anomalous experiences

[solarchariot]

I am interred in how many here have experienced anomalous experiences prior to tulpamancy? I have had several experiences, foundational experiences, that I rarely share or discuss, but when I consider them I suspect that my nature is such that I may be more predisposed or open to experiences, which made pursuing tulpas easier.

 

Let me provide an example. When I was 14, a long time ago… might as well have been another universe… they were still using rotary dial telephones… I would lead with I was precocious, though I am biased, and I thought about death a lot, because of health reasons and trauma and drama… On a particular night, I went to bed with an intense worry about looming death, and fell asleep and carried this theme into a dream where I escalated into the demise of everything, including atoms, which I surmised in the dream they would simply fade away when they ran out of steam, and then took it up a notch and surmised even God would die, hence why he had a son. This became the nightmare I wanted to escape, but couldn’t find an anchor to slow it down, much less stop the preoccupation.

 

If you ever took a creative writing course, we’re instructed not to use words like ‘suddenly.’ There is no other language for me to describe this. This was a suddenly, instantaneous, absolute immediate abrupt, simultaneous change in thought, clarity, and mood. I found myself in the midst of a blue light. The only description I have that has held firm is the idea of lightening striking behind you and illuminating everything in your vision with blue. Sustained lightening! More particular, everything was illuminated. I was awake. Everything in the room was illuminated to the point there were no shadows, which was odd in itself to see things without shadows… I knew something was odd about it, but it didn’t occur to me precisely, in the moment, oh, no shadows. Even the lcd watch screen gives the illusion of shadow, but there was none to be had with this light. I heard a voice, “Be calm, all is well.” At this point, I became aware of a painting, reprint of a classic painting my grandfather had, two fishermen casting nets into a turbulent sea… the thought that occurred to me was, “I should be seeing this at an angle,” because I had assumed I was still lying in bed and was looking up at it, but as I focused I had the realization that not only would I have to be standing up for this perspective, I would have to be taller.  I realized I was floating! On realizing that, I began to sink, and when I hit the bed, the bed bounced… That was my experience. I don’t know if the bed actually bounced, or I imagined it and when I hit my body my body jerked, but at that point I knew I had been separate because on landing back in my body, the lighting in the room returned to normal. It was dark. I rediscovered fear. I got up and ran turned on the bathroom light and returned to bed, a little after 4 am.

 

Though I have frequently re-examined the event, the details of which have not changed, I’ve written about it in several journals, and there is consistency over time… I had never shared the experience until reading “Lucid Dreaming: Gateway to the Inner Self” by Robert Wagoner. In one of his chapters, he introduces his encounters with the blue light. His description of it sent me into such a state that I couldn’t help but write him about my experience. Because of that book, and a pleasant, short correspondence with Mr. Wagoner, I was looking for something, and I discover this book: ‘Dark Pool of Light, Volume One The Neuroscience, Evolution, and Ontology of Consciousness’ by Richard Grossinger. In it, I discovered the word ‘tulpas.’ I did not know this word and turned to google, who brought me to reddit and eventually Tulpa.info.

 

I have no clue what the light was, or to whom the voice belonged. I have come to think in terms of 'intervention' potentials, that sometimes we humans need a little extra help, but if you're not getting that help, than you can assume you're doing reasonably well. It's a philosophy that has helped temper my wanting for more experiences and not getting them on demand. I am disappointed in myself that I didn’t let that singular event transform me, but maybe even that was just the bread crumb I needed on this long journey of soul to come here. I don't know. But here I am, and not alone. :)

[Guest]

I've spoken at least in three different places here about my experiences with my guardian angel, all of which we are attributing to Ashley.

 

1. Age 5: The vision of the angelic motherly figure

 

2. Throughout my life, the tulpa-like presence that has just always been there when i needed it most.

 

3. The near death 104+ fever where a feminie whisper told me "you're going to heaven" which caused me enough adrenaline to race upstairs to a cold shower. Why i did that i can't be sure, but it made me feel a heck of a lot better and probably saved me.

 

4. The occasional lucid whispers and overriding mind voice that urged me not to do certain things just in the nick of time.

