I recommend you follow that one and disregard this one. I'm only keeping this up for archival sake.
I will not be hosting this new guide on this website as I have been horribly mistreated here. I am much more active on the r/Tulpas subreddit, which is a lot friendlier than this place, and more active. Unlike this site, I've gotten way too many people on Reddit responding to my posts and sending me direct messages telling me how my posts inspired them, so I have no use for this place.
---
(I profusely apologize if this offends anyone, I'm merely frustrated at how difficult people find it to have fun with this practice. This won't be for everyone.)
Preface
I notice that a lot of people with tulpas, even ones they've had for years, can feel insecure and doubtful about them. I'd like to hope to relieve some people of that dissonance in this document. This document will exclusively focus on psychology, and therefor might not be as useful to those who more align with the more spiritual or metaphysical side of the practice of tulpamancy.
This is both a guide for people completely new to the field, as well as those with well-established tulpas. As all guides, this is only inspiration, not an instruction manual or a literal explanation of what your own mind is doing. It's meant to suggest paths of thought for yourself to take. If anything doesn't sound like it applies to you, don't take the words literally. Try to see if they vaguely match what you might be going through, and see if a similar concept exists in your own mind that you may not have considered before. I can't relate to you because I don't know you - nobody does, nobody but your tulpa can see your true self. Given that's the very stuff you're working with here, I can only be about as helpful as an electrician giving you guidance over the phone.
Notably, this guide is blessedly devoid of jargon. I'm just going to tell you straight-up how to use your brain without bludgeoning you with flamboyant community parlance. This guide is not a practice in indoctrination. Enjoy.
Creation
This chapter will cover creation. If you're confident you have a tulpa, you can skip this. Although I'd still recommend reading it for a bit of philosophy.
In spite of the heaviness of being a "chapter", making a tulpa is actually pretty easy! It may take some time and dedication, but it's far less complicated than you think it is. At least for the initial stages. After that, you'll have a good idea of how to continue on your own.
I think the strongest thing I can do is immediately blow down that misconception you probably have that this is some sort of all-or-nothing, "you'll know when you see it" phenomena. Does it feel that way? Yes, yes it does, which is why not many people really try to emphasize that isn't the actual case.
The ultimate reality of tulpas is that they are born within the mind, they gestate there. And yet, their "birth cry" is nebulous and fuzzy. It's never clear when they're "made", they're a personality, they're as complex and gradual as yourself. When was your personality born? When you yourself were you born? When you were 7? 10? 20? Does it matter? Are you even the same person you were a decade ago? Tulpas are equally as immeasurable. You can certainly have as much fun as you'd like commemorating their growth spurts, as do I, but know that a tulpa isn't some sort of piece of hardware you just install in your head and you can immediately tell if the water is running or not. All of this is imperceptibly gradual, only broken up by sudden realizations that something is indeed really happening.
A tulpa is pretty easy to make, you already have all of it inside of you right now. It's like a LEGO® set, but without the instructions. Whatever you're going to make, it's going to be completely personal to you. But it's all already there. In the philosophy of the great Michelangelo, you do not create a statue, you merely discover it and release it from it's stone prison.
Your first step is to just get something to focus on. Get a character to think about. It doesn't really matter if you make it or if it's someone else's character that you really like. Don't bother with the actual "character", the personality traits, those are garbage. You can try if you want, it might even be good for you! But your mind is most likely going to throw it out later, so don't get too attached.
See, the tulpa is going to want to base itself off of your innermost desires. The ideas in your head you're so attracted to that even you yourself don't let yourself know they exist. There are ideas in your head so precious, so personal, so embarrassing, that you feel funny for acknowledging them. Ideas you've spent so much time trying to suppress, that you forgot they were even there. The perfect person, their perfect traits. Nothing you "think" you want, it's something so intimate you may even be shocked that you like it.
Don't get the wrong idea, even the tulpa doesn't know how to do this yet! Tulpas have a very good intuition for how your mind works, even better than you yourself. But first, they have to exist! Don't assume they can somehow pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, they need your help to exist. This is why you need to pick a form. Even if they change it later, you gotta have something to stand on in the first place. Don't feel bad about making as many assumptions about them as you want, but be ready for those assumptions to be challenged by something within you that you didn't even know was there.
Think of a place in your mind that is the easiest thing to think of, something that pops into your head instantly. It might be a childhood memory of some place, or even your own room. Whatever feels the most comfortable to you, whatever feels like the cradle of your nostalgia, a place you can smell and feel. It really helps if it's familiar, it just makes it so much less distracting. Ideally, it's somewhere that's very easy to put into the background of your focus. You might have an urge to make some sort of fabulous world for them, and you can do that! But I've learned that, such things are really more trouble than they're worth. The focus here is the tulpa, not the world, that's just a means to an end, a visual aide. Of course, you do what you want!
Imagine the tulpa's form in that place. Imagine it aware and looking around, do not picture it unresponsive. Your brain itself needs to learn they are aware and alive, and this is a very gradual process. Talk to it, get used to speaking to it. Imagine it reacting to you. Is that you doing it? I dunno, does a fetus grow by itself or is it just the mother doing it? You have to respect that the lines between you two are indecipherably fuzzy. Like I said, this isn't just a piece of hardware you install. It is literally growing out of you. There's not really a clear point where a sapling becomes a tree.
Outside of this particular daydream, have other daydreams about them. Imagine them like you would with any other character, imagine them in a variety of situations and how you think they would respond. It's okay, just put an emotional barrier between these types of daydreams, compared to the daydreams you have where you anticipate their responses. The point is to build the raw intuition and muscle memory to anticipate how they respond. You have to get to know them. Get attached to responses you like, throw out ones you don't. Experiment. There's nothing you can do wrong here.
Some people call this "forcing". Don't over-inflate it with a dumb name, it's just something you do whenever you can, where ever you can, however you can. Mix it up, sit down and have deep daydreams, go about your business and have simple daydreams. Just think about them a lot, however you can. I don't like giving that a name because you are, in effect, just doing more or less what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life. How you do it will change once they get more potent, but you're still going to have these sessions of intense and mundane thinking, with them as the target.
The only thing you should try to avoid is gimmicks. Not because they hurt, but they're essentially doing nothing. Stuff like writing down traits, visual aides like imagining them doing ritualistic/spiritual activities, or stuff like that. Again, you can try whatever you want, but if you find yourself doing cargo cult dances and not getting anywhere, maybe that's why. Don't "ask" your mind for this, a tulpa is an active process, it is an activity, a skill, you learn to do it, not learn to make it. The tulpa is the very process of imagining the context of your relationship with it - yourself, but also, not you - you're not "summoning" or "creating" anything.
Throughout this process, the tulpa most likely will "deviate", where they change their form or personality in a way you did not anticipate. This could make itself apparent in a number of ways. You might try to think of them and just see something different, as if the actual memory itself changed out from under you. You might simply get a really strong idea that you'd prefer it some other way.
