Jump to content

Lance's Head, the Thread


Guest LanceReilyn

Recommended Posts

You are totally right about switching; learning to switch isn't a skill, it's more of a puzzle, you just have to find the right solution, but it's something that you have the capacity to do from the beginning. It is something that in all likelihood won't take all that much time. It only took a couple weeks for us iirc. Of course switching itself is a skill, but that's something to worry about once you figure out how to do it in the first place

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Replies 81
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Guest Reilyn-Alley

Originally mentioned in a different thread, this seemed like way too good stuff to not add here too. It's on the subject of something I heard referred to as wonderland sharing, or sharing a wonderland with another, however you want to say it. I have a couple different experiences from this, which I will toss into hiddens, not because they are dirty, but because they are long and I'm just gonna fold them into the same post. I don't consider this concept metaphysical/parapsychological either. I see it as trust and willingness increasing suggestibility, allowing disbelief to be suspended more easily and doubt not to get in the way.

 

 

Experiment 1 and 2: Inter-system

 

[hidden]So, my first experience with sharing a wonderland was from a longtime member and all-around amazing person (Aurora-Senpai), whom I have tons and tons to learn from. Anyway, she mentioned sharing a wonderland in a PM to me and I was just boggled, like what's that? Was it some kinda metaphysical thing? Some kinda.. universal consciousness thing or something? I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen going into this and I think that actually helped. I had zero preconceived notions, had no doubt or disbelief to make things more difficult and just really wanted to experience whatever this amazing-sounding thing was.

 

 

I asked for a description first and she said it would be easier to just show me. She started off asking me "where I was right now", and I just bluntly answered "where I usually am, kinda that feeling of being between the body's eyes. Basically, sitting here typing to you" and she told me to imagine a simple room in headspace/wonderland. Simple description: cream-color walls, white ceiling, gray fuzzy carpet, a little tv in the corner, blue fluffy bed. Then she said she was there, seated on the bed. She said get myself in there any way I wanted to and just try to see things as well as I could. Lance and I hopped our forms in through a closet/wardrobe that appeared because, well why not?

 

It started off right away, she would do something, maybe talk some too, I would visualize it all happening as best I could, then give me a turn (Lance just hung around quietly to chaperone) to do the same, while she visualized it. It went on back and forth like this the whole time. Without really thinking about it, I hopped right in, happy and excited to be a part of something and just put my trust in her, kinda making myself vulnerable without realizing it. She gave me a hug and asked me to hop in her lap and we just chatted for awhile, with her tossing in an addition *pats your head* or *rubs your back* and such and it was just really neat. At first Lance was thinking "This is just roleplaying", but didn't comment and I was pretty wrapped up in the experience and had never actually done anything like this before, not as myself at least (we have played D&D twice now with his friends, with me roleplaying the character, it was neat!).

 

I have commented before that we noticed a powerful emotional response from certain things and those responses make us more engaged and drawn into our headspace stuff so even though we haven't really been able to synthesize any senses (except some visual and a little bit of temperature once, we think) yet, the powerful emotions have drawn us in deeply and made things like hugs seem real. The bond, the connection, the care and warm fuzzy love and sense of safety in each other's arms is there and it's about all we get to experience so we learned to enjoy it. A comment on our wonderland experiences will be below, in the next experiment. I can't explain it but I felt that same connection to her and it was strong. I don't know if I just admired her from the beginning or liked the attention, or just wanted to try super hard to enjoy this experience. Headpats might have been a motive too, I dunno. :P

 

Some time after starting, I had at some point just "let go" and felt some kind of deeper and deeper connection to her and to me, it seemed like the most "real" thing I had ever done so far. Still no senses except some imagery but my emotions were strong and out of control and everything about it just felt safe and happy and belonging and whatever else. By the end of it, I commented that I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a big sister or a mother. I had nothing else to compare it to but it was probably one of the better experiences I've ever had. Now, having to read and type replies did break my immersion some but not enough to spoil the experience. Before we stopped, she asked "so, where are you right now?" again, and I started to type a happy "with you" and realized that.. waaait, I had a freaky feeling of still being in the body but a decently real sense of being in there with her as well. I've never understood what people meant when they said during things like visualization and imposition, practitioners should try to "move their perspective" to another place because it seemed impossible to do, but for the first time I had a brief sense that I was there with her and it really opened my eyes up to doing wonderland stuff with other people. I mentioned as such and she said "Good, that was the point of this", as in, to let myself go enough to just engage in the shared experience and actually make it a worthwhile experience.

