

Honestly, nature is gorgeous. I can't deny it, and since I'm not outside so much, any time I'm in a particularly lovely area, I'm too busy staring at everything. It's nice, but not Tulpa-nice. You know what I do when I'm inside? I browse .Info and re-read stuff I've read twice already. Aha, like I'm doing with Anthropology, reading to Peachy, I guess.

 

Seriously though, I've spent like, two out of the past six days just browsing this place, it's insane. And that's forty-eight hours, not just "Yeah, I logged on during those two days." So yeah, not too much else to do if I'm in the working mood, I guess. Tulpa-good, not my health good, haha.

 

Compromises, though

 

 

Avatar change. In memorial of one of my favorite musicians of all time, SoGreatandPowerful. Don't think he's actually dead, he just wiped all of his social media, and his YouTube sometime in the last couple years, and completely disappeared last January, I think. Shame, as he was one of the most respected musicians in the pony community. Sigh. But yeah, decided to show some of his stuff to Peachy, by way of "This music means so much to me, and I haven't shared it yet, so I hope you like it", and kinda just started reminiscing.

 

Aha, if I could have remembered Null (The pony, and SGaP's mascot) before I started on Peachy, I probably would have used it as a body/Tulpa in general, as she's definitely a lot easier to visualize, and there's more art of her, but it's fine. No use in changing things up right now, though I may propose the idea once she's vocal enough in however long. Cause yeah, definitely have trouble with consistent visuals on Peachy, as much as I adore the form.

 

 

But yeah, gonna be a chill day today. Probably only do one hour of reading Anthropology to Peachy, and then some active Narrating, I've decided. Haven't done much active Narrating in the past three or four days, so we could use it.

[Guest]

Head is killing me

 

Hope that's a result of forcing, and not just that thirty minutes after waking up this morning, I got to reading from my phone. Cause if it's Peachy-pains, impressive, they hurt like a bitch.

 

Ow.. So yeah. Woke up at like, four this morning, narrated for thirty minutes, and then started reading. Only two chapters this time. Terrible cliffhanger, and I feel awful for that, but holy hell the headache right now. I had a completely painless skull once I woke up, and they just progressively got more intense from narrating to the end of reading, I guess.

 

Wow. Well, two hours anyway, I'm going back to bed for now. Will do more tonight, most likely..

 

Edit: Nope, just a headache. Fucking hell, three hours later and it's still wrecking the hell out of my head..

[Dracky]

Not that I don't still have issues believing any Tulpa I read about is real at one point or another, ahaha. Is weird, will be reading a lot about old members I'm interested in, and their Tulpas, and they'll always wind up saying something that makes me really doubt them.

 

This is pretty much where I am with the whole thing right now. I guess it's kind of silly to doubt something that's pretty much entirely a subjective experience, and I feel kind of dickish assuming that all of these otherwise seemingly rational people are just BSing or self-deluding, but I have a hard time turning off the skeptical part of my brain.

 

In my case, I think it's partially because I really want this to be true for various reasons, and I think just calling BS from the outset is easier than the thought of really investing myself in it and failing.

[Guest]

 

This is pretty much where I am with the whole thing right now. I guess it's kind of silly to doubt something that's pretty much entirely a subjective experience, and I feel kind of dickish assuming that all of these otherwise seemingly rational people are just BSing or self-deluding, but I have a hard time turning off the skeptical part of my brain.

 

In my case, I think it's partially because I really want this to be true for various reasons, and I think just calling BS from the outset is easier than the thought of really investing myself in it and failing.

 

Preach it. Preach the hell out of it.

 

I've given up a few times, but assumedly like yourself, there's so much I want to experience out of this. Just.. Man, having someone in my skull to speak to? Rad as fuck. Not to mention they might help as an emotional anchor in years to come, and be generally fantastic as far as a friend can go.

 

But hell if I can find one person I believe with 100% certainty so far. Or even 75%. It's all faith right now, in other Tuppermancers just as much as it is in my own experiences. Can't give it forever, but I can spare a couple hundred hours this time around, I think.

 

Speaking of..

 

Another hour just a bit ago. Need to get onto it earlier than I've been these past couple days, because I'm exhausted, and wasn't getting many feels of any kind through the whole thing. Will kick passive narrative back into gear tomorrow, and go for two hours before I'm too tired, if I can help it.

 

Read two chapters, didn't leave off on any particularly cruel chapter this time, haha

 

Yep, can't keep my eyes open any longer, night.