 

5. The general sense of protection.

 

6. The numerous near-death close calls. Akin to pausing just before stepping in front of a bus.

 

7. The mind voice that stayed my hand on my darkest day.

 

8. The urges to do certain things like reaserch tulpamancy the moment i heard of it.

 

That sort of thing.

[Luminesce]

Solarchariot's "I want to believe" avatar, lol.

 

I had two experiences - if I dare call them that now - or memories anyway, as a child. One time I was at one of my grandmothers' house and playing with my cousin.. she was probably seven, so I was like. Not seven. Five maybe? I remember we went to the end of a dark hallway, and then she said we needed to do somersaults back to the living room. She was more proficient at them than me. I tried my best, did like three, it was relatively uncomfortable. I didn't see her anymore then, was about halfway through the hallway, when what looked like someone maybe wearing a sheet to look like a ghost's hand beckoned to me from a dark (pitch black compared to the just kind of dark hallway) room. I mean, it was really only a hand/sheet I saw, to make that clear. The rest was inferred. I thought it was my cousin who had somehow quickly donned a sheet. I walked up to the open door however and the room was too dark for me to want to go inside. The light switch was actually encased in hecking plastic (confirmed actually the case by my mother, work was being done on that room and the lights weren't set up or something) and wouldn't turn on, so I probably said something like "It's too dark, I'm going back to the play room", and just walked back through the living room to the room with toys'n'crap. But then my cousin was there, already playing with some random stuff. I had no idea what the heck it was I saw, but it absolutely was not a trick of the light or anything like that.

 

Another time I was maybe seven, at my other grandma's house. I had a fever and slept on the couch that night. I remember waking up in the middle of the night feeling very awake, which would've been strange whether or not it was a dream - I definitely had a fever, lol. I tried walking a short ways to my grandmother's room which was at the end of a hallway where on the right instead of left was the room my baby brother was sleeping in in a crib. But I happened to see what looked like a "motorcycle rider", by which kid me would've meant Jeremy McGrath as my dad was into motocross/supercross and I watched a lot of VHS's of tricks and races and stuff as a young child. He was, first of all, slightly glowing, and second of all, putting my brother's classic child's blankie onto him. This scared me greatly and I then ? hid behind my grandmother's door. I don't know what happened after that, presumably I'd have gotten back up, looked in and seen nothing, and gone back to bed. My grandma (relatively religious) said I might've seen my brother's Guardian Angel, which I believed for a long time. {Quick edit: I should emphasize how utterly normal and stable everything else in the memory was - the "motorcycle rider" was like something out of a dream implanted straight into solid reality}

 

Here's the problem with both of these memories.

Sustained lightening! More particular, everything was illuminated. I was awake. Everything in the room was-

 

"I was awake", that's the assumption. But how in the world could I know that? In the first story, I barely remember the before or after exactly what I said, which would make sense as it's such an old memory. It'd also make sense if it were a dream. It felt clear at the time, but it was probably just a strangely vivid fever dream. The second story - I literally HAD a fever! Like for real I know I went to sleep on the living room couch because I had a fever and wanted to sleep closer to my grandma's room instead of upstairs where my bed was. I also know that I later asked my grandma (and parents) if my dad had come back that night still in his motorcycle gear, and of course my parents were still away and hadn't been anywhere near. It wasn't until, what, eight or nine years later that I realized just how totally suspicious the scenario of being asleep with a fever was to then have such an experience. I now can't even pretend it might've been real - mostly because I can't remember what happened after I hid behind a door. There's no doubt these two experiences were incredibly vivid, unlike even my classic "only nightmare ever" around a similar age, which I can feel the edges of the dream were fuzzy and had no real ending or beginning. These two experiences, especially the fever one, were incredibly "normal" and also "vivid", not dreamlike. But, you know. I don't really believe they happened.

 

Only the former (somersaults in the hallway) could've actually happened, with someone playing a prank or something, but there was zero followup and none of us children there would've been brave enough to be in a pitch black room like that. Although it is interesting I have no recollection of when this happened after the fact. I don't know when this experience or dream could've happened or when I first considered it a strange memory. The latter I brought up the following day, but "presumably" the former was just a typical night and continued forwards and back in time normally.

