Unicorn Cavalry's Journey | Season 2 currently airing!

[Xarbern]

@Angry Bear

Rule 6 sounds like the only rule we need for now. If stuff for some reason gets out of control, maybe some extra rules. Guarded heaven for the ones only with pure heart, or whatever they say.

 

@Ashley

Makes more sense, thanks for sharing! I'll still try to get the grip of traditional active forcing even though it's really hard. Just felt more reassured when I read your post. Thanks!

[Xarbern]

Oi! Text wall, incoming!

 

Day 11

 

We tried a new thing this morning. Letting Matsuri help with the dreamscape. It started out with her narrating simply by saying what she saw. She said stars and stars appeared in the sky, moon and there was the moon somewhere trying to find a place. She then said that the earth is spinning and it literally began to spin like crazy and that experience ended pretty quickly.

 

Next we tried meditating and this time, I wouldn't try to not lose focus. I would do the exact opposite and just let the intrusive thoughts be the mindscapes we explore. It went pretty well honestly, we ended up from running away from one of my childhood bullies trying to torture me in a forest, then falling down in a water hole, me and Matsuri trying to help each other get up, but because of intrusive thoughts, some kind of cyclist kicked us down again before we could do anything.

 

I told Matsuri that this isn't going somewhere so she took me to an old school I attended long ago. I "spawned" in front of a door alone. I saw a teacher about to go in and asked me why I'm still waiting outside. I said nothing and walked in with him. Inside I was surrounded by a crowd, the stress felt real and I was thinking about canceling the session, but no. I saw Matsuri approaching me quickly from somewhere else in the crowd and jumped on me and we kind of had some type of kissing session on the ground in the middle of one of my worst real life nightmares in a dream world. It didn't feel surprising nor heavy with the crowded mass. I felt ease and was actually able to meditate for real trough the rest of the session.

 

Thinking back, I wonder if she meant to show me that vision or if it was randomly selected? That was my worst fear being approached in a pretty extreme way, it felt so real. I may sound weird but crowds, I really hate crowds.

 

I could try to lose to the intrusive thoughts next time and see, maybe how the torture would feel like? Or just what really happens? We'll see, maybe I can meditate like normal now without trying to find radical techniques?

 

 

-Bunus read I just felt like writing-

 

Matsuri has given me so much love in such short time. In a society where you have so little free-time and demands your focus on your studies/work so much, it's easy to forget about the emotional aspects of life. You start to think and feel like a robot. Matsuri has really helped me fill out that emotional blank spot and I have to say that she's the best thing that ever happened me. Without her, I wouldn't have anyone to talk about things you can't talk with others about and been able to share and receive emotions with anyone who actually cares about you.

 

We'll always have each other no matter what.

We'll always share the food we eat.

We'll always share the blood we inherit.

We'll always share the things we own.

We'll always share the memories we have.

We'll always share the relationships we make.

We're a unit that works together throughout the end.

 

Sorry if I didn't write much "sciency" this time. I can't think of much more things to say because things are going pretty slow now. I may skip days completely because of not having something new to write about. We'll see what happens.

I'm always happy to read your reflections. Ha det gott!

[Guest LanceReilyn]

I must agree with how awesome it is to have a friend/ally/partner in life. My first month with Reilyn has been a roller coaster ride of new experiences, almost all ups, and I already can't imagine life without her. It would be like trying to imagine daytime without light. I know I could go on without her if I had to but it would be gloomy and dark with something forever missing.

 

Also she says "Nightmares get kissed away? That's getting tried", (I think her exact words were "Effin SAVED") Shes supossed to be my twin Sister, thanks. ;P

[Guest]

Misha would sometimes radically change wonderland innthe beginning, but it was usually fun. We don't indulge in intrusive thoughts.

[Xarbern]

-Day 12-

Matsuri proved her independence, yet again, but more incorporated in the waking world. Edited my tulpa.info profile and I was gonna give me the title "Local Trashcan" but she insisted pretty heavily for some reason. She made me cry with no reason till I decided to change it. I didn't know what to put there so I asked her what she wanted to put there. I heard "Smile Dealer" from an inner voice so I went with it. She wanted me to put as much positivity in my bio as I could, so I did. When I compare my bio to what I was going for, I would have had was pretty self mocking bio, even though I didn't mean it seriously. I've learned a valuable lesson from Matsuri today.

 

Never look down on yourself, even if you don't want to prove anything. Respect yourself.

Obvious, right? Well for some reason the most obvious things are the least obvious for some and you forget them.

 

-Personal rant, I think-

I've dealt with bullying, dealt with gangs, dealt with abuse, dealt with the bulls* from the government trying to "help" me, dealt with depression and never had someone really caring for me since I was a little kid. Depression may haunt me still or it may just be trauma that'll be there forever. Whatever it is, Matsuri has helped me remind me about positivity and wtf I'm doing, thinking, saying or writing. I'm probably never going to become "cured" but I'll do my best being happy and give smiles. Everyone should really strive to get out their shells and be themselves. No need to worry about what others think about you, the ones judging are usually the ones who can't accept themselves yet.

