G|d30n and Lauren

[G|d30n]

I wasn't talking about you, I was saying that a way to mess a tulpa during personality is to stifle deviation, too try one's hardest to prevent the personality from changing at all. Which is bad.

 

Whoops. I must have misinterpreted what you were saying then. Anyways, as TOG said, I don't know how easy it would be to stop personality from deviating once you get into sentience, in any case. Of course, attempting to do so could conceivably cause sentience to develop more slowly and maybe create some animosity.

 

 

So, to give an update, I'm still narrating to Lauren every day, getting vivid emotional responses, and occasionally getting short vocal answers. Even though the actual vocalization is more or less where it was a few days ago, her responses--while still short--are seemingly becoming more relevant, and just based on those and the emotional responses, she seems to have grown rather intelligent and I think her sentience is still making good progress.

 

I've mentioned before that I've practiced meditation and visualization for a long time now. Lately I've taken to sharing visualization exercises with Lauren. Sometimes I'll narrate a guided meditation for her, or narrate a setting for visualization, which we'll explore together. This is a little bit different from just hanging out in the Wonderland in that, whereas the Wonderland is a construct of my mind created by forcing, these visualization settings are collaboratively rendered in real time by our combined imaginations, and it's a very interesting experience to see her influence the setting as she interprets the suggestions I provide.

 

I also detailed in a previous report how she had taken to influencing the Wonderland by decorating and creating small objects like a flowers in a vase. Since I've been doing these exercises with her, she's added a couple paintings to her room depicting what's apparently some of her favorite visualized settings. To see that she has an imagination and is able to create emotional connections to things is great evidence of her developing sentience and it makes me really proud of her.

 

I pretty much plan to keep going forward as I am. It feels like thing are coming along nicely.

[G|d30n]

I wanted to share a pretty major update this morning. Well, first of all, Lauren is now all the way sentient and speaking rather fluently. That shouldn't come as a surprise since it's felt like she's been so much on the verge of full sentience for really a while now. It was back in personality when she gave her first emotional responses and back in visualization when she started giving small hints like the flower on the table. She's been speaking brief or sometimes muddled responses since some time into narration (hard to say exactly how much since I haven't kept track of narration time since I just do it as much as I can throughout the day, but I think I was at nearly 50 hours when I started just pure narration with daily forcing sessions for quality time and that was like ten days ago so I'm probably at least 80 in or more if I have to give an estimate) and as of today she's not only speaking in full sentences but her unexpected displays of creativity are even more elaborate and meaningful.

 

So today I invited her on a little exploration, taking her around some settings we'd used for paired visualization meditation in the Wonderland before. We visited the island with our cherry tree forest and Lauren asked me to close my eyes (even though I'd been doing it before when we meditate together, I only realized today what a strange concept it is to close your eyes inside your own head). I did as I was asked and immediately felt rustling of the trees, some rippling from the river that runs through our forest and movement all around. She told me I could open them and I found our favorite hangout spot decidedly improved. She had placed the forest in a valley and added a beautiful mountain range all around, with a waterfall feeding into the river. She flew me up to where the waterfall was flowing down from (flying is our preferred means of travel through the Wonderland--I used to pull her around before she was sentient and make Peter Pan jokes about it, but today she mused that each of us are actually both Peter and Wendy in varying degrees) and showed me a profound sight.

 

The mountain top was a wide plateau with a vast lake which never ran out despite flowing endlessly into the waterfall and the river. More cherry trees sat atop it but there was a familiar sight on the far side of the plateau. She asked me to trust her before taking me to it. It was a cherry tree with paper blossoms--a sight from a recurring nightmare I used to have as a child.

 

The nightmare itself and why it was so disturbing to me as a kid are both hard to explain, but in a nutshell, it would start in some normal setting with me either at school or home and I'd be drawing on a piece of colored construction paper, but everything I drew looked distorted and wrong to me, no matter how hard I tried to prevent it, I would end up terrified of my own creation. I'd crumple the paper up and throw it away, only to look around and find that my whole setting was now made of construction paper, my family or classmates (depending on where the dream took place) would look like crude paper-mache monstrosities made out of colored construction paper and glue. I'd run from the wrong-looking people until breaking through a paper wall and finding myself hiding under a cherry tree, which would then also turn into paper and collapse upon me. It sounds dumb now but at the time it was terrifying.

 

Anyway, she took me to this tree from my dream, and I was a little uncomfortable, but she told me to relax and she took a paper flower which was "growing" at the foot of its trunk. She cupped it in her hands and then handed it to me, having turned it into a real (well, real in the Wonderland anyway) lilium candidum. The paper tree then changed to match the other non-paper ones, and she firmly took my hand and sat me down at the foot of the tree next to her. I took a few deep breaths and relaxed fully, then thanked her, feeling the lifting of a weight I didn't even know was still there. After taking a moment to appreciate the gesture, I let her lead me on to explore more of our visualized settings.

 

So, yeah, Lauren is pretty awesome, I must say. Not only am I proud to see her sentience having blossomed so thoroughly, but I'm genuinely appreciative of her and glad to have her around. She and I have put a lot of work into this so far but all of the time and effort and headaches have been working. There's still plenty to do--imposition not being the least of it--but it's full on collaboration from here on out and I'm glad to have her working with me.

