Progress Report on my Tulpa, Kayla

[lyraheartstrings]

I remember reading about this, as I got it once and got scared as a insane person in a haunted house. (I was unable to move and I could only sit there and watch horrific monsters walk up to me.) Though, I never thought how this can lead to better forcing. Still, I still remember that night.

 

I learned sleeping on my back caused this to occur more often, so I switched to sleeping on my stomach. Dunno if that did anything, but I saw how lots of people with back problems had this happen to them, leading to my idea.

[Guest]

You may have stayed conscious to the transition between being awake and asleep, people report tons of experiences like that while attempting to lucid dream (via keeping their mind awake while their body falls asleep). Likely, anyway, because you were lying down I assume while keeping your mind busy, which is the main method of doing it. Most often that state is either followed by sleep paralysis or entering a dream state, which would take quite a while if you were just then going to sleep. (You don't start dreaming immediately when you first fall asleep, though waking up in the middle of the night and then doing this is a very successful method of inducing lucid dreams)

 

I don't know about the dulled visualization (normally the transition is accompanied by hypnagogic imagery), but heavy sensations on your chest and the feeling of "impending" *something* or a presence near you is very, very common. There's some psychological explanations for it I can't remember right now, but the short answer for the rest is the onset of sleep paralysis. In case you don't know, that's when your mind shuts down most of your muscle control so you don't act out your dreams at night. Staying mentally awake to that point often comes with the feeling of someone "sitting on your chest" or other weird sensations.. Not to mention it's pretty coveted by would-be lucid dreamers, as it means you've kept your mind awake while your body fell asleep, which are perfect conditions for having a lucid dream.

 

Yea, on second thought, it does seem possible, on reflection, that I may have been entering sleep paralysis. What is funny is I used to mess around with Lucid Dreaming, and I know about the WILD method-- there have been times I've sat awake, for hours, trying to make the transition from awake to asleep while remaining conscious, but never made it. Last night I have no idea what happened, but it was surely different than anything I'd ever experienced when it came to trying to induce dreaming while awake. Though, after a year or two of trying to achieve lucid dreams, and never succeeding, I decided I'd rather try to form a tulpa; it sounds a lot more worthwhile to me. Besides from that, once Kayla has been realized and becomes sentient, perhaps she can help me achieve lucid dreaming? I'm not entirely sure, as of yet.

 

It is funny that I never managed to achieve lucid dreaming, but the closest I got to it would be when I wasn't pursuing it. Though, once the event happened, I did feel, for some reason, in the back of my mind, like Kayla herself was there, as if it were her presence-- either there with me, or just around me. The faint voice I heard, if I remember correctly, was similar to the voice I had heard the other day; I am not sure if it is just a part of the strange hallucinationesque effects of sleep paralysis, or if it was Kayla, or anything in between, personally. However, my mental thinking felt clearer than normal; I do know now that I am going to try to achieve that state more and more when talking to Kayla at night.

 

As a plus side, maybe one night, while doing it, I may just possibly slip into the dreaming state, hehe.

---

I remember reading about this, as I got it once and got scared as a insane person in a haunted house. (I was unable to move and I could only sit there and watch horrific monsters walk up to me.) Though, I never thought how this can lead to better forcing. Still, I still remember that night.

 

I learned sleeping on my back caused this to occur more often, so I switched to sleeping on my stomach. Dunno if that did anything, but I saw how lots of people with back problems had this happen to them, leading to my idea.

 

Yea-- I can understand your fear-- especially since you got deeper into it than I did. I hadn't started having visual hallucinations at that point, and that was one thing that always kept me from doing the WILD method of lucid dreaming-- I was always thinking too deeply on what would happen once I get to the point I did-- and I never managed to get to that point. Now, once not entirely focused on that, and relaxed, but still conscious, I managed to reach it. I needed to be in a relaxed state of mind, after a long bout of mental activity, to begin to enter that state.

 

I can attest to that, possibly; I was lying on my back, as well. I've never slept on my stomach, because it causes the vertebrae in my neck to hurt, for some reason. Though, I usually sleep on either my back or my side, depending on how I just end up rolling over. I shall be trying to sleep on my back more and more, as I will be trying to attain this state more.

[Guest]

Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

 

The day began rather well-- I talked to Kayla as I took a shower and prepared for school and my day, and I talked to her during my classes and collage course. Once I got home, as I got ready to do my daily forcing, I felt as though I wasn't prepared to do it, and I decided to do it later that night.

