Avalanche's mindhouse

[Sands]

Can we hear their answer?

 

I guess as long as you don't ignore absolutely everything that's not an actual voice, then they should be able to communicate in some other way if they need to. In case they need to tell you something. So keep that open and shit yeah?

[Avalanche]

I'll still be thinking and that. Whenever I did speak to them it just felt like me thinking to myself, but pretending to be them like parroting, but I tell myself it won't always be like that. But yeah, that day never came.

 

Drama.

 

I won't ask because I already know the answer. Since I already know the answer, then I already know it's me that GIVES the answer anyway. For all I know, it's just me talking to myself with the two of them in a glass box looking out at me, going "why isn't he paying attention to us?"

 

That ends now. Drama.

I'll keep you posted so you can give input, but I need to do this. It's either I stay unhappy with how things are right now, and I try to break it, or I stick with it and just hope that somehow things turn out ok.

[Avalanche]

About 7 hours clocked of white noise. So far hearing wind and s bit of music and murmurs and stuff. So I guess I'm on the right track.

 

I don't expect anything substantial soon, but I hope to see steady, if slow, improvement or change over the next few weeks. If not, I might try pink noise or asking around for advice.

 

I also haven't heard anything out of them since I began, so I guess it was parroting and I've just stopped. That's half the work done, now for the rest.

[Lacquer]

Don't expect that it will take a while; you've got to go about this like sentience, what with people saying that you should assume sentience form the start. Obviously, don't go full gullible, but don't limit yourself either.

[Avalanche]

Don't expect that it will take a while; you've got to go about this like sentience, what with people saying that you should assume sentience form the start. Obviously, don't go full gullible, but don't limit yourself either.

 

i.e. nothing??

[Avalanche]

So I listened last night for 2 and a half hours back to back, and when I took off the headphones I could hear talking and crowd noises like usual but much, much more distinct. I still couldn't make out any words or individual people or anything, but wow. Certainly not tinnitus if it was before.

 

Also heard the usual wind noise as well as a kind of swamp/cricket sound. Think southern swamp at night. I was simply too tired to listen to a full 3 hours, my ears were getting sore and my back was hurting from lying on it for so long.

 

I didn't really pay attention to it either, was playing on my ds the whole time. When I did focus in on the sound, I tried to lower the static volume to get to the hallucinations behind it. I felt like I could almost hear the static getting lower, but I'd say that was just me.

[Avalanche]

Hit 3 solid hours last night of white noise omg aren't I so hardcore

 

But very little came of it. Only a bit of wind hallucinations and a teeny tiny bit of murmurs and such. No good it seems. Like the previous night I wasn't totally focused on the noise, I was mostly playing my DS for those 3 hours.

 

I guess you need to sit and listen, instead of have them on in the background.

As for being able to hear anything without the noises, nada. I haven't heard anything nor am I able to hear anything on a whim. I'm guessing it's not supposed to be controlled, but it hasn't sprung up outside using the white noise, so I guess I'm not there yet.

 

Also had a pretty kickass dream.

[Avalanche]

3 hours during the day and 2 hours at night yesterday. Didn't yield much at all if I'm honest. Bit of a bummer really. But then again I didn't really listen to the white noise, I just had it on while I browsed the internet or zoned out.

 

I did try imagining a voice of my tupper calling my name and trying to get it to sound like it was audible, but it's hard. It all just sounds like my own headvoice coming from inside my head.

 

Not sure whether or not to just listen out for some voices or to keep this up and hope that it becomes more natural and finally happens without my control. I'm told it's supposed to be like having a song stuck in your head, where it just springs out of nowhere, overwrites your thoughts and keeps going. That's what I'm hoping for, but I'm not sure where the "they start controlling it" part comes in.

[Avalanche]

Going for sleep deprivation.

 

A certain farting bird told me that my ability to hallucinate would help my tuppers communicate with me, so in a sleep deprived state this should be easier.

 

I guess. I mean jeeze I dunno what am I supposed to know if I am that's news to me christ get off my back asshole

 

So I'm going to stay awake all night until midday tomorrow. That'll mean 24 hours awake. Of course I'll keep awake after that for as long as I can, that's just a milestone or whatever get off my case.

 

I don't think I'll use the white noise anymore? It's kinda stopped doing anything, maybe I became too used to in in recent times so I should lay off it for a while.

 

Holy fuck I made a lot of typos in this post. Jesus they keep coming. Stop fingers, stop being shit.

 

Yeah.

[Avalanche]

Fuck sleep deprivation. I can't do it. Plus my schedule is changing soon so I won't be able to do it any more anyway. I don't know what to do now.

 

I think I'll just erase both my tulpas and start over, fresh.

 

Yeah.

That'll get the views