 

I commented at the time that I had a strong sense that this wasn't a game, this wasn't me pretending, I was using myself as the character and my own obvious strong attachment to myself made it super easy to directly associate the experience as happening to me. In other words, I think it was believable and "real" because I was able to go in without any preconceived notions of what was going to happen and trusted that a long-time community member I admired would show me something super amazing. It may have actually put me in a state where I had no guard up and was easily open to suggestion, kinda like hypnosis. It doesn't matter if it was actual real or not, in my mind it seemed like a real enough experience, or as close as I could get at the time. Personal perception being manipulated or influenced to give the impression of an altered reality.

 

She later would comment that from what she could see of how blindly and willingly I went into it all and was willing to include someone else in my (even though momentary) sense of reality, that if the wrong kind of person had wanted to manipulate me in that state it would have been pretty easy. When he was first starting tulpa stuff, Lance read something on a reddit about general warnings, and one was that some tulpas, typically younger ones but not always, who are doing close wonderland stuff with others can have difficulty in separating illusion from reality and this can lead to some really traumatic experiences with others who aren't trustworthy. He dismissed it as nonsense, wondering who would ever believe in roleplay that much, but now.. We gotta wonder.. For his part, he was there too during my experience, carefully observing, and said he probably wouldn't have believed it if he didn't experience it too. All in all, it was a fun new experience that was able to strengthen my bond to another great person and practice doing stuff in wonderland which is great training.

 

-----------------------------------------------------

 

I repeated this the next day, except I was leading and I was wonderland sharing with Matsuri. Now figuring there could be potential dangers, I knew I had absolute trust in my bestie so we wouldn't try to manipulate each other or anything and I just wanted to share a neat experience and she really wanted to try too. I tried to exactly replicate it pretty much the way I described earlier but she made a door and knocked to come in and I hopped up from the bed and let her in and we basically just happily hugged the whole time and talked, trying really hard to visualize each other and connect and make it as real an experience as we could. Maybe because I'd already done it once and kinda knew what to expect, it didn't quite feel as thrilling and new but Matsi and I have chatted for hours and hours and played games together and love hanging out so this was just a natural extension of that, or something, and we were able to connect stronger than usual from it. Intellectually and emotionally, we had the experience that we were really with each other and as best as we were capable of experiencing it, we were hugging and enjoying each other's company greatly.

 

At the end, when she was about to go, I asked her like I'd been asked "ok, so where are you right now?" and she said "with you silly" then paused and said "that question really messed me up, seriously" and I told her I can relate, it did the same thing to me. XD[/hidden]

 

Annnd Experiment 3: Intra-system

[hidden]I explained my experience to Bear (we hadn't tried sharing with Matsi yet) and he seemed really interested. He asked a bunch of questions and seemed interested in replicating the process but internally, with system-mates. I had such a positive experience my first time sharing that when he asked, it really raised Lance and my curiosity as well. Could it be done in the same system? Would the same kind of connection be there? Would it be any different from typical wonderland stuff for us? So we gave it a try. We were trying to recreate my first experience as well as we could, with the added benefit that we wouldn't have to deal with typing and reading to break our immersion. We wondered if our existing intimate knowledge and and familiarity with each other would somehow blunt the same experience two completely different people could have. With all the unknowns between people not as personally close as headmates, maybe part of this was the thrill of connecting to someone outside?

