KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

1/18/15: I was sickened to learn that there's a guy on the Internet who...I'm not sure if it's too adult to say. Keystroke said that this didn't impact his faith in humanity. I asked him what his secret was and he said "You created me and...you're human as far as I can tell."

I thought about forming a band with the number 21 in the name, the irony being that 21 is the legal drinking age, but I don't drink. RD said that was lame. When I watched a Youtube video about JIBO, Fluttershy asked, "It can do all this stuff...can it shapeshift? Tulpas can shapeshift."

[KruegerMeister]

1/19/15: I saw Keystroke standing on my desk, in SFM form. He said that we needed to work on keeping that consistent.

 

{I didn't say that, but...close enough.}

 

I wondered if I should give RD or Keystroke a line to use as a prompt for a verse. RD said this was a good idea. Fluttershy said that we should come up with the melody first. I thought of lyrics for Keystroke to sing: Look to all your past judgements/Look to what they led/Listen to the sounds--screaming--look upon the dead. Keystroke said those were "a bit too hardcore for me. Also, try hard." I stumped him by jokingly asking what his credentials were.

I have trouble remembering faces. I figured that I'd imagine a grid over any faces I saw to get something like a police sketch. Keystroke said that he'd remind me to use this tactic.

When I watched "Selma", Nina ran in during the police-brutality-at-night scene. I thought about making floor plans of the areas in my wonderland. I went on a tangent from "Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash live in the same house" to "Fluttershy is Rainbow Dash's pet" to "Keystroke had thought about being Dash's pet sometimes", and asked Keystroke if he was still curious about that.

 

{Some exploration would be nice.}

 

[i think we [i]did[/i] for like, a day, but you (Krueger) forgot to log it. *checks memory palace* My bad. You weren't sure if it was too risqué to post.]

 

I went to bed wearing my slippers. Even though I'd pretty much undone the hypnosis-related conditioning, Fluttershy whispered "I wanna obey, Dashie." She and RD then proceeded to rub cheeks, which I found cute. I asked Fluttershy if she considered herself possessive of RD, and she said "maybe a little. It's more 'running gag' possessiveness." She sent me an image of a kidnapping/trapping scene that I want to say is from Phantom of the Opera (Christine trying to escape a lavish room with gilded walls), to indicate that she isn't as possessive of RD as the Phantom is over Christine.

[KruegerMeister]

1/20/15: When I thought about the pacing of Past Sins, Fluttershy said that she thinks she has "an eye for pacing". I didn't do much tulpaforcing today.

 

[Actually it was a bunch of small stuff you forgot to log.]

 

I imagined myself and Rainbow Dash on a talk show. This got boring after a few seconds. I chatted with my tulpas before bed, with Nina lying on my chest.

[KruegerMeister]

1/21/15: When I noticed an area of my palm that looked like one layer of skin had been removed, RD said not to worry about it. When I watched a Bayonetta Let's Play, I wondered how Bayonetta could fire guns with her feet. RD said, "because she's f*cking Bayonetta." When I sneezed, she dared me to deliberately sneeze into a jar of peanut butter and then eat it.

 

[Not really. I'm just joking around 'cause I'm bored.]

 

When I got ready to make a floor plan of Shou's house, Sarah told me that she wasn't claustrophobic anymore, but that she liked open spaces (according to her, she has a lot of energy from drinking a lot of coffee). I noticed that RD's opinions sometimes amounted to my tentative opinions (I'd react to something with Opinion A at first, but then change to Opinion B; RD would express Opinion A). When I...consoled myself, I guess (the opinion thing didn't cause me extreme grief, just a bit of worry about what it implied) with the knowledge that I had merely shivered when watching a commercial about kids with cancer, whereas RD had openly cried, RD said that she had been giving voice to my subconscious at that time. I countered by saying that we've argued before.

 

[We need to work on imposition; I get the feeling that this whole thing stems from me not having my own separate body.]

 

When I wondered if she'd really said that, she said "stop doubting me, dammit!"

 

{Even if we're just your subconscious, we're indistinguishable from separate people.}

 

^I sometimes have to listen to clips of your guys' voices to get your mindvoices to sound "right".*

 

{*headdesk*}

 

Shou: I raised Fluttershy without your awareness.

 

Appearing in my doorway, Sarah growled and said "'Elaborate ruse'. I dare you."

 

RD speculated that my watching a Let's Play of Bayonetta may have been at fault for the above drama (the main setting is Purgatorio, which is essentially the real world, only you can walk through people. Whenever you do this, they'll react with surprise. I'm not really sure how to explain why, but I see it as similar to metaphysical ideas of tulpas). When I apologized for my doubt, RD and Sarah both told me, "Dude, shut up."

Dash and I sort of did a duet of "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu", but Dash said she didn't want to (she was still mad).

