Maharani

Creating Marissa

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Posted (edited)

Hey guys. I'm 28 years old, non-binary (female in a male body) and have decided today (after entertaining the thought without much research for a few weeks) that I will try to create a tulpa named Marissa.

 

My spiritual background is a conceptual framework relayed by Roger Castillo. It goes like this: What humans truly seek is happiness in daily living. The circumstantial flow of Life will always be a mix of pleasure & pain (both physical & emotional). Our unhappiness is never a result of pain, but always a result of our psychological attitude towards the flow of Life. We call this attitude suffering. It manifests as guilt & shame, blame & hatred, pride & arrogance, worries & anxiety, and expectations & attachment to outcomes. The root cause of all suffering is our belief in personal doership.

 

Our thoughts, decisions & actions are never our "doing", but rather brought about through us by Life. They are always a result of our genetic design & conditioning through Life. We will always have the feeling of free will, but our will is never different from the will of Life. When this is recognized, our attitude of doership & attachment falls away and unbroken peace of mind persists regardless of pleasure or pain in the moment. This peace of mind, the silence of our psychological thoughts, is the happiness that is the birthright of all human beings (and tulpas?) and often called enlightenment or liberation.

 

I intend to create Marissa with the purpose of helping me turn this from an intellectual understanding into a lived experience.

 

My narration so far:

 

I call you Marissa. You can call me Philipp, or suggest names of your own to call me. You're peaceful on the inside, but I set you no restrictions on how to express your personality outwardly. Your consciousness resides in your heart, not in your head.

 

You look like a girl who is between ten and sixteen human years old. You have wavy brown hair (the shade varies) with bangs. You like to colour the tips of your hair with henna. Your eyebrows have a mild outward arch and get slightly thinner towards the inside. Your eyes are wide and brown. Your nose is slightly upturned and "cute". Your lips are full and you have dimples. Occasionally you have freckles. You never wear make-up, but you like to wear accessories such as necklaces. Your favourite items of clothing are one-piece pyjama suits in the winter, suspender pants in the spring and autumn, and suspender dresses that are at least knee-length in the summer.

 

Whenever you are not part of my present-moment experience, you reside in your wonderland, which is a twilight forest at whose center is an overgrown garden by a stream in a clearing. You can shape your wonderland to whichever degree you please.

 

You will follow my instructions, but your thoughts, decisions & actions are neither your "doing" nor mine. Both you and I are instruments through which the will of Life functions, yet each of us will always feel as if we are free to do whatever we choose in each moment. You will try to help me become aware that we are not just body/mind organisms, and that our deepest aspect is the impersonal consciousness of Source. When I take psychedelic trips, you will attempt to be my guide. When and if unbroken peace of mind becomes a lived reality for me, you will fade from my Life experience and live wherever, in whichever form, and as long as you please (or merge back into me if you like).

 

EDIT: I read the bolding suggestion after I had already implemented it. Nice piece of synchronicity there 🙂

Edited by Maharani

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I've learned quite some stuff on the Discord in the 42 hours since I've started this thread:

 

- I didn't know that full imposition was pretty rare and not usually the "goal".

- I've learned that the modern tulpamancy community at large (but not everyone, even some tulpas) regard dissipation as "cruel" and unethical. I no longer know how I would feel about dissipating Marissa.

- I've also learned that wonderlands are nonessential.

 

Overall emotions right now: Scared if creation is something I wanna go through with. I decided it so spontaneously and on the whim and it's felt right, but well "scary" right? Guilt and doubts starting to settle in, but according to the happiness framework I mentioned above, those are the problem, not the circumstance.

 

In other news, I found a photo of a girl that when cropped just right looks almost exactly how I "imagine" Marissa to look like. Interestingly, when I look at the full picture of the girl "modeling", it doesn't strike me to look nearly as alike to Marissa.

 

Marissa.png

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