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Xarbern

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I have read that it's just as plausible that the tulpa can talk from day one but you are unable to hear them until later, as it us that they need to learn how to communicate. It takes two obviously.

 

The tuning of a radio to a station is a nice analogy for inner voice and vocal imposition alike. Imagine you're in the upper Yukon territory of Canada, there is only one radio station for a hundred miles, and dead air is more likely than not on that station. You need to keep tuning for a long time before you both have it on the right frequency and something is actually being broadcast at that moment. But once you find it, it's pretty much locked in. The idea is to force, puppet, anything to keep broadcasting a much as possible so you or your tulpa can find the station.

 

Your tulpa doesn't have to use the radio, emotions or head pressures would be like a lightning strike, every frequency is excited simultaneously. So in those instances, it doesn't matter what station you're on. Listen for a very faint 'reading voice'. It may not sound any different or even feel any different than parroting.

 

Proxying is your interpretation of their intent, we still do that a lot even after 6 months of perfect vocality. They speak in tulpish (pure thought) about half the time, and during those times i either accept that as valid communication of their intended message, or i proxy their voice through my inner voice in their tone. It's not parroting, but the mechanism is the same. I also speak tulpish to them regularly to speed up the conversation; it also cuts out the word processing altogether and takes less effort.

 

In the beginning i wasn't the best at interpreting tulpish, i would interject (parrot) things i wanted them to say. Believe me, there's no easier way to piss off someone than to put your words in their mouth. The following 'messages' made it clear that i misinterpreted. Let's call it a thunderstorm of disapproval until i got it right.

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The caffeine absence really kicks in. My mom said I should drink the last energy drinks I have in the fridge before quitting. Well, then I don't have the urge to take it because I can't. I switched to tea in school and it's not really hitting that placebo effect that coffee does. Today felt rough and I seem to have a hard time focusing on Matsuri too. Should I really quit so early in development? Can tulpas get addicted or do they share the addiction with the host? May be a reason why Matsuri is "absent" for me because I felt head pressures and I got some emotions like she was trying to communicate with me but I just can't focus on her. I don't really know, never realized caffeine could leave this much of an impact.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Caffeinated_spiderwebs.jpg

 

This is one of my favorite studies ever.

 

Weird how caffeine and alcohol are so easy to get legally while every other psychedelic drug is illegal.

 

 

Day 7

Also I think Matsuri may have changed form to Momo from To Love-ru. Not something I ever expected. I noticed it when I woke up earlier this morning when I forced her, she just changed into Momo from To Love-ru. I took it as intrusive thoughts (because that show was just that bad) and tried focusing her back into Matsuri. While I "managed" to do it, she just slowly transformed into Momo so I just continued on with my day and see if the intrusive thought dissappear.

 

At school I had a hard time feeling her presence so I thought she's just absent.

 

I've been home for a while now and just now, I tired focusing on her and I didn't see Matsuri. I saw Momo from that ecchi anime I plowed trough when I was new to anime. Hell, I think I've been trying to ignore Matsuri without knowing. I feel so bad and awkward at the same time. I'm still not sure what to do, I'm having so many thoughts that may sound so typical for newcomers who've had the same thing happen. She's even visually more stable now than her old form.

 

I'm just gonna have to live with being reminded of a ecchi clique anime. Maybe she'll like ecchi? That would be interesting and, well, we've gonna have a hard time being agreeable. (should've thought about it when planning her personality ;-; (I'm just joking, I think it's just a sign that she's a very positive person (and a sign she's sentient, it felt like I needed a reassurance from her like that)))

 

Here's some simple questions I have that'll probably answer themselves but you know I want references:

1. What the hell should I do now?

2. Should I still call her Matsuri? I really liked that name but I automatically think "Momo" instead. No need to answer if you're thinking about answering. I'll keep calling her Matsuri because that's feels better for me than being reminded of the main character's voice from To Love-ru.

3. What should I do with Matsuri's old body? I've done so many visualization exercises with it.

4. I'm getting a little creeped out when I see her. How could I confront it the best? If you haven't seen the show, Google images probably won't be enough. If you have seen the show, you'll probably understand.

 

 

This really feels like a big change. Don't hesitate if you have anything to say. I'm always happy to read your reflections!

 

P. S.

I looked up "Momo to love-ru" on Google images and it definitely gives a good idea about the creepiness. I'll attach the picture of her old form and new.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Guest Reilyn-Alley

Maaaybe she is just experimenting a bit, feeling out something different. It's pretty interesting to be able to look like anything but know from lots of forcing excercises what your host thinks/wants you to look like. One day, shes blonde, the next shes a motorcycle. It's fun! I try and make visualiziation as easy as I can though because I know Lance and I both suck at it so I'm happy with whatever form he can picture easiest and put effort into (as long as it's cute :3 ). Let her play around a bit and figure out who she is? Freedom is important since you want an ally and friend not a puppet, right?