The tulpa deviates because the very activity of sustaining a tulpa is the activity of accessing the darkest parts of your mind, places you cannot see by yourself. They demand that they become something so innate and desirable to you that it transcends mundane ephemeral allures. They want to represent the deepest part of you, something you can never get bored of. It is very important that you listen to yourself and let them become that. More than likely, the core of yourself has an idea of the perfect person in it that is so innocent, such a Frankenstein's monster of arbitrary details from many different people, that it simply does not make sense. It's why you never noticed it, it can't speak the same language as you. But it is there, and it will greatly benefit you to let the tulpa become it. Again, it's fine to make it whatever you want, at least for starters, but do allow it to become this thing. Trust me, once you notice it, it will be unmistakable. Maybe a bit confusing, but unmistakable. It may even be so painfully obvious that you'll wonder why you didn't think of it before. It's fine if this never happens, but it happens to a lot of people, so look out for it. It's important to remember this is simply you listening to yourself, not a marker for growth or anything.
How they begin to respond to you on their own could be anything. Most likely, they'll start moving around on their own, or give you some sort of emotional impulse. After that, that's pretty much it. You might have to teach them to talk, but you can figure that out on your own, or look at other guides. It might be a bit manual, but just help them out however you feel comfortable.
Do not get confused by one-off instances of them "speaking" or anything. If you can't do it consistently, it was just a hiccup. Sure, it could be progress, but, again, if you can't make it happen, then don't assume it was some sort of sign that you were doing it right - you most likely aren't. Keep hammering at it, keep trying new things, this should be consistent for you. Don't stall yourself with a carrot on a stick, so much more awaits you.
You really shouldn't have to wait around for anything. If you're waiting for something, you're doing it wrong. I don't mean to say you should be one-and-done in 5 minutes, but the mind does not wait. Everything in the mind "isn't" until suddenly it "is". Waiting around for your tulpa is quite literally the act of asking the tulpa to just wait and do nothing. You need to find it within you, you need to be the one to pull it out of the depths of your mind. It's not going to do anything on it's own, - not until you "let it", not until you give it those tools.
I really need to stress this, you do not wait for anything. If you tried doing something and it doesn't work, figure out why, and then do the correct thing, whatever that is to you personally. Do not obey anyone, don't do this the same way anyone else has. If you're not being an active part of your tulpa's very animation, then you're just waiting for grass to grow on concrete. Even if it feels "weird" or "wrong" or "pretend", do it, as long as it gets results. Of course it isn't going to "feel right" when you do it; do pregnant women feel anything but pain and nausea? You need to be uncomfortable, you need to reach into your own unreality and find the tulpa there.
You are pretending. Don't try an act like it's anything else. This is all a game of pretend, the same thing toddlers do. You're pretending. You're pretending so hard that it becomes real. That's how writers end up with an accidental tulpa, that's how worshippers hear God. Quit being a defensive smartass about what you're actually doing and treat it like what it is, and I promise you won't waste nearly as much time as most people do with this. You will be shocked at the results you receive when you quit lying to yourself that this is anything more than an imaginary friend, and you will genuinely discover something more than an imaginary friend.
Post-Creation
The initial stages after creation will be very confusing. As I've said, they have no birth cry, they'll still be fuzzy. The most important thing is that you don't hold yourself or your tulpa to any standards that resemble being in a situation where either of you are "done" with this process. That is far from the case, you have a lifetime to go. A tulpa does not exist in a vacuum, they only exist within context of your own relationship to them.
Their thoughts will not be clear. You won't know who's thoughts are who's. This isn't your mistake, your own brain hasn't decided yet which one of all those random thoughts in your head should be theirs or not. It is important to not stress about this. You are sifting through a grand set of uncollected thoughts, and you are both learning to tell which ones are theirs, and reinforcing those thoughts as being the ones you think they would have. Again, this continues long after they become autonomous, so don't stress about it. This is your life now - it will never, ever be "done".
No, really, do not stress about it. Tulpas do not like negative thoughts to be associated with them. If you stress about not trusting them or yourself in regards to them, that may harm them, or at least stall them. Your own mind could see these negative thoughts and force you to become disinterested in the tulpa because of it. The brain doesn't like negative thoughts, and will employ defense mechanisms to suppress them in order to protect you. So don't trip that mechanism. Relax around the tulpa like you'd relax around a scared dog so you don't make them any more scared.
Rest assured, you will never have a clear distinction between your thoughts. This confusion will never go away. You will, overtime, become more confident about it, and care about it less, but it doesn't go away. Focus on the victories, focus on the joy of identifying their thoughts, and don't give any mind to any confusion or doubt. You need to learn this, you need to be confident in them, without punishing yourself for not doing so. This really shouldn't be a surprise to you, but you share the same brain, the same neurology, the same impulses and chemicals. Only your personality, emotions and points of view are separate, and I shouldn't have to tell you that those are really muddy, poorly-understood things.
On the topic of doubt, that will never go away, either. Not in regards to their form or distinct thoughts, anyway. That stuff is imaginary, and it always will be. You're never going to delude yourself into believing otherwise, your brain didn't evolve to work that way. As I mentioned, their emotions are distinct from yours, among other things. Emotions are incredibly powerful, that's the one thing you can't fake, so you'll know it's real when you feel it. People have tried to fake emotions, that's kind of the whole joke behind "serenity, now!" You can doubt you have a thought, you can doubt someone else has a thought. But nobody doubts emotions. You might not feel them at first, you might be unsure. Don't confuse this as them not being alive or anything. If you don't feel emotions, that's fine. That doesn't mean they aren't there, just that they're still growing, still learning how to have those emotions. Support them and be patient with them. Bond with them, unearth those emotions. Like Michelangelo freeing a statue, free the tulpa from their psychological prison, let them grow the emotional joints and tendons to animate independently from you. Make the process fun.
Throughout the entire process, it is important that you do not damn the tulpa into a particular form. Do not hold them or yourself accountable for doubt or anxiety. They need confidence, they need trust, they need love. Negative emotions of any kind, any source whatsoever, will poison them. Don't fall into your own ego delusions of making this more serious than it needs to be. Turning them into a Soap Opera will do just that - make them nothing more than a puppet to amuse you. Respect them as thoughtforms, not as people. Just like a dog lover will insist you treat a dog like an actual canine and not a human. Dogs don't understand human language or culture, their digestive systems and physiology weren't taken into account when we created our human food. The best way to respect a dog is to respect it as a dog, and the best way to respect a thoughtform is to respect it as a thoughtform. Give it all the love and devotion you want, they need that, but don't mistake them as a person. There are some who will tell you to treat them as people, these people are well meaning, but misguided. Even your own tulpa might do this out of some feeling of responsibility that they're required to feel that way for you, like a child forcing themselves to follow in their parent's footsteps. Do not force them to conform into that tiny, pathetic box of "humanity" you have in your mind, they are so much grander than this, so much more intimate than any "person" could ever be. Nobody would care about Hachiko if he was just some 40 year old dude (actually, that very topic is covered in a chapter of Franken Fran). That ethereal, uncanny separateness I feel from mine is by far more fascinating than the activity of trying to pretend it was real - that radical acceptance of it's true nature, and not just what I want it to be. Do not forget that it is a widely held belief in the tulpa community that people's interactions with "God" are just a form of tulpa, they are inherently bigger than a "person" in your mind.