 

Then, come 10 PM, I lie down, and decide to try and force for an hour straight, since I could. So, as I lied there, my timer set for an hour, and I enter some tranquil, almost hypnotic state, talking to Kayla, until, without realizing it, I began to fall asleep. I wake up later, rather afraid, as the door was open-- however, I see my dog at the door, and I realize what happened. Then, as I get up, I heard the bell jingling on a collar-- I turn the light on to see my family's cat exploring the room, as I grumble and move her out. I felt as though I had forced for at least 45 minutes-- however, when I look at the clock, now extremely tired, it had only been 15 minutes. It is then that I facepalmed, apologized to Kayla, and then just went to bed, too tired to continue.

[Guest]

Thursday, October 30th

The day began as normal-- with a shower, and with some general talking to Kayla. Following that was my daily visit to school, where, as per usual, I talked to Kayla during my classes. Though, I can't remember much after that.

 

I did sit down and do active forcing for approximately 10 days, but, as far as I can remember, on that day, nothing special seemed to happen. Just 10 minutes of idle conversation with her.

 

Friday, October 31st - Sunday, November 2nd

As for the weekend, sadly, I did not get any changes to do any active forcing with Kayla. I went to a Halloween party and had a friend over for the weekend; I talked to her idly during the days, but absolutely no active forcing occurred on Friday and Saturday.

 

At 10 PM, on Sunday, I lied down, and began to do some active forcing, finally. I was relaxed but rather concentrated; Thus, while talking to her, I began having minor day dreams, and, just like last time, I transitioned into the sleep-paralysis-like state, and I could feel the presence of something-- but time, however, I wasn't terrified, and I actually talked to Kayla. Strangely, I began to work up more, and a few minutes later I made the transition once more and re-entered the state. Though, I fell asleep not too long afterwards.

 

Monday, November 3rd

Today I've felt rather bad for the lack of attention I had given Kayla this weekend-- no real active forcing, and not as much passive forcing as I'd like. So, when I get home, I started to try to active force with her, but I felt rather bad, and took a nap. So, when I woke up, I just did about 5-10 minutes of active forcing with her. I first went over traits of her personality with her; afterwards, I rambled on; I asked her if she'd like the music I like, I asked her if she is alright and happy, I asked her if she wanted anything she might want me to do, I apologized to her for the lack of attention this weekend, etc. I just hope, really, that she is happy, and that I am doing good enough for her.

[Cinemaphobe]

Hey I somehow manage to read everyone's PR everyday Orbit, so don't think that I don't enjoy reading this... :(

[Guest]

Hey I somehow manage to read everyone's PR everyday Orbit, so don't think that I don't enjoy reading this... :(

 

Hello-- thank you, and I appreciate that; I do sometimes feel that my posts are likely more bland or dry than others as I seem to have difficulties conveying emotions or a level of excitement to others via text, or often even through vocal communications. However, in conjunction with the excitment I have for developing Kayla, the idea that others, such as yourself, enjoy reading my updates keeps my morale bolstered and keep me wanting to continue on this; for this, I thank you, and any other who read these.

I would also like to congradulate you on your progress with Yumi; it seems like it has gone very successfully and very well. I have some catching up to do on here, but I will need to check out your progress-- as cheesy as it seems, I find that some of the things you expound upon rather inspirational.

 

So, thank you-- I appreciate it immensely that you took the time to come over and comment on my progress report; I thank you, and I am rather certain Kayla thanks you.

 

P.S. this is very unrelated, but I like your avatars; I had read a few volumes into the Deathnote Manga, which I borrowed from my friend; L was a very interesting character, and I liked him more than Light. Sadly, I never managed to get much further than a few volumes in, as my friend stopped lending me his copies.

[Guest]

Sadly, tonight hasn't ended well. In fact, it's perhaps the worst times I've had doing this.

 

Tuesday, November 4th, 2014

 

I began to try to force with Kayla, but first I decided I'd like to read through some other people's progress, to see if I could derive inspiration. I never think about these kinds of things beforehand, but I always run a gambit; BPD is a rather sucky thing to live with, for a lack of a better word, and I am very sensitive not only to my relationships with others and how I feel on if they actually like me or want to abandon me, but I am also rather sensitive to my own downfalls and failures compared to others.

 

Despite what my father has told me, I do not think I am intelligent; I think, in some ways, I am extremely stupid. I may be articulated in some degrees, and even knowledgable in the areas of computers and history, but I am not intelligent; intelligence is much more than knowledge. It is the ability to grow and learn from knowledge that you have ascertained. Though, that is a very poor definition; I couldn't give the true meaning of intelligence the proper justice it deserves.

