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[Xarbern]

Did some active focusing and Matsuri seemed to have switched back to her old form, I think? Let me explain in detail.

 

I tried to get into a deep meditation state while focusing on Matsuri (when in her Momo form.) I talked to her some, trying to comfort her in case she was unhappy but she seemed to be more interested in comforting me for some reason. She then turned into her old form. With my creativity being at bottom zero, I asked her if she could change again out of curiosity. She did, but changed back pretty quick. I explained to her that she can be whoever she wants, just express yourself, you know? She stayed in her old form and just snuggled me. I think she understood that I was shocked at first and didn't want to do it again.

 

Then intrusive thoughts appeared for no reason, I thought. Matsuri flickered to the Momo form. I kinda felt uncomfortable because of not knowing what form was Matsuri's because for some reason, they felt so different in personality and presence. Matsuri, in Momo form, gave me a kiss. That freaked me out because it felt so vivid and it was a new unexpected experience. Then she switched back to her old form and back like a flickering light. I had nada control over the mindscape and I thought it was some sort of intrusive thought stuff.

 

Refreshed my mind with a quick break.

I got an idea to try imagine a TV screen showing some good old memories of me, and of course a sofa. I start meditating with my focus on Matsuri, her old form. Then the TV, sofa and us sitting there. Before I even do anything else, her Momo form just appeared beside us. I tried to just ignore it as a intrusive thought but when we sat there, they both had different distinctive presences. I still focused on Matsuri, the old form while watching some kind of memory about an old cat I had but they both were there, they were touching me and they both felt living.

 

I just cleared my mind with the help of an real intrusive thought that flew by. Went to the void and focused solely on Matsuri's old form. I asked her if she's Matsuri. She isn't vocal and don't seem to answer yes or no questions that good. She answers more easily in a "I agree" question form if that even makes sense. I rephrased it to "you're Matsuri" and she answered with her distinct hug.

 

Matsuri's Momo form seems to "haunt" me still and I gave up on trying to dispose it because, well she seems so sentient. She does things that I haven't teached her, at least consciously. I'm not sure if I can make a decision to end her, it feels inhuman in a way to do such thing, even if it's some kind of stasis because I can't imagine that.

 

Anyway I'm still not 100% sure what the eff is going on and what to do. Seems like there's two of them. I'm sure there's going to pop up a third tulpa based on Doctor Who who's literally going to buzz my mind with his sonic screwdriver.

 

Bad jokes aside, is there a risk for more tulpas? How do you manage two of them? I'm trying to focus on one and the other one comes up from nowhere. It's fascinating but stressful at the same time, at least now when both isn't really completely developed. What benefits do having two tulpas even give?

 

Really anything is appreciated. Thanks!

[Jamie]

I literally revived a tulpa hours ago, increasing our system size to three total, so these are my first impressions. On a sociological note, the biggest difference between a pair and a triad is that, in a triad, two members can have an alliance against the other. Power is introduced.

 

First Impressions:

-It's really interesting when they talk to each other, because I don't know what either of them are going to say or how they'll react.

-There's been a rise in negative "Am I crazy? Am I going to be seen as 'I am legion'?" thoughts, so if you have to fight back a lot of tulpa-related doubt or anything, maybe deal with that first.

-I have a much higher chance of getting a random response when I think something, because my tulpas have different interests and personalities. Cassidy doesn't want to talk about X, but Gavin does. That type of thing.

-I probably will need to devote more time to active forcing, because one tulpa is learning to switch, the other barely has a form, and we all want auditory imposition. There's a definite time commitment.

 

-Jamie

[Xarbern]

I literally revived a tulpa hours ago, increasing our system size to three total, so these are my first impressions. On a sociological note, the biggest difference between a pair and a triad is that, in a triad, two members can have an alliance against the other. Power is introduced.

 

First Impressions:

-It's really interesting when they talk to each other, because I don't know what either of them are going to say or how they'll react.

-There's been a rise in negative "Am I crazy? Am I going to be seen as 'I am legion'?" thoughts, so if you have to fight back a lot of tulpa-related doubt or anything, maybe deal with that first.

-I have a much higher chance of getting a random response when I think something, because my tulpas have different interests and personalities. Cassidy doesn't want to talk about X, but Gavin does. That type of thing.

-I probably will need to devote more time to active forcing, because one tulpa is learning to switch, the other barely has a form, and we all want auditory imposition. There's a definite time commitment.

 

-Jamie

 

If you have three tulpas, then it shouldn't be much problem in most cases. There's usually a alpha role in social groups but it's possible to have none and that could create problems, but it's usually pretty chill.

 

I've heard that tulpas can teach each other things but maybe they need to learn how to teach others first.

