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Guest LanceReilyn

I drink black coffee every morning, preferring it iced. I never thought I would like it but I tried watching my calorie intake for a bit and noticed that all the fancy creamers, sugar and what not added up fast. Artificial sweeteners concerned me, something about maybe they were dangerous, maybe some were a hundred times sweeter than sugar and confused your body. Anyway, just don't develop a psychological dependence on it where you 'need your coffee' to function. Yes caffeine is a drug but one with several beneficial effects if used in moderation. A year ago I experimented and stopped caffeine cold turkey for 3 weeks. I was surprised but had no adverse effects. It turns out our bodies can become hooked on both the caffeine and sugar separately, so if you drink sweet coffee or sweet energy drinks keep that in mind.

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I got confused by you're method of editing the first post, so i missed day 2 by the time day 3 came out. I got it now, but it will also come to a point where my phone will choke on super long posts.

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I got confused by you're method of editing the first post, so i missed day 2 by the time day 3 came out. I got it now, but it will also come to a point where my phone will choke on super long posts.

 

You can make updates in new posts, without editing the previous one. Makes it a bit easier to follow the thread without having to scroll up :3

 

Thanks for letting me know. Didn't feel good about clogging everywhere but I personally have no problem writing them as new posts. I'll write my next entry as a new post on this wall.


I drink black coffee every morning, preferring it iced. I never thought I would like it but I tried watching my calorie intake for a bit and noticed that all the fancy creamers, sugar and what not added up fast. Artificial sweeteners concerned me, something about maybe they were dangerous, maybe some were a hundred times sweeter than sugar and confused your body. Anyway, just don't develop a psychological dependence on it where you 'need your coffee' to function. Yes caffeine is a drug but one with several beneficial effects if used in moderation. A year ago I experimented and stopped caffeine cold turkey for 3 weeks. I was surprised but had no adverse effects. It turns out our bodies can become hooked on both the caffeine and sugar separately, so if you drink sweet coffee or sweet energy drinks keep that in mind.

 

If coffee isn't something you want to be drinking a lot, maybe try black tea? The caffeine buzz is different: a lot softer and with no rush or crash. I much prefer breakfast tea for being in a focused state. I'd just say no to energy drinks, they aren't something you want to take on a regular basis.

 

-J

 

I'm drinking coffee almost every day. You could say I'm hooked but it's only when I'm studying. Tried taking an energy drink before entering a focus session and everything was clearer and more vivid. Maybe it's a good idea to stop? I don't want to have a harder time focusing just because I haven't drank any coffee.

I could try transitioning to tea first because I think I may be a bit addicted, at least in school :P


 

Too many stuffy expectations make for unneeded disappointments and toxic doubt. Like, just look at what you have got, a loving lady in there who is reaching out to you, helping you, giving you snuggles. She responds against your negative emotions and tries to lay on happier ones. I get it, people like to track progress (thus PR) but if you go look at day 1 compared to now, how's your progress look? She may not be vocal but she is clearly communicating (One def: the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings). That being said, I know this is meant to be a more scientific-minded community and we are all working together so we can achieve reproducible results in a somewhat predictable pattern. Not to get all fortune cookie on you but learn to expect the unexpected (or suspend your expectations), especially in the beginning when you are still trying to take a tally of what you guys have and what you two are.

 

This is a lot of words to say "Ehhh you are doing fine, keep at it".

 

Thanks for your moral support. Means a lot, really.

 

Suspend your expectations, can't agree enough. I think it goes for everything without saying if you're looking for a stable mindset.

 

Honestly, I did have some doubts before in the shower today, not about the idea of tulpa, just some other stuff I noticed. When I try to feel her in the waking world, It feels weird because I don't see or feel her like a hallucination (yet) and that makes me start to think every time about how I look like trying to hold air. It's probably going to take time to get used to her in the waking world. After all, the only thing I've been doing for years is basically being parroted/puppeted by society and then used to act from that. The only difference for tulpas is that they don't have to keep getting parroted after they have learned to talk, and they're more used to the mind than the host, mostly. We could all just metaphorically be russian babushka dolls. Anyway, it's going to be some difficult habits to change but me and Matsuri will continue forward through any icebergs we hit. Even the coffee one :P

 

It doesn't hurt to track progress but it felt like I was plowing trough my head trying to even passively focus on Matsuri, but she's gotten a lot more easier to focus on and it's almost like second nature, except it's not but it's definitely easier to return focus on her if I lose it. May just start tracking days whenever I'm going to post.