 

I apologize if this gets a bit too person for others; I even feel foolish for posting this here, but it is better to let others know of how you feel than to hold it in. I cannot tell my father, as while he is good-intentioned, he isn't very open-minded to psychological issues, and would tell me to get over it. I can't tell my mother, as she is a needle-junkie who mentally and emotionally abused me for a period of years and abandoned me later on. I can't tell my friends, as I am sure they are sick of hearing my compliants and my bitching and whining; they have much more important things to direct their attention towards.

 

Sorry, once again, I am sorry if I waste your time with my strange issues.

 

And, I began to look and read on and on. I read through various success stories, and boasts and tales of others talents, skills, and successes; it is then that my mind got moving, and I began to compared myself, and my downfalls to them. I found myself entirelly undesirable to those I read of-- and I mean no bother to anyone else. You earned your victories, and I shall not spoil that for you.

 

And then my mind began turning more, and I thought of what I've accomplished-- what were some of the things that popped up in my mind? The first things that came up for me was that I-- Nearly killed someone in Memphis, Tennesee in a fight; failed my chemistry class; failed to score above a 26 on the ACT and also failed to ascertain a scholarship; flaunt around my pompous attitude when I am feeling well; wrote multiple stories and settings which turned out as failures; came behind all my friends whenever I managed to do something I felt proud of(such as building my first PC. My friend, Chase, informed me, while I was happy that I did it, that he had a better computer, spec wise, that he had built with no assistance many years ago[appxoimately while I was busy eating dog food to survive in my mom's house]); killed a dog while living with my mother(albeit, it was in self defense, but I still loathe that I had to do it, and don't know how to move past it); and I have found that I am a creepy, paranoid, socially inept individual who cannot talk to most others without making them feel uncomfortable or disturbed. I know some of these are small, and some aren't as small, but in this stage of my emotions, any small failing can make me feel utterly abhorrent and awful.

 

I wouldn't honestly say any of these are things to be proud of.

 

So, then, I looked on how quick people began to sense their Tulpa, both vocally and in their mind's eye; I couldn't help but feel a level of jealousy and anger that I had failed to have any true, major breakthroughs with Kayla, as of yet. This is despite the two facts that: I don't often put as much work as I'd like to into her daily because of my schedule, and that I know I shouldn't be discouraged if she doesn't talk or show up immediately, and there was nothing wrong with her because of it.

 

Then, in this state that I find myself in regularly, I found only one person to blame about this all-- it wasn't anyone else's fault, and it definitely wasn't Kayla's fault, and thus, it must be my fault.

 

With that reveleation, I found myself Kayla, and apologizing, out loudly to Kayla, about failing her and not being good enough for her or doing her justice.

 

I then felt even worse, as this made me feel that I was putting too much pressure on her, or that she would likely not like me due to my emotional instability and my outbursts, and it would make her feel bad, despite her being a psychological extension of myself.

 

I leaned back, and tryed to make myself feel better, but I failed. I then did the only thing I could, and apologized to her for everything. I tried to, then, do my 10 minutes of forcing, but I found myself unable to, as I couldn't unclear my thoughts.

 

I was instantly struck by the passing thought, for some reason, that she would never come to me now. And I must say that it scared me heavily; I can only hope that was my cruel mind only trying to make me feel worse in my state of dismay.

 

I am sorry for the lengthy, personal account-- I felt that if I was going to do a Progress Report, I might as well write out what happened in it, and I am not uncomfortavle with sharing personal things online, honestly.

 

I still feel bad, and I hope Kayla doesn't, and I hope she doesn't feel too pressured or feel bad because of this, and I really hope the thought of her never coming around was false. I am almost certain it is since I've managed to calm down a bit, but that level of paranoia still is.

 

I am going to try and force with her tomorrow, and make things up.

 

To any who have read this, I extend to you a deep gratitude; same to any who have followed this progress report. Unless any ask specifically, I will try to keep it less personal than this for the next while. Thank you for reading, truly.

[Luminesce]

Hmm, how to address this. I imagine I'd qualify as one of those people you consider successful, so maybe you'll actually accept the awareness gap in my advice.