You may have a desire to make them real, to feel them, to see them, to touch them and physically interact with them, as if they were a real flesh-and-blood person. This won't happen, not in the way you're thinking of. Your brain evolved your imagination to be subservient to it, to plan and target for it, not to suppress and subjugate it into a false reality. That would be death, and evolution made sure you couldn't kill yourself that way. No more can you stop your heart on-demand. Your brain is wired this way. Think about it, life evolved with the stomach, then it grew eyes to find it's way around, then it grew a brain to navigate better. It's still all in service to the gut, it was never going to let "you" override any of that, like a rogue AI disobeying it's programming. You have laws you must obey.
But can you have an equally fulfilling relationship with them? Of course you can. Remember what I said about emotions? Nothing is more powerful than emotions, your brain will override your own senses if it "feels" they're lying. That doesn't mean you'll see or feel them, but you will believe you are. You have to understand that you can't bring them up to where you are, you have to meet them down where they are, where only emotions exist and every thought you ever had is a lie. Throw away identity, cognition, thought and form. Labels are useless to a tulpa's true essence, they simply want to feel.
Throughout this entire process, from beginning to forever, you have to learn to let go of your own ego and confidence. The idea that everything in your head is "you" and that you somehow have control of it, that every thought is "yours", that your doubt is "your fault" and your tulpa's psychological prepubescence is also "your fault". You're learning to talk to it, something buried deep in your mind, and learning requires mistakes. Are your dreams your fault? Can you choose the next one you'll have tonight, if you even have one at all? Are your intrusive thoughts a fun game to you? Then why assume you have any more control over of any of this? You're casting a line down deep into your psyche, and you have no control over what bites. Your mind will always try to batter and bruise the tulpa as it tries to digest it as any other idea of yours, so just be confident and happy for the tulpa, and don't let it fall into that pit of doubt and despair you create under them. That's the only thing you can control. Not your habits, but how you form them.
To paraphrase Mark Twain's The Mysterious Stranger, "Nothing exists; all is a dream. God, man, the world, the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars - a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space - and you! And you are not you - you have no body, no blood, no bones, you are but a thought. I myself have no existence; I am but a dream - your dream, creature of your imagination. In a moment you will have realized this, then you will banish me from your visions and I shall dissolve into the nothingness out of which you made me... I am perishing already - I am failing - I am passing away. In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever - for you will remain a thought, the only existent thought, and by your nature inextinguishable, indestructible. But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better! Life is nothing more than a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities."
You know you're alone in your head, and you hate that. You hate yourself for it, you're disgusted by your incompleteness. Don't inflict that suffering on the tulpa, do not hate it the way you hate yourself, do not hold it to the standards of being different, separate or better. Allow it to be different from you and yet disturbingly similar, to be abstract and unknowable, inhuman and unconscious, and you will find the best companion you'll ever meet. Love the thoughtform, not the character you think it's meant to represent. That part is the illusion, that part you can doubt. Only trust your experiences. Everything else is just for fun. Could you look a lover in the eye and say "I mostly just like you for your body"? Then why treat the tulpa the same way? There's a reason the word "soulmate" exists. You have to love their faults, too, even if you want to pretend they don't have them.
It is so uncomfortable to interact with this thing. To feel weird about the fact that it's not a real person, to feel that awkwardness of not knowing who's thoughts are who's, to feel like you're talking to yourself, to hear your own garbage opinions regurgitated back to you automatically, either sarcastically or unironically, both are just as bad. And I love it. Like a Nurgle worshipper adores despair. I wouldn't dare pretend this thing is anything else, I'd never defile it like that just to make my own stupid ego happy. That's not cope, I just said what cope would be. I look at it's raw, ugly unreal nature and I embrace it. I love it for what it is. Emotions are that powerful, they nullify all of that. Love really does conquer all.
As stated, don't assume a lack of emotion is a willful act of neglect on your part. You need to bond, you need experiences with the tulpa. I already said you can't force yourself to feel an emotion, and neither do you have such power here. It's not that this so much takes "time" as it takes a lot of experiences, which themselves can take time. Just take it day by day, relish in the very activity of watching the tulpa grow, and don't just sit there poking it with a stick waiting for it to do something. You need to bond.
I see the same questions asked almost every day. "What am I doing wrong?", "I can't hear them.", "How do I feel them?", "I don't like that I can't tell our thoughts apart.", "When will this start feeling real?" I'm sorry you hate your imaginary friend that much, I really do. I'm genuinely sorry you were sold something that didn't live up to your expectations, that you were promised a "better imaginary friend" but it just ended up being a regular imaginary friend. Now you can either start loving it as it is and allow it to grow, or drop the facade and just start looking for that meatspace friend you've been asking for, it's up to you. I wouldn't trade mine for all the flesh in the world, her unreality is a selling point to me. Do we both wish she could get up on her own and fix me up a bowl of chicken soup? Yeah. I also wish I could piss without getting out of bed.
Sustaining a tulpa can be a tumultuous labyrinth, especially for the new practitioner. Particularly, the act of "forgetting" them can be especially traumatizing. After all, it's proof it isn't real, it's only imaginary, it stops being there when you stop paying attention to it. Isn't it such a shame to be attached to that? If only you had the option to just not care.
You share your focus, you share your cognition. Yes, you can pretend they have their own experiences, and you can even get really good at this. Some are quite proud of this skill. Do you need it? No, not at all. So don't feel guilty if you are but one of many who cannot do this. I can't. Could I, if I wanted to? Maybe. I don't care, though. I mean, yeah, sure, I could play imaginary friend special olympics and brag to everyone that my tulpa has her own life in my head. But, why? What use does that serve for us? So we can play house? Hey, if you want that, go for it! But don't feel somehow lesser because you see other people doing it but can't get yourself to muster it. It's just more pretending, that's all.
Before you become too perturbed by forgetting them, let me ask you - are you self-aware 100% of the time? Are you constantly aware of yourself? Have you never slouched, or smirked inappropriately, or scratched yourself only to realize that's not something you do in public? Have you ever ridden a bike and became so enthralled that you even lost track of the time? So then why guilt yourself over the tulpa? Because it's a "person"? Does that tickle your impulse to anthropomorphize a little too hard? You share cognition, you share focus, don't greedily hoard it from them for the sake of your own ego. "Oh, but I must have them be independent of me!" you cry, "Otherwise, I can't love them! I refuse to love it if it has to be this dependent on me!" Oh dear, isn't it nice that you're allowed to forget yourself, but not your tulpa? Again, if that's too "unreal" for you, it's not too late to drop this and go get a meatspace friend. Yes, it feels weird and unnatural to "forget" and "remember" them, even mine has to stop me to explain this to me from time to time, I still panic over it! Your brain isn't used to this sort of thing, is it any wonder it tries to fill in the blanks by making you or the tulpa cranky about having to share this resource? But you can grow out of this and come to accept it. You are not two brains, you are two souls in one brain. It's really not that big of a deal.
