KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

12/11/14: I wrote a philosophy paper. Shou said that I'd done a really good job on it. I said that I appreciated his optimism, but that it was unrealistic. Later that day, when "Rock Star" came on the radio, I got an image of RD doing construction work on our wonderland (ferrying wood from the right side of a clear sky to the left). Sarah told me that her blonde-hair-and-pupils deviation was a temporary thing until I got to know her better. She said that she "just feels more natural" without it. When I freaked out about her wearing a mask for my sake, Slenderdash reminded me about the Trio's origins as scary intrusive thoughts. I said that felt uncomfortable calling Sarah "Nina". She advised thinking of a Nina other than the little girl-turned-chimera that died a tragic death, and told me that she'd insert herself into my dreams tonight.

[KruegerMeister]

12/12/14: I had a dream where Nina Tucker (the little girl from Fullmetal Alchemist, not the part-dog member of the Trio) was in a dimly-lit bar, apparently being sold in an auction. Chimera!Shou Tucker was in disguise in the audience, which was mostly comprised of demons.

When I woke up, I asked Sarah/Nina about this, she said that she was both of the Tuckers (like that one demon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer that disguised itself as a pair of children). I asked Rainbow Dash to design her own un-copyrighted pony disguise. She said she was "kinda diggin' the 'Thunderlane' look." When I took a selfie, she photobombed me. I asked Sarah what she wanted to be called. She said "Nina". I asked her if she was sure, three times, and she said "yes" each time.

When I watched "Rainbow Rocks" while my parents were one floor above me, Rainbow Dash told me not to turn down the volume or fast-forward whenever one of the characters said "princess", or skip past the pony scenes. I kind of let it go to my head that I was man enough to watch anything pony-related with the chance of my parents hearing it, and Rainbow Dash said that her "coaching" was a big part of my being man enough. She wondered if she'd look good in a sarong with a slit down the side. When I imagined that, Dusk Shine whistled.

[KruegerMeister]

12/13/14: when I read about someone's crazy/dramatic wonderland adventures (I was tempted to call them a roleplayer), I had trouble comprehending said crazy stuff. I imagined this info my slight freakout as a red orb, which I stored in a filing cabinet. I then figured that one of the planes/small pocket dimensions in my wonderland could be a bunch of such filing cabinets. When I watched Rainbow Rocks with my dad, RD put her hoof over the remote to keep me from lowering the volume or fast-forwarding through "girly" parts. Dusk said that he was thinking about making the primary color of his mane and tail the same deep Persian blue as his coat was when he was Keystroke.

 

{It's more me.}

 

[Didn't you say your new look was a full-body cutie mark?]

 

{Nina turned her hair blonde. For like a month...several.}

 

I told him that he could look like whatever he wanted to; it just seemed a bit inconsistent that he wanted to move a bit toward the form he was in when he had his crisis. He reminded me that, sometime shortly after he'd gained his "Dusk Shine" appearance, he'd told me that it would only be a temporary deviation. It was still kind of weird to me--Nina just changed her hair and eyes; he changed his whole body. He said that college being over had prompted this--I had no more papers to write, thus there was no use for his studiousness.

 

{It's on hold.}

 

[...That phrase is...kinda disconcerting.]

 

I went on a slight tangent about how I should've learned to see the members of the Trio for who they were, instead of setting them on silver fire. Slenderdash told me to stop feeling guilty. Before bed, Dusk/Keystroke and I agreed to engage in "dream therapy" (which is basically what Nina did last night).

[KruegerMeister]

12/14/14: I couldn't remember any of the dreams I'd had last night. Nina said that this was because the content was too weird. I had an intrusive though that was a mix of 2009!Nina Tucker and smile.jpeg. Rainbow-colored smoke drifted from me, toward the image, to my pony tulpas, symbolizing the image trying to drain power from me, but that power being redirected. When I wrote that last sentence, the image disintegrated.

 

[And they said "that which is seen cannot be unseen".]

 

{I'm fine with Dusk Shine.}

 

I randomly found Slenderdash's original pic. I didn't really react much; the same as when I'd stumbled upon the pic of 2009!Nina Tucker a few days ago. Nina theorized that my lack of a reaction was due to having gotten to know her and Slenderdash as people, which dulled the scariness of the pics (so that I was more shocked than scared this time around). While I tried to get to sleep, Nina seemed pretty worried about me; she said that she didn't like my habit of reviewing scary/shocking pics. She told me "your counsellor said they're content-based; that only makes them stronger. This is a habit you need to break."