 

No human inherently has any more value than any other. Judging yourself based on what society considers good or bad is entirely a choice, a perspective you decide (or are tricked into thinking) is the only one. You could be a complete idiot or a complete genius and still have the same value as a human being. If you really want others to confirm for yourself your value, then I recommend the humanitarians. There's hundreds of thousands, probably millions of them in the world, and they all believe in the inherent value of every single life, regardless of circumstances. They're rather hard to come across in real life, but hey, I'm one. Amber's nice too. You're as good as anyone else simply for existing and, I recommend you really think about this; your self-value is a direct result of how well you think you compare to your own standards. Those standards undoubtedly have been shaped or even given to you by everyone around you throughout your life, but people in general are not very happy with their lives, so there's no good reason to take their vague, egotistical beliefs as fact.

 

How about you take someone's who loves their life, loves all human life, learned to think for themselves and whose goal in life is to help as many others enjoy their lives as possible? Not to mention someone whose morals and beliefs are 100% created by their own volition after deciding they'd help make the best possible life experience. Take this to heart.

 

 

Your thoughts create your reality. No exceptions. For a good portion of my life I suffered from depression, overwhelmed by all the dark in the world and the seeming pointlessness in existing. With the help of my tulpa Reisen, who had a much clearer mind than me at the time of her conception, I consciously changed my thoughts to be as positive as possible and discouraged or ignored negative ones. In one, two years, I'd become a much more productive and happy person. My living conditions didn't change at all, other than what I changed myself. Yet my entire world changed, because my thoughts changed. I stopped paying attention to the bad things, bad feelings, and failures aside from learning from them. I started seeing, with a lot of effort at first, a lot of the good in the world (and myself) I hadn't noticed before. My life brightened because of my thoughts, changing my world. And that's important - nothing external changed. Same world, same people, same life I've made for myself. But my perception changed over time with encouragement from Reisen and other humanitarians' advice. The only reason I even tried was because these people existed - and I decided I could become one of them. And as far as I know, I have. My mind is now very efficient, I'm more connected to my fellow human beings, I've attracted some nicer people into my life, and I now do my best to help others get the most out of their lives too.

 

According to those I learned from and my own experience, all of this happened because I made the effort to change my own reality. I directed my mind to think more positively and stop worrying about the negative things, and my life naturally improved from there. I keep an open mind to change because there's always room for improvement, which is my personal goal in life, to continue the positive development of my mind to the furthest possible extent. I also want to help as many others as I can along the way, because who they are now is who I once was, and who I am now is who once helped me.

 

All thoughts are the creation of man - technically, created by you, influenced by the rest of humanity. Nothing has to be just-as because someone said so and, as I've discovered again and again the past few years, often isn't. Life is open to interpretation and it seems like the better you interpret it as the better quality life you have. So start working on those negative thoughts, whether or not your ego tells you they're true, which it will. Some "blind faith" is required at first because to your mind, nothing but what you think now makes sense. But as you make that attempt to change how your mind works, if for no other logical reason than some guy said you should, you'll notice your reality improving significantly. And when you realize that the world isn't changing, but your thoughts, there will be your proof. Hopefully from there on you'll continue to improve your own well-being and maybe those of others too.

 

 

My advice seems a bit more vague than that you're probably used to, and it is. I didn't say "It doesn't have to be someone's fault, it may just be how things are. Blaming yourself doesn't help anything but make you feel worse.", or such, because there are endless problems like this should your mind keep working the way it does now. Solve the cause, not the symptoms. And all of the symptoms of negative thought are eased by learning to think positively. And those that aren't, use your logic and problem solving skills to deal with them. And if that doesn't work, ask for help. And if that doesn't work, accept that that's how it is, and don't let it bother you any more because there's nothing you can do about it. Here, have an Einstein.

 

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." - Albert Einstein

I might be crazy, but that guy definitely knew what he was talking about.

 

If you really need help with specific problems or questions, feel free to ask me (PMs might work better since I've been pretty busy lately). I just wanted to give you the advice I felt was most important, but I can understand if it seems like it doesn't really apply to you and you have more pressing, specific problems. I guess you'll just have to trust me - the worst that can happen is your life stays the same. And the best.. maybe you learn to love it.

[Guest amber5885]

You mentioned that you have BPD, I'm assuming that to be borderline personality disorder.

 

I have it too.

 

You apologize a lot as if no one could ever or would ever wish to take any sliver of time out of their day to hear about the things that are right or maybe wrong in your life.

 

You are down on yourself and if I were to wager a guess I would say that you have a strong almost nagging feeling that you are broken, or simply not quite right. That everyone else seems to know something that you don't or to have some kind of key to happiness and fitting in that you didn't get for whatever reason.