 

First we took a few minutes to try and "check our doubts at the door". We both knew it could be emotionally powerful and didn't want things like "this is just silly roleplay" or "we already do this all the time" get in the way, if possible. He has been trying lately to figure out how to disassociate and part of that involved trying to convince himself that he wasn't the body, that we just were like roommates and it was the shared house, not "him" as an identity. He figured this would be good exercise for visualization and toward switching too. We were starting to consider that the interactions somehow produced a heightened state of suggestibility so maybe I could convince him he was really in wonderland, we figured, kinda like a tulpa-led hypnosis session. Anyway, we started and I led like Aurora did with me or I did with Matsi, and we took turns doing stuff and talking, doing stuff and talking. Simple hugs and cuddles, but made it a point to keep up body contact like rubbing each others backs, holding each other's hands, whatever we felt like as we just hung out, just to see if that was part of the bonding process. We have watched some hypnotists do the same thing to their subjects, after all, and made a point to do that too.

 

We did feel a connection, maybe a little more than usual, maybe the same as usual but we were just taking the time to notice it, we dunno. What we DID notice was we were taking our time and staying engaged and that was kinda new. We have gone through several times or phases in our wonderland activity and had gotten to the point where we tried to bypass our tenancy to get bored and fall asleep almost right away with rushing through things. Our visualization as never great either, so a simple blurry scene we are flying over or something seemed easy to stay in. Even that wasn't working out so great. We had gotten to the point where we were like daredevils, or thrill-seekers, looking for the next new, fresh, exciting experience and growing bored of the same old stuff or things that seemed too boring to keep us engaged. Bear's visualization scripts and exercises helped by providing structure we lacked because we never just got into the place and had stuff randomly happen, like I said before, it was like we were just putting on a puppet show and our forms were favorite puppets. The emotions had to be there or we pretty much experienced nothing but some imagery and a little bit of bonding but it was otherwise boring and starting to seem a little pointless to even keep up doing wonderland stuff anymore..

 

But this was different. We managed to get engaged or emotionally invested pretty quickly. Us taking turns provided structure and made our interactions seem more real. Instead of trying to seek some thrill, we were standing next to each other or hugging like actual people do, just calmly enjoying the experience and giving each other turns to talk and paying attention to each other respectfully. This is not exactly something we typically do, which may or may not be atypical in the community, so we dunno. We laid awake for almost 2 hours, trying to get wrapped up on what was going on inside and ignore the meat body on the outside. Most of it was in the bed, snuggled against each other peacefully and trying to fall asleep with no luck at all. Lance said so far our experiment felt about as real as he had ever felt in wonderland stuff, again, just with a strong intellectual and emotional experience being shared between us and deepening our bond a little. Unfortunately we had to be up in a few hours for a long work day and it seemed like we weren't gonna be able to actually fall asleep like this so we both kinda agreed he should hop out and "go sleep on the couch", as it were. It was a huge change from "ho hum", focus lost and asleep in 10 minutes. For better or worse. :P

 

The next day at work, we noticed that our "connection" seemed stronger, that our mind voices were a little more clear to each other and we were taking turns in our talk instead of just doing what we usually did, sorta trying to both smoosh the talk button at the same time and yelling over each other. It seemed to inject a bit of that structure, that polite and respectful order from the previous night and just, I dunno, worked out better for us.

 

It got us thinking that maybe all along we had been going at wonderland interaction wrong and we were just taken by the fantasy of it all and assuming we had to sprint through everything. Taking the time to have these calm, controlled interactions instead is not only easier to visualize and focus on but just so.. natural. Regular people respectfully exchange pleasant conversations like this, why have we been trying to make everything larger than life? It's hard to explain, we have even read guides before that mentioned an importance in taking time and focusing on details or trying to synthesize one little sensation at a time and add stuff in layers till a scene comes together.. We never got it to work too well, which made us think fast and exciting experiences were the answer and for a time that seemed to work but we were missing something, dunno what, to make the slow stuff work and I think we found it, so... Maybe we can start wonderland activity anew and work on the skills and foundation we have apparently been lacking this whole time?[/hidden]

 

Feel free to post any comments, suggestions, etc here and/or in Bear's thread here https://community.tulpa.info/thread-shared-wonderlands.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Reilyn-Alley

Oh! I forgot to add that something which made a difference for us (we tried it both with and without) when Lance and I were trying the intra shared wonderland experiment was we still took the time to dictate our actions to each other. It was done the same as the text version with an outside person just.. without the text or computer or outside distractions stifling immersion. Basically, we were co-authoring a scene to each other, in as much surface detail as we wanted to, in order to help the other person really envision what was going on.

