KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

11/9/14: When I realized that I'd slept in until 12:30, RD LOLd. When I read tulpa-related stuff on Bullshit, Incorporated, I kind of freaked out. There was stuff there that was highly disturbing/unsettling; "Dopamine shots", stuff that made me wonder if I was deluding myself, etc.. Dash told me that reading a story would help me get over it. While I read the story, she appeared to be conspiring with Dusk Shine. I think it worked. I asked Rainbow Dash if I'd been parroting her. She said, "No, but you've been parrotnoid."

I was in the middle of reading a thread on tulpa mind control. RD said this:

 

[Hang on...*sigh* Pet, this "mind control"...it's bullcrap! That's the whole reason you based me off the Element of freakin' LOYALTY!]

 

in response to my worries about my tulpas abusing any power they're given over my mind.

 

[Raise a tulpa right, they're preeetty damn loyal. You did that. You're not the guy from My Little Dashie; you're not the guy from that damn creepypasta; you're you.]

 

She later said, "Let's try for 20% less bullshit." When I contemplated looking up "tulpa criticism", she called me an "intellectual masochist".

 

[Anypony else getting déjà vu?]

 

Dash speculated that maybe today's freakout was partly caused by intense emotions from yesterday (excitement at having her for a year). She told me that there would always be people who doubted tulpas are possible, and that I should stay strong in the face of that (heavily paraphrased). I said that seemed a bit cultish. I speculated that my freakout was a subconscious way of preparing myself to prove tulpas to a hypothetical outsider (the person that flashed in my mind was my dad); I first have to prove them to myself.

 

[i've got something: if all those ponies/people on .Info are faking, why are there thousands of them? Not even Anonymous is that dedicated (I think)!

Look at that. "I think". Cogito ergo sum.]

 

{We have the amazing ability to do math. Parallel bloody processing. Doesn't seem so lame now, does it? Everypony says that math is useless; math just proved sentience!

If you're wondering where I've been, I've been remodeling the wonderland. I've set up the layers, but I won't tell you what's where. It's a surprise. Trust me, though, it's awesome.}

 

When Dusk Shine said his line about math, I saw him in my head as Doctor Whooves. When I tried to intentionally misremember him as being in his current form, he pointed out my hypocrisy: I'm fine with altering my mind, but not with my tulpas doing the same.

 

{We're your subconscious. Or...conduits to it, or...something. We're somehow connected to your subconscious. Don't freak out; we are no less sentient for that.}

 

You can change your accent if you want, BTW.

 

{Eh, it's fine. I think it goes well with the "studious" bit. Come the next holiday, I'll probably be the cliché Stuffy Brit...unless that's offensive to actual British people.}

 

When I thought about the wonderland, Dusk said that he turned the arcade into a "mental stimulation area".

 

{Word puzzles 'n' junk. I think there's some Sudoku there.}

 

[How? Krueger's never played Sudoku.]

 

{His dad showed him once.}

 

RD LOLd when I accidentally ended Dusk Shine's above sentence with a square bracket. I planned to let Dusk Shine take me on a tour of our remodeled wonderland, but never got around to it.

[KruegerMeister]

11/10/14: RD and I talked about mind control. In regards to my worry of a tulpa abusing any power they're given, she said, "That's fucked up; that's not Loyalty!" We pretty much dropped the subject after that. I wondered if the post-hypnotic suggestion about the paper was still in effect, and she said, "It is if you think it is." I asked Dusk Shine how the remodeling was going. He said, "It's going okay--!" with construction sounds in the background. While I watched a review of "Rainbow Rocks", he apparently timed his work to the songs.

 

[...why?]

 

{*shrug* I felt like it.}

 

I came up with a bit of choreography: at the second "Oh, what's so wrong--", RD trots along, and looks at Dusk Shine (bedroom eyes optional), who finishes with "--with a little competition?" When I looked up types of electric guitars, RD said, "Uh, Pet? The silhouette's (of the guitar) cool and everything, but the design's pretty important, too."

RD said that she wanted to help redesign our wonderland. Dusk Shine suggested that she could design the "upstairs", while he did the "downstairs". I saw an image of him showing the Trio the inside of an apartment. RD suggested bringing Cloudsdale back so that we could decondition me (like we did with the slippers).

