KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

3/7/15: I tried to come up with mechanics for the magic system in my stories, and asked Shou and Nina if they had any advice.

I had Keystroke sing a bit of "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu", and concluded that he sang a half-note above the Jokermort. He had a bit of performance anxiety when attempting to sing a verse of "Sinking Ships". I advised that he surprise me.

There was some sort of sporting event going on outside, with music playing. I could barely hear the song, but RD LOLd when I realized it was "Never Gonna Give You Up".

I let her hypnotize me. During the trance, I told her that my parents would be visiting tomorrow. She was like, "I won't do anything to make you laugh at thin air and look crazy".

When I thought about my magic system, Shou reminded me that my stories included naturally-formed gems that worked via that magic, implying that the magic operates completely by the laws of the universe without any human input. I wondered why he'd thought of that when I hadn't. When I wondered how everyone would react if my parents were to find this, Shou said "the day that happens will be awkward indeed". He said it in a human form, but then in his chimera form. I thought about something relating to his voice (I don't remember exactly what). Shou whispered, "My quest to f*ck physics now begins." referring to my theory that his base character speaks in a whisper as a consequence of having a permanently bent-backward torso, which would limit the amount of air that can get to his lungs. I planned to watch episodes of FMA that featured this character, as a sort of placebo (Shou "enters" the episode, and leaves his whispery voice behind on the way out).

Keystroke surmised that his animosity toward RD on 8/23/14 had been a defensive reaction to her angry outburst regarding pony hypnosis on 8/22/14. I talked on a pony hypnosis chatroom about his "Dusk Shine" phase, as well as the "issues" he had with getting his mane the "right" color. I told him that he could have whatever form/name he wanted.

 

{Near the end of my Dusk Shine phase, I made my mane deep Persian blue. I'm cool with this (current) form.}

[KruegerMeister]

3/8/15: Shou spoke in the not-whispery voice he was going for. I checked out Dusk Shine and Doctor Whooves fanart (both forms Keystroke has taken in the past). I realized that Rainbow Dash's form was "stable", and I had pre-made her personality; Keystroke's form had fluctuated, and I'd decided to let him choose his own personality.

I'd heard that the Season 5 premiere of MLP is on April 4th. I thought about asking my mom to set a recording for it, in case I couldn't make it to a TV. I composed a message to her, but was too scared to send it. I figured that Keystroke would have the guts to hit "send".

Some stuff happened in the chatroom, but I won't divulge what. I'll just say that one of the users talked about their problems, and Fluttershy staunchly lent an ear "like a good therapist".

The idea of pony hypnosis unsettles me, because I feel somehow obliged to sate my curiosity about it, but I'm scared of it changing me. Keystroke suggested that he could revisit his "Dusk Shine" phase and possess me, so that I can sate my curiosity in a way I feel is "safe".

I asked if it was possible to delegate the task of soul-searching to one's subconscious. Dash asked "Are you going through with this?" (just like on 8/22/14). I told her...something (I don't remember). I mentioned my "orb and filing cabinet" system in the chatroom, and a user asked me if the orbs "went anywhere". RD said "Speaking of going places, you should probably go to bed." When I thought about Keystroke's "vicarious possession" idea, RD said that we should master possession first. I remarked that she was planning for it, the way I'd planned for pony hypnosis on 8/22/14 (by asking about the pony diet).

[KruegerMeister]

3/9/15: RD asked why my phone often autocorrects "one's" to "Inez's". In episode 42 of Fullmetal Alchemist, there's a scene with a close up of Chimera!Shou's head. For some reason, I thought that the character had a full beard instead of stubble; Shou's theory was that the close-up angle threw me off.

I got worked up when I wasn't able to figure out my vocal range. Shou said that I just needed to practice. I said that that bit of advice never worked to console anyone. I had RD hypnotize me, theorizing that this would help with possession (somehow). We ended up getting side-tracked.

[KruegerMeister]

3/10/15: Fluttershy said that she thought Shou's upside-down head was cool. When I imagined my mom texting me that she'd found out about my tulpas, Fluttershy said something like ^I understand if you think this is your son messing around, and NOT a pony that lives in his head^. The response I imagined my mom giving was that she accepted my tulpas as people, to which Sarah responded, "If this is a joke, Mrs. (surname censored), it isn't very funny."

I noticed that I was sort of in a light hypnotic trance (similar to the Cloudsdale Incident, which I now realize isn't logically that much to worry about). Dash figured that putting me in a full trance and then using a deduction would fix that. It did.

I jokingly concluded that because the Beast has 7 heads, and there are 7 minds in my brain (me and my 6 tulpas), I'm Satan.

[KruegerMeister]

3/11/15: Rainbow Dash was pretty weirded out by the similarities between my fictional culture and tulpas (both are taught to speak by an outside source, and both live in a "terraformed" landscape/mindscape). Even though she expressed this in an imagined scenario, I'm still counting it as something she said.

 

[i mean it's [i]weird[/i], but it's your story.]

 

^It's just a coincidence. He didn't deliberately write it like tulpas. Plus, there's that whole "we're God's tulpas" thing.^

 

I came to the conclusion that my feeling of being somehow obliged to try out pony hypnosis was due to not accepting the idea of subjective realities. Shou suggested that watching Fullmetal Alchemist would somehow drill belief in subjective realities into my subconscious. I wondered why I'd created Rainbow Dash (my first answer is "curiosity", but I'm not sure if that's just a thing I told people so much that I believed it), and felt a head-pressure in her area, apparently from Keystroke.

 

[Let's look at the evidence.]