 

You Probobly also feel like you dont quite belong in any one place or with any one group of people but you SHOULD, and that can be frustrating.

 

If I nailed even one symptom then SCORE!

 

Seriously though I know how tough it can be. I know that it feels like you just don quite belong and, that you wish you just weren't so damn sensitive.

 

These are all symptoms and they are all curable.

 

I'm by no means cured but the treatment I'm doing is working, it's called dilectable behavioral therapy and it works. I highly suggest you look it up it has made such a huge difference in my life and maybe it could help you.

 

I know your feels man, I know that it sucks so so much but I just wanted you to know that there is hope and if I'm just a PM away if you want to talk to someone who understands How you feel.

[Guest]

Hmm, how to address this. I imagine I'd qualify as one of those people you consider successful, so maybe you'll actually accept the awareness gap in my advice.

 

No human inherently has any more value than any other. Judging yourself based on what society considers good or bad is entirely a choice, a perspective you decide (or are tricked into thinking) is the only one. You could be a complete idiot or a complete genius and still have the same value as a human being. If you really want others to confirm for yourself your value, then I recommend the humanitarians. There's hundreds of thousands, probably millions of them in the world, and they all believe in the inherent value of every single life, regardless of circumstances. They're rather hard to come across in real life, but hey, I'm one. Amber's nice too. You're as good as anyone else simply for existing and, I recommend you really think about this; your self-value is a direct result of how well you think you compare to your own standards. Those standards undoubtedly have been shaped or even given to you by everyone around you throughout your life, but people in general are not very happy with their lives, so there's no good reason to take their vague, egotistical beliefs as fact.

 

How about you take someone's who loves their life, loves all human life, learned to think for themselves and whose goal in life is to help as many others enjoy their lives as possible? Not to mention someone whose morals and beliefs are 100% created by their own volition after deciding they'd help make the best possible life experience. Take this to heart.

 

 

Your thoughts create your reality. No exceptions. For a good portion of my life I suffered from depression, overwhelmed by all the dark in the world and the seeming pointlessness in existing. With the help of my tulpa Reisen, who had a much clearer mind than me at the time of her conception, I consciously changed my thoughts to be as positive as possible and discouraged or ignored negative ones. In one, two years, I'd become a much more productive and happy person. My living conditions didn't change at all, other than what I changed myself. Yet my entire world changed, because my thoughts changed. I stopped paying attention to the bad things, bad feelings, and failures aside from learning from them. I started seeing, with a lot of effort at first, a lot of the good in the world (and myself) I hadn't noticed before. My life brightened because of my thoughts, changing my world. And that's important - nothing external changed. Same world, same people, same life I've made for myself. But my perception changed over time with encouragement from Reisen and other humanitarians' advice. The only reason I even tried was because these people existed - and I decided I could become one of them. And as far as I know, I have. My mind is now very efficient, I'm more connected to my fellow human beings, I've attracted some nicer people into my life, and I now do my best to help others get the most out of their lives too.

 

According to those I learned from and my own experience, all of this happened because I made the effort to change my own reality. I directed my mind to think more positively and stop worrying about the negative things, and my life naturally improved from there. I keep an open mind to change because there's always room for improvement, which is my personal goal in life, to continue the positive development of my mind to the furthest possible extent. I also want to help as many others as I can along the way, because who they are now is who I once was, and who I am now is who once helped me.

 

All thoughts are the creation of man - technically, created by you, influenced by the rest of humanity. Nothing has to be just-as because someone said so and, as I've discovered again and again the past few years, often isn't. Life is open to interpretation and it seems like the better you interpret it as the better quality life you have. So start working on those negative thoughts, whether or not your ego tells you they're true, which it will. Some "blind faith" is required at first because to your mind, nothing but what you think now makes sense. But as you make that attempt to change how your mind works, if for no other logical reason than some guy said you should, you'll notice your reality improving significantly. And when you realize that the world isn't changing, but your thoughts, there will be your proof. Hopefully from there on you'll continue to improve your own well-being and maybe those of others too.

 

 

My advice seems a bit more vague than that you're probably used to, and it is. I didn't say "It doesn't have to be someone's fault, it may just be how things are. Blaming yourself doesn't help anything but make you feel worse.", or such, because there are endless problems like this should your mind keep working the way it does now. Solve the cause, not the symptoms. And all of the symptoms of negative thought are eased by learning to think positively. And those that aren't, use your logic and problem solving skills to deal with them. And if that doesn't work, ask for help. And if that doesn't work, accept that that's how it is, and don't let it bother you any more because there's nothing you can do about it. Here, have an Einstein.