 

Speaking about focus, what do you all think about playing video games with my friends at the same time passively focusing on Matsuri as best as I can? It feels like we have more things to talk about and maybe could introduce her much easier to one of my more understanding friends? I brought up the subject about tulpa from talking about some other deep stuff about the mind, the usual late night talks. He seemed calm about it and even showed interest but it was late so everything that sounded "taboo" was interesting.

Anyway, if or when I'm telling him, it's going to be when Matsuri is completely vocal and is alright with it.

 

About the possession thingy. I read some about others and many of them that had something to to with full body possession was really accurate to how we experienced it. Don't know if we should continue with possession yet till she's vocal because it feels like jumping over a step, but hell, we may try again if we don't have anything better to do, vocal or not. Could be good for numerous things like simple communication.


I think that sounds like partial to full-body possession?

 

Oh yes I read about it. I'm sure it was something like that, same description as the ones which I read about.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Day 4 continuation

 

I was literally just playing video games with my friends online having a good time. I tried passively focusing on Matsuri while talking with her. I found playing video games was a good way to find things to talk about and I had her ask questions about things in the game by parroting from time to time. Found casually narrating pretty difficult with friends talking with me so I thought that focusing on her while talking with friends could be something healthy. I lost focus on her sometimes but I always felt her and I think she tried to remind me of her with weird head pressures like migraine but they were quick and they disappeared as soon as I focused on Matsuri, just that felt like a big step in the right direction.

 

It's a bit late now but I'm going to see if she's awake as I haven't done much active focusing today. I'll update whenever I have something to write about.

 

P. S.

I woke her up and I feel bad for her now. It's around 4:30 am now so it's understandable. Something is so fascinating about this though. I'll make sure to focus on her more tomorrow when I wake up.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Don't feel bad about waking her up, in my experience they don't mind, they don't seem to get 'groggy' or 'tired' from lack of sleep very easily, and they can go take a nap any time of day pretty easily too. Maybe they can disconnect from the stream and that's enough for them to feel rested.

 

I haven't intentionally had caffeine for over 10 years and I'd never go back because once I stopped, my morning wake-up became much easier. It used to be long and irritating; I'd kind of a drag myself out of bed and drag my feet to the bathroom to start getting ready for work, after a few months without it, I'd go to sleep easier, and when I wake up I can literally jump out of bed and run. Like instant on instead of smashing the snooze alarm and trying to pry my eyes open.

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Day 5

Don't feel bad about waking her up, in my experience they don't mind, they don't seem to get 'groggy' or 'tired' from lack of sleep very easily, and they can go take a nap any time of day pretty easily too. Maybe they can disconnect from the stream and that's enough for them to feel rested.

 

I haven't intentionally had caffeine for over 10 years and I'd never go back because once I stopped, my morning wake-up became much easier. It used to be long and irritating; I'd kind of a drag myself out of bed and drag my feet to the bathroom to start getting ready for work, after a few months without it, I'd go to sleep easier, and when I wake up I can literally jump out of bed and run. Like instant on instead of smashing the snooze alarm and trying to pry my eyes open.

 

I thought they would sleep the same time the host does but maybe not if you have an inconsistent sleep schedule.

 

Woke up and tried doing some active focusing. Seems like I'm losing focus and drift away to other thoughts pretty easily. I'm not sure if it's the lack of caffeine but I'll try stop drinking coffee because I don't want to have to rely on caffeine like I do now. It went much smoother yesterday when I had an energy drink. I'll try today with no caffeine and see how it goes.

 

 

I was thinking if I should go out some weekend and try take some time focusing in nature. I usually tend to be the most relaxed around nature. I feel like I have to be cautious at home because of my mom and the street sounds is interrupting because of the randomness.