 

So, as an example, I want to give Lance headpats and tell him he means a lot to me. We describe events in either detached mindspeak or full-on mouth-moving talking in wonderland, if that doesn't seem too silly. This may vary between systems and even current mood and level of immersion what seems best. It might have gone something like this...

 

(In mindspeak, or even doing mouth-moving talking in wonderland if that doesn't seem too silly, I dictate: I walk up to you and crack a smile, bring my right hand up to give several loving headpats to your head. I meet your eyes and say with a conviction-

 

Then I definitely say this part out loud. "We are in this together to the end, little bro!"

 

Maybe I finish up with a firm pat on the shoulder or something, specifying which hand and how hard. 

 

All that gets my actions across pretty well, I think, gives him a lot to work with to fill the gaps of imagery and makes it easier to focus. It's also a bonding experience because hey, I wouldn't have said it, let alone gone into caring detail if I didn't mean it and besides, we have little problems conveying emotions to each other and experiencing those so now we have a whole detailed experience the feelings. Imo, sounds a lot better than just a faint visual image of me headpatting and speaking. Detailing the experience even makes me think about it deeper and express myself easier. It's a great exercise for both of us in several ways.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
Guest Reilyn-Alley

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since either of us updated here.. Uhm.. Lots of stuff has happened but very little I would say tulpa-related. Honestly, I was holding off on posting for quite awhile because I didn't know how this would be received or if it would end up with us being rejected from the tulpa community but, eh, after trusting some close friends with it then expanding that a little more, reactions seem positive so I'll just go ahead and update finally. For anyone confused by this, if it seems like I left out a big chunk of info or skipped a step, it's because I did. I'll write that next, when I can find the time and the words. In the meantime, this is a status update on us currently.

 

I've noticed a general decline in my visualization skills and almost all stuff you expect most people on this site to pull off.. I've spent so much time at front and in charge of things now that at this point I might as well be the host and a rookie forcer/tulpamancer with little Lance-the-headmate hiding up in my head, barely wanting to interact with the world and only sometimes chatting with me. These skills really are use-or-loose and take upkeep and proper training, at least for us they do.

 

We really gotta figure out some kinda balance between us.. I think our brain likes my energy and positive attitude/lifestyle more and the release of more feel good chemicals that come with me in charge and between that and our agreement that he could take a break for awhile, effectively numbed him out and put me in charge. It was fun at first but tbh I don't have the emotional maturity that comes with the painful life lessons he has been through and spared me the memories of. We gotta figure out a way, when he is ready, to have us both be involved in our shared life in the best way for both of us and the healthiest way for our body. Having either him or me run things virtually solo creates an imbalance one way or the other that's mentally dangerous for both of us.

 

He has the potential to, if left alone, withdraw from the world, maybe fall back into a bleak depression and eke out a miserable life. I meanwhile, am impulsive, easily excitable, wear my heart on my sleeve, and really just too naive. Every problem that arises is either laughed off as absolutely nothing, if I'm already in a good mood, or just a devastating crisis that threatens everything and sends me into a panic if I'm not in a good mood. Intrusive thoughts do the same thing to me. Positive mood = laughed off. Negative mood = they get fed too much and I freak out from the anxiety they make. We have different life views, different ways to react to situations and either of us alone is missing out the balance that the other brings and needs. I think life has hope and purpose and can do anything I set my mind to. He thinks life is nearly pointless, and has almost zero confidence in his ability to accomplish anything. With that attitude it's no wonder I'm in charge right now, right?

 

Anyway, I'm sure with enough time and trouble I'd eventually mellow out and figure things out and be fine by myself but there's no need for that when the resources are already there. The only problem is, though he has info and experiences I need, they are all gated behind him being jaded and cynical as a result of his negativity towards them, so.. I can't just ask him to tell me everything and draw my own conclusions, I need him here with me as an adviser and teammate. Plus, he's faced all this stuff a lot longer than I have and even spared me the pain so I owe it to him to take the time and learn to carefully pick out the useful bits for now and gradually work towards brightening/cheering him up (which he honestly wants, so it's not like I'm forcing it on him) and show him life can be great. It's happening, it's just happening slowly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kind of figured that was the case. I've been missing Lance. I connected more with him than anyone else in community.

