Progress Report on my Tulpa, Kayla

[Luminesce]

It's been a while since anyone has posted in here-- does anyone care to leave any comments or anything?

Sorry, I check posts when I see there's been a new one and you were updating the original which didn't make it pop up as "new" for me.

 

I've had similar problems with having enough focus to spend time actively with my tulpas, less so because of actual time restraints and moreso because of having a lot on my mind (I've had multiple essays and as I type this I have a statistics assignment due tomorrow and a research paper I have yet to choose a topic for).

Though it's not as big of a problem for me since my tulpas are perfectly well developed already, so they just stick around passively until we've got time. I've definitely remembered to talk to them occasionally, but that's more akin to passive forcing which we've gotten all the possible benefits from by this point already.

 

Honestly, like anything you need to do but keep finding yourself not having time for, or being unfocused because of the possibility of doing other things, you have to set an exact time to do it. Like almost-no-exceptions-4:00-to-5:00-is-only-this. If you think of that time as already set aside for something, it'll be easier to focus when it comes because your mind thinks of it as already set. Whereas, when you have "free time" but get distracted a ton despite your priorities lying seemingly elsewhere, your mind thinks "this time could be for anything - let's do everything".

[Guest]

Sorry, I check posts when I see there's been a new one and you were updating the original which didn't make it pop up as "new" for me.

 

I've had similar problems with having enough focus to spend time actively with my tulpas, less so because of actual time restraints and moreso because of having a lot on my mind (I've had multiple essays and as I type this I have a statistics assignment due tomorrow and a research paper I have yet to choose a topic for).

Though it's not as big of a problem for me since my tulpas are perfectly well developed already, so they just stick around passively until we've got time. I've definitely remembered to talk to them occasionally, but that's more akin to passive forcing which we've gotten all the possible benefits from by this point already.

 

Honestly, like anything you need to do but keep finding yourself not having time for, or being unfocused because of the possibility of doing other things, you have to set an exact time to do it. Like almost-no-exceptions-4:00-to-5:00-is-only-this. If you think of that time as already set aside for something, it'll be easier to focus when it comes because your mind thinks of it as already set. Whereas, when you have "free time" but get distracted a ton despite your priorities lying seemingly elsewhere, your mind thinks "this time could be for anything - let's do everything".

 

That's completely fine and understandable-- I shall, likely, begin posting my new sessions as new posts, instead of adding onto the original.

 

I also thank you for the advice-- I shall try setting myself a time dedicated to forcing with Kayla. I do, honestly, find it hard to follow schedules myself, but I've come to find that if something is important enough, I can follow it; I expect it to be no different in this circumstance.

[Guest]

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014

I don't remember all too much of this day-- I know I vaguely tried to talk to Kayla throughout the day, just rambling on and out about nothing, as I usually do. Later on that night, before bed, I did something like 14 minutes(I went for 15 minutes) of active forcing, where I went over her personality, and tried to envision her. However, I couldn't seem to do it.

 

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

I talked to Kayla through the day as normal, and just did another session of Active forcing for approximately 10 minutes. Strangely, I could see fluctuating lights in my head as my eyes were closed, as if someone was turning the light on and off every few moments. I talked to Kayla for a while, and tried to envision talking to her in my wonderland and visualizing her, but I couldn't seem to do it.

 

So, out of all of my problems, one of my largest so far is the lack of clarity in my imagination. I can't see things vividly or clearly in my head, nor can I hear things very well. I can barley hold a very vague, almost non-existent image of Kayla in my head, and I really can't imagine the wonderland. So, for anyone reading, do you have any methods for strengthening the imagination and making the vision in the mind's eye clearer? Thank you for reading.

[zoeydreamer19]

Kayla and your whole journey sounds so cool! I've just started with my Tulpa, Charlie, and your report really helps me! Thanks for writing it! Also, can you details what type of forcing you do? Like, how do you force?

[Guest]

Kayla and your whole journey sounds so cool! I've just started with my Tulpa, Charlie, and your report really helps me! Thanks for writing it! Also, can you details what type of forcing you do? Like, how do you force?

 

Thank you! I appreciate that-- it makes me feel rather good that someone enjoys my progress report and that you've actually benefited from it. And it is no problem, whatsoever.

 

Also, as far as details go, I try to keep it varied. So far, I've mainly worked on narration, personality, and visualization. Once a day, each day, if I can, I spend at least 10 minutes doing one of those; I try to keep it varied and work on different things, as to keep it well rounded. As well as that, I make sure to try and take to Kayla idly throughout the day-- anything can work really; just speak about nothing, ramble on about one subject, or even try to have a deep conversation or utilize analyzation; anything works, really.

 

I appreciate your comment, and I hope to see you back on my Progress Report. I also hope you post one of your own, so I may follow your journey, as well! As well as that, tell Charlie I said hello.

[Guest]

Thursday, October 23rd - Sunday, October 26th, 2014

I've had a busy weekend, as well as had my power out for the first day I got home-- on Thursday, I packed and prepared for a weekend trip to Alabama. On friday, we actually took the time to get there, and on Sunday, we head back home. I didn't have any opportunities, sadly, to actively force during this trip, but I did several bits of passive forcing.

