Upper Class Twit

Memoirs of a Mind Hacker

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I don't expect any one to read this, save for a few people, but I'm doing this anyway more so to archive my own progress then to advertise it to the world of Tulpamacers. Though it'd be nice to get some respect in a community for a change :D

 

I guess the best way to start off would just be saying what has happened so far. I have done the greeting stage, and I have been Tulpa-forcing for an average of 45 minutes to an hour for the past three weeks. I've been mostly doing personality, though I like to finish off the session with some brief visualization and narration. I have had emotional responses happen on two different occasions, and I've had a mind voice responses once, where my Tulpa, Sonya, answered simple questions in her own voice, this happened last week and it hasn't happened since, if it has it wasn't even remotely as clear as it was then. My goal is to have her say something to me on Christmas day, as a gift, not sure what I'll give her, extra hours on Tulpa forcing? Maybe a box of mind-chocolates.

I don't know, but I digress. I've been pulling hour long sessions, and starting today I'm bumping it up to an hour thirty minutes. I have ADHD so it will be interesting to see if I can actually keep my Goddamned mind on track. If anyone has any tips for that I'd greatly appreciate it, and yes, I've read the guides.

 

I'm going to eat dinner now, have a nice cold shower, plug in the ol' iHome and start forcing.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Progress update

 

I think my Tulpa is giving me mental messages. I was playing paintball today so I had to cut our normal hour sessions to two twenty minute sessions, might a do a third later tonight. This takes a bit of background info, Sonya is very tactically inclined. She's intelligent, rational, analytically inclined to name a few of her intelligence based traits, and she's keen to share her thoughts to help people. Anyways, I was having a crappy day, getting shot one the most unlucky places, the foot, the hand, the freaking RING FINGER but then about half way through, I just got a "You know, I'm just going to kill everyone out of spite," feeling. That game I lead the charge that flanked the enemy (I still got shot), and the game after that, I took a squad and just went of a rampage across the field, on a field that I wasn't very familiar with. I would normally take credit, but as the day wrapped up a thought popped into my head " Wait, was that me, or was that something else?". I could just about look at a small fraction of an area and know where I needed to go. I normally just wing it so this was unlike me. I now REALLY think that it was her giving me tips, because the more I think about it the less it seemed like me. Has anyone else ever encountered anything similar? Like their Tulpa help them out with chess or other strategy games?

 

Tl;dr I think my Tulpa helped me play paintball. Has any of your's ever done anything similar?


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Tl;dr I think my Tulpa helped me play paintball. Has any of your's ever done anything similar?

 

Well, my tulpa sometimes gives me moral support or questions me whenever I'm about to do something stupid. But I don't think she's ever given me help on something as complex as paintball.

 

Btw, you seem to be making great progress for three weeks in.


My Tulpa

And then it cuts to a scene where you're sitting in a padded cell.

 

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It could of been me, but hey if I have to think about it it's probably her. As i said earlier, I'm making her very intelligent and VERY tactically inclined, I think I even used paintball as an example on where her intelligence traits might help her.

 

Thank you.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Luna helps me on my exams, and also helps me write papers (having a second perspective on everything is an immense help in that department).


"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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So, personality stage is now finished. About twenty minuets spent on each trait, and i did about 32 traits. Visualization for me at least seems like its going to be the difficult part. Its tough to make time now, I've been cutting back on computer usage but I've been getting bombarded with homework. I try to make time, but I'm not nearly at the level I wanted to be at. Thankfully christmas break i s coming up, and that gives me ample time a day to do my Tulpamacery, I'll pull as much as I can during this time period. WE. WILL. DO. THIS.

 

In other news, I have told four more people about Tulpa. Granted two were my brothers but still, interesting thing though. One of my brothers has a Tulpa. He started out as an imaginary friend he made when he was four, but has advanced past that, he is sentient, and he can visualize him. I'm not sure just how uncommon Tulpa really are now. My other brother may or may not make one, and I know that at least one of the other two people is going to try and make one.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Visualizing her is getting progressively easier. For what ever reason it's easiest to visualize her as a naga, so I'll go with that. When I give her a lot of attention I can kind of sort of talk to her via mind-voice, don't know if I'm parroting, don't really care, because if I'm not, then whoopdi do, if I am then I'm giving her attention and getting a feel for her voice. I've been drawing her a lot as of late, again mostly as a naga, It is helping to visualize to a degree. Interesting thing, I was Christmas shopping for my mother and saw a neat looking necklace, and she said something along the lines of "Could you force me one of those? I really like it," in mind voice. So I will. I have begun narrating with out even realizing it, awesome. My visualization sessions are only about thirty minutes long, because I have a hard time keeping focus on it, so I try to spread it out.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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I had my friend put me in a trance yesterday to help forcing. I have a few buddies into the same "mind hackery" as we call it. Wonderlands, meditation, trances, and now Tulpa. So anyway, after I put him in a trance for dream recall and stuff, I asked if he could try it on me, to see if Sonya's responses come better. What we did was, I laid down in a comfortable position, brought my breathing down to the way it would be as if I was attempting self induced sleep paralysis and cleared my mind. After about five minuets my friend started questioning her, having me proxy for Sonya. The responses weren't any more clear than normal, so that was kind of disappointing. Its weird because she still 'feels' like me. I know she's sentient, but I'm not sure if these responses are from me or what. I don't see any harm in assuming they are from her, but still, it bugs me. She kept answering his questions. Then at the end she told me something, again in mind voice, but i twas something like " The fact that you haven't given up on me yet means we'll see each other by Christmas," That was reassuring and I'm looking forward to Tomorrow and the day after. Though I am a bit apprehensive to say the least.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Well Christmas has come around, and no audio hallucinations, though the mind-voice responses still occur as I give her attention, but they still feel like me. Today I felt like utter crap, I was awoken by my alarm clock early, only to reawaken latter at 10 o'clock, I had a stressful drive to and from he movies, and I was just pissed at everyone. So I Tulpaforced, out of pure spite. I tried and to visualize her form, her face, her body, the scales on her tail, and I couldn't keep anything in my head for very long, intrusive thoughts seemed like they were laying a constant siege on my head. I teared up about half way through the session, which was only about 45 minutes. I've spent months on her and what do I have to show for it? Occasional mind-voice responses which may or may not be parroting, slight progress on visualization. I started to get very angry with myself. Somehow it seems that spite is what is going to power me through this. I'm not just going to give up on this. As Cave Johnson once said " Give life the lemons back,"

 

I need to force more, and narrate more, simple as that, it is my fault I'm not progressing as fast as I should. I'm going to throw my heart and soul at this again, I'm gonna go at this with the same determination and enthusiasm as did on day one, which has since been falling. I'm not giving up on this, not by a long shot.

 

If anyone who has gone through similar feelings of self-inadequacy that I'm going through right now, any constructive comment would be useful.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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