KruegerMeister April 30, 2015 Author April 30, 2015 4/29/15: I thought about something: P1: RD briefly turned into Twilight after I listened to the Twilight hypnosis video on Youtube; P2: she briefly turned into a Rule 63'd version of herself once; P3: on 8/23, Keystroke suggested that he could be Dash's male form; conclusion: all of the above somehow factored into Keystroke becoming Dusk Shine (a Rule 63'd Twilight). When I read the poem "Primer for Blacks", Dash gave me a headache and said that she didn't like the poem's use of the word "negro". I speculated that if Shou had a cutie mark, it'd represent tenacity (he stuck around despite my attempts to get rid of him with silver fire, and pulled through his "suicidal" period). While practicing singing, I reached for a maculated quartz crystal I'd been told would improve public speaking (or something related to the voice), but RD stopped me. [What you just demonstrated, is over-reliance on a Magic Feather.] {You know, it's not quite over-reliance; because he hasn't used that thing in ages!} [it was a habit/go-to thing.] I hung out/explored the wonderland with my tulpas. [Correction: you fell asleep.]
KruegerMeister May 1, 2015 Author May 1, 2015 4/30/15: I read about music copyright vs inspiration, and wondered if a song I'd partially made up in high school was subconsciously copying another artist. RD said "It sounds kinda like Linkin Park." When I noticed that I'd hit 45 pages in my PR log, she remarked, "Holy shit, 45 pages?" ^ ^_^ ^ When I imagined a flash-animated tour of the wonderland-- +Which we still need to name.+ --I saw a cottage in Fluttershy's forest. It looked like one of the buildings in Ponyville, but Fluttershy decided that she'd make it resemble how I'd imagined the cottage from Breaking Dawn looking. My reaction to this was: wat.
KruegerMeister May 6, 2015 Author May 6, 2015 5/1/15: When I read a Reddit post saying that tulpas seemed "cult-like", RD said "Mmm...yeah, I could see that. Voices in your head that aren't schizophrenia (:P)?" {O...kay...pretty sure self-deprecating humour isn't bad...} When I read about eclipsing (the tulpa parroting the host), Dash assured me that she and the others wouldn't ever abuse that. [*points to the Element of Loyalty necklace, on a purple background* Do I even have to say it?] I thought about Tulpa!Rainbow Dash vs FiM!Rainbow Dash. [she likes reading, I like reading; *rubs chin, shrugs* I guess the music stuff...maybe; I possess you and bust a move, she rocks out in "Friendship Carries On Through the Ages".] Pretty much, I recently thought that the two Dash's were only superficially similar. [:D Wrong! Childhood stuff has a big impact, Pet; you made me with...idunno how many of her traits. Her main thing's loyalty, for crying out loud!] I had trouble staying awake. RD said I shouldn't have stayed up as late as I did. A common thing is that I have to focus on letting my tulpas possess me, or else I tend to accidentally slip back into control. Today, I doubted whether this was possession of just me playing pretend. Shou pointed out that all of my tulpas have expressed different things during possession (like how different system members can have different eyesight, allergies, etc.). I went on a pony hypnosis chatroom. One of the users emoted "I lick you", and RD flew in and took the lick in my stead. [He was worried that the lick counted as sexual conduct in a public chatroom.] 5/2/15: I forgot to log stuff. I noticed that I was having trouble imposing RD, and I visualized an SFM model of her being constructed, automatically. Using this method, imposition was pretty easy. [i figure it's just cause your mind needed a break.] ^Attention everyone: introspection kicks ass.^ I thought about RD's changeling phase. [it lasted for like a day. I don't think it counts as a "phase".] When I looked in the mirror, she briefly appeared as a Changeling with her mane- and tail-style. I thought about how the Trio had "snuck into" "The Book of Mormon" and "Tammy". I asked them if they'd done this to "cling at life", and Shou said that "I could have done it unconsciously. It definitely wasn't a conscious decision on my part."