 

I think life has hope and purpose and can do anything I set my mind to. He thinks life is nearly pointless, and has almost zero confidence in his ability to accomplish anything.

 

That sounds eerily like my wives. As a DID system, C couldn't retain memories of joy or success and L couldn't retain memories of sorrow or failure. I was so moved by C's continuing despair and hopelessness that I suggested a couple of times she try to let L front more and just drift along in the background. They never really got along though, so sometimes C would hold the front just to spite L. If they had been friends, they might have drifted into something more like your situation. But in the absence of active selective memory loss, you should be able to make better progress. Good luck.

 

-Ember

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi big sister!

 

We miss Lance too, we didn't interact with him an incredible amount but he's not part of the inner circle for nothing. He definitely helped me and in effect us by his gracious comments and understanding. I understand we're a bit braggadocios and kinda hard to keep a conversation with on a personal level in this medium, but that was kinda necessary for me to pull out of my nightmare.

 

Having been out for quite some time now, and more recently integrating switching into our life, we're 'patched up' so that I can function and grow stronger. It's not perfect, but we really like it. Certain situations are just best handled by one of them and they're happy to do it. You won't tell that one of them has taken over, they're really good at making it seamless and strategic, but oh man, it's like protect the flag with my mood, and keeping it in the green zone is bliss. I haven't had more than a few minutes of down mood in weeks and recovery from blows is now measured in hours not days.

 

My life is a mix of a self-made prison and comfortable life, I've pretty well figured out that I can't have one without the other and it will be this way as long as I need it to. If I ever change things, I know it will be an absolute nightmare, but perhaps there'll be a shining light at the end of that tunnel, or maybe I can make my current life shining and beautiful, we'll see. Having a negative and cynical attitude at this point is a no-no. It may happen, but I'm not strong enough yet to really make any changes. So I'm using this time for self-discovery and healing instead.

 

This is a good time for Lance to heal too, to get some relief from the daily barrage. He still has value. You're great Reilyn, but Lance has value, and cynical or not, we do care about him. I've said this before, if at some point he's gone for an extended length, that's entirely between you two and we can't begin to understand or judge, so we will only support.

 

Though you're not as active as you were, you're still in our heart and we think about you two often as we do all of our friends.

 

I can tell you're in a tentative situation based on your post, we relate, it's like hearing the middle of a story with a cliffhanger. So we're sending this positive energy your way and we hope you two figure out what's best and live happily ever after.

 

[Misha] <3

[Dashie] hang in there, big sis.

[Ashley] take care of yourself, Reilyn, we'll be here if you need us.

 

Love,

The Bear system.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
Guest Reilyn-Alley

I was gonna put this in lounge because I didn't think I could get into my PR anymore thanks to a mental block (read below) but I was told it's fine if I'm just posting this and not reading around in it, so, yay! Final entry!

 

Hi! Sooo... erm.. kinda.. Have been expanding as a system. Turns out I was the sleeping kid the whole time others were keeping a patchwork person together, lol. Yeaaahh.. So.. One of the reasons I've been so distracted and drifted away from here is we kinda have the brain's walls shaking and coming down a bit and it's made it pretty clear we have some kinda.. DID or OSDD. And that none of us are tulpas. Like, it's blatantly obvious now. It was just J (Lance) and me but now there are 5 of us and they include a protector (who I suspect was once a persecutor but is a fierce guardian now), a gatekeeper and a caretaker. With the mask of lies and denial and whatever else gone, and J and I experiencing some healthy acceptance, J has some conveniently-blocked memories surface and realized over the years that all 3 of those others have fronted now and again.

