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A Confused Tulpa & Host Adventures


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Day 19 & 20 — I’m starting to think that Ivory doesn’t have a form, because she just keeps changing into even more cuter things. Idk, it just happens. She’s probably just picking out her form.


Anyways, I read a thread about imposition. And it says I have to lick my tulpa. So I did just that.


I licked the hell out of Ivory.


It was horrible!


—She tastes funny. Not in a bad way, but in an adorable and fuzzy way.


Oh, and I also tried astral projecting. Though, I only got as far as getting my body completely relaxed. Haven’t been able to get my body out of the way. They say you can see your tulpa better in the astral realm. Not sure. Though, people do say it’s an amazing experience, so I’m going to try it out either way.


P.S. I’m gonna start licking Ivory again soon.


Edit: Not in a sexual way, it’s more of a teasing sort of way.

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Day 21 — We went hiking today, but I was too fixated on finding the scenery beautiful before I realized that Ivory isn’t quite awake. Like if I don’t pay attention to her much, she’ll just go to sleep.


Though there were several occasions where she was able to start a conversation, or maybe it was just me suddenly remembering her, she’s still not quite good at this.


Then, there’s also the fact that I sometimes hear two voices. Like one that’s actually Ivory’s, and one that I think is Ivory’s but it might not be hers.


I often talk to the latter. Let’s call her Voice B. It’s more of a passive forcing when I’m with this one, but she sometimes doesn’t make any sense with this voice.


Voice A, however, usually makes sense. This one I often feel when I make myself feel her presence, so I think it’s more of an active force.


You see, they answer differently to yes-and-no questions. For example, should I let go of my hands when I’m cuddling you?


Voice A: No

Voice B: I mean, you could


Note that Voice B sounds more expressive than Voice A. That’s only because I’m somewhat Echo Parroting her. Trying to help her in her speech by translating what she’s trying to say, and make it readable.


(This happens occasionally, but it’s a bit annoying)


Now I know my Ivory. She wouldn’t say “You could let go of me”. She’s more of an honest type that would immediately say what she really wants. Or at least, it’s been like that.


What I’m trying to say is, she loves cuddles. It gets her melted every time I see her face. I think she really likes it a lot. Because her emotions are practically bleeding into me, and I can also feel myself liking cuddles more than before.


—And yet, it gets confusing over time to find out which one is which. Back to the point. Yes, I’ve gotten better at finding which is Ivory’s voice, but still.


Guess I caught myself in a chivy.


Please help us, Sensei



Oh, and a couple of more things though. When randomly, she asked if her shirt looked good, I immediately felt a sense of otherness. Like it truly wasn’t me who asked, but Ivory.


She might be vocal, but it seems I still have a lot to learn. For all I know, I might be unconsciously narrating her this whole time. But that’s highly unlikely. I talked to some tulpamancers already.



I also felt this shackle on her too. Like I’ve been unconsciously controlling her body movements this whole time.


Of course, after realizing this, I broke the shackle. I told her that she was free to do anything she wanted, as long as it didn’t broke the rules.


And right after I said that, she just pinned me down and kissed me. Heck, it wasn’t even a kiss, she was smooching on my lips.


It was a surprise, really. I would never control her to please me. But when she slipped that kiss, it definitely felt like she did it intentionally. With intention.


I liked it :3


Anywho, this should be it for today.


Thanks for reading up till this far!

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You guys are adorable, Ivory, smooching ya. Looks like you need to get even with her ;P

Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D

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Hey, don't doubt, and just go with it. If 'something' is said or happens that really wasn't any of us (it does happen) one of us will own it or we'll all reject it. Most of the time it's pretty clear, yeah there is a kind of 'other' voice that sometimes no one identifies with. Then there's the intrusive voice/thoughts, I think they're related. It will sometimes say really nasty things and we're definitely not owning that. Right in the middle of my sentence recently it said something very hurtful in my voice! That's so rude! Bear was like, um was that you? And I said heck no.


Another fun one used to happen when he was doubting really hard, he's ask something like, 'do you love me' and at the exact same time I would say "Yes", this 'other voice' would say "no". Our subconscious mind is a troll sometimes.


I've also stolen kisses, that's normal, I just felt like risking it, he might have pushed my face away, lol. He's kissed me too and trust me, I don't mind.


Have fun!

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Day 22 — “Oh my god...”


*Slams the door open*


“Koeji! She called us hubby!”


Hearing Koeji’s footsteps, Koeji turned his head to Koeji, “I know!!! I just read it from the newspaper!”


“What the hell is happening?!” Koeji stepped out of the bathroom.


“It’s Ivory!” Said Koeji, “She called us her hubby!”


“What the hell?” Koeji’s face turned a mock, “What does that even mean?”


“Like hell should I know!” Koeji and Koeji said spontaneously.


“Well? Search it up then!” Koeji ranted.


“We’re trying to! But the wifi is broken!—“

“Have you tried using your phone’s 4G?”

“Ah, right... hmm... ok it’s working... search up hubby... click—“


“...Well?” Koeji demanded an answer, but seeing Koeji’s face turn stiff, he knew the situation was more dangerous than it seemed.


“Oh damn— God damn... My heart...”


“What’s wrong with your heart, Koeji?! Just what are you seeing?! Tell me!!!”


Koeji dropped his phone, “My heart— it’s melting! She’s just too— too— too...”


“Too what? What are you trying to say! You’re not making any sense!”


“Too cute~~~~~ :3 :3 :3” it was at this moment, that he exploded.


“What?!” Koeji jumped and tackled the phone from Koeji, “He’s not even making any sense! The last time he exploded was when his crush cosplayed as Hatsune Miku... What could possibly make him explode this time?”


He looks at phone, “Ah my gad...”


“Watashi wa Ivory-chan wo Laifu desu?”


After he said those words, he too, exploded.




I’m really just amazed. She’s being more and more independent, that I had forgotten that she can do unexpected things like these.


Maybe I’m acting a bit too exaggerated, but really though, the way she says it makes me feel fuzzy and warm :3


Let me tell you something. Ever since I’ve been imposing Ivory, she’s always loved it more than sitting around in the wonderland. She even told me so.


When I sleep around the bed too. To her, it’s a signal for cuddle time. Cause anytime can be cuddle time for her. Snuggle time’s usually at night when we’re about to sleep.


Now, here’s the catch. Whenever I go out of cuddling, leaving Ivory to herself. One of two things would happen:


Either one, she’d call me “Hubby” out repeatedly and extend her hands out for a hug, not pulling them away until I come back to her and give her a hug. I’d stop whatever I was gonna do, and cuddle around with her


She looks lazy to get up, and her face when she does this... I can’t quite express it to words :3


Or two, she’d also call me “Hubby” out repeatedly, extending her arms for a hug until I get back to her, hug her, and carry her unto my back. Then we’d go do what I was gonna do earlier.



Note, I was actually hoping a lot for a platonic relationship with her. Where we would cuddle and snuggle often, but still accompany each other as partners in crime. However, it seems that Ivory is looking for a more romantic relationship. Though, I’m not quite sure of the details.

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