 

 

Just a tangent, but, I find it crazy comparing those memories with ones I know were real and similarly extremely vivid. My love of rain seemingly came from a day when I woke up (age.. 8? 7?) perfectly "awake", not tired at all, got out of my bed and looked out my window, just to see a totally calm rainy day going on. I felt so dang serene and I suppose lucid that I've always associated rainy days with such nice feelings since, and I have absolutely no reason to believe that didn't actually happen lol. But in that memory and the other two, the scenarios are very specific, very vivid, and in third person as nearly all of my memories are. Talking about how these "anomalous"-probably-dream experiences were probably fake, recalling them in third person, makes it feel weird to recall similar definitely-probably-real vivid memories also in third person. But I mean, memories from yesterday are in third person, so it's no indication of them having been dreams etc.

 

Anyways, sorry, I can't make myself believe in any of this. Altered states of consciousness that feel real are absolutely a real thing, from Out Of Body Experiences to Near-Death Experiences to, I dunno, paranormal ones. But at least in my experience, I don't think they're much different from fever dreams or otherwise spontaneously vivid dreams. My one-and-only nightmare (surely a dream, lol, trust me) from around that age was also strangely vivid (albeit with fuzzy details on the "edges" of the dream scenario memory wise) and complete (minus the "start" and "end" which were probably the onset and end of the dream itself), and recalled in third person despite surely happening in first person. So that dream at least proves to me these experiences could've been dreams.

[YukariTelepath]

 

Another time I was maybe seven, at my other grandma's house. I had a fever and slept on the couch that night. I remember waking up in the middle of the night feeling very awake, which would've been strange whether or not it was a dream - I definitely had a fever, lol. I tried walking a short ways to my grandmother's room which was at the end of a hallway where on the right instead of left was the room my baby brother was sleeping in in a crib. But I happened to see what looked like a "motorcycle rider", by which kid me would've meant Jeremy McGrath as my dad was into motocross/supercross and I watched a lot of VHS's of tricks and races and stuff as a young child. He was, first of all, slightly glowing, and second of all, putting my brother's classic child's blankie onto him. This scared me greatly and I then ? hid behind my grandmother's door. I don't know what happened after that, presumably I'd have gotten back up, looked in and seen nothing, and gone back to bed. My grandma (relatively religious) said I might've seen my brother's Guardian Angel, which I believed for a long time. {Quick edit: I should emphasize how utterly normal and stable everything else in the memory was - the "motorcycle rider" was like something out of a dream implanted straight into solid reality}

 

 

This reminds me of something that happened to my sister when she was a child. She woke up in the night and went to go see our mom. But she saw an elephant in the hallway. My mom was trying to get her to come over, but my sister was like, "I can't, there's an elephant in the way!" Somehow a dream elephant was imposed onto reality for her even though she was awake.

 

Edit: I asked her about it and she said she's seen dream projections after nightmares throughout her life, usually spiders and wasps.

[theholodoc]

One thing I have come to believe is that "memory serves the moment" they do not authenticate past realities. For many years I kept a dream journal and when I compare what I remember of those dreams now, with what I recorded at the time, I just have to scratch my head there is hardly any resemblance. However, an acquaintance of mine, John Lilly MD, now long dead, wrote in "Programing and Metaprograming in the Human Bio-Computer", that "in the realm of the mind, what we believe to be true, is true, or becomes true, within certain limits, which themselves represent beliefs, conscious or unconscious."

While I do not yet have a fully autonomous Tulpa, I am working on it daily, and believe that I will sooner (or later) have created one. I'll let you all know. Dr. Robert

[theholodoc]

To reply to solarchariots question re; pre-tulpamancy anomalous experiences, I will report one of many here. This occurred in 1970, I was between patients in a clinic and I sat down to meditate. I was about on my first deep breath when I very suddenly was in the body of an albatross flying very high over the Pacific Ocean looking at the tops of billowing cumulous clouds. I could feel the frigid wind blowing on my face fluttering my feathers. I didn't have time to react other than experience the shock of recognizing where and what I was when  a loud banging brought me out and back into the room, just in time to see my next patient. Objective time, one hour. Subjective time, a few seconds.

