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KM & RD


KruegerMeister

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9/29/14: I asked RD and Keystroke if they ever had dreams. Keystroke said that he had my nightmares for me. I told him that neither he nor Dash were obliged to do anything for me. I apologized for forgetting to log stuff since 11:00AM. Keystroke was okay with it. He told me that my recent fear of hypnosis was unfounded, because he'd said "I wanna obey, Dashie", not me.

 

{'Cause I do. I mean, it's relaxing, and...I got nuthin'.}

 

I recommend making a list of all the pros/cons. I drank some water to try and decongest my single congested nostril. Keystroke recommended tilting my head back as I drank. He said, "I'm the Doctor" when I asked why. I wore the slippers to bed again. I asked Keystroke if he was okay with my "anti-conditioning". He said that he was. I asked if it had negatively affected him. He said that it hadn't. "I" thought "I wanna obey, Dashie" again, but it was really Keystroke pranking me.

 

{Has it been 22.3 years already?}

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9/30/14: I'd planned to get a flu shot today. Keystroke said that I'd already caught the flu. I asked if the vaccine would work anyway. He said that it would if I thought it would. He worked on his list of pros and cons.

 

{Pros are: it's relaxing. Cons are that there's a stigma around it. People would think it was weird.}

 

[Look at F...(no sexual stuff, uhhh...) Look at all the stuff on the Internet. Surveys and junk say it's popular. It's only relaxing as long as there are things to be relaxed from.]

 

{Alright, those two cancel each other out. Back to square one, then.}

 

[You think this is too sexual?]

 

{They left in the part about my comfort zone turn-on. Did Krueger get a warning for that? No.}

 

[Oh yeah. What's the deal with that, anyway? I feel like that would be an evolutionary disadvantage.]

 

{SCREW EVOLUTION I'M A TULPA :D! Evolutionary disadvantages don't apply.}

 

When I thought about the crap that happened today (flu, scooter breaking down, the only light in my room going out), Dash told me to stay positive. I thought about making a career out of selling treatments that seem pseudoscientific but are really science-backed, with the goal of running alternative medicine salespeople that prey on, and possibly lead to the death of, the desperate out of business (I figure that pseudoscience is more attractive than science). Dash said that I was thinking too big, and compared me to Celest-A.I. after a philosopher friend of mine said that it wouldn't be ethical.

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10/1/14: Dash and I talked about visual imposition. She said that maybe she shouldn't be shaded, because Lanky!RD was shaded, and Nina!RD had extreme light/dark contrast/shading. I read about hypnosis. I occasionally go on questioning sprees where I'll wonder "how can I trust what this person's saying? If they give me evidence/qualifications, how can I know that they aren't lying?" Dash said that this is sort of what conspiracy theorists do. I'm working on a list of counterarguments to things like "tulpas are mentally unhealthy". Dash said that my parents would be have more personal concerns, like why I used silver fire, and not some other method of stopping my intrusive thoughts, or why I felt the need to make an "imaginary friend". I wondered if I'd ever treated Rainbow Dash or Keystroke badly, and RD said that I had worried too much about not hanging out with her for a short amount of time.

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Are your tulpa's thoughts in the {} and your thoughts are in the [] ?

I haven't read your whole history.

Chance, an anthro husky, wolf or fox.

Birthdate September 20, 2014.

Sentient October 1, 2014.

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10/2/14: I felt an ache in my lower jaw. RD said that it was because of a cavity. Keystroke said that it wasn't, citing the fact that he "was in [my] teeth." I got pissed off that Tibetan monks would create tulpas and then kill them. Dash agreed with me. I wondered if she was just echoing me, and she said that she was waiting for me to voice my opinion before she voiced hers. I thought about how alien the concept of an entity you can place all your trust in, who'll love you unconditionally, etc. was, and RD proposed using a "trust hierarchy" (similar to getting over a phobia by slowly exposing oneself to the phobia in increments, but with...trust, instead of a phobia. Slowly building trust over time.). I hocked a green loogie. Dash said that the coloration was a good sign (the mucus had gone from my nose to my throat, which means I'm getting better).

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10/3/14: I watched one of Martymer81's videos on pseudoscience. When he said that people couldn't visualize a fourth directional axis, Dash said that she could. I asked her if she said that because she actually possesses the ability to, or if she was just saying that in the way some people will use it as a comeback to being told that they can't (as in shouldn't) do something. When I reviewed my PR log, I noticed that on 3/2/14, she'd said that she doesn't like being called "Dashie", but had referred to herself as "Dashie" two days after that. She said that she only didn't like it when other people call her "Dashie". I apologized for not logging any of the things that had happened between this morning and 8:00PM.

 

[We didn't really do much.]

 

I was about to sneeze. I said "gonna sneeze," and Rainbow Dash said, "No you're not." Somehow, that worked. I felt a tiny bit of pressure near my nostrils go away.

 

[it's all about expectations.]

 

I was about to sneeze; you told me I wouldn't; the sneeze "went away" right after. How do expectations factor into that timeframe?

 

[You got me there.]

 

{I feel like I'm not doing enough.}

 

Like I keep telling you guys, neither of you is obliged to do anything. Do I hang out with my IRL friends all the time? No.