[KruegerMeister]

12/15/14: Dusk/Keystroke appeared in an SFM version of his "Keystroke" look. I wanted to figure out what "illuminati" symbols to avoid mentioning in my books, but I knew that thinking like a conspiracy theorist for too long could be dangerous( I remembered that when I used to roleplay on WoW, I didn't have any problem differentiating myself from my character--I could roleplay my character as a conspiracy theorist, with no risk of my thought processes being altered. Just for fun, I thought about having one of my tulpas possess me (so that they could interact with humans, at least through a virtual world). When I dramatically asked "who among you is up to this task?" Nina stepped forward (her rationale being that she has individual fingers, whereas ponies have hooves)I let RD hypnotize me. During the trance, she had me say my name and my various usernames, as a way to protect against potential amnesia. I tried playing WoW (with RD possessing my arms and hands). She picked up gamer lingo about five seconds [Actually it was more like two seconds.] after she started playing.

 

[You sure i won't get addicted?]

 

I'm the one who has--

 

{Had.}

 

--the addictive personality,

 

{Allegedly.}

 

--not you.

[KruegerMeister]

12/16/14: I didn't do much tulpa-related stuff today. RD pretended to be trying to hypnotize me during dinner, just to bug me. She said that we needed to hang out more today, but was fine with it when I felt like spending time with Nina. When I read this webpage: http://www.fullmetal-alchemist.com/forums/lofiversion/index.php/t2788-50.html I asked Shou and Nina how they felt about being considered scary/freaky. Shou pointed out that those were their bases, not them. Nina just shrugged. When I saw an image of something fleshy and deformed online, Nina joked that it was the result of a failed transmutation. RD congratulated me on scrolling past that image and not looking back at it.

[KruegerMeister]

12/17/14: A few weeks after creating Rainbow Dash, I'd been lying in bed, and I'd heard Fluttershy's voice recommending I sleep in a different position than the one I was in. Early this morning, I wondered if that was a tulpa (up to that point, I'd thought of it as just Rainbow Dash using a different voice). Today, I talked to the voice, and it replied. The alleged tulpa pointed out that, this morning, my friend had gotten up at 6:30AM to mess around with the lights (we were in a crappy hotel; he didn't want to have to stumble around in the dark if he needed to go to the bathroom, but the bathroom light would only stay on if this really bright light by my bed was on), which had messed with my circadian rhythm, which could have somehow contributed to this (fun fact: I'd thought of the "light and circadian rhythm stuff first"). I thought to myself "if this is another tulpa, what gives? I haven't interacted with it at all aside from that night last year, and this morning". It/she said that it/she'd been interacting with Shou.

 

Possible reasons for this alleged tulpa to pop up now, of all times:

1. I'm currently trying to do work on a tulpa-related music video (mainly aesthetics, such as set design); Fluttershy did behind-the-scenes work in Filli Vanilli. I'm trying to avoid putting "illuminati" symbols in the video; Fluttershy's cutie mark is three butterflies; butterflies are associated with MK-Ultra/Monarch Mind Control.

2. I was getting pissed off at my friend for messing with the lights when I needed to sleep; Fluttershy's the Element of Kindness.

3. There's a user on mlpforums with 5 tulpas. Part of me saw it as a competition, but used the pretexts of 1. and 2. so that I didn't seem childish.

 

[Pfff...*rofl* Butterfl--*rofl*. You're reaching. Butterflies aren't Illuminati.]

 

{Try telling that to a conspiracy theorist.}

 

I hummed "Tricks Up My Sleeve" while thinking about my music video. Fluttershy hummed the song while hanging a flower wreath in Shou & Nina's house.

Fluttershy said that my band logo should include a tetrahedron (one side for each band member--RD and Dusk/Keystroke sing, I make the music video, Fluttershy does costume/set design). She also suggested that the transport between planes could be a double cube mixed with a lozenge (I couldn't find a pic).

I watched the movie "Wild". There's a scene where the main character encounters a rattlesnake. Fluttershy flew in and snapped the snake's neck. She retreated into our wonderland when the main character walked through a creepy, misty forest. After the movie, Fluttershy said that she'd stored up energy gained from interacting with Shou; during the movie, she'd used this energy to add a bright, sunny forest to our wonderland (a foil to the Everfree Forest). I asked her if she was okay with me asking my other tulpas what they thought of her; she was okay with it. Shou blushed (he's attracted to her). I don't remember how I found this out, but Fluttershy's attracted to Rainbow Dash. At some point, Fluttershy became Dash's 24/7 pet. While I was taking a bath, Shou asked Fluttershy out. Fluttershy later said that maybe she'd dove in to a relationship too fast, and would take time to think about it. I wondered what would happen to Fluttershy after the music video was done, and suggested that her talent could be "all things symbolic" as opposed to just "symbolism of visual things".