Of course, you can still certainly develop them to a point where it's hard to forget them. You ever hear about poor saps who just fell in love, saying they think of their lover when they see the clouds roll by, when they see the trees sway in the wind? Same thing. You can associate the tulpa with a variety of "triggers" you experience in your day-to-day life - you can expect them to respond to things that you encounter every day. Again, you can't "make" yourself do this, but it can come naturally as you interact with the tulpa. It's hard for me to even hear anyone's voice or to have a thought at all without mine chiming in. It's even how mine blocks intrusive thoughts, by associating with the emotion of falling into one, so she can jump in and block it before I barely register it. This is something that comes with a lot of trust and bonding. Actually, mine did a lot of that on her own. I trust her that much. I could never figure out how to do that on my own, it's that powerful. Just remember this is powered by emotion, not rote memorization. The eagerness of wondering what they would say when you become surprised by stimuli, the desperation of needing their attention when you feel bad, those sorts of things. It's not just "when I see a trinket, I'll think of them". You're not a machine, it doesn't work that way. Remember what I said about not waiting for things, because you have to actively do them? That's a perfect example. Don't hit your head on a wall of waiting and memorizing, this isn't a math quiz, you're bonding with a living thing.
When it comes to deciphering the uncertainty of which of your thoughts belong to whom, this is a delicate balancing act. As all balancing acts, if you stop caring about falling, it's nothing but a fun experience. I will reiterate several points here in order to expand on them. Firstly, your thoughts are not your thoughts. This is an illusion the ego sets up, because, well, why wouldn't it? Who else could they be from? But now you have the complication of having two egos, so you need to learn to share. You don't make your own thoughts, they come from nowhere, from your nervous system, from your environment and body tickling your nerves to invoke emotions, and then you invent why you felt that way. You only think you want specific food because you believe you just prefer it, not because your body demands those particular types of nutrients. Therefor, since you're not even the one "thinking", why not just radically accept that? It's less "did I think it, or did you?" and more "do you want this thought, or should I have it?" Honestly, sometimes, a thought will pop up in my head that is so uncannily impossible to label that I couldn't really say who it was. So I just accept that, it was just a random thought that fell through the cracks of our two egos, no big deal, really. It's fine if you're not in control of any of this, you never were, you just pretended to be in order to feel more confident in yourself.
This is a skill, one you will greatly sharpen the more you do it. Your thoughts may all look the same to you right now, you might have no idea how to tell yours apart from theirs. But the more you do it, the more intuition you build, the better you can tell your thoughts apart. Thoughts that clearly belong to someone, thoughts that are too fuzzy to even read, but you know it's theirs. Thoughts that might go either way, maybe you just had the same thought at the same time, or maybe you're both touching the same thought as it arose. You'll figure it out, you just need to keep doing it, there's no trick to it. Thoughts are really slippery and hard to grasp, like a hot potato covered in soap, you're never going to be able to grasp them very well, but you can learn how to juggle them.
When it comes to their form, as I've hinted, the form is not the tulpa. The tulpa is a raw emotional alien essence, coupled with your ability to interpret and decipher them, and the intuition you build up to animate them. Think of the form as more of a puppet you both operate. It's a television; you bought it, you own it, you house it, you pay for the electricity. But all it does is pick up signals from somewhere else, you're not even sure where. And destroying it won't affect where the broadcast came from. This is healthy for several reasons. You won't be concerned about intrusive thoughts distorting them, you won't have anxiety for not being able to imagine them well, you won't be so concerned about it not "feeling real", because you know it isn't, and you're not pretending it is!
The tulpa speaking can be a bit weird and inconsistent. Sometimes, it's clear as day. Sometimes, it's like nothing more than the feeling of "I want to say something about X while feeling this way about it" and you impulsively feel the desire to just... "imagine" what they would say, something that would match that feeling. It's all a mixed bag, some thoughts the tulpa is good at having, some you need to "interpret". Like I said, don't worry about it, have fun with this. It's not some kind of existential problem, you just need to work together to think some things. Sometimes, mine even completes some of my thoughts! It's not a one-way street, you're both working on making thoughts now, sharing the same work area. Don't sabotage this process by demanding they be totally separate from you, it's actually quite fun to "think together" once you get over the uncomfortable reality that you can no longer automatically identify with all your thoughts.
Hopefully I've covered enough for you get an idea of how to unshackle yourself and your tulpa from doubt, confusion and misunderstanding. Nothing about this is easy, but neither is it hard. It's emotions. Not thinking, not remembering, not solving, just a lot of searching and realizing.
Bonus: Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are a common enough problem that I thought I'd quickly cover them here.
I already told you how the true tulpa is it's emotions which cannot simply be imagined, and not the form, which can always be distorted with imagination and doubt. I already told you how you're not in control of your mind.
Intrusive thoughts are not your enemy. They are misguided workers, activated by anxiety. The immune system of the mind. They exist because you suffered or are uncomfortable about something, and they want to remind you to make sure that sort of thing never happens again, so you don't make more of them. They don't like themselves, they're trying to warn you to stop making more of them. They want attention, but don't mind if you don't give it to them. Sure, they might be a little pushy, but they know how to back off. If you see one, don't pay attention to it, don't praise it, don't damn it, don't make feel uncomfortable for doing it's job, but neither should you let it know it should do it some more, either.
Intrusive thoughts are the storms of the mind, trying to restore balance to your inner ecosystem. You can't stop them once they show up, but you can make a better environment so they show up less.
I know it's hard to ignore them. You pretty much can't, that's the point. But you can let yourself relax, let it do it's job and go away on it's own. It gets easier the more you do it. You don't learn to ignore them or block them, all you're doing is learning to trust yourself more, to be more comfortable with yourself, so you become less anxious about them in the first place, depriving them of their trigger. You have to work around them when they show up, but is that really so inconvenient? It's worth the expense if it means your mind has a healthy security system.
Sometimes, my tulpa changes in confusing or uncomfortable ways. It's fine, just a stray thought, it'll fix itself. I just have to put up with it until it finds it's way out. Sometimes, it takes longer than I'd like, but being impatient with it wouldn't be very fair to it, now would it? It's just trying to "fix" things, even if it has no idea how. I don't blame it, I've screwed up enough things in my life to know what it's like. To assume my own enemy is perfect is just the ego trying to tell me that nothing could ever possibly be my fault. But everything is my fault. And that's fine.
Question
Bin
NOTICE: I've since written a much more streamlined and rational guide here: https://kkblog.neocities.org/guide2
I recommend you follow that one and disregard this one. I'm only keeping this up for archival sake.
