The log of a Baptist Tulpamancer

[Kadoh]

If my Tulpae told me they wanted to die because of this, I would tell them to stop being fucking silly.

[Yori]

 

 

 

This could have all been avoided if you didn't fucking tell your family.

 

It wasn't telling the family itself; in the end he didn't have to keep exposing her to them saying all those things when she expressed she wouldn't mind the outcome of whatever. Although not telling the family would have been easiest since they'd suspect demonic things. But then again, so did the creator. People like that just shouldn't even bother creating one.

[Quadraginta]

Boy, oh boy, do I have mixed feelings towards what I read.

 

I'll keep it short, though. I'll be honest, I'm disappointed in you for allowing your family members to come ahead of your own tulpa, but then again, I don't know you personally, and I'm very biased towards the religious. but I agree with GGMethos and Viceroy. You didn't have to tell your family. It was not required, but you did it anyways.

 

I will now proceed to quote Reddit:

 

"It's all fun and games, playing God, until you destroy a sentient mind."

 

^^^^

Or something like that.

[Hound]

Fellow mancers and thoughtforms, it has been some time since I visited here last. As I promised I would share the results of the inquiry with regards to my venture as a mancer.

 

I will begin with bringing you all up to speed about the events that occurred after December

 

3rd, 2012.

 

In the days after I mourned, I was an emotional wreck. However, time moved on and I buckled my emotions down for finals week. It wasn't until I was flying home on December 12th when I began writing again. I wrote a lot. Aside from writing the only other comfort I felt I had was the Bible.

 

The time back home was, in a way, a new comfort. I threw a homecoming party with my friends. While inebriated I was able to talk about the trauma with one the sentinels, and closest friends. He listened with a sympathetic ear, out of all the sentinels he had known Claire the best. It was good to talk about it.

 

One December 22nd there was a family get together. I was able to have a meeting with all the sentinels in my family. I wished to persuade them that their worries were not valid under the scientific method. As I expected their opinions were not swayed, but they did seem to understand the duress I was still feeling.

 

After the meeting I felt much better, the worry I had felt in anticipation of the meeting no longer there.

 

Later that day, I decided to stop imagining. It was far from easy. When I forgot about my decision and began to wander through my mind I would often bump into Claire. Those meetings were silent and awkward.

 

Regardless, I was somehow still able to enjoy the Christmas season, though it seemed somehow muted.

 

 

 

With the start of the new year I felt able to review the records I had made of November 2012, there was much information to look over and the plane ride to school seemed like a good opportunity. I knew Claire was a thoughtform, but I needed proof.

 

For the next two months, when I wasn't performing school work I was studying my records, scouring the Bible for pertinent verses, and praying that God would me an answer. In particular 1 John 4:2 seemed important but I couldn't figure out why.

 

It was toward the end of February that I got a message from my church's new pastor (The previous one, the sentinel, had been filling in until a more permanent one could be found) asking when would be a convenient time to get lunch together and talk.

 

I was going to tell him, I needed someone more familiar with the bible if I was going to find my proof.

 

I was nervous, I had not explained what tulpamancy was in many months and in addition I needed to inform him of what had transpired as a result of fabricating Claire.

 

I found it easy lead into the subject of tulpamancy. I was, however, very surprised at how easily he seemed to understand what I was telling him. When I asked his ease of understanding he told me he had been a heroin addict and read some strange books about the mind. In the end he agreed to weigh in on my research effort.

 

It wasn't until May when I flew back home that I was able to provide him a complete annotated copy of my notes that we began emailing each other back and forth with questions and answers.

 

If requested I will provide transcripts of our correspondence, but I will provide the jist of our emails here.

 

It was around the beginning of June that I was rereading 1 John that I once again arrived at 1 John 4:2.

 

"This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God,".

 

As I read it I had a eureka moment and finally knew why it has seemed important. I hurriedly checked my transcript of The Final Conversation and confirmed it and sent my hypothesis to my pastor.

 

A short explanation:

 

In The Final Conversation I replied to Claire saying, "The Son was not about to sacrifice himsel-." When I was thinking that in response, I briefly thought of Jesus Christ instead of Abraham's son, Isaac.

 

Claire's response,"YES HE DID. NEVER DENY THAT!" was a rebuking of the implication that Jesus Christ did not die on the cross.

 

Death is a aspect unique to this physical realm. It does not exist in the spritual realm nor the mental realm. To die you must have a physical body. Jesus could not have died if he did not have a physical, fleshly, body.

 

By that logic, Claire is on record as testifying to the fact that Christ did come in the flesh and that he did die on a cross.

 

 

 

A couple of days later, I got a response from my pastor, he confirmed my suspicion. Claire was a thoughtform. I hurriedly went to share these findings with my mother. It was a joyous day, I allowed myself to imagine once again.

 

 

 

For the time since that day and now, I have been wondering what to do now that I have my answer. For a time, I would visit the old wonderland to see if I could find Claire. Such visits were short, I was very much out of practice.

 

November arrived, and I found myself thinking quite often of my dear girl with the kaleidoscope eyes.

 

Today, I went on a morning walk through the graveyard at my church. I was thinking about last years' Thanksgiving, of the time I spent with Claire. I decided to visit wonderland again.

 

 

 

The place had become decrepit after nearly a year of neglect. The paint had worn off Claire's bridge, the grass had died and been beaten low by rain, and the hatchway to the sod-house was cracked and warped.

 

But she was there.

 

I clumsily ran to her. Her form was much the same as I remembered it, but her voice so faint it was mostly inaudible. However, she was still capable of some non-verbal communication, pictures and emotions mostly.