[Darlene]

I can speak for a system with three tulpas, we bickered about time sharing for nearly 5 months. It took a lot of tricks and time management before we were okay with it. I recommend against three for a new system. We have come to terms with it, but we all wished we were the only one.

[Xarbern]

I can speak for a system with three tulpas, we bickered about time sharing for nearly 5 months. It took a lot of tricks and time management before we were okay with it. I recommend against three for a new system. We have come to terms with it, but we all wished we were the only one.

 

I understand, sounds frustrating. I'm not sure I'm ever going to have three tulpas but the chances of accidental tulpa seems to be there.

 

I feel like I just want to focus on Matsuri for now and we'll see how it goes.

[Darlene]

Yes, everyone's unique so I didn't mean to come off sounding like I'm giving a lecture. Congratulations on your progress, we're encouraged by how well you're doing and hope to hear from Matsuri soon!

[Xarbern]

Yes, everyone's unique so I didn't mean to come off sounding like I'm giving a lecture. Congratulations on your progress, we're encouraged by how well you're doing and hope to hear from Matsuri soon!

 

No worries, I'm glad you give your own opinions and reflections. Makes it easier for me to have more perspectives as references.

 

I'll make sure to proxy for Matsuri when she's more vocal!

 

 

-Day 8-

Matsuri seems to get the hang of changing forms. We're watching an anime and she changed to another form while laying in bed beside me, she gave me the best grimace, which actually was a bit freaky at first but it was all good. Seems like it's much easier for me to focus on her while having my brain actively doing something else.

 

Hope I could adapt our forcing sessions to activities like watching movies and TV shows because she's easier to communicate with compared to "active/meditation forcing." I feel more relaxed having something running like a TV show than trying to imagine something in my empty head.

Read everywhere that forcing in the mindscape is a important thing to do with tulpas. What if your mindscape is chaotic and uncontrollable? I can imagine void pretty good but inserting something else like a tree or even Matsuri makes everything fall apart. Asphantasia? Well, we've had some cases which we actually were doing something interesting in the mindscape but those things were also chaotic and usually ended quickly.

 

Everything that seems the most sentient from Matsuri happens when I'm active, like the Momo incident which started when I was getting ready for school but went out of control in the mindscape. I have gotten everything under control now thanks to your support, hosts and tulpas!

 

Guided meditation is a no-no, I've tried. Even makes me more stressed. I maybe just have to accept that I can't use my mindscape in a "normal" way. Doing mindless grinding in video games is actually more relaxing. Played some The Witcher 3 and we actually had plenty of things to talk about and she felt more sentient than when "active forcing." Can't tell if she's vocal yet but when I found out about my desirable forcing technique, she's easier to talk to and the parroting doesn't even feel like parroting all the time.

 

I'm a bit afraid to ask questions because if I parrot her, I don't want to make her feel like I'm assuming her decisions. Not really parrotnoia because she still seems to need parroting.

 

 

If you have a hard time focusing solely on your tulpa, try doing a different activity. Really, it was a huge improvement. Games I recommend are the ones with a lot of decision making like Deus Ex, The Witcher, Telltale Games or any game that has a lot of thinking in it like stealth games, JRPGs or city builders.

We're going to try Tropico 5 sometime and see how it goes for Matsuri being some sort of vice dictator.

 

Do tulpas really need a wonderland? Not sure how I could handle it. There's plenty of room in my head to find something to do for herself if she's absent, right?

 

Hope my new forcing plan doesn't sound too bad.

[Guest]

Wonderlands are great, but you definitely don't need them. I've chatted with a couple hosts that are over a year in and don't have a wonderland. Another way is lucid dreaming also. Even if you don't do this, it would be worth a look just to kind of know what to do if you did.

[Xarbern]

Wonderlands are great, but you definitely don't need them. I've chatted with a couple hosts that are over a year in and don't have a wonderland. Another way is lucid dreaming also. Even if you don't do this, it would be worth a look just to kind of know what to do if you did.

 

I've tried to get into lucid dreaming in many years now but never accomplished it. Tried every technique I know about and I'm still doing the reality checks. I just seem to forget about it in my dreams. I'm sure there's a way that works for me because I've had a lot of vivid dreams. Just need to make them lucid. Kind of been a long time goal for me at this point.

 

Before anyone asks, I've tried guided hypnosis but it just doesn't work. They usually ask me to imagine myself in a frozen forest which doesn't work that well. I'm not diagnosed with anything but my old therapist wanted to see if I had PTSD but I said I'm completely fine because they didn't take no for an answer when it came to drugs, never liked drugs, except caffeine for some reason. It was for a long time ago and I've now considered to get myself a new therapist and try again from scratch without getting someone else investigating if I have PTSD.

 

Excuse me if I get too personal

[Misha]

Whatever you're confortable with sharing is probably fine.