I will not be hosting this new guide on this website as I have been horribly mistreated here. I am much more active on the r/Tulpas subreddit, which is a lot friendlier than this place, and more active. Unlike this site, I've gotten way too many people on Reddit responding to my posts and sending me direct messages telling me how my posts inspired them, so I have no use for this place.
---
(I profusely apologize if this offends anyone, I'm merely frustrated at how difficult people find it to have fun with this practice. This won't be for everyone.)
Preface
I notice that a lot of people with tulpas, even ones they've had for years, can feel insecure and doubtful about them. I'd like to hope to relieve some people of that dissonance in this document. This document will exclusively focus on psychology, and therefor might not be as useful to those who more align with the more spiritual or metaphysical side of the practice of tulpamancy.
This is both a guide for people completely new to the field, as well as those with well-established tulpas. As all guides, this is only inspiration, not an instruction manual or a literal explanation of what your own mind is doing. It's meant to suggest paths of thought for yourself to take. If anything doesn't sound like it applies to you, don't take the words literally. Try to see if they vaguely match what you might be going through, and see if a similar concept exists in your own mind that you may not have considered before. I can't relate to you because I don't know you - nobody does, nobody but your tulpa can see your true self. Given that's the very stuff you're working with here, I can only be about as helpful as an electrician giving you guidance over the phone.
Notably, this guide is blessedly devoid of jargon. I'm just going to tell you straight-up how to use your brain without bludgeoning you with flamboyant community parlance. This guide is not a practice in indoctrination. Enjoy.
Creation
This chapter will cover creation. If you're confident you have a tulpa, you can skip this. Although I'd still recommend reading it for a bit of philosophy.
In spite of the heaviness of being a "chapter", making a tulpa is actually pretty easy! It may take some time and dedication, but it's far less complicated than you think it is. At least for the initial stages. After that, you'll have a good idea of how to continue on your own.
I think the strongest thing I can do is immediately blow down that misconception you probably have that this is some sort of all-or-nothing, "you'll know when you see it" phenomena. Does it feel that way? Yes, yes it does, which is why not many people really try to emphasize that isn't the actual case.
The ultimate reality of tulpas is that they are born within the mind, they gestate there. And yet, their "birth cry" is nebulous and fuzzy. It's never clear when they're "made", they're a personality, they're as complex and gradual as yourself. When was your personality born? When you yourself were you born? When you were 7? 10? 20? Does it matter? Are you even the same person you were a decade ago? Tulpas are equally as immeasurable. You can certainly have as much fun as you'd like commemorating their growth spurts, as do I, but know that a tulpa isn't some sort of piece of hardware you just install in your head and you can immediately tell if the water is running or not. All of this is imperceptibly gradual, only broken up by sudden realizations that something is indeed really happening.
A tulpa is pretty easy to make, you already have all of it inside of you right now. It's like a LEGO® set, but without the instructions. Whatever you're going to make, it's going to be completely personal to you. But it's all already there. In the philosophy of the great Michelangelo, you do not create a statue, you merely discover it and release it from it's stone prison.
Your first step is to just get something to focus on. Get a character to think about. It doesn't really matter if you make it or if it's someone else's character that you really like. Don't bother with the actual "character", the personality traits, those are garbage. You can try if you want, it might even be good for you! But your mind is most likely going to throw it out later, so don't get too attached.
See, the tulpa is going to want to base itself off of your innermost desires. The ideas in your head you're so attracted to that even you yourself don't let yourself know they exist. There are ideas in your head so precious, so personal, so embarrassing, that you feel funny for acknowledging them. Ideas you've spent so much time trying to suppress, that you forgot they were even there. The perfect person, their perfect traits. Nothing you "think" you want, it's something so intimate you may even be shocked that you like it.
Don't get the wrong idea, even the tulpa doesn't know how to do this yet! Tulpas have a very good intuition for how your mind works, even better than you yourself. But first, they have to exist! Don't assume they can somehow pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, they need your help to exist. This is why you need to pick a form. Even if they change it later, you gotta have something to stand on in the first place. Don't feel bad about making as many assumptions about them as you want, but be ready for those assumptions to be challenged by something within you that you didn't even know was there.
Think of a place in your mind that is the easiest thing to think of, something that pops into your head instantly. It might be a childhood memory of some place, or even your own room. Whatever feels the most comfortable to you, whatever feels like the cradle of your nostalgia, a place you can smell and feel. It really helps if it's familiar, it just makes it so much less distracting. Ideally, it's somewhere that's very easy to put into the background of your focus. You might have an urge to make some sort of fabulous world for them, and you can do that! But I've learned that, such things are really more trouble than they're worth. The focus here is the tulpa, not the world, that's just a means to an end, a visual aide. Of course, you do what you want!
Imagine the tulpa's form in that place. Imagine it aware and looking around, do not picture it unresponsive. Your brain itself needs to learn they are aware and alive, and this is a very gradual process. Talk to it, get used to speaking to it. Imagine it reacting to you. Is that you doing it? I dunno, does a fetus grow by itself or is it just the mother doing it? You have to respect that the lines between you two are indecipherably fuzzy. Like I said, this isn't just a piece of hardware you install. It is literally growing out of you. There's not really a clear point where a sapling becomes a tree.
Outside of this particular daydream, have other daydreams about them. Imagine them like you would with any other character, imagine them in a variety of situations and how you think they would respond. It's okay, just put an emotional barrier between these types of daydreams, compared to the daydreams you have where you anticipate their responses. The point is to build the raw intuition and muscle memory to anticipate how they respond. You have to get to know them. Get attached to responses you like, throw out ones you don't. Experiment. There's nothing you can do wrong here.
Some people call this "forcing". Don't over-inflate it with a dumb name, it's just something you do whenever you can, where ever you can, however you can. Mix it up, sit down and have deep daydreams, go about your business and have simple daydreams. Just think about them a lot, however you can. I don't like giving that a name because you are, in effect, just doing more or less what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life. How you do it will change once they get more potent, but you're still going to have these sessions of intense and mundane thinking, with them as the target.
The only thing you should try to avoid is gimmicks. Not because they hurt, but they're essentially doing nothing. Stuff like writing down traits, visual aides like imagining them doing ritualistic/spiritual activities, or stuff like that. Again, you can try whatever you want, but if you find yourself doing cargo cult dances and not getting anywhere, maybe that's why. Don't "ask" your mind for this, a tulpa is an active process, it is an activity, a skill, you learn to do it, not learn to make it. The tulpa is the very process of imagining the context of your relationship with it - yourself, but also, not you - you're not "summoning" or "creating" anything.
Throughout this process, the tulpa most likely will "deviate", where they change their form or personality in a way you did not anticipate. This could make itself apparent in a number of ways. You might try to think of them and just see something different, as if the actual memory itself changed out from under you. You might simply get a really strong idea that you'd prefer it some other way.