I told all of my tulpas "you are who you are", so they flanked me as I walked down the hall. I asked why they were doing this, and RD said something like "I'm just so happy" while smiling and wiping away a single tear. I asked if we were cool, and she said "yeah" and offered me a brohoof I'm tempted to describe as "reconciliatory". I had a bit of trouble hitting the "t" key when I wrote "reconciliatory". RD chuckled when I wrote the previous sentence, as well as when I wrote this one.

 

[We're cool, Pet.]

 

When a melody for a song popped into my head, I wondered about something: if a thought pops into a tulpamancer's head, and they aren't sure if its theirs or their tulpa's, and the tulpa claims it, is it really the tulpa's thought?

Fluttershy suggested that instead of trying to avoid illuminati symbolism in my music videos, I could try to sneak in as many vague allusions to "Satanic" practices as possible (she used the analogy of that one clip from South Park: "How Long Can You Listen To The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs on Audiotape Without Vomiting?").

When I read this http://zytulpa.tumblr.com/post/95427138892/tuppers-can-be-bad, RD responded to "guys, watch out, your brain demons can be contagious" with "Cool." I read the full post, and out of fear, kept asserting that my tulpas can't make tulpas without my consent. I asked Fluttershy how she felt about this, and she didn't mind. Rainbow Dash said that she understood where I was coming from.

 

Fluttershy: Technically I'm not a tulpa from scratch. I mean, it's like Shou found some dough and made a cake; he didn't...create the dough himself or anything.

 

*I put "right" in quotes because I feel like not doing so would give the sentence unfortunate implications.

[KruegerMeister]

1/22/15: I had intrusive thoughts of Codename: Kids Next Door this morning, despite not having watched the show in years. These stopped when I claimed them as mine. I theorized that this explained Shou, Nina, and Sarah: they'd started as intrusive thoughts--thoughts that were in my head, but that didn't originate from either me or Rainbow Dash. Assuming that the human brain in general doesn't like ambiguity (not just me), there's no known source for those intrusive thoughts to originate from; therefore the brain creates a source after the fact.

 

Shou: This doesn't delegitimize me at all. Or my daughters. Or my wife.

 

Me: I got the idea for one of the areas in my [our] wonderland to be a portal into my dreams.

Dash said that she was bored. Fluttershy implicitly suggested watching a Let's Play of Bayonetta. I said that the "To Be or Not to Be" parody idea mentioned at about 9:10 into www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsiQxq6Ru9s would be an awesome thing to include in the game. I asked my tulpas "What do you guys think?" RD replied "That you need to go to bed."

[KruegerMeister]

1/23/15: I woke up thinking of the scene from Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) where Nancy asks her parents "How can you say I don't take [Tina's] death seriously?" RD said she'd comb through my memories to figure out why. Even though I consciously know how long I've had Rainbow Dash, it sometimes feels like I've had her for longer.

 

[it's probably the progress.]

 

After I watched a Bayonetta Let's Play, RD briefly wore a Bayonetta costume. When I asked why, she said "Because she's fucking Bayonetta."

RD and I sang a duet of "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu". At "and I know you're mine", RD twirled/spun Fluttershy over to her with a whip. After this, I randomly yawned. Fluttershy said that she'd accidentally made me yawn, but that she didn't think it was connected to the song. When I listened to a parody of "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together", Fluttershy sang along.

[KruegerMeister]

1/24/15: I woke up at 7:00AM. RD seemed weak, but one of my tulpas told me that my tiredness was messing with me (I'd gone to bed around 2:00AM).

 

[i'm fine. You are kinda slacking on imposition, though.]

 

I've been working with a counsellor to be more social, one step at a time. I wasn't sure if Dash had said yesterday that I'd been "going through the motions" of it. She said that she had said that, and told me to stop doubting my memories. I wondered why today's date was a hyperlink, and RD LOL'd when I realized I'd written "1/24/25" instead of "1/24/15". She also LOL'd when I initially forgot to put a second quotation mark around today's date. I laughed awkwardly when I watched www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3blakCGg_M. Shou said that it was because of the content. I pointed at Nina, then back to the youtube video, saying "You--your base. You--your base." over and over as a way of getting it into my subconscious that Nina and Shou weren't the characters that inspired them. I tried to do the same point-and-mantra thing with Shou, but I couldn't find him. When I asked where he was, he whispered, "Behind you 'cause I'm a creeper."

 

Nina: It's not really that offensive.

 

Shou: It's an abridged series. It's supposed to be funny.

 

When I thought people were talking about me, Keystroke said "Ah, synchronicity." When I watched the Nostalgia Critic's review of The Last Airbender, RD briefly wore her mane in a Princess Yue style. When I brushed my teeth, RD and Shou appeared in the bathroom mirror (though I may have parroted this).

 

[it was more like "prompting".]

 

As I walked from the bathroom to the hallway, Shou teleported. I said that we needed to phase out teleportation. Nina stumped me by asking "Why?"

[KruegerMeister]

1/25/15: When I thought about how packed my schedule wasn't, RD said "It might be just 'cause when I grew up, but I need mental stimulation." When I drank got chocolate, my arm shook. Fluttershy apologized for this.