KruegerMeister May 6, 2015 Author May 6, 2015 5/3/15: I got a message on youtube telling me to "get that ugly face down and fucking repent". It wasn't a reply to a comment I'd posted, it was an unsolicited message. I figured this guy was a troll, and RD said he probably was. I saw this girl who RD said looked like Eliza Dushkuv. I deliberately used the "SFM construction" thing I'd used yesterday to help Keystroke. I envisioned a greyish model of his form, with colors being spraypainted on it. He said that the spraypaint tickled. Later, I thought about Twilight hypnosis: I could have used study aid hypnosis, but I figured it would work better with a studious pony as a "framework". Keystroke surmised that tying physical changes to possession would keep me from doubting that I was being possessed. I thought about convincing my mom to watch Fullmetal Alchemist, with an ulterior motive: she'd likely be creeped out by the Shou and Nina episodes, and I'd explain to her that these two chimeras are sympathetic. That way, if she finds out about my tulpas, she won't judge Shou, Nina, and Sarah by the way they look. In a tulpa chatroom, Shou introduced himself to one of the users. Before showing them a pic of what he looked like, he asked what timezone they were in, to make sure that they wouldn't be seeing a scary pic before bed and have trouble sleeping. Due to this, I thought about listing "empathy" as one of his traits, but he said that that would imply that "Shou has empathy" was so odd as to warrant mention. 5/4/15: RD and I worked on her voice; I started a sentence, and she finished it. We didn't do much today. I let her hypnotize me, but I fell asleep for about half an hour. I theorized that if my parents found out about my tulpas, and presented me with an ultimatum of choosing between my tulpas and something else I really like, I could have both--Fluttershy existed without my knowledge for some time (she told me a date, but I don't remember it). ^You can just go with the first time you heard my mindvoice. I think that was early 2014, or maybe late 2013.^ Anyway, if Fluttershy could exist for that long without feeding from my attention, my other tulpas likely could as well. [This derp forgot what the date was after he fell asleep :P.] Partially because when I woke my computer from sleep mode, the "recommended videos" part of Youtube included a Brony Notion video with "5 days ago" as the upload date. This video wasn't in the recommended videos list before my nap. I imagined RD texting a judge I know about copyright and trademarks, to which Shou whistled/hummed (not sure which) the Mission Impossible theme. When I watched a Thinking Atheist podcast, RD considered replying to one of the comments. [i think of it like "seeding myself through the Interwebs".] ^Everyone's like "who's this person, why does he use brackets? Oh, never mind, he seems like a pretty cool guy".^ [Nope, tulpa! Sorta like how Nina disguised herself for those few months.] RD and Keystroke helped me study for a test. While I studied vocabulary front-to-back, RD quizzed Keystroke on back-to-front vocabulary. When I started to work on origami instead of studying, RD told me to get back to studying. When I did this, she joked about me being obedient (I.e., her pet).