 

[You wanna add a clothing/outfit...area? To prevent unintended deviations? It'd work by being super-duper organized?]

 

Dunno.

 

{What if my guitar had a bunch of math formulas on it? You know, as an "in-joke" sort of thing. Math equals sentience, music videos are...pretty attention-grabbing--}

 

[if they're good.]

 

{--attention...tulpas are either "attention whore or die", literally (not an insult, just a fact...possibly. Depending on the personality, a starving tulpa might attention whore). Put it together, and it's actually kind of fitting.}

 

When I thought that the roots of my front teeth were exposed (I'd drank a soda a few hours ago), RD said that it was probably a trick of the light. I Googled pics of guitars to see if I could find one that looked cool, but Dusk Shine and I eventually settled on just making a design up.

11/11/14: I had a dream in which Rainbow Dash cameoed in a picture. When I woke up, I asked RD about it, and she said that the Rainbow Dash from the dream was a regular dream character. While I researched guitar body shapes, Dusk Shine sent me an image of a custom guitar: a "Flying V" guitar, with one of the prongs designed to look like a lightning bolt. The rest of the body was a rubbery-looking tentacle that curved to meet the head. There wasn't a fretboard, just strings. When I randomly remembered having watched www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_kSocZoDYo at some time, RD LOLd.

 

I asked Dusk about his "attention whore" comment.

 

{I wasn't trying to be offensive. If a human being is starving enough, they'll do anything--er, almost anything, depending on their morals--for food. It's the same with tulpas. Hunger is a great motivation. I meant "attention whore" as in...attention's food for us, right? Attentions whores are always, "Look at me! Look at me!" It's like your theory about Dash's deviations--she does eye-catching stuff (like turning into a Changeling) so that you'll feed her with attention.}

[KruegerMeister]

11/12/14: I woke up at around 9:00AM. I wanted to stay in bed, but RD said that I had homework to do. I tried to match the lyrics of "Tricks Up My Sleeve" to my relationship with the media. RD said that the line "I'm a six-course meal and you're just burnt toast" sounds like it's saying "To RD, the tulpa creepypasta is beneath contempt (like how most people don't like burnt toast)." When I imagined ponies in a mosh pit, RD moshed along.

When I imagined a pony in a pillow fort, and a bunch of ponies charging toward it, RD Sonic Rainboom'd into the fort. She told me that I should go to bed (it was 3:30AM at the time).

11/13/14: I hung out with RD and Dusk Shine, but forgot to log it. We read Sonichu to kill time. I asked Dusk if he wanted to give RD and I a tour of our wonderland, but Dash pointed out that there wasn't currently a way to travel between layers. She suggested something similar to the Gate of Truth from FMA, then wondered if that was offensive to the Trio. Sarah shook her head.

 

[We can probably come up with something cooler.]

[KruegerMeister]

11/14/14: I wondered if I should stop mentioning relational stuff in my PR log (so that, if my friends/family ever find this, they'll assume it was just a phase) Dash said that it would be dishonest. She laughed when I stood up too quickly, causing my lanyard to swing up and lightly hit me in the face. I asked her how she felt about being based on Rainbow Dash. She was okay with it.

 

[Eh, she's a pretty cool pony. She Sonic Rainbooms and not afraid of anything!]

 

{*rolls eyes*}

 

RD complimented me on not giving her too many of her base's traits. When I felt a tingle in my pocket, despite my phone being on the desk, I saw RD sitting on my bed, texting me. I got an idea for the music video: to demonstrate that tulpas aren't deadly, Dash comes at a mannequin with a knife, and the knife phases through the mannequin. When I read http://community.tulpa.info/thread/a-warning-from-omegle, RD deadpanned, "I'm in too much shock to laugh." The second page of that thread says that metaphysical tulpas are bossed around and told that the creator can kill them at any minute, which leads to rebellion. I wondered if I'd ever done anything like that. Shou said that accepting the Trio cancelled out the attempts to get rid of them.

[TheSanctuary]

That's 'she's a pretty cool pony, she sonic rain booms and DOESN'T afraid of anything'. ^^; close enough though love the reference hehehe . Stay awesome !