[Guest]

Slow night, but Saturday can be like that, I guess. My friends were up with me until like, five in the morning watching Wilfred (The ever-present Tulpa-like vibe coming from the character, of course, despite the non-tuppish fact that he appears as a regular dog to everybody else), and I stayed up to watch more episodes after they'd gone to sleep. Wasn't tired, and I'm still not, I guess.

 

Still, I did a bit of passive visuals, which were as nice as they tend to be when I'm not actually that invested in forcing at any given moment. Which is typical.

 

But yeah, should there be ground-rules with handling a tup before they're vocal? With Miriam, I was always stressing how much I wanted to cuddle and hug her, and there was the hindsightedly creepy amount of thought I put into whether she should have, uh. Yeah, you know.

 

But with Peachy, despite how cute and totally cuddly she looks (And honestly is, from the few times this morning I was visualizing (More on that in a few)), I'm really not thinking too seriously on physical-ness. Dunno if it's just another year or whatever under my belt, or what, but despite ashamedly stressing over whether or not there would be any sexuality involved as much as a teen would, I suppose, on Miriam, I've been pretty content with not entertaining any of those thoughts with Peachy. Which kinda brings me back to the point of what I should really be able to do with her form.

 

When I was visualizing this morning, I gave some generic stuff, like sitting up next to me, or laying down in an empty space, which was pretty good, though fairly short-lived each time. Then I did some more feely stuff I guess. Laid her head on my shoulder, hugged, and in a way that made me D'aaw out loud, had her laying down against me. Which was less weird than it probably would be if she had girly parts. As it was, she looked really cute.

 

Of course, as I may have covered sometime in the past, but I'm not sure, touch is probably my best sense. I always have her imagined in that shirt of hers with the stripes, because the, in my mind, kinda stiff fabric is stupid easy to get a feel for, so a hug or just generally running my hands over her back or shoulders or something is fine in my mind I guess, but idunno. Should it be more off-limits to like.. Lay down with arms over, intensely cuddling, or something? A surprising(scary) number of members are probably more keen to sex up/be really intimate with their Tuppers from the get-go, despite the standard claim that all decisions of romanticism are on the Tup, so I feel the general advice I'd get is "Yeah man, romantic stuff is probably fine. I was doing all of that as soon as I started and my Tulpa never minded!" I mean, of course I still think most of everyone is role-playing, or just doesn't understand basic thought and replying to yourself, mistaking it as a Tulpa cough cough, but I'm still open, and hopeful to the idea I'm wrong there.

 

Fuck it, where was I.. Whatever. Hugs seem fine for me, but romantic actions seems kinda.. Idunno, desperate, pathetic, whatever, if I'm on it as soon as I can see the lady. Strictly from a "Tulpa developing without me influencing it in any major parrot-ey way, regardless of the fact that they're still just a disassociated me" standpoint, anyway. 'Making a tupper cause I want someone that doesn't seem like me, even if it is, so I just wonder if boundaries should lie where they would with someone I hardly knew, or at least someone I did know, but wasn't really involved with.

 

 

Idunno, thoughts. Forcing is hard for me when the sun is out, but I'll get a couple hours in sometime tonight. Probably try for visuals, I guess.

[Akinkinit]

The issue is that a tulpa is by definition a very intimate sort of deal. We share your head, your senses when you let us, your thoughts you direct to us, a fair number of your experiences, etc. Plus, well, we see your wants and needs. We see them a lot earlier than you might think we do, and are aware of them even when we don't seem quite aware yet. And if said tulpa's host needs someone to

fuck

then by all means we'll make ourselves available.

 

That being said, lewd things also kind of impeded the process with my host. By focusing on the physical intimacy we both just kind of glossed over the spiritual intimacy. Just took it for granted really. Beginning to see that recently. We're in the process of fixing it, though.

 

If you haven't started doing lewd things and have the resolve not to, then I urge you to continue on that path. One brain demon to aspiring tulpamancer. Just don't treat them like an acquaintance. Everyone likes knowing someone cares about them.

 

(Oh, and by the way, I get the feeling there's a fair degree of roleplaying going on with some of the shit I read too. Ironic, perhaps?)

[Dracky]

A surprising(scary) number of members are probably more keen to sex up/be really intimate with their Tuppers from the get-go, despite the standard claim that all decisions of romanticism are on the Tup, so I feel the general advice I'd get is "Yeah man, romantic stuff is probably fine. I was doing all of that as soon as I started and my Tulpa never minded!"