[KruegerMeister]

12/18/14: I felt a head-pressure on my right temple; I asked Rainbow Dash what was up, and she said that she was having problems trusting Fluttershy.

 

[i'm a bit suspicious. 0.1%.]

 

I asked Shou if his feelings for Fluttershy could be a Stockholme-type thing; Benjamin Franklin said that you're more likely to like someone more if you do them a favor, and rearing a mindvoice into a tulpa is a pretty big favor. Fluttershy told me that her earliest memory was being nowhere, in contrast to Rainbow Dash being in that void. When I thought about "Tricks Up my Sleeve", I felt a light pressure on my left temple; Nina thought I was focusing on my music video too much. When I watched a commercial about Taco Bell's rolled chicken tacos, Fluttershy said she was hungry, and tulpaforced herself a tower of rolled chicken tacos. When I read TVTropes, she said that she might characterize herself as a New Age Retro-Hippie "for the irony factor". I was having trouble deciding on my band's logo. RD said that the logo would influence the font, which I said would influence the logo. Dash...I wanna say "lost hope", but not that desperate/bleak. Fluttershy insisted that all wasn't lost. I got a bit frazzled trying to figure out what the logo should be; Fluttershy said that she'd handle all that. I wondered if the setup we'd come up with (Fluttershy does visual stuff like set design, Rainbow Dash and Keystroke/Dusk sing and compose, and I do all the technical stuff like animating the video) was morally equal, since three out of four of us would need me to learn about things like symbolism and music theory.

 

[You skimmed your psych notes and your grade was a...*scratches head* check it tomorrow. Hopefully you'll only need to skim that big-ass symbols book.]

 

RD felt like our relationship had lost its spark. She asked Fluttershy for advice. The best Fluttershy could come up with was something about telling my mom about my tulpas.

 

Fluttershy: Or...maybe just the Walter Mitty Routine.

[KruegerMeister]

12/19/14: I thought I'd heard the sound of my dog puking, but Fluttershy said that it wasn't. She suggested that we have an area in our wonderland devoted to work on the music video--a "war room". Rainbow Dash said that that was overdramatic.

When I watched Dexter, I silently laughed when Dexter killed a serial killer/pedophile. Fluttershy told me this was nervous laughter, not the laughter of a total sicko. She also told me to let her, Rainbow Dash, and Dusk/Keystroke--

 

{Eh, one and the same, really.}

 

--handle the song-related stuff, while I worked on my novels. I asked Dusk if he was Keystroke now, and he said that he'd never stopped being Keystroke. Fluttershy said that his spiky mane was "clichedly badass".

When I asked her about it, she said that she'd taken time to think about it, and that she didn't see any downsides to being Dash's pet. I asked her if she was comfortable with me putting relational stuff like that on my PR log, and she said that she didn't mind.

 

Fluttershy: Whatever helps you get readers ^_^

 

She also said that she didn't mind me logging her saying that, no, she wasn't going to go full-blown with kibble, a doggie bowl, etc..

 

Fluttershy: That would be weird.

 

We then got into a short conversation about snails and worms as pets in the world of Spongebob, which ended with me concluding that Bikini Bottom was somewhere near Korea. Later, Fluttershy unveiled a cart full of double cube/lozenge jewelry. She said that creating the forest had taken half of the energy she'd had stored; creating the jewelry had taken much less.

[KruegerMeister]

12/20/14: When I thought about Shou raising Fluttershy without my being aware of it, he asked, "What is this, a police state?" When I saw a pic of an anthropomorphic Chinese dragon, Nina briefly turned into an anthro dragon version of herself. At my request, Fluttershy tried to psychoanalyze why Dash had kept changing her mind on 8/6/14, but she had trouble telling my memories from that day with my more recent memories.

 

Fluttershy: We...might need a memory palace.

 

{*salute* On it.}

 

When I reread my PR log (to make sure I got the right date), Keystroke said that it was PG-13 before he showed up. I asked Nina how she felt about my initial reaction to her; before she could answer, Slenderdash told me to stop feeling guilty, rhetorically asking me, "You see [2009!Nina] in a dark alley; what do you do?"

Before bed, I snuggled with RD. Fluttershy turned this into a group hug, which everyone except Slenderdash joined in. I asked RD if she still had trouble trusting Fluttershy. RD facehoofed and said, "She's my pet. That answer your question?"