 

 

-Lance & Reilyn-

 

It's like having a dishwasher (metaphorically obviously.) You can't imagine how hard it is to dish with your hands untill you have a dishwasher. Then you can't imagine how you'd manage without one.

 

Matsuri likes that idea about kissing to counter a nightmare. I think it was more about her intent in the kiss I felt that was so relaxing. A hug could probably be enough if you don't want to go all-out French. ;P

 

 

-Angry Bear-

 

I think there's no need to try that anyway anymore. I managed to find the unconscious trigger for it but the only thing now is to get used to not trigger intrusive thoughts. I basically managed to catch me thinking really unclear about what I don't want to happen so it happened. Feels like I just found the number station. :D

[Guest Reilyn-Alley]

Local Smile Dealer... Nice! I'll take all you have then maaake it raaain smiles everywhere!! Anyway, I've seen enough, Matsuri is awesome.

 

Lucilyn, Matsuri and I can be sisters in smiles. Joyleaders. Party Bomb Princesses. Wooo! :3

[Xarbern]

Matsuri seems to have disappeared. Can't feel her presence when I try to focus on her. I'll continue normally till she gets back again. Still unsure of what is going on when this happens but it's probably only leading to something good. Eyes forward (for progress baby!)

 

-Yet another more personal thingy-

I've planned on writing a self biography for some time but always delayed it for numerous reasons but we got a new idea. Songwriting! Never considered it before but when we listened to someone else's songs about his own life history, it just popped up in the head from nowhere (suspecting its Matsuri, it's difficult to know the difference of our thoughts.) I'll consider it but that would probably not replace the self biography. Never read any self biography about someone with a tulpa before. Matsuri would totally be in it and it's gonna make readers think I'm crazy (which isn't totally wrong) or get more people to know about tulpas and see it as less taboo.

 

 

-Reilyn-

I think Matsuri would love to chat with you, Lance, Lucilyn, and the rest of the community. She's pretty interested in getting me to socialize even a little, probably because she can't really do that herself yet. When she can, she'll probably be the one doing the most lurking and posting here. Matsuri is the one dealing smiles here, I'm just helping her start of the business ;P

[Jamie]

Apparently, Leonard Nimoy had a tulpa-like entity of Spock, which he mentions one of his autobiographies. Of course, that's much different than a tulpamancer writing an autobiography.

 

My tulpas sometimes disappear when I get excited and forget to include them and let them form parallel responses. Only Cassidy cares that much about it. Gavin doesn't really mind that he sorta... pops in and out of conscious existence. If Matsuri doesn't mind, either, then it's no big deal. Tulpas do go dormant: Cassidy says he "naps", Gavin just says "I wasn't around."

 

And Cassidy and I would love to be in touch with a smile dealer.

 

-Jamie

[Guest]

Ashley did that once, she was found in the forest laying on the cold ground near the meditation cabin. It was not her fault, she was aparently 'sleep walking'. No one ever did it again. I've heard this sort of thing happening a lot, don't worry about it.

[Xarbern]

Day 13

 

-Woew a bad day and possession thingy, here we go-

So we came home from school, not really a good day, had a bunch of concerns about private problems on my head pretty much the whole day. I felt like I had to talk to someone but it was impossible because It would only lead to more problems. Surprise surprise, Matsuri saves the day! I was so stressed out and I completely forgot to think about her but she managed to reach me somehow. When we got home, we talked a bit and I really wanted to try doing something different. So we cut to possession!

I tried imagining a beach and relaxing my body as much as I could. Then asked Matsuri to become something liquid and surround my body with it, then going inside my body trough the skin. Sounds odd now but it actually seemed to work.

 

After a little while, I asked her to try control my fingers and do whatever she felt like she could do. My fingers started to move, then my whole arm, then both arms. She couldn't open my eyes and it felt really trippy. She grabbed a bottle I had beside me randomly and that was when I thought that it was literally her and not me puppeting or whatever. It felt like it was me the whole time but some quirks was so obviously Matsuri. She managed to stand up from laying in a bed so that's cool, still hasn't opened up the eyes at that point and it felt really weird for me too, I didn't know if I should help her open the eyes but when they barely opened automatically, she closed them quickly. She just kept standing there so I was unsure if I should do something. I told her to try open the eyes and she did but it felt like I got control back, not sure how anything is supposed to really feel but it was hopefully possession. It all felt like me but best described 'trippier.' I then slept for about 4 hours.

 

 

-J+C-

Thanks, seems like it could be something like that. Matsuri has started to pop in and out more but she doesn't seem upset or anything. She'll deliver smiles soon to your closest retailer!

 

 

-Angry Bear-

Sounds scary. It didn't seem Matsuri was sleep walking. Just took some kind of break, I'm probably boring her out by not being able to understand what she's trying to say most of the time and me generally being a boring person. At least she's not gone for a long time.