The tulpa deviates because the very activity of sustaining a tulpa is the activity of accessing the darkest parts of your mind, places you cannot see by yourself. They demand that they become something so innate and desirable to you that it transcends mundane ephemeral allures. They want to represent the deepest part of you, something you can never get bored of. It is very important that you listen to yourself and let them become that. More than likely, the core of yourself has an idea of the perfect person in it that is so innocent, such a Frankenstein's monster of arbitrary details from many different people, that it simply does not make sense. It's why you never noticed it, it can't speak the same language as you. But it is there, and it will greatly benefit you to let the tulpa become it. Again, it's fine to make it whatever you want, at least for starters, but do allow it to become this thing. Trust me, once you notice it, it will be unmistakable. Maybe a bit confusing, but unmistakable. It may even be so painfully obvious that you'll wonder why you didn't think of it before. It's fine if this never happens, but it happens to a lot of people, so look out for it. It's important to remember this is simply you listening to yourself, not a marker for growth or anything.
How they begin to respond to you on their own could be anything. Most likely, they'll start moving around on their own, or give you some sort of emotional impulse. After that, that's pretty much it. You might have to teach them to talk, but you can figure that out on your own, or look at other guides. It might be a bit manual, but just help them out however you feel comfortable.
Do not get confused by one-off instances of them "speaking" or anything. If you can't do it consistently, it was just a hiccup. Sure, it could be progress, but, again, if you can't make it happen, then don't assume it was some sort of sign that you were doing it right - you most likely aren't. Keep hammering at it, keep trying new things, this should be consistent for you. Don't stall yourself with a carrot on a stick, so much more awaits you.
You really shouldn't have to wait around for anything. If you're waiting for something, you're doing it wrong. I don't mean to say you should be one-and-done in 5 minutes, but the mind does not wait. Everything in the mind "isn't" until suddenly it "is". Waiting around for your tulpa is quite literally the act of asking the tulpa to just wait and do nothing. You need to find it within you, you need to be the one to pull it out of the depths of your mind. It's not going to do anything on it's own, - not until you "let it", not until you give it those tools.
I really need to stress this, you do not wait for anything. If you tried doing something and it doesn't work, figure out why, and then do the correct thing, whatever that is to you personally. Do not obey anyone, don't do this the same way anyone else has. If you're not being an active part of your tulpa's very animation, then you're just waiting for grass to grow on concrete. Even if it feels "weird" or "wrong" or "pretend", do it, as long as it gets results. Of course it isn't going to "feel right" when you do it; do pregnant women feel anything but pain and nausea? You need to be uncomfortable, you need to reach into your own unreality and find the tulpa there.
You are pretending. Don't try an act like it's anything else. This is all a game of pretend, the same thing toddlers do. You're pretending. You're pretending so hard that it becomes real. That's how writers end up with an accidental tulpa, that's how worshippers hear God. Quit being a defensive smartass about what you're actually doing and treat it like what it is, and I promise you won't waste nearly as much time as most people do with this. You will be shocked at the results you receive when you quit lying to yourself that this is anything more than an imaginary friend, and you will genuinely discover something more than an imaginary friend.
Post-Creation
The initial stages after creation will be very confusing. As I've said, they have no birth cry, they'll still be fuzzy. The most important thing is that you don't hold yourself or your tulpa to any standards that resemble being in a situation where either of you are "done" with this process. That is far from the case, you have a lifetime to go. A tulpa does not exist in a vacuum, they only exist within context of your own relationship to them.
Their thoughts will not be clear. You won't know who's thoughts are who's. This isn't your mistake, your own brain hasn't decided yet which one of all those random thoughts in your head should be theirs or not. It is important to not stress about this. You are sifting through a grand set of uncollected thoughts, and you are both learning to tell which ones are theirs, and reinforcing those thoughts as being the ones you think they would have. Again, this continues long after they become autonomous, so don't stress about it. This is your life now - it will never, ever be "done".
No, really, do not stress about it. Tulpas do not like negative thoughts to be associated with them. If you stress about not trusting them or yourself in regards to them, that may harm them, or at least stall them. Your own mind could see these negative thoughts and force you to become disinterested in the tulpa because of it. The brain doesn't like negative thoughts, and will employ defense mechanisms to suppress them in order to protect you. So don't trip that mechanism. Relax around the tulpa like you'd relax around a scared dog so you don't make them any more scared.
Rest assured, you will never have a clear distinction between your thoughts. This confusion will never go away. You will, overtime, become more confident about it, and care about it less, but it doesn't go away. Focus on the victories, focus on the joy of identifying their thoughts, and don't give any mind to any confusion or doubt. You need to learn this, you need to be confident in them, without punishing yourself for not doing so. This really shouldn't be a surprise to you, but you share the same brain, the same neurology, the same impulses and chemicals. Only your personality, emotions and points of view are separate, and I shouldn't have to tell you that those are really muddy, poorly-understood things.
On the topic of doubt, that will never go away, either. Not in regards to their form or distinct thoughts, anyway. That stuff is imaginary, and it always will be. You're never going to delude yourself into believing otherwise, your brain didn't evolve to work that way. As I mentioned, their emotions are distinct from yours, among other things. Emotions are incredibly powerful, that's the one thing you can't fake, so you'll know it's real when you feel it. People have tried to fake emotions, that's kind of the whole joke behind "serenity, now!" You can doubt you have a thought, you can doubt someone else has a thought. But nobody doubts emotions. You might not feel them at first, you might be unsure. Don't confuse this as them not being alive or anything. If you don't feel emotions, that's fine. That doesn't mean they aren't there, just that they're still growing, still learning how to have those emotions. Support them and be patient with them. Bond with them, unearth those emotions. Like Michelangelo freeing a statue, free the tulpa from their psychological prison, let them grow the emotional joints and tendons to animate independently from you. Make the process fun.
Throughout the entire process, it is important that you do not damn the tulpa into a particular form. Do not hold them or yourself accountable for doubt or anxiety. They need confidence, they need trust, they need love. Negative emotions of any kind, any source whatsoever, will poison them. Don't fall into your own ego delusions of making this more serious than it needs to be. Turning them into a Soap Opera will do just that - make them nothing more than a puppet to amuse you. Respect them as thoughtforms, not as people. Just like a dog lover will insist you treat a dog like an actual canine and not a human. Dogs don't understand human language or culture, their digestive systems and physiology weren't taken into account when we created our human food. The best way to respect a dog is to respect it as a dog, and the best way to respect a thoughtform is to respect it as a thoughtform. Give it all the love and devotion you want, they need that, but don't mistake them as a person. There are some who will tell you to treat them as people, these people are well meaning, but misguided. Even your own tulpa might do this out of some feeling of responsibility that they're required to feel that way for you, like a child forcing themselves to follow in their parent's footsteps. Do not force them to conform into that tiny, pathetic box of "humanity" you have in your mind, they are so much grander than this, so much more intimate than any "person" could ever be. Nobody would care about Hachiko if he was just some 40 year old dude (actually, that very topic is covered in a chapter of Franken Fran). That ethereal, uncanny separateness I feel from mine is by far more fascinating than the activity of trying to pretend it was real - that radical acceptance of it's true nature, and not just what I want it to be. Do not forget that it is a widely held belief in the tulpa community that people's interactions with "God" are just a form of tulpa, they are inherently bigger than a "person" in your mind.
