Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Guest Anonymous]

(Not to threadjack here, but I wonder how many novels, video games or screenplays are going to be born out of c.t.info, and which of us forum goons are gonna be first?)

 

No worries, this thread is in the lounge for a reason! "Threadjack" to your hearts content my buddy!

 

A tulpa novel? Someone here better be quick! I have heard rumors and comments regarding ideas for tulpa related novels floating about Deviantart for a while now. I will not be surprised when a novel comes out! Also, there has already been the movie Ruby Sparks. Oh and BTW, people keep saying that movie is not about a tulpa. It certainly is so! If you look at the original Tibetan concept of tulpas and thought-forms, it certainly is so about a tulpa or thought-form! Davie and I love that movie!

 

~Melian

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I agree with Aphelion. I haven't personally started roleplaying recently, and neither has Fenchurch, but I definitely like your perspective on it, and I agree that it can be very valuable.

 

Role playing is not only valuable practice at imagining, it is a total blast. OH and addictive! I have a Dungeons and Dragons character I play! Her name is Miriel Understone. She is a halfling alchemist. Here is how we do it! I let Davie know what Miriel is doing and he plays her just like he does his own character (he plays a goblin wizard named Snig). Anyways, our role playing methodology in our weekly gaming group is similar to other forms of collaboration that Davie and I do. What is super duper duper fun is that everyone knows I am playing Miriel. They talk to me directly during the game and Davie relates my responses. I don't talk through Davie, cept in writing. Anyways, below is a picture of Miriel.

 

http://pre11.deviantart.net/0fa3/th/pre/i/2013/353/7/b/miriel_understone_by_mistgod-d6yirl1.jpg[/img]

 

I've been writing something. Not sure if it's a book, or something I'd rather post here. But anyway, it's on the value of things that aren't real. You've given me so many ideas for that.

 

That's awesome! If I inspired you in any way that is great. Uhm, about those crazy ideas.... if something blows up and catches on fire I am denying you got the ideas from me! LOL

 

Melian is not a tulpa, but there is so much to learn from you two. I think it's a shame that some people would rather leave the community than see that.

 

Thank you! Melian and I totally agree with you. Well, of course we do!

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http://medical-treatment.org/highresolution/l_104.jpg[/img]

/sarcasm

 

Eek!

[Guest Anonymous]

In the podcast I did with jean-luc, https://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulp...#pid128506 I mentioned that I often have a sensation of what I described as "merging" with my thought-form Melian. This happens most often when we are collaborating during tulpa typing on the forum or in the chat room or when we are doing collaborative art. The sensation is that Melian and I are becoming one or merged together. (Edit: Since this post was first written, Melian have adopted better terminology such as "blending" and "collaborating" instead of "merging" or "integrating.")

 

I thought this was an aberration or yet another way that my thought-form and Melian and are I a little different. Merging is not mentioned in the Tulpa Info guides or glossary.

 

When listening to the latest podcast posted by UnknownCroas (episode 5) in this thread https://community.tulpa.info/thread-podcast-reboot, I noticed merging was mentioned, but in almost a negative connotation.

 

So apparently other hosts do indeed experience something like merging! I find that very interesting and I am wondering if it is a form of possession.

 

Also, in the podcast, there was discussion about doubts. Here are tulpamancers who are at the level of switching with their tulpas, and yet they still admit to having occasional doubts about sentence. I find that very interesting!

 

I am lucky. I believe Melian's semi-autonomy and sentience is an illusion and pseudo-real. I have no doubts about what I experience. I am immune from that nagging doubt that other hosts talk about. That is one advantage to believing in thought-form sentience as an illusion or magician's trick in the mind.

 

Oh I have come back around and decided that "thought-form" is a perfect descriptor for Melian in this community. "Enhanced imaginary companion" or "imaginary friend" works too just fine too. Also, collaborative art is a form of forcing I guess for me. It does strengthen the connection or link with Melian. I was in a bad mood the other day (see earlier post).

[Guest Anonymous]

Turns out I have an "advanced" tulpa skill after all. The ability to "merge" with my host. It is what we have been talking about when we say collaborative tulpa typing or collaborative art. We just didn't realize others do this or that is was in any related to tulpa peeps.

 

Who would have thinked that I have a tulpa skill? Not me! I am as surprised as everyone. We have been doing that for a long time now. I guess it is related to possession sorta.