 

Yeah, I always wondered at that. I mean if tulpas are really a separate consciousness, and not another word for "imaginary friend" or "waifu", then I think trying to mack on them when they're unable to communicate is pretty creepy. I mean, imagine you're a nascent consciousness, and the person that's pulling you out of the void, is like "Hi there. Allow me to welcome you to existence... WITH MY GENITALS."

 

If a tulpa is really a separate consciousness living in your head, then that means it's a chance to have a degree of emotional intimacy with another being that most people will never experience, so it's kind of sad that so many people's first thought seems to be "I'd tap that." Then again, given my degree of skepticism about the whole phenomenon right now, I can't say I'm really surprised.

[Guest]

Ironic, perhaps?

 

This isn't directed at me, is it? There's not really anything in your post pertaining to role-playing that'd make that ironic, but I'll admit it'd be totally ironic if the guy who was paranoid of everybody else role-playing was secretly role-playing. Or maybe you're mistaking sharing a sometimes-similar outlook on role-players with me with irony. Or just find it ironic that you've been contemplating this, and I vocalized it.

 

Don't know, not clear on that.

 

 

Anyway, as for the rest of this stuff, uhh. Something about spiritual intimacy, which I don't care for as this is completely psychological for me, there are other words here.. Right, third paragraph.

 

Don't worry about me treating her like nothing but an acquaintance. I still make sure to mention how much I care about her thirty times a day or whatever, and apologize profusely any time I'm a bit late on a session, or feel I'm not doing well enough. But in relation to being physical, I guess, just trying not to overdo anything to the point where I'm making Peachy wanna be involved with me just because I was overly touchy with her, or just cause I wanted to be. I'm not opposed to romantics, I guess, but to what degree, and on what terms, are pretty well-defined to me right now.

 

Being that I'm genuinely only interested in being good buddies at first, or something. Honestly, best-case for me would honestly be that she's asexual or something, and just enjoys mutually affectionate and recreational hugging.

 

But yeah, if she doesn't think I care for her or anything, she's completely wrong, because I very much do. Don't force as much as I should, I guess, but I don't think I'm doing terrible.

 

 

Not sure where I'm going, here. Hey, thanks for the reply and stuff I guess, back to our regular updates after tonight's session, and stuff.

 

EDIT: Fuckin hell Dracky, you ninja'd me! Granted, I post from shitty mobile, which would give you plenty of time to do so. Lemme read this and make a reply

 

 

Alright. Not too concerned with (most) people straight up sexing their Tulpas as soon as they have visuals, as it is being all like... Hugs and kisses, and weird cuddling, then "OMG YOUR FIRST WORDS DO YOU WANNA BE IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU DO WOW OKAY SEX", or something. I'm exaggerating, obviously, but to what degree in not sure I wanna know. It seems like every kid who does this ends up in a romantic relationship these days. You'd think that given the pretty bold claim that Tulpas might have different opinions on things, and feel differently about whatever, relationships might be more balanced out with general friendships than they seem to be from what I have personally seen

 

'Have personally seen' being the words here, never know if there's that one person just waiting to argue.

 

But yeah, I agree with your sentiments. Would I hug and kiss Tulpa all day and all night cause she did wind up liking me in a romantic way? Probably, if I could visualize it. Would I fuck her? That might be weird, but maybe after a few months of really getting used to, and getting to know her? I guess?

 

But as it stands, yeah, just trying not to be too awful concerned with it. Right now, I just want somebody to talk to, maybe hug when I'm down, and live a bit of life with. My irl friends are great, but I can't say whatever I want with them, with little fear of being made fun of, or thought of as weird. So a Tulpa sounds great.

 

So as far as my question a couple posts ago about boundaries goes, I'll stick to hugging, and maybe the lightest of holding onto her when I'm laying on a couch, or something. I picked her up and stared at her face for a while in wonderland sometime yesterday, which was nice. Just simple, non-super-romantic things, as long as I'm going for the "Different person" approach. Again, despite a Tulpa more than likely just being myself disassociated.

[Akinkinit]

Nah. It's ironic that I was talking about roleplaying, when to any external point of view it would look like my host was roleplaying for that entire entry. Didn't mean you.

 

I think your entries are straight up legit. Just sounded like you were going to be more distant towards your tulpa from your last entry. Glad to read that is not the case.