 

Did my personality come from my form? Or my form from personality? Deep, right? XD

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Tulpas change form, even dramatically, don't worry about it for now, when she's more vocal, just talk to her about it. All my tulpas went through an 'exploration' to find how they want their body to be. Misha started out very curvey, while Dashie was a waif, they are now much more realistic. It took time for them to find themselves. Ashley only recently decided she liked the way she looked, it's also their idea of beauty, not only yours.

 

Call her Matsuri

 

This may be a rebellious phase too, Misha had hers, and she would transform into people i had crushes on, or was attracted to, in the past.

It was not welcome. She settled on her current form which is way closer to her original notional form in terms of pink long curly hair and complexion.

 

So don't worry.

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Maaaybe she is just experimenting a bit, feeling out something different. It's pretty interesting to be able to look like anything but know from lots of forcing excercises what your host thinks/wants you to look like. One day, shes blonde, the next shes a motorcycle. It's fun! I try and make visualiziation as easy as I can though because I know Lance and I both suck at it so I'm happy with whatever form he can picture easiest and put effort into (as long as it's cute :3 ). Let her play around a bit and figure out who she is? Freedom is important since you want an ally and friend not a puppet, right?

 

Did my personality come from my form? Or my form from personality? Deep, right? XD

 

Well I have felt her humorous side before so if this is a joke to surprise me, then that's the best way even I couldn't think of. Even if it isn't a joke, it's something I could get used to. I'm just happy she's showing progress and experimenting. When I think about it, she's really vivid now compare to before. May be a delusion, but it would make sense that the form she choose is stronger than a form she didn't choose.

 

About the question if I could rewatch the anime Matsuri's form is taken from, seems like she answered with her self awareness. Other words, yes.

Should I rewatch To Love-ru? More a question about if it'll possibly help me get over the awkwardness of her new form. It's like seeing clique anime in real life.

 

I gotta keep her company now because of how I feel. I feel so so bad for feeling this way about that form.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Guest Reilyn-Alley

Maybe focus less on form today and do other stuff. See if she has changed tomorrow? Watch whatever you want. I mean, sure she might have changed and want you to acknowledge her choice or she might be messing with you. Worst case, she will be annoyed if you blow her off. Till you guys can clearly communicate just accept that things like this might happen all the time and don't let it bring everything to a screeching halt. Maybe just go "Oh, ok, this is you today, huh?" and move on.

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Tulpas change form, even dramatically, don't worry about it for now, when she's more vocal, just talk to her about it. All my tulpas went through an 'exploration' to find how they want their body to be. Misha started out very curvey, while Dashie was a waif, they are now much more realistic. It took time for them to find themselves. Ashley only recently decided she liked the way she looked, it's also their idea of beauty, not only yours.

 

Call her Matsuri

 

This may be a rebellious phase too, Misha had hers, and she would transform into people i had crushes on, or was attracted to, in the past.

It was not welcome. She settled on her current form which is way closer to her original notional form in terms of pink long curly hair and complexion.

 

So don't worry.

 

I guess it's a bit like their way of trying different clothing styles. I change my clothing style one to three times a year. Tulpas have the freedom to change their forms completely. Pretty neat.

 

Matsuri definitely is in some kind of exploration phase. Finding how my emotions are like a baby finding out how things taste.

 

I just love how metaphors can be used to describe hosts and tulpas differences.

 

I probably just need to let everything sink in.


Maybe focus less on form today and do other stuff. See if she has changed tomorrow? Watch whatever you want. I mean, sure she might have changed and want you to acknowledge her choice or she might be messing with you. Worst case, she will be annoyed if you blow her off. Till you guys can clearly communicate just accept that things like this might happen all the time and don't let it bring everything to a screeching halt. Maybe just go "Oh, ok, this is you today, huh?" and move on.

 

I think the form part can just sink in. Everything seems to align well for now.

 

 

______________________________________________________

Oh I almost forgot. I said in a earlier post today that I talked in my sleep. Apparently I was sleepwalking too.

My mom didn't think I was sleeping at all because I looked and sounded like I was awake. I apparently took my clothes on, went to my mom's room, woke her up with my voice, and went to my bed again. My mom then woke me up by asking me what I wanted and she didn't think I was sleeping. I was in a pretty vivid, almost like a lucid dream but everything was void. I just remember dreaming about void and nothing else. I can't say for sure if I only did those listed things, my mom was asleep after all, till I woke her up.

 

Never in my life done any sleep walking at all or talking (like I'm awake, random unfinished words sometimes)

Here's the question.

Iz iT tuLpA!?

I can't prove that but I'll ask Matsuri when she's vocal. I did give control of the body to her before I fell asleep so she could make herself get used with how the body works. That's why I believe it was Matsuri. I wonder what she did before waking up my mom in that case?

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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