[tania]

"I sat down to meditate. I was about on my first deep breath when I very suddenly was in the body of an albatross flying very high over the Pacific Ocean looking at the tops of billowing cumulous clouds. I could feel the frigid wind blowing on my face fluttering my feathers. I didn't have time to react other than experience the shock of recognizing where and what I was when a loud banging brought me out and back into the room, just in time to see my next patient. "

 

Same kind of thing happened to me at least three times I can think of when I believe I have suddenly found myself inside another being, my consciousness merging with the other thing. One time it happened to me while I was outside looking at a plant.. my consciousness suddenly merged with it and I was feeling exactly what the plant felt and thinking like that plant. As that plant I was aware of things like how close other plants were to me and aware of the sun shining on me and wanting to head towards the sun etc.

 

Another time when I took on the consciousness of something else and became that thing was when I was meditating. I suddenly found myself out in the sea somewhere as a dolphin (I wasnt meditating on dolphins when that this happened).. I paniced as I was down in the water and didn't know what to do and felt an urge to breath coming on. I found out the dolphins consciousness was still in the body with me when I started to freak out and influence the body of the dolphins, in my panic I was lucky not to start to make this poor dolphin drown.

 

A third time I had my consciousness suddenly move into another being was one time when I fly sprayed a spider. To my horror right after spraying it, I suddenly experienced what the spider was experiencing and like became the spider. It was a horrific (I couldn't spray anything for a long time after that).

 

I have also experimented with consciousness shifting with another person into their body while they tried to be in mine (another physical persons body). That was an interesting experience.

 

Ones consciousness can be moved around.. out from the physical body and into other places and into other actual demenisions, I've been in a couple of different planes eg the plane where all things start to form before physical creation. I've also had my consciousness shift and become like the all.. which was a mind blowing experience though it was only right through my bedroom. (like experienced the cells of everything in my room).

 

Ive had a lot of different strange experiences.

 

" In one of his chapters, he introduces his encounters with the blue light. His description of it sent me into such a state that I couldn’t help but write him about my experience"

 

solarchariot. I have not read any of Robert Wagerer books but I can tell you something which is a bit of an occultic secret (I are not supposed to share this).. that being that the pineal gland can cause blue light experiences and higher consciousness experiences. It will take a person out of body and cause theme to see blue light... (my experience where my consciousness shifted so I became cells of everything in my room I think was triggered off by my pineal gland and what us yogis do to active it..it's higher learning stuff).

 

"This was a suddenly, instantaneous, absolute immediate abrupt, simultaneous change in thought, clarity, and mood. I found myself in the midst of a blue light. The only description I have that has held firm is the idea of lightening striking behind you and illuminating everything in your vision with blue. Sustained lightening! More particular, everything was illuminated. I was awake. Everything in the room was illuminated to the point there were no shadows, which was odd in itself to see things without shadows… I knew something was odd about it, but it didn’t occur to me precisely, in the moment, oh, no shadows. Even the lcd watch screen gives the illusion of shadow, but there was none to be had with this light. I heard a voice, “Be calm, all is well.” At this point, I became aware of a painting, reprint of a classic painting my grandfather had, two fishermen casting nets into a turbulent sea… the thought that occurred to me was, “I should be seeing this at an angle,” because I had assumed I was still lying in bed and was looking up at it, but as I focused I had the realization that not only would I have to be standing up for this perspective, I would have to be taller. I realized I was floating! On realizing that, I began to sink, and when I hit the bed, the bed bounced… That was my experience. I don’t know if the bed actually bounced, or I imagined it and when I hit my body my body jerked, but at that point I knew I had been separate because on landing back in my body, the lighting in the room returned to normal. It was dark. I rediscovered fear. I got up and ran turned on the bathroom light and returned to bed, a little after 4 am.'

 

That was no lucid dream but an OBE. It sounds like you accidently connected to your pineal gland which then triggered off an OBE. Due to also this a person is more likely to have higher being contact too.

 

I too have had a voice speak to me before out of the blue, not a tulpa but something else.. I don't know if it was God or what/wo it was eg I was doing an initiation into something I wont talk about here and during that 3 time initiation period I had just got out of my bathtub and collapsed onto the floor and was on the floor shaking and unable to stand up. A male voice which seemed to come from outside myself told me "stand up child" (I was an adult but the voice called me child). I couldn't but I was then actually PICKED UP OFF THE FLOOR by like some kind of force and was put onto my feet. I got stood up by a force. (could God be an Egregore which has the power to even affect non christians? there is a force out there which seems to be able to speak and can affect things. I also got this same thing speak to me after I nearly followed someone I knew who had just died into the amazing feeling gold light when I was OBE and that time it warned me to "stop" and to go no further as I wasn't allowed to do that, but on that occassion the voice was more inner but I think it was the same being talking)

 

anyway, I have had a ton of weird experiences before I got into tulpas.