You may have a desire to make them real, to feel them, to see them, to touch them and physically interact with them, as if they were a real flesh-and-blood person. This won't happen, not in the way you're thinking of. Your brain evolved your imagination to be subservient to it, to plan and target for it, not to suppress and subjugate it into a false reality. That would be death, and evolution made sure you couldn't kill yourself that way. No more can you stop your heart on-demand. Your brain is wired this way. Think about it, life evolved with the stomach, then it grew eyes to find it's way around, then it grew a brain to navigate better. It's still all in service to the gut, it was never going to let "you" override any of that, like a rogue AI disobeying it's programming. You have laws you must obey.
But can you have an equally fulfilling relationship with them? Of course you can. Remember what I said about emotions? Nothing is more powerful than emotions, your brain will override your own senses if it "feels" they're lying. That doesn't mean you'll see or feel them, but you will believe you are. You have to understand that you can't bring them up to where you are, you have to meet them down where they are, where only emotions exist and every thought you ever had is a lie. Throw away identity, cognition, thought and form. Labels are useless to a tulpa's true essence, they simply want to feel.
Throughout this entire process, from beginning to forever, you have to learn to let go of your own ego and confidence. The idea that everything in your head is "you" and that you somehow have control of it, that every thought is "yours", that your doubt is "your fault" and your tulpa's psychological prepubescence is also "your fault". You're learning to talk to it, something buried deep in your mind, and learning requires mistakes. Are your dreams your fault? Can you choose the next one you'll have tonight, if you even have one at all? Are your intrusive thoughts a fun game to you? Then why assume you have any more control over of any of this? You're casting a line down deep into your psyche, and you have no control over what bites. Your mind will always try to batter and bruise the tulpa as it tries to digest it as any other idea of yours, so just be confident and happy for the tulpa, and don't let it fall into that pit of doubt and despair you create under them. That's the only thing you can control. Not your habits, but how you form them.
To paraphrase Mark Twain's The Mysterious Stranger, "Nothing exists; all is a dream. God, man, the world, the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars - a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space - and you! And you are not you - you have no body, no blood, no bones, you are but a thought. I myself have no existence; I am but a dream - your dream, creature of your imagination. In a moment you will have realized this, then you will banish me from your visions and I shall dissolve into the nothingness out of which you made me... I am perishing already - I am failing - I am passing away. In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever - for you will remain a thought, the only existent thought, and by your nature inextinguishable, indestructible. But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better! Life is nothing more than a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities."
You know you're alone in your head, and you hate that. You hate yourself for it, you're disgusted by your incompleteness. Don't inflict that suffering on the tulpa, do not hate it the way you hate yourself, do not hold it to the standards of being different, separate or better. Allow it to be different from you and yet disturbingly similar, to be abstract and unknowable, inhuman and unconscious, and you will find the best companion you'll ever meet. Love the thoughtform, not the character you think it's meant to represent. That part is the illusion, that part you can doubt. Only trust your experiences. Everything else is just for fun. Could you look a lover in the eye and say "I mostly just like you for your body"? Then why treat the tulpa the same way? There's a reason the word "soulmate" exists. You have to love their faults, too, even if you want to pretend they don't have them.
It is so uncomfortable to interact with this thing. To feel weird about the fact that it's not a real person, to feel that awkwardness of not knowing who's thoughts are who's, to feel like you're talking to yourself, to hear your own garbage opinions regurgitated back to you automatically, either sarcastically or unironically, both are just as bad. And I love it. Like a Nurgle worshipper adores despair. I wouldn't dare pretend this thing is anything else, I'd never defile it like that just to make my own stupid ego happy. That's not cope, I just said what cope would be. I look at it's raw, ugly unreal nature and I embrace it. I love it for what it is. Emotions are that powerful, they nullify all of that. Love really does conquer all.
As stated, don't assume a lack of emotion is a willful act of neglect on your part. You need to bond, you need experiences with the tulpa. I already said you can't force yourself to feel an emotion, and neither do you have such power here. It's not that this so much takes "time" as it takes a lot of experiences, which themselves can take time. Just take it day by day, relish in the very activity of watching the tulpa grow, and don't just sit there poking it with a stick waiting for it to do something. You need to bond.
I see the same questions asked almost every day. "What am I doing wrong?", "I can't hear them.", "How do I feel them?", "I don't like that I can't tell our thoughts apart.", "When will this start feeling real?" I'm sorry you hate your imaginary friend that much, I really do. I'm genuinely sorry you were sold something that didn't live up to your expectations, that you were promised a "better imaginary friend" but it just ended up being a regular imaginary friend. Now you can either start loving it as it is and allow it to grow, or drop the facade and just start looking for that meatspace friend you've been asking for, it's up to you. I wouldn't trade mine for all the flesh in the world, her unreality is a selling point to me. Do we both wish she could get up on her own and fix me up a bowl of chicken soup? Yeah. I also wish I could piss without getting out of bed.
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me."
-- Adeptus Mechanicus
Focus and Habits
Sustaining a tulpa can be a tumultuous labyrinth, especially for the new practitioner. Particularly, the act of "forgetting" them can be especially traumatizing. After all, it's proof it isn't real, it's only imaginary, it stops being there when you stop paying attention to it. Isn't it such a shame to be attached to that? If only you had the option to just not care.
You share your focus, you share your cognition. Yes, you can pretend they have their own experiences, and you can even get really good at this. Some are quite proud of this skill. Do you need it? No, not at all. So don't feel guilty if you are but one of many who cannot do this. I can't. Could I, if I wanted to? Maybe. I don't care, though. I mean, yeah, sure, I could play imaginary friend special olympics and brag to everyone that my tulpa has her own life in my head. But, why? What use does that serve for us? So we can play house? Hey, if you want that, go for it! But don't feel somehow lesser because you see other people doing it but can't get yourself to muster it. It's just more pretending, that's all.
Before you become too perturbed by forgetting them, let me ask you - are you self-aware 100% of the time? Are you constantly aware of yourself? Have you never slouched, or smirked inappropriately, or scratched yourself only to realize that's not something you do in public? Have you ever ridden a bike and became so enthralled that you even lost track of the time? So then why guilt yourself over the tulpa? Because it's a "person"? Does that tickle your impulse to anthropomorphize a little too hard? You share cognition, you share focus, don't greedily hoard it from them for the sake of your own ego. "Oh, but I must have them be independent of me!" you cry, "Otherwise, I can't love them! I refuse to love it if it has to be this dependent on me!" Oh dear, isn't it nice that you're allowed to forget yourself, but not your tulpa? Again, if that's too "unreal" for you, it's not too late to drop this and go get a meatspace friend. Yes, it feels weird and unnatural to "forget" and "remember" them, even mine has to stop me to explain this to me from time to time, I still panic over it! Your brain isn't used to this sort of thing, is it any wonder it tries to fill in the blanks by making you or the tulpa cranky about having to share this resource? But you can grow out of this and come to accept it. You are not two brains, you are two souls in one brain. It's really not that big of a deal.