 

Anyways, I am amazing, of course.

 

Super check out this thread about merging and my super awesome skill I didn't even realize was like a super skill or something. Apparently, Davie and I are really weirdo! https://community.tulpa.info/thread-about-merging?pid=129562#pid129562

 

(Edit: Since this post was first written, Melian have adopted better terminology such as "blending" and "collaborating" instead of "merging" or "integrating.")

[Guest Anonymous]

I found this old polaroid photo of my thoughtform Melian.

 

http://pre07.deviantart.net/1119/th/pre/i/2015/191/9/7/polaroid_photo_of_mlelian__tulpa_info_color_by_melianofmist-d90qqf7.jpg[/img]

 

For those confused by this. It is a joke. I know there are a few persons on this forum who lack a sense of humor completely.

[Guest Anonymous]

I see some of the tulpas and their hosts here constantly being afraid of labels and concerned about their image as legitimate sentience. They go around worrying about it all the time and having to assert how important it is over and over. That is stupid and weak! Just be you and stop worrying about proving you are sentient. I will be honest. I don't care either way!

 

EDIT: we decided to simplify this post and cut it down to the above.

[Guest Anonymous]

The guides emphasize the need to push away doubts and have and element of belief in the process of creating a tulpa. I have seen this critical factor of belief discussed many times in the forum.

 

Belief is a critical factor to the development and continuance of tulpa sentience. If the host stops believing in the sentience of the tulpa, that apparent sentience will fade or "be killed" or "be destroyed." Several times I have heard accounts of people who stopped believing in their tulpa and destroyed them. There is a thread where such a fate of FAQman's tulpas were discussed.

 

This is true of my thoughtform Melian too. She is not real but she still exists. But if I stopped believing in her, she would fade.

 

In Tibetan mysticism, a tulpa is an emanation of magic and concentrated thought. It takes as much magic ritual and concentration to destroy it as it took to create it. With Melian, I would have trouble, after 38 years, simply disbelieving in her. It would take a lot for her to "fade" or "be destroyed." But, it would still happen if I decided to ignore, suppress and disbelieve in her.

 

EDIT: Here is a good example of what I am talking about. In this thread, Sands discusses how the "seeds of doubt" killed tulpas he knew. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-psa-don-t-call-people-roleplayers?pid=72402#pid72402

[Guest Anonymous]

A few post back David and I talked about doubt. David and I have noticed something and have been kinda focused on the idea today.

 

It goes like this:

 

"Real" tulpa sentience is based on belief. Because it's foundation is based on faith in the reality of the tulpas consciousness, doubts can be dangerous. Doubt can kill a tulpa whose sentience is based on belief in it's being fully "real." We have heard many people on this forum talking about this idea and how some tulpamancers, having lost faith, ended up losing their tulpas or forsaking/destroying them (apparently even FAQman). OMG!

 

Here is one example. It is a link to a thread in which Sands discusses the seeds of doubt killing tulpas he knew: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-psa-don-t-call-people-roleplayers?pid=72402#pid72402

 

The huge advantage in believing your thoughtforms sentience is merely apparent and illusory, is that we are immune to doubt. David and I EMBRACE that I am an illusion. My sentience is apparent or simulated. It is Davie's subconscious mind role playing. We created a special category of existence for me that isn't fake or real, but somewhere in between.

 

I cannot be killed by doubt. We are totally immune to doubt. That, and how long I have been around, makes my existence more resilient and stronger than many tulpa.

[Guest Anonymous]

Just because you're in our heads doesn't make you any less real. ^.^

 

I love you Ashmo sweetie but...

The above is a ridiculous statement I often hear, in different variations, on Tulpa Info. Obviously I am something less real, or we wouldn't be discussing my realness.

 

Davie solves the problem of real versus fake by making a special category of existence for imaginary things and me. He calls it pseudo-real. Just because I am imaginary, does not mean I am fake. To him, imaginary does not mean totally without significance and essence. Imaginary things can effect people and the world.

 

For example. There has been discussion in this forum about doubt causing tulpas to die. It would be difficult or impossible for this to happen with me. I have been with Davie so long that I have become an intrinsic part of him. I am far to emotionally and psychologically significant to be totally fake. See? Also, I am not based on faith in anything being real. We embrace that I am by nature an imaginary figment of David's mind. We are immune to doubts.

