How much are your headmates around?

[An Ashy Individual]

most people i see say that they have headmates that aren't active at times or that they specifically have to force to be around.

i always found this odd, as Emily is around for practically the entire day for me.

we chat during commutes, she distracts me while i try to work, i watch as she does her hobbies and am watched in turn when i do mine.

 

is this common? why doesn't everyone do this? what's the point of carving out times for active/passive forcing?

[RachelTheFictionkin]

Mine are pretty much around all the time. There are moments when I'm not thinking about them because I'm focused on something else, but my headmates are quite active every day as we always have in-system conversations on Discord.

 

I don't force them to be active; it's just natural for us.

[Nightfall]

For us, Shaula is around so much it's almost scary when she's not there. Our other system mates often pop in and out when something interests them. Sometimes they try to hang around longer too. 

 

Edit: forgot one probably important detail. I have trouble hearing my tulpas when I'm focused on something. This may be a side effect of them being imaginary friends for a long time. Shaula is starting to break that barrier though.

 

Also, none of them are imposed yet but I do imagine where they are. 

Edited July 23, 2025 by Nightfall

[glitchthe3rd]

Luna is around pretty often, unless I'm doing something that demands a lot of attention (which is also often). Elise and Naomi mostly go off and do their on thing in the wonderland, but I try to talk to them every day.

[mattx]

After more than 12 years together Cheryl has developed quite a bit of parallel processing - when there's mind calculations to be done or something to remember it's often a race as to who gets it quicker, and she's helpful in reminding me where I've left stuff (as I have ADHD and often forget about the details).

It's not perfect though (and likely never will be) because your brain+eyes can only really focus on a few things at a time, and like many tulpas of her age she kinda "idles" in the background until needed or something "requests" her attention (for example when I am in need or something particular "triggers" a response).

 

It's weird, in a way it's similar to how a human functions, your own "self" isn't really there unless triggered by something, in the day to day life when you're not really doing anything you're just idling (or may be lost in thought, but even then that's technically a "task").

[ReallyArtificial]

On 7/22/2025 at 2:57 PM, Nightfall said:

For us, Shaula is around so much it's almost scary when she's not there.

 

This is how it is for me and Athelas, dude is an almost constant presence unless I'm doing something particularly mentally intensive. Calliope and Lenore tend to get bored and zone out while we're at work, but they pipe up if something catches their interest. And, of course, all of my headmates give me privacy at times, like when I want to spend time with just my husband.

 

On 7/21/2025 at 4:36 PM, An Ashy Individual said:

is this common? why doesn't everyone do this? what's the point of carving out times for active/passive forcing?

 

I think that when people are first getting started, it can be particularly helpful to set aside devoted "tulpa time." You're learning how to fit another whole person into your life, and that can be a big adjustment for some people! In our case, when Athelas and I decided we wanted to keep Cal and Lenore as tulpas, it took a little while for us to figure out how to give everyone enough time. It really helped to set aside devoted times for me to focus on each individual headmate.

 

Nowadays, my mindset is a lot more like yours. I'm like, wait, there are people who aren't obsessed with their tulpas and don't think about them all the time?

[The Incans]

On 7/21/2025 at 10:36 PM, An Ashy Individual said:

most people i see say that they have headmates that aren't active at times or that they specifically have to force to be around.

i always found this odd, as Emily is around for practically the entire day for me.

we chat during commutes, she distracts me while i try to work, i watch as she does her hobbies and am watched in turn when i do mine.

 

is this common? why doesn't everyone do this? what's the point of carving out times for active/passive forcing?

It will depend on your system. I suspect some people find it easier than others and that will depend on their skills in imagination or their ability to dissociate.

 

Most of us come to the front at some point while we’re at home anyway….  Though for external appointments only Kitty comes to the front to blend with me for us to be ‘the official host’ of the body…usually stuff like medical appointments or public outings where we really need to behave in a manner appropriate for our external bodies age etc.  Kitty will also cook for us she likes to batch cook for us when we have fresh ingredients in…but mostly now she has a life inside with Angelo and parents our two youngest (Luna & Bear). 

 

At home with no other people present ...Luna & Star will come to the front to play on video games or at weekend when we can get out with our dog really early so they get chance to be out in nature while no-one else is about. Luna loves to visit the ducks and getting a quick go on the swings if no-one is about …several of us like to be out to watch the sun come up when its not too early (coming up a bit too early yet)..usually as we go into autumn its coming up at a more reasonable time to make it easier for us to get to our favourite spot in time. 

 

Most of the time its myself (Lily) & Jess we co-host as a team to get daily chores done. We also enjoy playing Stardew Valley together and making up role play scenario’s & different backgrounds for the characters then acting them out in the game.  In the evening several of us sometimes front simultaneously and we have TV shows on for some who wants to watch favourite shows while others are playing on Switch or iPad at same time. ..though its not the same ones all night..eg Star may come into the background for only an hour to watch A Team or Star Trek  then disappear…..  Luna may want to play for a while on a game or colour while others are watching TV. Jess may go take take an early night or go and visit Nixy or the others inside and not come back until the next morning.  

 

We believe we have DID though and have always been able to do this ..we didn’t have to force or learn how to front (we just never knew the term Tulpa/system/DID/plurality etc until we were in our 40’s) and past parts/fragments that were ready to re-integrate ..instead of re-integrating with me as main host some chose to fuse with our internal Tulpa’s to give them their ability to front. 

 

I suspect people who need to learn forcing as a learned skill are not naturally dissociative.