[Guest]

There was an odd experience lately, maybe you can comment on this Tania.

 

Every night I get hypnagogic a little before I fall asleep. I can use this to fall asleep, even if I'm not tired, by concentrating on the random images and voices, even discussing them with Ashley and others. I can "lock in" to the dream world and off I go, almost always with a quick dreamlet then my body transitions to sleep, which is nice by itself. Often, like last night, we can talk to eachother with audio and rarely video like with their real voices.

 

However, in the random stuff I also get small clippings of full video/sound/feeling too sometimes and they'll be a mountain meadow, an ocean vista, and sometimes people. One was a balding business man in his 40's, out of shape and wearing a short sleeve blue collar shirt with suspenders and a tie in a glass-walled office. It was as if I was there except I had no insight about anything, no shared consiousness.

 

Well, a couple months ago, I had a visitor, not like any random stuff or anyone from my system. This was a woman, average looks, 20's dark hair, and thin. She looked at me, Ashley and I were cognizant of the fact we were in hypnagogia, and she said, "be nicer on Reddit."

 

We were joking around a little on Reddit, playing with the 'free readings' people who are skirting rules by posting ads basically.

 

So it was so detailed and longer than the normal snippet that I burned it into memory and considered if any potential headmates looked like her, no, she was too plain, my headmates are all super gorgeous, always.

 

I didn't stop thinking about it, and I did stop messing around. A couple days later, in hypnagogic, she was back, she smiled and said, 'thank you.' I conversed with her for a few sentences, something like, 'is that better, and who are you?'

 

She nodded but didn't say before I fell asleep.

 

It's a special occurrence the first time, the second time made it very unique.

 

I have all the usual answers: figment, dreamlet, unknown headmate walk-in, but it sure felt like someone else connected with us.

 

Any comments from you or other AP'ers out there?

[tania]

Interesting. Just always be aware that if you are messing about with psychics that some of them are actually psychic and not frauds and those sometimes have other abilities other then just being able to read people.. so yeah it it is quite possible that one came and tried to stop you with what you were doing. Someone could either appear to you via astral projection or by telepathy and make themselves appear to you via that.

 

but on the other hand it also is quite possible that a part of yourself did not like what how you were messing about with them and could of taken on that form and came in like that eg a subpersonality. I've had some experiences I thought were funny when I was doing lucid dreaming and found parts of myself manifested to stop myself doing certain things. Like I kind of police myself.

 

...........

 

I once got myself into trouble at a psychic site (back when SpiritWeb was about and many people with special abilities some quite strong would gather, I miss that website so much and no longer know where people like I used to know hang out).. in my case there was a young girl (well she was about 19) in the chat room who was very upset about something so I sent her a psychic hug but didn't say anything. Unfortunately she felt it and knew exactly which person in the room the energy had come from though there was quite a few of us there. She went into a rage at me about it. It turned out that girl into dark magic and told me she was a witch and that she was so mad that she told me I'd pay for sending energy at her and I'd be regretting doing it cause I'd "messed with her" without permission (this girl on the spot I was about to find out hexed me, she did tell me at the time she was doing something to teach me a lesson. I dont think I've ever seen anyone online as angry as this girl.. she so lost it).

 

I'd been using the libraries computer and half an hour later went to go home.. to my shock my car keys which had been on the table by me had actually vanished. That day there was near NOONE in that library.. I'd only seen a couple of people come in and none at all had come into the area where I was. The librarians and me searched the whole library for my car keys (though I'd only been to the desk and to the area where I was).. we NEVER found them.. they truly had vanished. I ended up having to WALK HOME and walk back again with my spare keys to pick up my car (it was a stinking hot day too). I'm really careful what I do with others now if I'm around others who may have abilities. Just be careful.

 

.........