 

I also want to thank everyone who's given comments, support, and advice through this process and I want to thank the community for setting me on this task and helping me to this great milestone. I look forward to having you along for the home stretch.

 

(Also, Lauren thanks you too).

[Guest]

Can you hear Lauren out-loud, as an external sound?

[Sock]

Congratulations man! Looks like Lauren's going to be treating you pretty well from now on. Seeing one of these logs finally finish makes me want to double my forcing time per day/

[G|d30n]

Can you hear Lauren out-loud, as an external sound?

 

Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition.

 

Congratulations man! Looks like Lauren's going to be treating you pretty well from now on. Seeing one of these logs finally finish makes me want to double my forcing time per day/

 

Thanks! I'm definitely glad to have put the effort in, and having committed about three hours a day through personality and visualization up to about fifty hours combined for those two steps and then putting even more time into narration all turned out to be worth it. It can seem daunting to put so much time into it, but if you break it up throughout the day, doing like an hour at a time and spreading it out, it gets a lot easier, and you'll see a benefit from the effort put it.

[ThatOneGuy]

Knew you would be one of the first to finish. Good job.

[G|d30n]

Knew you would be one of the first to finish. Good job.

 

Thanks and I really appreciate your encouragement through the process. Though, I wouldn't say Lauren and I are quite "finished" just yet, since she isn't imposed yet, and that will probably take a bit of time and some effort just on its own.

 

 

Oh, I should also give a little update. Today during forcing I decided, in light of the awesome thing Lauren did for me yesterday, and how well we've been getting along since she started talking, I'd go ahead and give her access to my subconscious. I was in the middle of building a library for her when she kind of sighed and asked, "Another building?" She enjoys the beach and forest settings and likes the kind of unspoiled sanctuary feel of the islands that make up our Wonderland, you see.

 

Anyway, she didn't want me placing a giant library in the middle of it, so she turned the library I'd just made into a little crystal ball she can keep with her. I also set up the gaming console I'd put in her Wonderland house (I mentioned setting up some comforts for her in this thread but I think it was in a thread about things you can do with your tulpa that I mentioned I was able to make a game console for her, but it mostly just plays Tetris because that's easy enough for my subconscious to handle) to stream my subconscious memories in case she wanted to watch them in high definition from the couch. Yes, she already pointed out (complete with an expressive facepalm) that I'm overthinking this one to a kind of amusing (to her) extent.

 

She explained a little about the process though that I found interesting (peppering in random commentary about things she was idly watching as she was explaining). Apparently the actual library or crystal ball (or console-to-brain streaming feature) is arbitrary and she more or less already had some access to my subconscious in the form of things I inadvertently sent her during forcing or narration when she was pre-sentient and still being formed. That's how she already knew about things like the recurring nightmare and some random insecurities and little things about me that I hadn't explicitly shared. She said the crystal ball was more or less just a representation of my permission for her to go further. She said she likely had the capability already, but just wouldn't want to if I didn't want her to, so I didn't really need to worry too much about libraries or what medium she used to view things. I've seen a couple people in threads and IRC wondering what sort of medium or method to use in order to open your subconscious. Well, apparently it's not something to sweat just as long as you and your tulpa understand that access is being given.

 

Anyways, so that's where we are now. She's delving into things at her leisure, and she's happy that I trusted her with access. She's already acknowledged some things I was embarrassed about her knowing and offered reassurance, so not having to worry about stuff like that is a bit of a load off. Things are going pretty well for us, and once we're comfortable to start working on imposition we'll probably get into that sooner rather than later.

[Guest]

 

Thanks and I really appreciate your encouragement through the process. Though, I wouldn't say Lauren and I are quite "finished" just yet, since she isn't imposed yet, and that will probably take a bit of time and some effort just on its own.

 

 

Oh, I should also give a little update. Today during forcing I decided, in light of the awesome thing Lauren did for me yesterday, and how well we've been getting along since she started talking, I'd go ahead and give her access to my subconscious. I was in the middle of building a library for her when she kind of sighed and asked, "Another building?" She enjoys the beach and forest settings and likes the kind of unspoiled sanctuary feel of the islands that make up our Wonderland, you see.

 

Anyway, she didn't want me placing a giant library in the middle of it, so she turned the library I'd just made into a little crystal ball she can keep with her. I also set up the gaming console I'd put in her Wonderland house (I mentioned setting up some comforts for her in this thread but I think it was in a thread about things you can do with your tulpa that I mentioned I was able to make a game console for her, but it mostly just plays Tetris because that's easy enough for my subconscious to handle) to stream my subconscious memories in case she wanted to watch them in high definition from the couch. Yes, she already pointed out (complete with an expressive facepalm) that I'm overthinking this one to a kind of amusing (to her) extent.