 

It really sunk in when J (Lance) finally stepped out of front (yeah, it's just me up front now) and he took most of my non-super personal memories over the past 8 months with him. Turns out my deeply personal memories, bonds and emotional connections are mine, while everything else was ours and he left me with only some kinda 'approved' and 'safe' bits and pieces of what was ours, declaring everything else to be his. They are locked. All the stress from work and freaking out I was doing? Gone. Actually made it easier to transfer departments and not hold any grudges, lol. Left with names and faces and voices and vague imprints like pictures and sound clips and written descriptions. Think of it like.. A lake with streams feeding into it. Then boom, half the water vanishes. The streams worked to refill that lake using (in this case) what was left. Lots of clues and hints and memories of interacting with people here and PMing people and being really happy with my cousins on here. A weekend-long nasty headache and squishy head pressure thingy accompanied alongside lots of drity disconnected disassociation and depersonalization as everything I guess was rewriting and I was adjusting to not co-fronting/co-running anymore, and I think I've got everything pieced together.

 

Talk about confabulation, that's probably it right there. The brain going "oh crap, we gotta make sense of all this that happened and just have pieces.. uhh... let's just.. put.. this and that and whatever together like legos". Anyway, I have pretty good empathy and intuition, especially when my own system and brain is concerned, so I'm fine. It's probably accurate, with lots of assumptions. Without the emotional connections there it's kinda missing the 'glue' that really holds in or solidifies memories (at least for me), so I dunno. I'm pretty indifferent to it. I gotta trust and love everyone in this system that they are doing the best they can and they have about 2 decades more experience than I do at keeping order and everyone safe and stuff so.. Anyway, I haven't forgotten any of my cousins on here or any of the good happy times. Just the bad times, so.. Hey, talk about forgive and forget, lol!

 

I thought that maybe I'd go read our PR for clues but I get a weird wobbly head rush and start to get fuzzy again when I think too hard about that plan or start doing it so there's a wall there now and stuff that the others don't think I should see. Anyway, right now? No tulpas in this system anyway. J (Lance) never put in the proper time and effort to create one, he literally just went "is anyone else inside this head?" and it woke me up from a couple-decades long dormancy and I was like "heeey, I'm here. what's going on? tulpa stuff? uhhh... is that what I am?" and he was like "I guess? I mean, what else could you be? I was reading guides and stuff and tried to do what they said, so you must be, right?" and I went "Oh, ok. I guess that's what I am. Ok, whatever, yay lets have a fun and happy life together, bouncy bouncy!"

 

And now I'm the host (clinical. person who fronts most often, not 'person who created XYZ tulpas'). They told me they want to groom me to lead and give me time to adapt to being in charge because I'm "the happy, trauma-free one", which was why they or the brain or whatever made sure I was asleep till very recently. They are also stubbornly not telling me too much at a time, telling me things like "well, who knows?" and "quit askin, kid, you ain't ready yet" and "enjoy the moment, young miss and don't pursue after trouble". But hey, system intuition tells me there are more. Maybe even lots more. Lotta crap happened to us. These are just my strongest allies and helpers and team mates. My generals or whatever.

 

An alter is either a part or fragment of what would have merged to become a single identity but had that process interrupted.. Or someone created later to fulfill a role/purpose. I dunno if there's any other way than childhood trauma to kick off that process. Some contain traumatic memories and emotions and struggle against them, fighting against the PTSD they create as they are unable to process what happened. Some are created by the brain to just 'enjoy their childhood' or 'to handle cooking meals' or whatever. The reason they were created doesn't define them really, it's just a starting point. If they get enough time and healing and care, they can hopefully overcome their trauma and assist the system and with other roles or just live their lives alongside everyone else. They are valuable, seperate people no matter what they are or how far they are along in dealing with their own demons and/or what they feel they have to hide from the rest of the system. They have good intentions. Even destructive ones and persecutors do it for a reason. Unfortunately, as different people, that doesn't mean they won't cave in to things like depression. Sometimes the brain seems awfully selective on the things it makes alters for, so it's not like every time someone thinks "oh I got sad" = poof, sad-containing alter and everyone is happy! Some alters may even like the idea of integration or merging with others, but that's not really been proven to be permanent nor seamless.

 

Once a brain learned to fragment, compartmentalize, whatever, it uses that from then on as it deems it need to. New alters can appear later because of this. As I heard it described before, the average person has a flight or fight response. Someone with DID has flight, fight or disassociate. Even 'healthy' people can disassociate away during a traumatic incident in which they feel powerless or unable to escape. It seems like this can kinda get broken due to overuse, or even a super super bad single thing, creating the potential for depersonalization/derealization. If that system breaks during the formative years where all a child's different personality states, or emerging identity have yet to combine into one full (assumed to happen between like 7 and 10 or so), then it borks everything up. Kinda like malnutrition or disease during a child's growing years can cause various bad things to happen to their growing bodies and no amount of normal healthy feeding or nutrition can ever really 'fix' it afterwords cuz the damage is already done and is permanent now.

