Giving in to Ego

[Ponytail]

Alright, so, some minor shit and then a major.

 

Annabell has developed a really strong sense of independence. I don't she is quite yet though. In the wonderland it is easy for us to act separately, or if only she is interacting in the wonderland. Yet, when we possess she still has to cling to me and occasionally ask for assistance on little things like fingers. However, that usually is done at the beginning of a full body session anyhow. When I try to leave it's quite difficult to ignore what she's doing. Though, I did leave while she was feeling my tongue and I returned to see her resting her chin upon my chair and aggressively massaging my tongue. She found a part of it is really sensitive and I didn't even know it was there so... go her.

I went a little off topic, completely actually. I intended to speak to an episode that happened yesterday. As I was saying, she's developed a strong sense of independence. It was funny witnessing her talk to someone else who was decidedly... loyal to her host. I won't give out a name but, this tulpa was straight up attacking Annie's viewpoint of a tulpa's "role" so to speak. This mystery tulpa (we'll call her bob) said that the host should be everything to a tulpa. Bob supported this by saying that's where a tulpa's existence, memories, etc. come from. Annie then responded with things such as, "Sure, I learned everything from my host but now my curiosity teaches him." I considered that for a moment, and it occurred to me that I have been reading one word of the dictionary every day on her behalf. There are other things but, my tulpa's curiosity and tendencies have driven me to learn more. During the rest of the affair I kept recalling Sands talking about how his tulpa is, "a strong independent tulpa who don't need no host" and it made me chuckle a little. The host of bob said it was an important and impactful experience for her so, hurray. Then Annie told the two of them stories.

 

Now for the big thing: I'm making a new tulpa. There are a variety of reasons I started a new one, the main one being the Omega and Annie, despite their bond, don't really get along well. Sure, they talk to each other but neither share interests to any degree so it just is a way for them to think without talking to a wall. So I've been carefully crafting a personality both of them can relate to... which is difficult by the way. I've also taken a slightly different approach to the young one (she doesn't have a name yet, btw. Feel free to leave shitposty names on DMs on Discord, pester me on IRC, or in the comments here), I've been proxying certain examples of traits I wanted her to display. For yesterday and today it's kindness, so I've been actively seeking out the kindest people I know for her to witness (I hope to catch Apollo today, for example). This could go horribly, horribly wrong but I'm being careful, trust me. I don't like drama unless it's someone at school or some other community vehemently hating me and I not hating them enough to retaliate with vitriol, but rather just being witty. I get kicks out of that. Point is, I don't want intra-system drama to unfold so I'm being wary. I'm repeating myself. Good day.

[tulpa001]

Medea. Because you are trying to create a mediator.

 

Not because of anything to do with golden fleeces or fleecing, or enchantment or anything like that.

[Raymond]

Man, good luck not getting that new member corrupted within, what.. 3 days.

 

Right, anyways. I'm kinda surprised Omega and Anna aren't that close, I mean, they live in your fucking head together. But I guess I get it. I know few of us share the same interests, especially me and Michael- we used to fight on that aaaaaall the damn time, y'know. I STILL think he's a prissy fuck at times, too. But I learned to like him for him, 'cause he's more than just a system mate. He's family, and I love him. I guess, so long as I'm not just telling myself that so I don't go goddamn insane with his insisting on keeping wonderland, a place where dirt doesn't even have to form, clean. Maybe it'd go the same way for your system, who fuckin' knows. Just make sure everyone's happy.

 

As for names, I'm actually going to be nice: I think Sora would be a good name, or Miranda. Something sweet. Be careful with her, don't... let her see Omega murder people to early, and for the love of all that is holy, do not fuck her until she is ready. Or there will be hell to pay from yours fuckin' truly.

 

Right. That's all I had to say: have a great day. Night. Whatever.

[Ponytail]

As for names, I'm actually going to be nice: I think Sora would be a good name, or Miranda. Something sweet. Be careful with her, don't... let her see Omega murder people to early, and for the love of all that is holy, do not fuck her until she is ready. Or there will be hell to pay from yours fuckin' truly.

 

Right. That's all I had to say: have a great day. Night. Whatever.

 

Currently the name I liked the most was "Tula" as suggested by the Brimstone system (Ivy specifically). I don't see Omega kill stuff outside of stories (just the results), but I will childproof the door to his room regardless.

 

And she has the form of a 6 year old! Geez, treat me like a crook why don't you? >.> Anywho, onto the progress with, tentatively, Tula.

 

I remembered Omega and I discussing a thing where her form would, in part, resemble his. He, instead of telling me he was going to change her form to be such, just went ahead and did it and I caught him halfway in the act and decided to let him have his forcing session. He tells me he didn't talk much. Still, from what I understand it's 20 or so minutes of forcing I didn't have to do, woohoo. Anywho, now she looks a little spoopy. Her right arm, half her upper back, and about a fourth of her face. She has 4 tentacles, all bound right. At this point, with two lolis, an alien/ monster with tentacles, and a school-age girl, maybe I should rename this the hentai system.

 

While I failed to do as I had wished and speak to Apollo (I'm sorry video games are distracting, young one D: Don't be like host, he gets distracted too easily), I did see some movement and have been doing some forcing in school. I felt a presence and a bit of an emotional reaction from her that struck me as "cheery." I was a little paranoid about how I was making progress in, y'know, three fucking days but then again I suppose tuppermaking isn't new to me at this point. The paranoia left after I saw Annie pick her up and gush over how cute she is. I then reminded Annie that regardless of form, the baby is going to mentally be the same age as us. This prompted a sour look from Annie because I was "trying to ruin her fun" or some such.