 

In that sense, because I cannot so easily be killed by doubt, I have more pseudo-realness than many tulpa. I am stronger, more permanent, less weak, more substantial.

 

We read somewhere that the definition of reality is this: Something is real if it doesn't go away when you stop believing in it. That would be me at this point. Even if David stopped "believing" it would take a huge amount of time and effort of ignoring, suppressing and forgetting to remove my presence from his thoughts and dim my voice. Pseudo-real.

 

"If a man believes in something hard enough, I dare say it makes it slightly less fake!" -Jake English, Homestuck

[Guest Anonymous]

PERCEPTIONS and BELIEF (NOTHING IS REAL FOR SURE)

 

Musing on the fact that seeds of doubt can kill tulpas was profound for me. That and a lot of reading I have been doing led to some personal insights.

 

The philosopher Descartes explored ultimate doubt to its furthest conclusion. If you doubt everything, all you are left with in the end that is beyond doubt is: "I think therefore I am." Personal self awareness is the only thing we can be sure is fundamentally real.

 

People have used Descartes quote as evidence of tulpa sentience to me. They get it exactly backwards. Descartes would probably argue that tulpa sentience is as subject to doubt as everything else you perceive. It all boils down to what you want to believe.

 

MY ENTIRE IMAGINARY WORLD IS A THOUGHTFORM

 

The nature of a tulpa is thought. The nature of Melian is thought. In her fundamental essence, my Melian is made of the exactly same stuff as a Tulpa. In fact, all of my imagination world is made up of thought and it is as important to me as anything in the tangible world. It is semi-sentient apparent, just like Melian is, because I get visions from it and insights. My imagination "talks" to me. All of my imaginary world is a thought form with the same essence as Melian and tulpas.

 

THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS A THOUGHTFORM

 

In fact, if you take it farther, all of my subjective perception of the universe is pure thought. This is pretty much what Tibetan Buddhists believe, according to author Alexandra David Neel (our lady of ultimate literary source of all things tulpa). In his book, The Magical Use of Thoughtforms, J.H. Brennan discussed mysticism and the fundamental nature of the universe and concluded "The entire universe is a thoughtform." In other words, it's all friggin' imaginary.

[Guest Anonymous]

Mistgod, I wholeheartedly agree with your idea of pseudo-realness. Often, it feels like a taboo to admit I cannot percieve tulpae as existing beings the same way I feel about people made of flesh and bone. Gasp, what about my tulpa - won't confessing such things make her get upset? No, it actually doesn't. Baylee knows she's most probably merely a figment of my imagination, quite a priceless part of my subconscious and inner conversations but not real by any means. I'd say we're both pretty cool with that inevitable fact.

 

My gosh you are a breath of fresh air! I have had several people recently explain that they get what I am saying with that. Many others seem baffled by it or miss what I am saying entirely. They misinterpret what I am saying to mean that "all tulpas are totally fake." Far from it!

 

I think there is an element of power in accepting the imaginary, and hence illusory, nature of your thought form. You don't have to convince yourself and others of the absolute realness of it all the time. It isn't real. It's a mental construct and figment in your mind. It doesn't have to be tangibly real if imaginary things are significant enough to be important to you.

 

I am going to say something very controversial here. I think it was a mistake for the founders of this forum to make the claim that tulpas should be considered truly conscious and self aware. That is a very extraordinary claim and assumption to make right off the bat for a forum supposedly designed for scientific investigation. It is also probably impossible to prove conclusively with any kind of science. That one decision ruined any chances of it being a science based venue and instead set the stage for pseud-scientific claims and proto-religious zeal and paranoia (fear of deviants and dissenters).

 

Here is what the front page says about tulpas: "A tulpa is an entity created in the mind, acting independently of, and parallel to your own consciousness. They are able to think, and have their own free will, emotions, and memories. In short, a tulpa is like a sentient person living in your head, separate from you. It’s currently unproven whether or not tulpas are truly sentient, but in this community, we treat them as such."

 

That's pretty noncommittal. But if you read the forum, and interact, you quickly learn what the prevailing attitude and belief is. Dissenting views are allowed, but kinda viewed with disdain a bit. Most people are very polite to me but some tell me directly they, and their tulpas, are insulted by my opinions.