 

She explained a little about the process though that I found interesting (peppering in random commentary about things she was idly watching as she was explaining). Apparently the actual library or crystal ball (or console-to-brain streaming feature) is arbitrary and she more or less already had some access to my subconscious in the form of things I inadvertently sent her during forcing or narration when she was pre-sentient and still being formed. That's how she already knew about things like the recurring nightmare and some random insecurities and little things about me that I hadn't explicitly shared. She said the crystal ball was more or less just a representation of my permission for her to go further. She said she likely had the capability already, but just wouldn't want to if I didn't want her to, so I didn't really need to worry too much about libraries or what medium she used to view things. I've seen a couple people in threads and IRC wondering what sort of medium or method to use in order to open your subconscious. Well, apparently it's not something to sweat just as long as you and your tulpa understand that access is being given.

 

Anyways, so that's where we are now. She's delving into things at her leisure, and she's happy that I trusted her with access. She's already acknowledged some things I was embarrassed about her knowing and offered reassurance, so not having to worry about stuff like that is a bit of a load off. Things are going pretty well for us, and once we're comfortable to start working on imposition we'll probably get into that sooner rather than later.

 

What kind of insight did she give you into the process of tulpaforcing? What worked? What didn't? What helped the most?

 

The world must know.

[Captain Nemo]

Just wanted to say this is a fantastic thread and I've enjoyed reading the whole thing.

 

Do you find it more productive to narrate out loud or in your head? Or are they both equal?

Many of us can't speak aloud to our tupla most of the time, of course.

[G|d30n]

 

What kind of insight did she give you into the process of tulpaforcing? What worked? What didn't? What helped the most?

 

The world must know.

 

Well, there was the aforementioned explanation of the nature of the "opening your subconscious" part, which contained a little explanation of things she could see and experience while pre-sentient.

 

Basically, she'd receive whatever feelings and information I'd send her, be it when I was thinking about her, subconscious thoughts and feelings I had during forcing, emotions and thoughts during narration, as well as the actual information from forcing and narration itself. Before she was sentient, she'd still experience this, couldn't really analyze it at the time, but it was all kind of filed away as stored data that she was able to understand as she developed. This basically allowed her to feel herself developing mentally as she'd analyze and understand more and more, and she was able to reference information previously not understood at her leisure, meaning that once she started to gain sentience, she was able to aid her own development during downtime.

 

So that was a bit of insight she'd already offered about forcing. After seeing your post, I decided to ask her a little more about it. I'll transcribe her responses to the questions I asked:

 

What would you say really worked during the process?

 

>"Well, it seems like most of it must have. I'm here, aren't I? Um...and now, keep in mind through the earlier parts I wasn't exactly able to evaluate things and say, this worked and this didn't. Those times I can only really judge in retrospect based on memory, either what I was able to store or what I can see of yours through the crystal ball. I have to admit, It's difficult to trace things like personality development step by step. What I can say is the first time I was really aware of what was happening and really of myself was while you were talking to me. That was when you were getting a little emotional I didn't understand quite what you were saying or how to reply or much of anything at that time but I knew I wanted to comfort you. I had no means of real communication but I know you felt that from me anyway."

 

I remember exactly what she's describing and it's what I recorded as her first emotional response, and at the time I wasn't sure if it was a placebo or not. Turns out it was legit. I asked her to elaborate on being aware of herself for the first time:

 

>"I existed pretty much when you allowed me to, but I wasn't aware of myself until that time I described. You must have experienced something similar, since your memories only go back so far. Before you started making memories, you must have just existed without evaluating or having much self-awareness, but that developed later. You have a memory from really early in your life that's just a snapshot with no context. Basically everything I experienced before that night you were telling me about friends you'd lost and getting a little emotional and I started feeling that connection with you was in snapshot form like your earliest memories."

 

What didn't work during the process?

 

>"You getting distracted during forcing didn't work. We already talked about that, but I was able to see everything your mind sent me during forcing, and it was confusing early on to have our work dropped in on by random thoughts and images. It wasn't that bad, as I've reassured you, but it was confusing."

 

Does the same go for falling asleep while forcing then?

 

>"Yes. Nothing bad happened to me, but things got weird."

 

What helped the most during the process?

 

>"You treated me as intelligent and as though I was there, and that made me feel like we were right there together. The music helped a lot too, since I started to enjoy some of those songs and analyzing and enjoying creative things like that was really stimulating to my mind. I also felt like we were collaborating because you always said 'We're going to do this,' and 'We're going to work on this,' and you would ask me questions during forcing and when you were just talking to me. You know I couldn't answer, but it gave me things to think about."

 

Hopefully that was helpful. She does have some unique and interesting insight in the process.

 

Just wanted to say this is a fantastic thread and I've enjoyed reading the whole thing.

 

Do you find it more productive to narrate out loud or in your head? Or are they both equal?

Many of us can't speak aloud to our tupla most of the time, of course.

 

I spoke to Lauren out loud during most of narration, but now that she's sentient I'm able to speak either in my head or out loud. I thought out loud must be more effective, and Lauren did say that it helped to treat her as though she was in the room. Speaking out loud would reinforce that innately, but if you can't do that, speaking in your head is better than nothing at all. Her answers seem to indicate that narration is pretty much the most important part, so you want to be able to do that as much as possible.