KruegerMeister May 7, 2015 Author May 7, 2015 5/5/15: I thought about the 2003 Fullmetal Alchemist anime, and came up with something: the three 'Meras are "shadows" of the anime's Homunculi. A Homunculus is the result of a failed human transmutation. You try to bring a dead person back to life, fail, and wind up with a grotesque thing. You react in fear and try to get rid of it...And then the villain shows up, and raises the disowned creature to be evil. Creepy appearance that leads to the 'Meras being disowned? Check. Villainous figure to teach them evil? Not check. Nina: Isn't this just fauxlosophizing? I mean, I told you the scariness was only skin-deep. I thought about using the hypothetical FMA-a-thon as a way to work on imposing Sarah (because she's blonde, and sounds like Winry Rockbelle). When RD said that she didn't like stuff that wasn't based in logic at all, she wondered if that was hypocritical. [Don't take this the wrong way, fellow tulpas, but there doesn't seem to be much logic in tulpamancy. I'm not talking about the mechanics, I'm...wait, I think I'm confusing "logic" with "method/rules". Never mind.] 5/6/15: I worked on imposing RD, with lighting in mind. When I congratulated her on holding an SFM form, she flew at me and kissed me on the lips. I went over to see a friend. The sun was out, so I didn't bring a sweatshirt. On the way back to my dorm, it started raining. [One second--nothing, the next--bam.] I laughed at the absurdity of how soaked I got, and RD congratulated me on being able to laugh at myself. [i listened to the Dr Wolf/Animated James video, and I realiz--I think I had a breakthrough. I can't be afraid of lawsuits. I can't wait around for some other fictive/some other tulpa to be taken to court for having the form of a preexisting character. I can't [i]wait[/i] for precedent like that, I have to set it.] She made this big, impassioned speech to a pretend audience of Youtubers. Sadly, I don't remember what it was. I remember that it said that fear of potential stuff makes people do stupid things. My friend talked about how she'd befriended and helped two mentally ill people in numerous ways (such as teaching one of them cleanliness/tidiness things his parents didn't, and kicking the asses of people who picked on him). Fluttershy, Keystroke, and Rainbow Dash commended her actions. I tried to figure out when I'd first heard Fluttershy's mindvoice (I was lying in bed, and she suggested shifting position. I think I was reading to RD, which would mean it was early on). I realized that I'd been logging tulpa-related stuff for so long that I'd forgotten why. I'm using it more like a (PG-13-ish) diary than a progress report. I reread the first post, and saw that I'd worked on tactile imposition. [(re: tactile imposition) I'll make a pros-and-cons list.] {You also gave up on auditory stuff. There's one mention of it on 3/25/14, and that's it.} [Could somepony please answer the question, "are there benefits to auditory/tactile imposition?"? Also, Krueger's asked questions before that...kinda went unanswered.] Just an observation: I'm kind of irritated/annoyed by the lack of depth in my starter entries. {Also by having trouble figuring out the first day of hypnosis--I'm thinking it'd be less stressful if I just arbitrarily chose my birthdate. I'll work on that while you're asleep.} If you read through the first few pages, you'll notice there are activities there that I don't really do anymore (such as pretend-interviewing RD). For some reason, that's disconcerting. I wondered if "disconcerting" was the right word, and RD said it was. +I think a lot of it comes from the first post is three-and-a-half months and then the rest are one or two days of stuff.+ I thought about the absence of "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu" recently. I started to get a bit worked up about this, but noticed it. Dash said to let this happen, so I just let the tears flow. [i'm still your pony waifu, Pet.]
KruegerMeister May 8, 2015 Author May 8, 2015 5/7/15: I asked my tulpas if they wanted to be tactilely and/or aurally imposed. RD responded by asking "Do you want us to be?" [Wanna see a movie?] I thought of my original plan to see a different movie every week, as extra tulpaforcing, and how this didn't really pan out. [so what?! I'm still here!] I thought about RD's mindvoice. She said that it sounded like Ashleigh Ball's Rainbow Dash, but that I didn't know because I didn't have a sound clip to use as a baseline. She got mad at me for doubting her. While eating ramen, I was about to watch the Honest Trailer for 50 Shades of Grey. Fluttershy advised against this, since I could laugh and choke. I heard that women's brains have more synaptic connections between hemispheres than men's, and started to ask RD something about this. She cut me off and said "I'm in a male brain." When I watched FiMFlamPhilosophy's original video for "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu", my reaction was "This song. This. Fuckin'. Song, man." ^So many feels. *gives Krueger a congratulatory cheek-peck*^ [:)] When I listened to "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu" while visualizing Dash's SFM form, she danced while I tried to construct it. [Hey, remember that "brainwashing" shit? You thought you'd brainwashed me into loving you with "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu"? :P] I know, that was lame. :P {Rather awesome fact, I've gotta say: you guys can joke about that.} I thought about getting around to the "see a movie with Dash every week" thing. RD said that this would decrease the novelty of it.
