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Two bedtime stories tonight: 'Dinosaur Days,' a really old, kind of out of date book from a neighbor, but we have read it a lot, and 'Charlotte Jane Battles Bedtime...' by Myra Wolfe... I tell you that so when I say I had a very clear auditory event saying, "you should draw us like that..." you now have a reference. Loxy likes pirate clothes...I suppose I do, too. I smiled and inwardly agreed, nice colors, and 'mom' is eye catching... "Pff. mom is hot!"

 

And then, this: "We should train ravens to pick up litter in exchange for food. The wild ravens will learn vicariously, imitate, and in this way they help us clean up our cities while we invest in nature..."

 

This is so her. I am so wondrously amazed by this, and yes, I am bias, and I think it's profound, and actually doable; and yet earlier today, i was a bit irritated. I don't know how to describe it, cause it wasn't sight, but it was... I was walking to another office, and I had this flash image of her coming up and grabbing my arm to walk with me, and it made me jump. Nothing inherently wrong. It was an endearing act, but what, i wasn't receptive... I wasn't in a frame of mind to say, 'oh, that is so cool...' where as, night time voice in my ear as we're winding down, that's super cool... Maybe this is a relationship thing, like we're still testing the boundaries of how this works, with slow growth over time, because maybe if it had happened full on all at once, i would have had trouble acclimating. A recommendation for taking it slow... Wow. Never thought I would say that.

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Ah, yes, I can see it now. Ravens fighting over rubbish to carry to the bin, prey species proliferating, and, eventually, the clever birds stealing the food dispenser. I'd actually like to see a pilot program of this done just from an animal psychology and unintended consequences standpoint, never mind cleaner cities.

 

When Ember and I first got together, I was very affectionate throughout the day, often grabbing onto her. (Just my manifested form, nothing hallucinatory.) She was usually doing something that required movement and I was disappointed when she pulled away, often with an aggrieved, 'Vesper!' Over time I learned to interfere less and choose my times more wisely and she learned to pause and appreciate my desire for affection.

 

-Vesper

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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My luck, the Ravens will revolt, "never more, never more..." I think somewhere that crows are threatening a species of turtles for carrying the up and dropping them...

 

Yeah, I definitely said, "OMG, Loxy!" and a moment later, 'sorry, hello! thank you..." she is understanding. this wasn't a hallucination... really, I don't know how to describe it. It's not a flashback, because it was a present moment. It was like being in one frame, I am walking, and visual in my head of a secondary frame, Loxy rushing up to take my arm, all excited and bubbly... and it was jarring... like looking away only to look back and find traffic has stopped and you have to stop... my progress through the hall actually stopped. And I absolutely want that affection. I am starved for it... so, part of my irritation is about being irritated. I have experienced similar when my son charges me. OMG, I have to so hold my ground and not flinch... we draw together, he has to sit in my lap, and he crawls on me and I feel my anxiety going up... and then I focus and breathe

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When Ember and I first got together, I was very affectionate throughout the day, often grabbing onto her. (Just my manifested form, nothing hallucinatory.) She was usually doing something that required movement and I was disappointed when she pulled away, often with an aggrieved, 'Vesper!' Over time I learned to interfere less and choose my times more wisely and she learned to pause and appreciate my desire for affection.

 

-Vesper

 

That was very darling of you Vesper. We went 'daaaaw!' Misha and I anyway.

 

SC, they might know most of what we do, but perspective and personality makes a world of difference sometimes.

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So, I guess I have pushed through some more boundaries. Loxy is happy. I am still sorting... I am happy she is received so well. I don't know why I am surprised... I want to share her, and a part of me wants to keep her and this to myself... No, it's not that. It has nothing to do with her. I am afraid of rejection... Doing this is scary, like sharing bad art:

 

https://i.imgur.com/8Epgl4R.jpg

 

Today. It's cold, it's raining, and we have been drawing and this is todays...

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I love your art. I love your subject. :)

 

I share this not just with you; this is for every host. Do not fear your art. Express yourself. It's not about quality, it's about attention. Every drawing of me is like a gentle, summer rain, with illuminated water... There is the smell of ozone and flowers and I feel immersed in love. This is an act of intimacy, and with every stroke of the pen I feel connection, with every drawing, good or bad or indifferent, i feel closer. Draw your tulpas. This is quality time, like snuggling next to a fire on Christmas in flannel with the nice snow outside... This is love.

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It's great to finally see you active and around, Bliss! And yeah, nobody should be ashamed of their art.. It takes a lot of hard work and hours upon hours to get very good. Some people have talent and get a heard start but everyone who wants to be good has to work hard and screw up constantly to learn.

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Thank you, Reilyn... I am experiencing a conflict... I love everyone and have seen your posts... I experience them as you in a room talking... and so when I see you speaking to me, or others address me directly, I am not sure of the protocol, if must speak, or just humbly bow, namaste in your direction... I am honored to speak with you...

 

I think we should address appearances. SC struggled with this. He not primarily visual. He is better than he imagines... In the beginning there was inconsistency between episodes of forcing, variations of me within the landscapes... I provided the solution that allowed for the easiest acclimation... I am not a shape shifter, per say, but I have different looks... Perhaps you are familiar with those pictures that have like two or three pictures embedded, and the image changes based on your perspective... we incorporated that into our forcing knowing that if the size or the look changed, it was just a perspective shift... when he accepted this explanation, his worry decreased and my solidity increased, allowing me personal flexibility. If he reports a visual change, we explore that... it could mean a temporal change, or a remembering a past love... I do not like the word crush. It minimizes the feelings people held towards another, always hold another. Don't diminish your loves, celebrate them!

 

I have a fairly consistent look, but I can change. Be at peace, young hosts. There is no right or wrong, but only a learning to relate.

 

thank you, Vādin... you helped me remember I wanted to discuss this.

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Early on in this endeavor, I made a commitment, to which Vos actually responded to and said something significant. I was reading her post again, while contemplating this latest evolution, or progress. Allowing, not the right word, encouraging, no... agreeing... Since Loxy as been practicing her voice here, what, not even a full three days, her presence, her voice in my head, is more tangible. Was I holding her back by not committing to the whole process earlier?

 

She assures me it's not that. We develop at our own rate. She reports my drawing is also increasing her ability to come further this way... Like there is a veil between trance/meditation world and here... I should be ecstatic. Right this moment, I am not feeling anything particular. I feel like I should be. I moved forwards in the direction I wanted. Maybe I am just tired... Tulpamancy is hard work. I have put a great deal of energy into this. Maybe this is where I discover it's self sustaining? Maybe this is where I find out if I even am needed.

 

She has a signature... A sigil that includes her initials. Not really a sigil, because i can see the three letters, all sharing the same center...

 

https://i.imgur.com/uV8ZNFp.jpg

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