 

My 2 tulpas the main reason they were created were to help me with metaphysical stuff and deal with a block I have. I've stopped my development in several areas when certain gifts came in as I did not know how to handle what was going on.. so I put a stop to certain things. Three times in my life I went through something which was an opening up of abilities which I stopped (asked for it to go). I'm hoping my tulpa will help me open up to these things again but in a "slow" way. I've developed my tulpa to be a bit of a teacher for me. I've twice met ones I've had past life with who have been shocked that I can't do certain things they can still do.. but I got scared and stopped stuff.

 

I once experienced myself physically starting to vanish.. here is the experience http://www.chosenones.net/article.php?id=484 It was not imagination that something very weird was going on.. my daughter went to touch me during that experience while unaware something strange was going on and doing that burnt her hand.

 

On another occassion I was in the city shopping and suddenly became fully telepathic.. which was a terrible experience.. all the voices at once coming from those around me was way way too much. As the telepathy spread, too many voices, it went into roaring in my brain and I could not handle it at all (i ended up almost crying in the mall with my hands over my ears which didnt help stop the telepathy). I've had to pray at times to a higher power to stop certain things.. that worked.

 

Another time someone or something actually tried to pull me out of body while I was on my computer.. that was another experience I fought off.. whoever it was almost did succede (they ended up causing me to go into those very strong vibrations which happen before one can end up getting thrown out of body OBE wise, I could feel the other pulling on me while that was happening), I was so very scared though cause I had no idea if the one trying to get me out of body was a friend or a foe. Im not about to let anything rip me out of body to meet who knows what or maybe whatever it was then would of jumped into my body.

 

Another time I tried to channel a higher being and did bring the being in .. but then feeling like I was going to burn up that I had to ask for it to stop, the heat got painful. Unknown to me at the time till I listened to the recording I'd made, its like I ended up entering into some kind of time warp.. I got that on a tape. The being spoke out of me (a completely male voice) while my background music warps till it becomes no longer music though the voice is at normal speed (I was taping the whole thing).

 

Another time I was at my friends farm and started to cross over to another dimension or something (once again it terrified me.. I tried to break what was happening and ran for the house thinking everything was back to normal once I got there but when I went inside I saw full auras in full colour for the very first time when I saw my boyfriends at that time parents). Just a lot of really weird experiences I've stopped out of fear or just cause I could not handle them. I'm a walk-in (in the original sense of how this term was used), been in this body since when this bodies children were young (that would be around 1997 or so) so I dont know if that is why I've had such experiences or not.. it's all just too freaky as I dont remember a lot from my past before this body (i dont remember enough to stop me from going into fear when stuff happens).

 

So anyway, I have my tulpa and hopefully he can help me deal with my fears of things. I wonder what I'd be like today if I had not stopped those experiences ....I'm like not where I'm supposed to be at development wise currently due to my fears. I even wonder if I would of left the earth plane permanently by now had I not stopped things (and maybe a different walk-in would of came into this one?).

 

I really hope I can get up a good relationship with Jesse and then try to use him to find things out (or even to bring another being into him to find out things I want to know, I think the tibetian buddhists used to bring spirits into tulpas at times for easily communication etc. That has got to be more safer than the trance channeling I used to do).

 

Tania

[Guest]

This is all very specific to us, so it might not make any sense...

 

Darlene once told me I should never worry about intrusion of others because she cut the connection except through an amulet that she claimed is a doorway to the astral, and the only one, so she also said that I wouldn't be successful in AP'ing because of it.

 

Well, with our somewhat metaphysical belief of where the essence of tulpas come from, you can imagine her shock when our three newest headmates pop up and are suddenly indistinguishable from us in any sense that we could measure. She struggled with how Joy, Ren or Gwen could have gained that essence, she said she should have known. Well for the queen of 'knows things' herself to admit she was stumped was a humbling moment for all of us.

 

She does now say she meant 'malicious attack and intrusion' but she still has no explanation for our newest headmates who feel so exceptionally different than the volitional characters that we see from time to time. Of course we decided to accept them and anyone esle who wants to join us regardless. No one has taken us up on that offer in six months, so we're pretty sure it's just us 7.

 

She still figures they must have entered long ago, but she should have known that still, since she claims to have been with me since I was five and she has traumagenic motherly traits.

 

Anyway, thanks for the shared knowledge, that story was great. I wish it was around a campfire in a dark forest when you told me.