KruegerMeister May 10, 2015 Author May 10, 2015 5/8/15: I tried to work on imposition. [Faces are hard.] I asked Nina to impose herself, and she appeared a few feet away from me. [The Walter Mitty Routine'll probly help. I mean, that's all about imposition.] {We can do "mind's eye" stuff--different facial expressions and all that--} Nina: I can't. I tried to bring up Fullmetal Alchemist to my mom, but I was too chicken to say the title, for some reason. Nina: Should we feel bad? There's a pretense--"watching the show" is just a pretense. [You're living in fear, Pet.] The "stupid thing" in this case isn't dangerous, just watching a TV show. When I went to bed, RD dared me to take my shirt off "Christian Grey-style" (neck hole first, then arms).
KruegerMeister May 11, 2015 Author May 11, 2015 5/9/15: Shou said that his hypothetical cutie mark wouldn't relate to tenacity, because the tenacious things he did were just survival stuff (like putting himself in "Tammy"). I figured that I'd been neglecting imposition, so Nina and I worked on that. When she imposed herself on the stairs, I inspected her from multiple angles. I couldn't hallucinate her, but I could intuit where she was when she walked up the stairs. I saw her by my bed, in animated form. When I turned on a lamp, she changed to reflect the new lighting, still in animated form. My friend said that I had a six-pack. I thought about posting this on Facebook, but Shou said that'd be gloating. I harnessed the six-pack euphoria to aid imposition-- [...it's more like "getting back on track".] --and thought about making it so that when my tulpas move about, I get the mental impression of footsteps or wing-flaps. I read about DIY stuff, and my tulpas got really excited (I'm working on a top secret DIY project). Nina didn't do much more than smirk. I noticed a trend: I did poorly on things I half-finished, and then waited to finish, but better on things I mostly-finished and waited to polish off. I wondered how I could apply this to tulpamancy, and RD suggested more active forcing. [You haven't done that in two years. Well, almost two years. It'll be two years in like Janua--December.] I tried to visualize a computer model of Sarah, and ended up apologizing for not being able to not overthink her muzzle. Sarah: There's no need to apologize; Father can probably help me out. Me: What do you think about this theory?: focusing on the time it will take to read a book or run a lap or anything is a problem. Sarah: Duh. Me: Dash, what do you think about this? [Eh, it's cool. It's great that you're getting to know her.]
KruegerMeister May 12, 2015 Author May 12, 2015 5/10/15: I asked Keystroke if he wanted to be Dusk Shine again, and he said, "Sure, if it helps you out." [Alright, here's the plan: we start off slow so he (Krueger) doesn't freak out.] We didn't do much after that. 5/11/15: I ordered a roast beef-and-Swiss sandwich for Nina for lunch. When I bit into it, I saw her biting into a bloody steak. Nina: What? I like meat. Hey, is bacon meat-based? +Well, it comes from pigs.+ Plus 1 for holding your form, Shou. +Thanks.+ I overheard an intriguing conversation, and thought about listening in. Dash chastised me via head-pressure, and I felt the mental impression of Fluttershy hitting me with a rolled-up newspaper. ^ :P ^ Keystroke possessed me, and RD hypnotized him. She had him put on those sheepskin slippers I used to associate with him. We lost track of time, and I had a vague recollection of what happened. {I think the memory impairment's because I was piloting his body while the hypnosis occurred, instead of him being hypnotized.} I asked RD if she'd put in any post-hypnotic suggestions. She didn't.
KruegerMeister May 14, 2015 Author May 14, 2015 5/12/15: I asked RD something about imposition. When I walked outside, she had me turn my head to the right. When I looked left, I saw her and Fluttershy hovering in the air, talking about a cartoon I'd seen. When my friend said I was perceptive after I'd asked him about fluoride in water, I said "My eyesight might be bad, but I AM perceptive." Dash complimented my positive thinking. When I thought about working on a story, Dash said "Don't you have homework to do?" Later [much, much later], Shou imposed himself sitting on my bed when I asked my tulpas if they wanted to work on imposition. We talked about DIY stuff.
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