*A Very Tulpish Journey*

[SomethingDire]

So, here's another update:

 

Céleste has been helping me out a lot lately.

 

I'm not in the best.. Condition as of now, especially mentally. I lost someone I know, and all of that fun stuff. It's not anything I want to talk about. Long story short, life has turned into a shitstorm; not only for me, but for the people I know, too.

 

We've been trying to help each other, but what we can do only goes so far. In the end, you end up in your own home with your own emotional baggage.. And that's where Céleste comes in.

 

I have a tendency to be self-destructive, especially when I'm under overly-stressful conditions, and he's been keeping from doing anything stupid. Sure, school has become a strain more than anything, and I've put my projects on hiatus because I can do jack shit when I'm stressful, but hey, Céleste isn't a magician, and he sure as shit doesn't have to deal with any of this.

 

That's why I'm grateful to him. He's doing a better job then me, quite honestly.

 

Ha, this has turned into a thank-you message more than anything, hasn't it? (mods pls)

 

But still, I'm still learning things that are important about Céleste. Sharing them is always a pleasure, since this community teached me about tulpas in the first place.

 

Cheers, and thanks for reading.

[SomethingDire]

..And another update is in order.

 

Céleste has been observing my daily life a lot lately, and today was the day he decided to act on it.

 

I stayed late at school today to study with a friend, and there were another group of friends sitting not far from us. They were playing truth or dare, and apparently thought including us would be a good idea. One of them came up to us and told us he had to kiss our cheeks for the game.

 

..I mean, that's pretty tame for uni-students, nothing serious. And I would have let him do it if a wave of disgust hadn't washed over me right then and there. I was dumbfounded for a moment, but not for long.

 

"Rub your hands over your sweatsirt. Tell him to shake your hand instead." Was what Céleste sent me as a thought. I understood what was going on, and did as he said. The guy agreed and shook my hand, and what was expected happened.

 

I could feel the wave of disgust slowly dissolve as he cursed under his breath and went back to his table.

 

So yeah, that's solid evidence of emotional communication right there. But damn, he should tone it down a bit :D .

 

For the record, we've been more keen passive forcing lately. Feeling his presence doesn't require as much effort, and it's pretty easy to narrate/ communicate while doing something else now. The only thing I think we should focus more on is our wonderland, really. He could use more interaction with emotions and other factors via symbolism, and the wonderland is just the right tool for that.

 

Cheers, and thanks for reading.

[SomethingDire]

"You're driven. I see that. You're able to get things done, and you are quick to claim what you want as yours. I respect that.

 

You're volatile, you don't hold on, not usually. I do know that you stay when you do, though. I see that when I look at myself.

 

But you burn too hard, and you burn very quick. And the source that turned your volatile drive into a fire burns with you, too. You burn with it, and whatever you wanted is real in that time.. Until either you or the source dies out.

 

But this time, the source isn't anything that you can consume. The only one that will burn is you this time, and I do not want that. I know you will break and crash after you realise that you're just a freakshow, something that they get enjoyment out of, and nothing more. You'll hurt when you understand that you do not matter to them, and I do not want that. The reason for that is the fact that you're used to have people eat out of your palm, and something inside you will snap after you realise you're the one eating out of their palm.

 

I know you hate limits, girl, but you'll have to set some this time."

 

..Welp. I have no idea when Céleste turned into my father.

 

I don't know if this was a bit personal, but it's solid development. This is the first time he's talked about something in this much detail.

[SomethingDire]

Aaand here goes another update.

 

The amount of emotional baggage we (mainly me) have has went down quite a lot, and we're now able to work on symbolisation and interaction via wonderland. Céleste has been alright, if not a bit too.. Hostile about my environment and the people I have to interact with on a daily routine. I think that part is the part that needs the most work, really. It's not really his fault, either, we're opposites of each other and that's how the anima/ animu philosophy works, I guess.. There's not much else to say, really. I'll update this when something noteworthy happens.

 

Cheers, and thanks for reading.

[SomethingDire]

Yeah, I've been lazy and haven't written anything here for a long time. That was because there wasn't anything to write, really. That has changed.

 

The problem now is that I'm not sure if I should write here.

 

I mean, Cél's pretty much his own person now, and writing about him feels pretty much like the equivalent of spilling my personal life.

But that isn't a very strong reason, I guess. I still could just give brief reports about the "mechanical" progress, the development with vocalization and visualization, so to say.. But even that seems undesirable for some reason.

 

I don't know. I'll have to see if Cél wants to be written about.

'Til next time, thanks for reading.

[Luminesce]

The point of progress reports is both to teach/show examples for other members to learn from, and to document your own progress for your sake. For reading later maybe, but also just because it helps organize your thoughts on what's going on in writing it. Helps keep some people motivated.

 

If you don't feel like you or others have anything to gain (or if you have something to lose), then there's no reason to post. Doesn't have to be "mechanical" progress that you post about, you can just wait until something significant happens, or something you want to share.

[Vos]

This board is meant to be used for progress, but feel free to make a thread in Lounge if you're wanting to make a blog for personal things + daily life.

[SomethingDire]

Oi, everyone.

 

So, yesterday was Cél's birthday.

That's a thing.

 

I was really freaking out about it yesterday. Maybe I'm still freaking the frick out. I'm not sure, because the whole thing still seems surreal to me.

 

Rich coming from a tulpamancer, eh? But it's not really about the surreality part of the situation that does this to me, I just can't really believe we've managed to hold on with such little development on stable vocality. The thing is, I never thought that I'd be able to go on for a long time if we didn't pursue vocality first, and that turned out to be wrong. I'm glad it did.

 

Well, I was able to spend some quality time with him, so that was great. Ramadan is a pretty big thing around here, and that means good food ( really good food ) and also really good non-alcoholic drinks. We ate a hella lot, then sat down and played hot-or-not on video game characters, because that's just how lame we are. A pretty interesting conversation evolved between us after I pointed out he had horrible taste; he responded with "I wonder who I resemble in that context. Maybe if you could just sit down for a minute and stop your rotten drama-queen act, you could appreciate this similiarity between us."

I officially got clapped back by my tulpa. On his birthday.

 

Mm-hm.

 

And after all of that, I finally wrapped the last of my school work up which had kept me from doing practically anything else up until that point. NO MORE! I'm done with 24-page thesises and 15-page translations. That also means that I'm not going to spend this summer like the last one, now that I've gotten rid of any potential sources of school-related stress, I'm gonna go ahead and be productive.

 

That's it, I guess. Cheers and thanks for reading.

[LifeInside]

It seems like you two had a good time! I'm glad to hear that. Also, please tell Céleste I said happy belated birthday.

 

On the other hand:

 

I'm done with 24-page thesises and 15-page translations. That also means that I'm not going to spend this summer like the last one, now that I've gotten rid of any potential sources of school-related stress, I'm gonna go ahead and be productive.

 

Good for you! I've always told myself I must stay away from stress; specially if it's to do with school, job, etc. It's simply not worth it.

[SomethingDire]

It seems like you two had a good time! I'm glad to hear that. Also, please tell Céleste I said happy belated birthday.

 

Thank you! Being acquaintanced like this by other people just adds to the happiness.

On the other hand:

 

 

Good for you! I've always told myself I must stay away from stress; specially if it's to do with school, job, etc. It's simply not worth it.

 

True. That sort of thing doesn't really help anybody, and leads people to do questionable stuff.