KoejiSllycc

A Confused Tulpa & Host Adventures

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I’ll talk to her about it @Dashie Bear


Day 5 — After listening to tulpatone for a while, her presence has become more and more real. She’s stronger now, I think.

 

But as I said yesterday, we got into a fight. I was surprised at how I could feel her emotions in tulpish, though that wasn’t the problem.

 

She was angry, and I was panicking.

 

This happened yesterday, but I’m just gonna say it now. We were in the house when it happened. I was sitting across Ivory, reading some reddit posts until I stepped into a post where another Tulpa got angry when she found out that her host loves someone else.

 

It got me curious, so I decided to tell her the same thing. I mean, we talked about it a couple of times in the past, but I didn’t expect her to become so angry.

 

Many things happened. She locked herself in the house, changed her appearance a few times, and even tried killing herself. Though, I think the last one was just an intrusive thought, not sure.

 

Took me a while for me to get her talking to me, but once we did, things calmed down a lot.

 

We set up some ground rules, not much, only 6 rules. Plus, we also made a library :P

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Tulpa drama probably happens for most people early on. It's just what happens when you have a newcomer in your head who's not fully-developed/mature yet. Just gotta work with them and take care of them, eventually they'll grow out of that stage.

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Oh man, it's all in my PR. I was prone to drama inside and out. It might be in the nature of an angry bear to have drama.

 

Misha was a little power crazy early on, month two, she wanted to rule the roost and we had to put her pact in place to stop her odd tastes and need for power. It was completely reversed over the next couple months. By month four, she was over it.

 

Dashie and I used to quibble a lot. The nature of our intrusive thoughts made it seem like we were constantly saying the worst things to each other. We knew it wasn't us saying that, but it still hurt. So we made a pact to ignore anything mean, period. If either of us said anything offensive to each other, we'd have to add, "yes, that was from me." Needless to say, we never did and the intrusive thoughts ended almost immediately.

 

Ashley was very particular about what I do and don't do. She knew that her constant nagging wasn't winning my favor, so she gave it up and also added that she couldn't call me out on anything. She mostly stuck to that, but i do procrastinate a lot. I did stop a lot of activities for her, and we later decided that I just wouldn't do things that upset her.

 

I never had to worry about Ashley, though she was always getting upset when I didn't do exactly what she wanted. That was her only sign of immaturity, though it could just be her misconception that I was hers to command, or I should just do what she asked because I love her. That's not love, perfect obedience isn't a sign of love.

 

After a year together, we're way past all that. Our biggest issue lately is so minor, it's not worth mentioning. We learned how to get along and not have any insecurities. It's really easy to say that after a year has proven that fears were unfounded.

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Most tulpamancers should probably study polyamory, given that a host having one in-system and one out-system relationship is probably the easiest form of it that could exist.

 

My host and I were separately in longterm relationships with other people when I came to this world, and I'm not usually that attracted to women anyway, so we didn't actually get involved for sixteen months. But her wife became a close friend not long after my host introduced us.

 

-Vesper


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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I think y’all were right. She really did get over it after a couple of days. Two to be exact.

 

Now she just reads in the Librarium. Reading my memories, she told me. But I’m not quite sure. I can’t see the book’s contents but it might not mean that SHE can’t either. She keeps telling me that she’s trying to understand me... or something like that

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That sounds a lot like what I used to do when I was a new tulpa. I now think that it was symbolic of me trying to learn about who N was.


“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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Day 6 — Unexpectedly, after listening to tulpatone for a couple of days, Ivory’s starting to get a mindvoice of her own. Also, she’s beginning to go places on her own on parts of the wonderland I haven’t even developed yet.

 

I thought it was pretty cool.

 

Then, throughout the day, we just did what we usually do. We play-fight, cuddled, hugged, ate kebabs on a campfire. Lots of things

 

I also made a servitor today. His job? To protect Ivory and my wonderland from Intrusive thoughts. I named him SK as in Sleepless Knight. He’s basically a knight that guards our wonderland. I made his sword only able to hurt intrusive thoughts, so it should be fine.

 

But again, me and Ivory had a debate on his rights. Telling me that he should also have equal rights. I tried telling her he’s meant to protect her, and that giving him rights would mean risks. Plus, I didn’t want to have another tulpa right away. She agreed, hesitantly. But I assured her that I won’t hurt him unless he does something bad.


But this leads to the real question. Is creating a servitor ok?

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If your tulpa is trying to get you to make a servitor into a tulpa, I'd say ditch the servitor. 

 

Otherwise, it's just symbolism, not much else to it. A symbol is not a person or a real "being," just something to placebo your mind.

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