 

oops forgot to say that was addressed to RD hehe

[KruegerMeister]

11/15/14: RD wondered why I often snack in fours (such as eating exactly four Cheetos or taking four sips of water at a time). I blamed it on writing a story about a guy obsessed with four. When I wondered how Twilight's metal crown could bounce off of things in "Equestria Girls", Dusk justified it by saying, "Dude, it's magic." I asked him if he thought his personality was fleshed out enough, and he said that some of the traits I'd listed on the front page of my PR log weren't accurate anymore (for example, he's not really as interested in stuff/euphoric as the Doctor post-regeneration). I thought about letting him take a personality test. When I thought about The List, RD said that having it wasn't a good idea.

 

[Planning for it tells your subconscious "it'll happen".]

 

{Maybe it's actually pretty smart. Even if it is a self-fulfilling prophecy...well, he'll be ready.}

 

[The most likely scenario is that he gets sick of lying and tells [his parents] himself!]

 

I let RD possess me. It felt like I was moving my arms on autopilot, with a bit of a cold feeling in my forearms. I asked her what she wanted to do tonight. She recommended we snuggle and sing/think about "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu". I told Shou that he could rename himself if he wanted to, to cut ties with his scary-looking base. He was fine with his name, because the Shou Tucker Chimera was a tragic/sympathetic villain.

 

[...I wouldn't exactly call him a "villain". He was more like a minor character.]

[TheSanctuary]

Wait what?! You eat in multiples of 4 too?! Sketchy! I do that all the damn time, so much so that if I start to consciously notice I'm doing it then I start to get irritated with it. Hmmm. Maybe Vixen could help with that.....

[KruegerMeister]

What do you think about the stuff I've mentioned with pony hypnosis? I'm trying to make it and its' users seem as sane as possible in case my friends/family find this site (and my account).

[TheSanctuary]

Well I suppose it could be taken in a few ways depending on the level of understanding the reader has with hypnosis. A lot of people seem to think that hypnosis can make you do things you do not wish to do or something like that, and have irrational fear responses based off of that. I know your worried about people finding out about your tuppers and I get exactly how you feel with the whole "should I tell them and what will they think etc" situation as I'm in a Similar boat. It doesn't sound like something dangerous crazy or mad to me, but then I suppose it's difficult for any of us on this forum to truly be objective about any of this as we have such a vested interest in its acceptance and understanding. I would say if your worried about someone finding out and going off the deep end then you have three choices from my perspective -

 

1: don't worry about it and what will happen will happen - the hypnosis aspect is a relatively small part of the whole "I have voices in my head" issue and you never mention anything like the hypnosis making you do things or want to do things. Keep logging, as you are.

 

2: change any reference to hypnosis to a stand-in word. You have plenty of things like the Walter-Mitty routine which make little sense without explanation so changing pony hypnosis to something place-holder-y and sending a PM to anyone who asks for clarification. This is of course a tad paranoid and time consuming, but yknow - it's an option if it's really getting to you.

 

3: remove and don't log the hypnosis parts on here. Again pretty paranoid and whatnot but it's I guess the only sure fire way of being 100% sure someone won't find it.

 

End of the day the odds of someone finding this place by some act of chance then going to this section of the website by chance then opening your progress report and then somehow making the connection that it's you? The odds are rather low to say the least.

 

As I say I get where your comin from as I'm also pretty damn paranoid about stuff like this. If you do decide to scrub any reference to pony hypno then let me know and I'll remove this post and replace with something else to maintain thread integrity and flow. Always good to chat about this stuff yknow. I'm pretty clued up IT wise so any questions about privacy or precautions do ask I don't mind at all!

 

Do what feels right.

[KruegerMeister]

The most realistic way people could find out is of I get sick of lying to them and fess up.

 

I mentioned a "worst-case scenario" in April, which I made a thread on hypnoponies.net inquiring about (the same thread where someone suggested that Keystroke wanted to control me). Should I post a link to that thread? Should I post my reasons for experimenting with pony hypnosis?

 

Is there anything else I've logged that raises any eyebrows?