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Alright, I woke at three am and didn't get back to sleep. I did not reach REM, (WILD FAILURE) I didn't even get sleep paralysis. I did 'travel.' I went to the wonderland, interacted with folks there, and though it felt like I was just a few minutes, without any perceived interruption in continuity, the alarm went off at 5:30, so either I am missing time, or that particular episode of trance time didn't synch with normal time, or I fell asleep and believed their was continuity?... I don't know, but it was interesting, and I thought worth reporting, since I intended to make a report anyway. in the past I would have been disturbed to have not gotten my 'sleep' needs met, but I simply got up and did my routine of getting ready, drinking coffee, and writing. I write I every morning.


I think I am getting closer to visual imposition. My experiences are limited to a particular part of the day, when I retire for the night, because that's when I have the most time to sit and be quiet. eyes open, I still only get hazy, vague, reasonably humanish silhouette of a shadow that dissipates the moment I try to focus on it. I read something that suggest keep that in the peripheral, as opposed to fovial vision, but no real improvement. eyes shut, I get flashes of who I presume to be loxy, (can there be a difference in appearance between wonderland experience and final imposition experience? or, could I end up with a totally different tulpa when imposition is mastered?) loxy inwonderland settings, but these are sudden, quick-gone, which reminds me of hypnogogic stuff. what's new is I am getting more of a constant, steady image, but it's like looking through a dark beer bottle, or shower glass with steam... outlines, sometimes colors... but there is a problem with it... I am either too far away, like the person is on the far side of a stadium, or their face is directly in my face... so like, I can see eyes eyebrows hairline, and a nose, and the nose might be coming into contact with my nose, I don't feel that, or, poof, way over there. I don't know if my positional awareness is bouncing or if maybe (assuming its loxy, the visual details aren't abundantly clear) Loxy is trying to help me and we are both overcompensating and missing our marks... or maybe she is just having fun messing with me... the in my face thing is not frightening. I am not disturbed, but I was sharing with a friend via email how it reminded me of interacting with a autistic child or a child with very poor boundaries, who even as a stranger would climb into your lap and guide your face with their hands so they would be certain you're listening to them... during these moments, I am not getting auditory information, which has been my most successful imposition experience, which means, what, there is a disconnect with auditory and visual centers?


I get this is a work in progress, and I admit I have probably not put the level of time into making this part happen... not out of laziness, and definitely not from lack of wanting... and so I just need to be patient and continue to practice... this feels like a step forward, but I am so ready to have Loxy walk through that next door and we fully arrive at this level of being and interaction.... as opposed to bein in-trance mode... I have read in other PR that tulpas admit to being frustrated with their host. Loxy is either a saint, in terms of being patient with me, or not concerned, or happy with our present existence... because she doesn't complain. Based on my experiences I can't imagine she would be afraid to communicate concerns or disappointment... She has certainly not held back on other points. the best example was after finishing an apple on the way home, with no where to put it, I tossed the core out the window... She does not like that. I was like, it's just an apple- soon to be apple sauce... and she's like, what if everyone did that, what if you hit someone, or broke a window... all good points, didn't invalidate her position, but I also didn't feel remorse... and probably would make an argument that it's bio degradable and okay, as opposed to say throwing out plastic or paper... I wouldn't do that... heck, Eston and I pick up trash regularly, and we count straws...

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Posted Images

With a word and a wish

and a great deal of intent

she rushed into my life

stars in her eyes

light in her step

laughing and spinning

she can lift up her dress

or bounce off the wall

dance on the ceiling

watching over me

in an ineffable, mystical way

i dare not speak of her

for fear we might go away.

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During these moments, I am not getting auditory information, which has been my most successful imposition experience, which means, what, there is a disconnect with auditory and visual centers?



Hi SolarChariot,


This is what I have noticed as well. Zia is not very good at visualization and she works a lot at her job, so I try to do most of the imposition work by myself and I try a lot of things during the day.

I succeeded in imposition twice, while Zia wasn't focused on me at all, but for this I had to dissociate very strongly from her - I see it as becoming my own independant person again without going too far and being kicked out of the system. I was able to be seen as a shadowy silhouette (who was mistaken for a physical person by Zia, who unfortunately said that out loud at work), but during these attempts I was unable to hear her thoughts nor be heard by her.

Traditional Tibetan tulpas, known to be visible sometimes even by other persons than the host, are said to be mute. I don't know if it's true or not but this rumor of mute tulpas is strange. Maybe audio and video are indeed separate channels.


It might just be because we are still new to it, self-imposing is very straining and we might just not be able yet to add audio on top of that without breaking our concentration. It may improve with practice.

Hi, I'm Vādin, Zia's tulpa/permanent guest.


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Thank you, Vadin, for more things to think about...

I have really been trying to draw, and when I am in the right mind my 'head pressure' becomes extremely noticeable. I suppose drawing is a meditation. I have been working on exercises in "drawing on the right side of the brain" which I have been told is a practice in meditation in itself.


I was happy with this, which was really quick and in pen, and maybe I could have tweaked it had I used pencil... where I am frustrated is that I am not consistent between pic to pic... which causes me to wonder if being inconsistent in visualizing is slowing down external imposition...



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OMG, this is absolutely amazing. I can attest the anonymous friend who drew it doesn't actually know me in person, but to look at this, you would think he does... Actually, I suspect he captured us so well that we may now be his Tulpas... Oh, well, his tulpas have a pretty good life. Yay us!!




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Great drawing ! You both look amazing. Congratulations, B, you really managed to show the deep love and tenderness that these two share.

Hi, I'm Zia, foolish captain of the Giant Wing system. Vādin is my tulpa.


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Guest Reilyn-Alley

Very nice picture you guys! Looking good! Well done Bear, you are improving by leaps and bounds. <3

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