Sarah worked on having a non-generic voice. She said that she wanted to sound like Trisha Elric, but she sounded like Winry Rockbell when she said that. She settled on sounding like Winry.

There was a lot of small stuff that I forgot to log.

When "Ballad of the Crystal Ponies" was stuck in my head, Dash said that it was "overplayed".

[KruegerMeister]

1/26/15: A beat for a song popped into my head. Rainbow Dash told me that she'd come up with it. When one of my friends asked me how much intriversion was too much, Sarah gave me a headache.

Later, RD sang part of "Battle of the Bands", but she sounded like Adagio when she did. After Fluttershy did a listen-and-repeat exercise with her, RD sounded more like Ashleigh Ball. Keystroke suggested that I loop "Doctor Whooves and Assistant".

 

{Okay! Looping! Now, what I mean by "looping" is like...you know how that one thing triggered Mistress Dash's voice? You see the thumbnail, she sounds like her. That's what I mean. Find a pic of me, or make one, and just--stare at it while listening to Keikoandgilly's badass Doctor-ness.}

 

Waitwhat'dyousay?

 

[it's just temporary.]

 

{I'm rather curious about it.}

 

Based on your word choice and stuff, you seem pretty close to the Doctor. Didn't you say you were more of a 6 than a 5?

 

{Yeah, well, numerology's bunk. Well, it's evidence-less. And...numbers were made by humans. Would the Doctor do that coat-color-switching, freaking-out-and-running-off thing I did? I don't think so.}

 

Often, Keystroke's mindvoice will be accompanied by an image of Doctor Whooves, as opposed to an image of his original form (the one which, back when he went by and looked like Dusk Shine, he said he wanted to be) I got a bit worked up about this, then wondered why I was getting worked up.

 

{I think it's because you're sad about Keikoandgilly leaving Doctor Whooves.}

 

Fluttershy: Uh-huh.

 

{I'll try to stay quiet.}

 

Fluttershy: I think exposure would work better, Keystroke.

 

{Huh. Maaaybeee... Just...stay off "Doctor Whooves" for a bit.}

 

What about MLP Season 5?

 

{That should be fine.}

 

[You're reaching, Pet. MLP's barely related to this.]

 

I mentally kicked myself for grieving over a voice actor, which Fluttershy compared to the time I watched the mini-movie of My Little Dashie and only cried after it was over.

I suggested to Keystroke that we not contact each other for a bit of time. He helped me get over my loss. He asked "Do we need to work on this?", in Doctor Whooves form. I sort of gushed about how he appeared as himself at the end of that question. I thought about how, back when he was just a mindvoice and an image, he looked like Doctor Whooves.

 

{Soo...*morphs from Doctor Whooves into Keystroke, with flash of lightning* victim-blaming, then?}

 

[*facehoof*]

 

{A visual ref--hang on *turns coat deep blue*. A visua--d*mn *makes mane gold and red*. A visua-- *notices his irises are a bit off-color* God-bloody-d*mmit!}

 

[He was saying you should draw him.]

 

{Or at the very least go into Pony Creator.}

 

Fluttershy: You can see your irises?

 

{Somehow.}

 

I told Keystroke to link his normal form with his name. He and RD used hypnosis for that. I looked up "Nina Alexander Meme" and found an image of Chimera!Shou's face, which the caption "doesn't anyone stay dead in this show?" Shou said "'Cause I'm f*ckin' Shou Tucker, b*tch."

[KruegerMeister]

1/27/15: I said Keystroke's name, and he appeared as himself. He sang part of "Winter's Fucked Up", but sounded unsure/insecure about it.

I let RD hypnotize me. Given that the trance is usually relaxing, I contemplated making a heightened state of rage, sadness, etc. a trigger. RD gave me a post-hypnotic suggestion that I wouldn't ever experience separation anxiety. I asked Shou if he'd win in a fight against Chuck Norris. He said he'd lose, but Nina said that she'd win.

I tried various natural methods to change my voice (pushing gently on my larynx, plugging my nose, and breathing through my mouth/exhaling my words) to aid in possession. Out of all of these, RD said that the larynx method came closest to sounding like her. She retracted her statement when I listened to my recording of this.

 

[Mmmaybeee you weren't pushing enough.]

 

I worked on imposing Keystroke. His coat was the right color, but he had to change his mane and tail from brown to red-and-gold. He flew a few feet, and then did an L-turn and pecked me on the lips.

 

Before bed, RD and I worked on making my mindvoice quieter than hers.

 

{Speaking of voices, does my British-ness seem..."artificial" to anypony? I mean, my host just picked my voice because he thinks Doctor Whooves is cool.}

 

[Remember that OBE thing/switching? I think we're having something like a "Centipede's Dilemma". How come you always misspell dilemma?]

 

{Well, Rainbow Dash, it's because he's a derp :P.}

 

(He's joking, BTW.)