 

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." - Albert Einstein

I might be crazy, but that guy definitely knew what he was talking about.

 

If you really need help with specific problems or questions, feel free to ask me (PMs might work better since I've been pretty busy lately). I just wanted to give you the advice I felt was most important, but I can understand if it seems like it doesn't really apply to you and you have more pressing, specific problems. I guess you'll just have to trust me - the worst that can happen is your life stays the same. And the best.. maybe you learn to love it.

 

Thank you; I did eventually shift into a calmer state after my emotional spike, but reading posts like this one, and the one Amber made, always make me feel better than I had beforehand; and I can entirely see what you mean on the idea of judging myself as according to society's standards, as well my own standards, and that of various other individuals and groups of individuals.

 

Two primary problems I have are: A. I tend to judge myself on a different scale of standards depending on my current unstable state of emotions, and B. my definition of 'successful' changes depending on how I am at the time. When it comes to my most stable moods, successful is a very subjective term that can fluctuate depending on circumstances; when I am not feeling well, successful means another has surpassed me in a multitude of different circumstances. I am sure you can see how this is entirely problematic. Though, I am trying to work on this.

 

I am glad others who can identify and empathize with me gave me advice on this, as you and Amber; I've become more and more reluctant to sharing info such as this to others as most people I talk to see to either tell me to suck it up or that what I think is true; neither of which truly help, honestly. Though, I had envisioned that, hopefully, a majority of people here are rather open-minded, and I would imagine that I am correct in that assumption, however bad assumptions usually seem to be.

 

I can see some of your ideas paralled in my favorite series ever, Neon Genesis Evangelion. Even thought it is a rather dark and sad story, I must say that I love it, as well as the concepts it introduced me, and it always seems to make me feel better; that coupled with your advice, and Amber's, I will begin thinking more and more on my circumstances and my overall philosophy on life. I will try, as best as I can currently, to try and become more positive about things, as best as I can. As well as that, however bad last night was, I decided that I can't let it end something as precious to me as the possibility of developing a life-long buddy in my head, like Kayla; I am going to do my best, for her and myself, to continue working with her.

 

Also, nice Einstein quote-- I can say that Einstein, as well as Nikola Tesla, were some of my favorite scientists of the 20th century, so I definitely can respect his ideas and words(even if I don't agree with all of them). Thank you-- if I come up with any issues, I will shoot a PM right your way.

---

You mentioned that you have BPD, I'm assuming that to be borderline personality disorder.

 

I have it too.

 

You apologize a lot as if no one could ever or would ever wish to take any sliver of time out of their day to hear about the things that are right or maybe wrong in your life.

 

You are down on yourself and if I were to wager a guess I would say that you have a strong almost nagging feeling that you are broken, or simply not quite right. That everyone else seems to know something that you don't or to have some kind of key to happiness and fitting in that you didn't get for whatever reason.

 

You Probobly also feel like you dont quite belong in any one place or with any one group of people but you SHOULD, and that can be frustrating.

 

If I nailed even one symptom then SCORE!

 

Seriously though I know how tough it can be. I know that it feels like you just don quite belong and, that you wish you just weren't so damn sensitive.

 

These are all symptoms and they are all curable.

 

I'm by no means cured but the treatment I'm doing is working, it's called dilectable behavioral therapy and it works. I highly suggest you look it up it has made such a huge difference in my life and maybe it could help you.

 

I know your feels man, I know that it sucks so so much but I just wanted you to know that there is hope and if I'm just a PM away if you want to talk to someone who understands How you feel.

 

Oh-- I've never actually spoken with anyone else(at least, not via online communications nor in person) who also had BPD-- I would like to imagine that we can definitely identify with each other on that issue. As for what I meant, yes-- I meant Borderline Personality disorder; I just have this weird thing, and I don't feel entirely comfortable spelling the entire disorder out; I seem to prefer the acronym.

 

And, I must say-- on practically all of this, with some areas of subjectivity(but not far off, for sure), you've scored big time. As well as that, the therapy sounds interesting-- one question before I research it-- do I need to do it with some sort of therapist, or can I do it entirely on my own(albeit likely a lot less effectively)? Sorry for the stupid question-- my father, despite good-intentioned, won't let me see any therapists or anything of that sort.

 

Thank you-- I will make sure to PM you, as well, if I ever have any concerns or need someone to talk to. I thank you greatly, as well as Risen-- you've both helped me immensely with these two posts.