 

I couldn't find any evidence, although I did find a post on the MLP tulpa thread from late 2013 that jogged my memory; I need to work on making my tulpas more "physical" (so that they reflect lighting, don't teleport when I'm not looking, etc.).

I also realized that I'd been imposing RD on my body pillow for so long that I'd forgotten to actually make use of this. I deduced that my plan had been to use the soft, furry pillowcase as a "model" for tactile imposition.

 

[Or, the brain can fill in gaps.]

 

Sarah remarked that one of my reasons for doubts about tulpas (they can't know things the host doesn't) is based in the fallacy that "no precedent for X means X is BS", and recommended talking to a multiple system about this.

I tried to impose RD over my body pillow. I was able to visualize the pillow turning into her, but I didn't see her in its place. On the other hand, I intuitively knew it was her, like how I intuitively know that Keystroke is (currently) in the top-center of my brain (I think between the sensory and motor cortices).

[KruegerMeister]

3/12/15: I asked Fluttershy if there was anything she didn't like.

 

^Off the top of my head, I don't think so. Then again, I don't think I've really had an opportunity to like/dislike things. I haven't been exposed to much I can dislike.^

 

In the entry for 9/4/14, Keystroke had called me "slave" in a manner similar to Rainbow Dash's use of "pet". I wondered if I'd explained it well enough.

 

{Probably...slave :P}

 

A few seconds after thinking about this, I had acid reflux. When I wondered if the two were connected, Fluttershy said that "it could have been something like conversion disorder."

When one of my friends told me he had a minor headache, Fluttershy gave me a head-pressure to indicate that something about this made her uncomfortable.

I had the random idea to listen to "Superstar (Smash It)" by Kimberly Cole, a song which I'd associated with Keystroke in his early...months, I guess. He said that "the song's still mine", meaning that he's still the same pony as back then.

 

{You read this on TVTropes: "you are your biology" or something. "You're your decisions"; I've never not been me.}

 

I imagined RD over my body pillow, lying on her side. She grabbed my arm with her left hoof and nibbled on it. I asked her if she wanted to cuddle, and she warned me that she "might bite [my] face off."

 

[i was just messin' with ya.]

[KruegerMeister]

3/13/15: I'd heard that Ashleigh Ball had once lost her voice. Dash said that I could avoid losing mine by singing her verses separately, and then stringing them together in a music editing program.

I imposed RD hovering above a patch of dirt near a dead shrub. Fluttershy and Keystroke imposed themselves. Fluttershy sang a bit of "Under Our Spell", which led Keystroke and Rainbow Dash to finish that part in perfect harmony. I couldn't hear any similarities to their speaking voices, but I knew it was them. I also intuitively knew where they were behind me, even though I couldn't see them. When I said that this was cool, RD said, "I think the hot chocolate you had helped."

I watched a ScrewAttack Death Battle video. One of the comments suggested that ScrewAttack do a video on Catwoman VS White Tiger (Angela Del Toro). The name "Angela" made me think of PewDiePie's review of the "Talking Angela" app, which made me think of his Let's Play of Alice: Madness Returns. Fluttershy dug up more memories of Alice: Madness Returns (a scene with some sludge monsters, and a scene of the final boss fight).

At 9:05PM, I asked RD if she wanted to cameo in the movie that'll be playing tomorrow. She said "Depends on the movie." I grinned and said "24 hours", like a villain gloating to themselves about an evil plan.

[KruegerMeister]

3/14/15: When I read the play "Temporal Powers", RD was the narrator, Shou was Michael, and Fluttershy was Min. Shou did a good job speaking in a not- whispery voice.

 

Shou: I'd say physics has been fucked.

 

Me: Sarah inserted herself in the role of Lizzie Brennan.

 

RD imposed herself sitting on my bed, in SFM form. I observed that I'd never seen any of my tulpas move from one spot to another without passing through my field of vision. I had RD stay still while I turned my head to the side. I was mostly able to see her out of the corner of my eye.

When I saw a picture of what I'm assuming is a troll pretending to be a manchild Brony, RD said something like, "If I were corporeal, my eyes would be burning".

 

[You can't unsee it.]

[KruegerMeister]

3/15/15: I noticed that I'd forgotten to log a LOT of stuff. Shou mostly spoke in River Kanoff's fanvoice.

 

Shou: Nullmetal Alchemist for the win.

 

I asked RD if she'd ever want to possess me and troll someone. She said "only if they deserve it. And if they can laugh at it."

I realized that writing a song is harder than I'd thought.

 

[i'll try to jot down how I feel about racism.]

 

{And stop questioning whether the melody's fine.}

 

I figured that we could use Keystroke's faith in humanity--specifically, the things that would cause any other person to lose faith in humanity--as inspiration for lyrics.

[KruegerMeister]

3/16/15: I asked Nina how she would have felt about the "silver fire" stuff if she hadn't shared my brain and thus understood my motives. She said that she didn't know. I worked on imposing her, but then wondered if increasing the vividness of hallucinations could be bad. She facepawed at this.

After I watched a bit of Rainbow Rocks, RD's voice seemed to somehow be "closer" to being "right". I'd heard that Ashleigh Ball had lost her voice after playing Rainbow Dash once; RD speculated that this is why her voice didn't sound "right"; I'd been subconsciously trying to prevent voice loss.

 

^Or, maybe you just didn't notice it. It's been "right" the whole time, and you didn't notice.^

 

[i think it's like how most people don't like the sound of their own voice--you're hearing my mindvoice in your head vs hearing Ashleigh Ball's voice with your ears.]

 

RD and I talked about what my parents would think of her.