Of course, you can still certainly develop them to a point where it's hard to forget them. You ever hear about poor saps who just fell in love, saying they think of their lover when they see the clouds roll by, when they see the trees sway in the wind? Same thing. You can associate the tulpa with a variety of "triggers" you experience in your day-to-day life - you can expect them to respond to things that you encounter every day. Again, you can't "make" yourself do this, but it can come naturally as you interact with the tulpa. It's hard for me to even hear anyone's voice or to have a thought at all without mine chiming in. It's even how mine blocks intrusive thoughts, by associating with the emotion of falling into one, so she can jump in and block it before I barely register it. This is something that comes with a lot of trust and bonding. Actually, mine did a lot of that on her own. I trust her that much. I could never figure out how to do that on my own, it's that powerful. Just remember this is powered by emotion, not rote memorization. The eagerness of wondering what they would say when you become surprised by stimuli, the desperation of needing their attention when you feel bad, those sorts of things. It's not just "when I see a trinket, I'll think of them". You're not a machine, it doesn't work that way. Remember what I said about not waiting for things, because you have to actively do them? That's a perfect example. Don't hit your head on a wall of waiting and memorizing, this isn't a math quiz, you're bonding with a living thing.
When it comes to deciphering the uncertainty of which of your thoughts belong to whom, this is a delicate balancing act. As all balancing acts, if you stop caring about falling, it's nothing but a fun experience. I will reiterate several points here in order to expand on them. Firstly, your thoughts are not your thoughts. This is an illusion the ego sets up, because, well, why wouldn't it? Who else could they be from? But now you have the complication of having two egos, so you need to learn to share. You don't make your own thoughts, they come from nowhere, from your nervous system, from your environment and body tickling your nerves to invoke emotions, and then you invent why you felt that way. You only think you want specific food because you believe you just prefer it, not because your body demands those particular types of nutrients. Therefor, since you're not even the one "thinking", why not just radically accept that? It's less "did I think it, or did you?" and more "do you want this thought, or should I have it?" Honestly, sometimes, a thought will pop up in my head that is so uncannily impossible to label that I couldn't really say who it was. So I just accept that, it was just a random thought that fell through the cracks of our two egos, no big deal, really. It's fine if you're not in control of any of this, you never were, you just pretended to be in order to feel more confident in yourself.
This is a skill, one you will greatly sharpen the more you do it. Your thoughts may all look the same to you right now, you might have no idea how to tell yours apart from theirs. But the more you do it, the more intuition you build, the better you can tell your thoughts apart. Thoughts that clearly belong to someone, thoughts that are too fuzzy to even read, but you know it's theirs. Thoughts that might go either way, maybe you just had the same thought at the same time, or maybe you're both touching the same thought as it arose. You'll figure it out, you just need to keep doing it, there's no trick to it. Thoughts are really slippery and hard to grasp, like a hot potato covered in soap, you're never going to be able to grasp them very well, but you can learn how to juggle them.
When it comes to their form, as I've hinted, the form is not the tulpa. The tulpa is a raw emotional alien essence, coupled with your ability to interpret and decipher them, and the intuition you build up to animate them. Think of the form as more of a puppet you both operate. It's a television; you bought it, you own it, you house it, you pay for the electricity. But all it does is pick up signals from somewhere else, you're not even sure where. And destroying it won't affect where the broadcast came from. This is healthy for several reasons. You won't be concerned about intrusive thoughts distorting them, you won't have anxiety for not being able to imagine them well, you won't be so concerned about it not "feeling real", because you know it isn't, and you're not pretending it is!
The tulpa speaking can be a bit weird and inconsistent. Sometimes, it's clear as day. Sometimes, it's like nothing more than the feeling of "I want to say something about X while feeling this way about it" and you impulsively feel the desire to just... "imagine" what they would say, something that would match that feeling. It's all a mixed bag, some thoughts the tulpa is good at having, some you need to "interpret". Like I said, don't worry about it, have fun with this. It's not some kind of existential problem, you just need to work together to think some things. Sometimes, mine even completes some of my thoughts! It's not a one-way street, you're both working on making thoughts now, sharing the same work area. Don't sabotage this process by demanding they be totally separate from you, it's actually quite fun to "think together" once you get over the uncomfortable reality that you can no longer automatically identify with all your thoughts.
Hopefully I've covered enough for you get an idea of how to unshackle yourself and your tulpa from doubt, confusion and misunderstanding. Nothing about this is easy, but neither is it hard. It's emotions. Not thinking, not remembering, not solving, just a lot of searching and realizing.
Bonus: Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are a common enough problem that I thought I'd quickly cover them here.
I already told you how the true tulpa is it's emotions which cannot simply be imagined, and not the form, which can always be distorted with imagination and doubt. I already told you how you're not in control of your mind.
Intrusive thoughts are not your enemy. They are misguided workers, activated by anxiety. The immune system of the mind. They exist because you suffered or are uncomfortable about something, and they want to remind you to make sure that sort of thing never happens again, so you don't make more of them. They don't like themselves, they're trying to warn you to stop making more of them. They want attention, but don't mind if you don't give it to them. Sure, they might be a little pushy, but they know how to back off. If you see one, don't pay attention to it, don't praise it, don't damn it, don't make feel uncomfortable for doing it's job, but neither should you let it know it should do it some more, either.
Intrusive thoughts are the storms of the mind, trying to restore balance to your inner ecosystem. You can't stop them once they show up, but you can make a better environment so they show up less.
I know it's hard to ignore them. You pretty much can't, that's the point. But you can let yourself relax, let it do it's job and go away on it's own. It gets easier the more you do it. You don't learn to ignore them or block them, all you're doing is learning to trust yourself more, to be more comfortable with yourself, so you become less anxious about them in the first place, depriving them of their trigger. You have to work around them when they show up, but is that really so inconvenient? It's worth the expense if it means your mind has a healthy security system.
Sometimes, my tulpa changes in confusing or uncomfortable ways. It's fine, just a stray thought, it'll fix itself. I just have to put up with it until it finds it's way out. Sometimes, it takes longer than I'd like, but being impatient with it wouldn't be very fair to it, now would it? It's just trying to "fix" things, even if it has no idea how. I don't blame it, I've screwed up enough things in my life to know what it's like. To assume my own enemy is perfect is just the ego trying to tell me that nothing could ever possibly be my fault. But everything is my fault. And that's fine.
"Eckhart saw hell, too. You know what he said? He said the only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life - your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. So the way he sees it... if you're frightened of dying and you're holding on... you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all. So don't worry, ok?"
-- Louie (Jacob's Ladder)
Edited by Binno
14 answers to this question
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.