 

Not much new progress beside that but I just woke up so there's time for new things to happen.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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I realized that I'm counting days and it makes me think too much about finding progress in a short period of time. I will only post here when it REALLY feels we've got something new to write about and I won't mark the days. The forums seems to do that fine anyway on its own. Will probably post daily or at least semi-daily (it is a word now) for now because it's the early stages of tulpa creation and things are likely to come up.

 

Kudos to the community for existing! Me and Matsuri won't disappear or anything. We'll definitely have Matsuri appear here when she gets vocal.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Last active focus session was special. I usually don't have any specific subjects to talk about when focusing with Matsuri. I've heard it doesn't matter much in the beginning what you're talking about, just talking with her about anything works. I think it'll be a lot more easier talking to her when she gets vocal because parroting just doesn't feel comfortable. I'm thinking that parroting is like configuring the voice like how it'll sound like, and maybe even strengthens the personality foundation.

 

I said it was special, right? Well, first of it was pretty vivid for a focusing session with no caffeine today. And not much intrusive images. Only one really disturbing image showed up but I quickly got comforted by Matsuri. Seriously is she sentient or is she sentient? That's not an actual question and now I'm getting tears while writing for some reason.

 

Secondly, when we were pretty deep in just relaxing and exploring Paris and Japan at the same time, (I know it's weird) I kind of thought to her if she could try moving any of my body parts. Demonstrated the sensation of the fingers, hand and arm with as much detail I could think of. Focusing on the feeling when something touches your fingers, the feeling when it comes to contact with something.

 

After all that with no expectations, nothing happened. I didn't even think something would happen but everytime I was meditating and she popped into my head, my body always starts to vibrate and pinch. That's where I got the idea from.

 

I then just kinda thought "meh" and started to just relax, very very deeply in dreamscape with Matsuri laying on me (she seems to do that pretty often lately and it's really comfortable and pretty stress reliving, makes it a lot more easier to not lose focus.) After a while, which now when I think about it, was a pretty long while, I felt my index finger fold out. It felt special and I'm sure her feelings were "bleeding" (not the best describing term for this case) over to me. I'm normally not the person who ever feel strong emotions like that so even that happiness felt, well, fantastic.

 

Process:

She disappeared and it was like she was me and our senses felt like they were "overlapping" I don't even know how to describe it better but I was in a extremely vivid state in the dreamscape the same time I was awake. Then the index finger unfolded slow and steady, didn't even give much thought about it at first but it just kept going. Everything is normal now of course.

 

I'm craving for your thoughts and reflections because this was something that broke my expectations and mind really hard. I don't know what to think, she's not even vocal yet.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Guest Reilyn-Alley

I think.. Tulpa/Host development is like a big 3D chart with high points and low points right at the beginning, depending on your background and unique mix of talents. I read some people's testamonials/PR and I'm like 'whoa no way is that even real?' when I see someone saying they are flying through dreamscapes and having a half-dozen tulpa committee after their first couple weeks. Then again, I'm a tulpa and I'm a chatting blabbermouth and we have only actually been forcing and stuff for a bit over 3 weeks. Lance puts on music I like and hops around from thread to thread, looking at stuff till I pretty much go 'oohh ohh there!' and I'm all bam typity type because I can. I can't explain it, can't give you a guide or tips and tricks to do it, this is just.. Where we are right now. 

 

Too many stuffy expectations make for unneeded disappointments and toxic doubt. Like, just look at what you have got, a loving lady in there who is reaching out to you, helping you, giving you snuggles. She responds against your negative emotions and tries to lay on happier ones. I get it, people like to track progress (thus PR) but if you go look at day 1 compared to now, how's your progress look? She may not be vocal but she is clearly communicating (One def: the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings). That being said, I know this is meant to be a more scientific-minded community and we are all working together so we can achieve reproducible results in a somewhat predictable pattern. Not to get all fortune cookie on you but learn to expect the unexpected (or suspend your expectations), especially in the beginning when you are still trying to take a tally of what you guys have and what you two are.

 

This is a lot of words to say "Ehhh you are doing fine, keep at it".

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