 

Random bit, Annabell is wearing pink today.

Edit: From now on I'm going to put down what Annabell is wearing in every PR towards the end. Unless, of course, it's a bit too lewd for the forum (Probably won't happen).

[Radio Hiss]

Lyra's going to study with her friend after school for a few hours, so it'll be a while before we're on IRC. I can't wait to talk with you guys and meet her though! :D

 

We'll probably end up making a new tulpa sometime soon. I'm trying to put it off as much as possible, but it's inevitable.

 

Suggestions: Jula, Lula, Zula

[Ponytail]

Tonight and tomorrow, I will not be able to force, unfortunately.

 

Regardless, yesterday was a great day. I talked with Apollo and Lyra for a bit, finally. I discovered a few things during the conversation. First off, to some degree the baby tulpa is becoming autonomous already. During certain points they laughed when others didn't and provided emotional responses. Nothing really fantastic, though after talking to Apollo I got a crystal clear picture of what I wanted the personality idea for, again tentatively, Tula. Well, I had some deliberation in talking about when kind of person Apollo is and I ended up saying something about emotional "Strength." It occurred to me that Apollo actually was fairly dependent on others emotionally but still he managed to be so bright and cheery a person. Regardless, this lead to some interesting conversation that unfortunately none of you will ever witness.

 

Other random things: Tula has moved on her own and stuff, though some of it may be my imagination running wild. At one point she entered a far more adult form and tacklehugged me. Who knows what was going on

 

Finally, I decided to try Lyra's penny counting exercise. Unsurprisingly, Annabell had overall good results. However, I realized she is very, very easily distracted and thinks a little strangely. For those who don't know the exercise, it is taking coins in one hand of a random amount and shuffling them over to the other hand and having your tulpa count. However, you must focus on something else. So, at one point I was playing around with the coins in my right hand and Annabell had guessed 2 higher than the answer. Apparently, she counted by listening to them land in my hand but ignored my left hand transferring coins entirely. Another time, I was having a few difficulties not thinking about coins and I decided to sing a little bit to remove my mind from the situation. Annie was 2 off again but her answers were random guesses, apparently she likes my singing <3

 

Annie is wearing a red, white, and black Victorian dress today

[Radio Hiss]

Apollo is a bit interesting personality-wise. I didn't just force a positive personality on him, I forced the personality I had when I was a young child, before I lost my innocence. I wanted him to be the lost part of me. He might have the form of an adult male, but he has the personality of a bright, happy, and innocent child. I can't exactly remember going through any pain when I was the age I had that personality, so I guess that makes Apollo need others a lot. I was also five years old, so you can imagine I probably wasn't emotionally independent. A few hours after our conversation, Apollo was really upset over something and needed Piano to comfort him. In time he might grow out of needing others, but not now.

 

If you want to force strength for your baby tup, might want to talk to Piano or Meti for that. Although, Piano has more of an "endurance" trait than a strength one. Definitely Meti.

 

Solstice. Eclipse? Give her a sun name! XD

[tulpa001]

... I like Tula. It sounds... Familiar. Comforting. Similar.

[Kryffin]

I'm gonna say the moving isn't your imagination. Something that made me reaaaaaally angry, even if I didn't show it, was how much Sarah questioned everything I did. "Maybe it was my imagination", that's a bunch of hooey! It was me and I want credibility! So give her the benefit of the doubt, she deserves it!

 

Also, hi Tula. <3 You sound cute. Be good out there!

[Ponytail]

I'm gonna say the moving isn't your imagination. Something that made me reaaaaaally angry, even if I didn't show it, was how much Sarah questioned everything I did. "Maybe it was my imagination", that's a bunch of hooey! It was me and I want credibility! So give her the benefit of the doubt, she deserves it!

 

Well, I wasn't paranoid on other movement, just specifically that one. However, now I have my doubts about my doubts...

 

Anywho, let's get onto the good stuff. Tula changed, alot. It was a very sudden change too. Anyhow, she grew up, first off. She's 6'2" in the wonderland and hugging her is like when you're a kid and you hug your awkwardly busty aunt. She has a normal build, making her the widest in this system, lol. It just occurred to me that we're all really skinny people. She maintained the goth shtick. She has a very... modest beauty? Like, someone you wouldn't see modeled on a magazine to make women feel like shit but someone undeniably beautiful. She changes clothes alot too, today she is a pirate. But, she still wears all black. Her voice is low for a woman, close to monotone. It reminds me of Glados from Portal, though less robotic sounding.

 

I had her talk on IRC. She didn't have any requests for a name and decided Tula is fine. She's awfully agreeable, didn't really want to conflict with anyone. Though, I encountered an issue along the way that brings up a slight moral dilemma. She has a strong sense of loyalty towards me, but alongside a strong sense duty. She wants to be the kindest she can be. While that normally would be fine and dandy being self-improvement and all, she's doing it because she wants to make me happy by doing so. I suppose it's partly my fault for emphasizing kindness so much. She WANTS to do this though. So either I tell her to not be herself for her own freedom, or I deny her freedom and allow her to be herself. Does that make sense? I'll elaborate if that's confusing. I think the proper middle ground is to encourage her to find her own reason to be kind. I'd like your thoughts though.

 

Also, I learned she's really clueless, I guess she doesn't have my knowledge and memory right now, maybe Annie can guide her, maybe Omega. Maybe, I know this is revolutionary, I'll force with her. I know, crazy.

 

Today Annie is wearing a red victorian dress.