She's just... Gone

[_sapphirerose_]

I started forcing at the end of June 2013. It was going great until the middle of August that year. My tulpa kinda, disappeared, like, I couldn't see her or here her. My boyfriend told me they all do that. They disappear and then come back. Well mine never came back. It's already March 2014 and she's still hardly here. I try to force her but it's as weak as it was at the beginning when I first started to force her. She doesn't talk, or do anything by herself. I can barely see her. It takes so much effort to even remember she's there and that I need to really imagine it. I stopped active forcing because weird shit always happens when I do that and I can't control it. Maybe when she can control things in my mind by herself, I'll go back to that. But for now, she's not here and I don't know why. She used to so close and she was seeming more real and suddenly, she vanished. And I don't know why. I can't bring her back to the state she used to be in. Does anyone know what happened?

[Linkzelda]

It's probably because you have a sense of fear of losing control when active forcing. When I did active forcing last year, to override any doubts, I just had to keep doing repetitive tasks to build onto visual and other sensory skills. From my experience, the fear absolves when you've committed some time to militant active forcing where things aren't going to be chaotic as long as you don't fixate too much on worrying that the probability is there.

 

To me, if someone wants to see something consistent, they'll have to be accustomed to the absurdities, spontaneity, and the chaos that may become prevalent before making the breakthroughs. It could also help to see the randomness in a difference perspective; they all have the potential to divert into something more productive for you in your forcing sessions, so it's really up to your creativity to know that negative things in active forcing you feel you'll lose control over are merely transient.

 

Once you overcome that fear, and know things are temporary, you may find yourself being able to get back into a routine of forcing in general. I've had scenarios in narration and visualization where I worried if Eva or Ada would be eaten by some monster, or them trying to kill each other, but it's something that doesn't become prevalent as much. And it's something that shouldn't really be taken seriously all the time if you see your tulpa doing something abnormal.

[_sapphirerose_]

Sometimes when I active force my mind wanders and I just can't get it back on track. I try to fix it but I can't control it. My tulpa just sits there acting like everything's normal, I don't know why.

[Linkzelda]

Maybe she's just trying to maintain herself without you having to worry if her form alters because of the difficulty with sustaining focus. If she just sits there acting like everything's normal, at least she is there despite of the mind wandering that occurs occasionally. You just need to gradually pick up on concentration, and maybe the realism before was hectic (hence the decrease in visualization and concentration), but it may pick up again.