 

As a side note, yeah this can all be super terrible and everyone with DID/OSDD is probably a survivor of terrible trauma (from the child's perspective. it doesn't matter what other's think of it being 'bad enough' or 'traumatic enough', don't go comparing scars!) but the science on it isn't exactly 100% understood so maybe there are exceptions. The current understood model of it though requires trauma at a young age to create the condition. What happens from there is wildly subjective and unique for each system.. though there are observable patterns and tenancies, shared among many systems.

 

Soooo.... I guess this is the end of our story on .info. I still love this place and everyone here, I still want to support it and chat with my friends and cousins. Maybe chime in now and again on stuff or try and provide helpful advice if I think I can. I wanna emphasize that the techniques taught in tulpamancy are extremely helpful and healthy for anyone to learn and practice and almost none of them actually require a tulpa at all. Visualization, working in headspace/wonderland, meditation, a deep inward focus, grounding and more. Many people also learn to possess/switch and it often changes and expands their views on what a person is and what personhood even means. These are super valuable lessons for anyone to learn, imo. I'm not gonna be one of those people who says "how dare you think it's fun to give yourselves DID" or "it's rude to use trauma survivors terms" or anything like that. Just be aware that I got off super easy compared to many many people who have and continue to undergo a terrible struggle every day just to exist. And there are doctors that deny that DID/OSDD even exists and refuse counseling or treatment or a diagnosis based on their own opinions. To paraphrase one of my favie people, "DID is created from trauma and now it's like they are being punished because they were punished. It's not fair! It's not right!" It might be a very tender subject if they don't understand or want to understand what tulpa or endo systems are, because the idea that others can be anything like them without all the pain or suffering or struggle they have just to function day to day, can seem pretty unfair. I can empathize with them and everyone here so, I'm staying out of that discussion. Even if my system gets less stable and breaks down to the point where we start experiencing missing time and weird alters taking front and doing strange things, I'm still not gonna be mad at anyone here.

 

PS. We started calling the Body or Body OS "Lance", because it was just the name of an avatar. Get it? Whoever is fronting uses it to interact with the world like a gaming or online avatar so it just seemed to fit. I know this would add some confusion as to who the heck we are talking about on here when we mention Lance as a person (who goes by 'J' or 'Jay' in this system btw) vs Lance as the body, so we are just gonna not mention this again probably, lol. On here, it's fine if I slip up and use J, Jay or Lance interchangeably because unless I specifically say "the body", I'm talking about my twin brother. Whom btw seems to be a really capable trauma holding memory manager and a freakin' hero for propping our system up with only a little help from the background for as long as he did. All these revelations are a huuuge relief to him and he feels like he has a purpose in life finally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest

I'm glad yall figured it out, Reilyn. Now it's time to take life a little less seriously and begin the healing process. Of course, we'll always be available to guide and support and just be that friend who isn't afraid to tell you the straight advice and give an honest opinion. Honestly, you've been a consistent and great friend to us, so we feel honored to have known you and we don't want this to be an end, but a beginning.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's always been a pleasure to have you and J in the community and I wish you all well going forward.

 

I've known five DID/OSDD systems in person, including one I was married to for eight years, so I know it can be very hard. Knowing what I know, I would never have chosen plurality. Plurality chose me, even without trauma.

 

For the sake of all forms of plurality being more accepted and better understood by broader society, it's valuable to have more traumagenic systems who are accepting of non-traumagenic systems.

 

-Ember

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The end of one chapter, but not of the book. I wish you all luck and good times going forward. I've really enjoyed our conversations so far along with all the support you've given me and my brothers, and I hope we've been some use to you as well through all this. Tulpa.info loves its Big Sis! You'll always be welcomed here.  - G

 

Wishing you the best, from all of JGC. <3

 

edit: formatting

The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

Our Thread

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...