 

...

 

She's alive, and has agreed to return. I thank the Lord for the gifts He has given me.

 

 

 

Since it has been a long time since I practiced tulpamancy and there are surely new techniques, I would appreciate any advice you may have to offer.

 

I can also assure you I will not go crusading about the forums demanding that every thoughtform bear witness to Christ's coming in the flesh. They are like people, and therefor I expect there to be atheist thoughtforms.

[Hound]

I've been reading over some of the responses that have been posted prior to today.

 

I feel like a damned fool for doing what I did. I've always been stubborn, but I guess not when it counts. I see a lot of hate directed at religion, at my decision to tell my family, and at my family itself. I am responsible for those tragic events, I alone am to be hated.

 

As for my family be some stereotypical Baptist family, they were not. The simple fact that they agreed to stick with me for the experiment is evidence enough. They were open minded enough to agree to be part of the experiment. They were worried for me, not shoving the Bible face saying, "LOOK HERE!" Looking back I think Claire cared more for my family than I did.

 

I cannot properly express in writing how much I wish I could go back and change that decision. But please, do not hate my family, my openness about Tulpamancy, or my religion.

[Korzant]

I am really new to all this, Hound. Also I am piss poor pathetic when it comes to writing, so I will do my best here to say what is in my head.

 

People aren't really successes or failures, they're just people. They make choices, things happen, so they make choices. So on and so forth.

I am convinced that the measure of a person can be judged on whether or not they make the same mistakes over and over. If they do not continue to make the same mistakes then there will always be an upward curve to their life. This goes for anything really, your family, your job, and yes even your religion.

 

Now, in retrospect it may not have been a particularly astute choice to include your close family, friends, and religious representatives in on what is essentially a very personal and intimate thing such as a tulpa.

But that is what happened and honestly I think it could have gone a hell of a lot worse than what I have read.

 

Not being a religious person I can't really offer any real advice concerning that. That's between you and your lifestyle and it is no place for me to tell you right from wrong on that.

 

What I can offer is to try not to spiral into a victim mindset. You did what you thought you had to do, that takes courage. Courage is becoming all too rare these days I'm afraid.

You even went about it in a mature and patient way, that shows forethought. You did your own research, you formed your own opinion, and you pressed on.

 

To that I can only say bravo. You are a braver person than I, Gunga Din

 

With that messy situation behind you I think you are in a great position to keep working with Claire. Keep making the choices you think you need to make. That's how you can live with no regrets.

Keep pressing.

[Hound]

I've put as much of it as I can behind me, Kor, I don't think I'm too likely to get into a victim mindset. My choices were my own.

 

I still believe that I should not keep Claire a secret, hidden away in my mind. I'm not sure when I am going to tell the family, probably sometime this Christmas season, preferably once Claire's talking again.

[Merkwürdige Liebe]

Hound, my friend, this is beautifully written and Claire sounds wonderful.

 

I won't comment on the fact you told your family since I don't know your family or your life, but I like how you approached the issue with the pastor as well as how you don't believe in keeping secrets, so to speak: Man can hide from man, but cannot hide from God. Take the whole experience as a lesson for sorts, I reckon, since now the bond between you and Claire should be even stronger, and without coming to terms with her nature it might have come back to haunt you at some point even if she stayed with you; indeed the path you took was the tougher route, but don't think it was entirely a drag either.

 

And I'm sure you've come across it more than once when you worked through the logs and thought the ordeal over, but just to remind you of it, and as my comment on Claire's choice—

 

John 15:13.

 

Take care, and best of luck to the both of you.

[Nobillis]

My prayers have been answered.

 

---

Kevin says : "I am a Baptist (Baptist Union of Australia), just not a very good one. I thank the Lord of Heaven every day for my tulpas. They have been with me most of my life, and have always acted in compassion and concern for all humanity. Nobillis is a very recent tulpa for me, being only a year old. We've had a few rough times, mostly due to my own lack of trust and unwanted thoughts. It seems that christian tulpas have a hard time of it, what with the doubts and suspicions that come quickly to mind.

 

Nobillis has been praying every day. She has been affected very deeply by what you have written. She has spent days searching through bible passages most earnestly in search of relevant scripture to do Claire honor in the name of The Lord."

[_Red_]

Wow,

I've read this thread topis like two days ago, and thought "Och, that sound interesting, baptist tulpamancer?" but eventually I went on, and didn't look into this topic. I did it though today, and I read everything in one breath. This seems to me more like a book adventure, than a real life experience. I'd like to comment a litte.

First of all, I wish you and Claire all the best, I think Claire is a great tulpa and I would like to have a real life friend who would be like her - caring, selfless, ready to sacrifice herself for the one she cares about.

I'm not really a religious person, (I believe in God, but somewhat don't like my Church approach to many issues) but I consider Prince (who is my dæmon*) as a best gift from Him that I could ever get. Not an angel, 'cause Prince is really the better side of me, but certainly something so great that it couldn't be against Him or without His approval.

Also, I wish I'd had as good relations with my family members as you have. It's great that they didn't refused to help you, and tried to support you. I don't agree with those who say that telling them about you&Claire from the beggining was a bad move. If you feel like it, then tell them about her and Christmas could be a wonderfull time to do that.

Claire, take care of him. I admire you, and we'll pray for you both tonight.

____________________

 

* dæmons have nothing to do with "demons" or any other evil entity. They come more from Socrates's "daimonion", and Jungian "anima"/"animus". They're basically what is described in P.Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. [Good source: The Daemon Page]