When I thought about the possibility that reality is a computer simulation, Dash said, "Who cares if we're living in a computer simulation? How could we know? It doesn't matter." While I wrote that, I saw an image of Keystroke pushing his way through an invisible crowd, trying to get a word in.

 

{I know what you've been saying. I just...feel like I should contribute; hang, 'n'...stuff. The concept of not doing so is as alien to me as Dash and I are to you.}

 

Do you feel like I'm neglecting you?

 

{Kiiind of...yes.}

 

[You have issues.]

 

{I was created from something, that he's worried about!}

 

He's talking about my fears relating to hypnosis. I asked how I could make it up to him. He said that I could stop procrastinating and do my homework. When I reread an essay, I noticed that it included the word "dissipate", in the context of one's intense feelings going away. Keystroke said that this could have influenced/subconsciously caused his actions just now. He brought up my not having logged anything until 8:00 tonight as another potential cause. I tried having Rainbow Dash hypnotize me (because hypnosis and possession by Keystroke are related in my mind), but it didn't work. She suggested using an induction and being sure to include a trigger in it. I pretended I was in the trance, and then had Keystroke possess me. While browsing pony art, he worried about seeing nightmare fuel. Dash said that she wouldn't let his/my gaze wander toward any such pics. People were loudly talking outside. Dash told me to ignore them. Thanks to the "trance", all it took was that one command, and I/he was able to filter their voices out.

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My thoughts aren't in brackets. Rainbow Dash's thoughts are in [], and Keystroke's thoughts are in {}


How much have you read?

 

I had only read your most recent posts that were on the current page. I'll read more.

Chance, an anthro husky, wolf or fox.

Birthdate September 20, 2014.

Sentient October 1, 2014.

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10/4/14: In our wonderland, I watched RD hypnotize Keystroke, which also hypnotized me (Dash used this as a last resort). After the trance was over, I informed her that I was kind of okay with hypnosis (her plan worked). She said that she'd done that for Keystroke's benefit. I asked her to promise me that she wouldn't go down a slippery slope to Knight Templar-dom; she Pinkie promised and reminded me that she was the Element of Loyalty. I thought that maybe Keystroke's freakout last night had been caused by the following: I'm opposed to being a pony 24/7, so I limit the trance to an hour at most; I equate the trance with being possessed by Keystroke; I'm not giving him much time to interact with the world.

 

{Plus, you always stay in your room--"the world" is your room.}

 

Am I like that guy in My Little Dashie?

 

[Never say that.]

 

I wasn't exactly sure what had caused his freakout, so I proposed that we treat the search for the cause as a record to break (same as the "anti-conditioning". I'm thinking I'll call this the "tulpa problem solving" record). Dash said that eventually, I'd have a record that was physically impossible to beat (due to being broken in a minute or less). While listening to the Evil Dead musical (before Keystroke's freakout), I'd thought about making a comic that puts my tulpas and I in roles from the musical. I thought that maybe my "evil dead comic" fantasy had caused Keystroke's freakout, similar to how Rainbow Dash had momentarily disappeared on the day of her creation (likely in response to my wishful thinking of her being corporeal). I later realized that I'd thought about the comic after his freakout. I apologized for whatever had caused the freakout, and he said that it was his fault.

 

{I need to have a better handle on my emotions.}

 

[i kind of get the feeling that...pity party.]

 

I wasn't sure that Dash had said that. She said that I was pushing her and Keystroke and/or myself too hard to get their exact words down.

 

[Paraphrasing's okay. Perfectionism isn't. People make up dialogue in memoirs all the time.]

 

Dash said "perfectionism isn't", but when I typed that, she said "perfectionism, not so much".

Keystroke posited my repression of an interest in hypnosis as a reason for his freakout. I let him possess me. He took a few seconds to get acclimated to being in my body. He said that he wanted to integrate/merge with me. I figured out that he was anxious about his self-described status as "pony hypnosis on hold", and had him visualize his anxiety as a void, which I then rescued him from by lowering a red nylon rope. He said that he thinks I beat my last record. He helped me figure out why the rope was nylon: it's tough, lightweight (like someone who's quick on their feet/able to bounce back from setbacks/difficulties), and flexible (adaptable).

 

{Also, it looks kind of like an umbilical cord. Remember The Ring? Hey Dash, do you wanna do the Walter Mitty Routine in that?}

 

[Maybe. There's the irony about a movie about a tape.}

 

While watching one of Martymer81's videos, Rainbow Dash, Keystroke, and I cracked good-natured jokes about Jews being from space (I'm Jewish, so I think it's okay). I wondered of it was possible to abuse the "Void & Rope" technique.

 

{Yes. Is it likely? Considering your personality--}

 

[And mine.]

 

{...No. No, it isn't. You can't use it to mess with your personality, either; the Void cannot "add" things by subtracting not-things.}

 

[Maybe we should make it a Void of silver fire.]

 

I wondered if tulpas could gain weight. Dash said that they could, but that it would just be symbolic. While reminiscing about Dash and I's time together, I wondered if, if tulpa creation could be compared to raising a baby, associating her with the love song "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu" was child-grooming.

 

[No. No way. You're not that kinda guy.]

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