 

Though, I was talking to Kayla and thinking about her on Saturday night, and interestingly a thought about her popped up that I don't feel as though I created. I may not have mentioned this before, but there has been interesting thoughts, and Kayla shows interest in cheerleading(both school and competition.)

 

However, also, what popped up with her was her, batting, at a softball event. I am not too sure what to imagine so far, but is it possible that she also likes softball? Does she just like playing different sports in general? As of now, I am not too certain.

 

Monday, October 27th, 2014

Now, today, I've gotten home recently and eaten after school/collage for the day, and I am preparing to do 10 minutes of Active Forcing with Kayla. Throughout the day, as usual, I talked to her idly-- I specifically read an excerpt of one of Mark Twain's stories with her in English, and I tried talking to her a bit in Algebra II. In a moment or so, I am going to sit do and do my (supposed)daily 10 minutes of forcing.

 

During the active forcing, I spent a moment of so talking about her personality, and another apologizing for the lack of time doing active forcing during this weekend. Then, for several minutes I rambled on and on. Eventually, I said something(I don't remember what it was), and I heard, vaguely, in the back of my head, a separate voice than mine say, "We'll See...". I can't quite tell if it was Kayla or not, or just my mind, but I must say, it scared the shit out of me. Just a second or so later, my alarm went off, and I sat up, dumbfounded.

[Guest]

Tuesday, October 28th, 2014

 

Last night was, definitely, an awful night for me-- I likely won't get into the reasons why, but it was. However, throughout the nights, I spoke to Kayla, trying to calm myself. I do hope there are negative effects for your Tulpa whenever you are extremely distressed-- however, I am rather hopeful there aren't.

 

Anyway, throughout the day, I idly spoke to Kayla-- as always, it was through school. Though, it seems that I don't need to write K on my hand to remember her-- but I feel better when I do, for some reason, so I will likely continue doing it. Once I got home, I was rather afraid of the consequences for the events that unfolded the night before, so I didn't even attempt to speak to my family; I instead went into the other room, turned the lights off, and turned my timer on. I spoke to Kayla on what might happen, how I felt about it, and a whole bunch of other things. Sadly, I was tired today, so I almost fell asleep a few times, but I did manage to do an entire 10 minutes session without event stopping to look at my timer to see how long I had gone; that does feel like an accomplishment, to me.

 

I am considering slowly bumping up the time for my forcing sessions. I am thinking maybe something like 5-10 minutes more every few sessions. What do you all think? Any recommendations or ideas on the subject?

[Luminesce]

I don't really care for sticking to exact times. They're to make sure you do a minimum, and that's it. If you're "thinking about increasing it", then obviously you're willing to go for longer, so do so.

Incentive is good, but forcing yourself to force when you really don't want to is bad, as is stopping forcing when you feel like doing more. But this is coming from someone who's never taken forcing very seriously, anyway. I do what I can when I can.

[Guest]

I don't really care for sticking to exact times. They're to make sure you do a minimum, and that's it. If you're "thinking about increasing it", then obviously you're willing to go for longer, so do so.

Incentive is good, but forcing yourself to force when you really don't want to is bad, as is stopping forcing when you feel like doing more. But this is coming from someone who's never taken forcing very seriously, anyway. I do what I can when I can.

 

True-- I try to do a minimum in order to build some level of progress daily that is measurable(it is a tool to help me), and I have decided that I may wish to increase said "progress" to some considerable amount. I am feeling more motivated, as more and more strange and exciting things occur. Thank you for the advice-- and I am curious as to the nature of what occurred while I was going to bed tonight.

 

*Update - Wednesday, October 29th, 2014-- on the way to bed tonight, I was actively talking to Kayla as I didn't feel too sleepy, and while talking to her, I felt extremely content and happy. Eventually, I began to drift to sleep and such, and something happened in day dream-like state(involving cross dressing, interestingly), that set off some strange trigger. Normally, no matter what I do, my mind's eye is very cloudy and full of vibrant, shifting colors. However, it all dulled to almost pure darkness. I suddenly felt this heavy, impending feeling, and this strange, fluttering sensation in my chest. In this state, I almost felt as though I could feel something vaguely similar to someone standing over it. 'Twas both exciting and scary. I am very curious as to the nature of why this occurred, what is behind it, and what it could mean.

[Luminesce]

You may have stayed conscious to the transition between being awake and asleep, people report tons of experiences like that while attempting to lucid dream (via keeping their mind awake while their body falls asleep). Likely, anyway, because you were lying down I assume while keeping your mind busy, which is the main method of doing it. Most often that state is either followed by sleep paralysis or entering a dream state, which would take quite a while if you were just then going to sleep. (You don't start dreaming immediately when you first fall asleep, though waking up in the middle of the night and then doing this is a very successful method of inducing lucid dreams)

 

I don't know about the dulled visualization (normally the transition is accompanied by hypnagogic imagery), but heavy sensations on your chest and the feeling of "impending" *something* or a presence near you is very, very common. There's some psychological explanations for it I can't remember right now, but the short answer for the rest is the onset of sleep paralysis. In case you don't know, that's when your mind shuts down most of your muscle control so you don't act out your dreams at night. Staying mentally awake to that point often comes with the feeling of someone "sitting on your chest" or other weird sensations.. Not to mention it's pretty coveted by would-be lucid dreamers, as it means you've kept your mind awake while your body fell asleep, which are perfect conditions for having a lucid dream.