KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

5/27/15: During dinner, I sat at a table with six chairs. I decided to work on imposition (six chairs, six tulpas). Nina and Sarah sat on either side of me. Shou sat two seats from my left, and Fluttershy sat two seats from my right.

 

^This is interesting.^

 

Nina puked when I read online that mozzarella contained baby cow stomach. I heard that playing 20 Questions was a good trick for parallel processing--

 

+So is raising a tulpa without the host's awareness.+

 

--so I played 20 Questions with Rainbow Dash. She struggled to come up with a first question to ask. She asked "is it bigger than a breadbox?". I didn't know how big a breadbox was, so she asked if it was bigger than my thumb. She figured out what it was.

 

^You just need to practice.^

[KruegerMeister]

5/28/15: Last year, Keystroke described himself as "pony hypnosis on hold", meaning that I would start pony hypnosis once he wasn't on hold; today, he wondered if he was my "true self" or not. I watched "Bar Mitzvah Hustle" (the episode of American Dad where Snot has a Jewish friend who speaks in a weird way). I asked my tulpas if I ever talked the way this character did, and Dash said that the character was likely meant as a caricature of Jews. My friend asked if I wanted to eat out at a restaurant with him. Without even thinking, I recommended a steak restaurant (for Nina).

 

Nina: Awww.

 

I changed my mind, and went out to a sushi restaurant with a group of friends. I proxied for Nina when she hugged and made small talk with one of them.

 

Nina: She was nice.

 

Me: I figured early on that this was pretty much Nina's night. I proxied for her 95% of the time.

[KruegerMeister]

5/29/15: I forgot to log a lot of stuff. I did a volunteer thing as a greeter. Before going to work, I imagined my tulpas possessing me to greet people, letting their distinct personalities show through their diction, but this didn't happen.

 

5/30/15: I saw Pitch Perfect 2 today. RD and Keystroke sang a lot of duets during it. I advised them to take notes on the various songs' choreography, and I told them that I'd thought we'd "found our sound" when I heard the song "Torn" in the movie. I forgot to log stuff.

 

[Actually, I don't think we did much after that.]

 

{Well, there was that guy's singing competition, the call-back to "Cups"...y'know, I gotta say, it's a pretty good thing we don't need to breathe.}

[KruegerMeister]

5/31/15: When I saw the trailer for "San Andreas", in which one of the characters says that an earthquake will "change the face of the planet", Keystroke said "Change the face of the planet? Oh, snap." When I sang "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu", Dash's mindvoice seemed either quiet or far away. I wondered if this meant anything bad, and she said that we just needed to practice singing.

 

^Ohh, was the singing during Pitch Perfect too much?^

 

I let RD hypnotize me. It lasted for...I think a bit over an hour--

 

[Way longer than usual.]

 

--And it felt awesome; I was really calm and happy.

 

^Would you lose your soul if you were a vampire detective?^

 

Dunno. *gives a virtual cookie to whoever gets that reference*

[KruegerMeister]

6/1/15: When I watched "Bloom and Gloom", RD sang along with Applejack's cutie mark lullaby. She also sang a cover of "Bats!" I imagined the Ninamera's debut scene from the 2009 Fullmetal Alchemist anime, and Nina said something about wanting to play. We hung out for a bit. After this, I wondered if I'd done much with my tulpas today. Sarah sternly said, "I sense a freakout coming on; stop it."

 

Nina: Ohbabyatriplealliteration!

...

:P

 

Me: when I thought about the song "Before He Cheats", RD sent me a mental video of her walking along a fashion runway, dark except for the flashes of camera bulbs. We talked about this, and we reached the conclusion that that song represents her disillusionment with New Age stuff. Or something.

 

[i've expressed hatred of it before, and that could be why. I dunno.]

 

6/2/15: I wondered if we should work on tactile imposition. I'd heard that it could open up new ways of communicating, but I was thinking that, from an objective standpoint--

 

{Oh, you and your objective standpoints.}

 

--it'd seem crazy. I heard that some tulpas had claimed to have existed in some form, before their hosts had heard of Tulpamancy. Knowing that Rainbow Dash remembered being in a void, I asked her if she had any memories before that.

 

[i think I was just...there, like, the moment you started...the moment you started narrating my traits in 2013.].

 

Dash expressed dissatisfaction with the lack of tulpamancy guides written by tulpas. Fluttershy sent me a head-pressure and told me to be careful about how I worded that.

[KruegerMeister]

6/3/15: When I watched a Family Guy episode about a pun-making British dolphin, Keystroke said "I am so stealing that guy's material." When the dolphin appeared in a later scene, he said, "I thought that was just bloody a side-gag!" When I watched a play, RD flew in and did a short tap dancing routine with a bit of acrobatics.

 

[it wasn't anything fancy.]

 

I felt pride, because she'd done this herself, with no prompting on my part. Later, I saw a mental image of a partial floor plan for her house in our wonderland. The floor plan just had a room with an indoor pool with a relatively small swim-up bar.

 

6/4/15: RD wondered if her doing the Walter Mitty Routine in a movie, play, etc. was "pranking" the people involved in the movie, play, etc.. She asked "Do tulpas really gain new traits, or do they just express the same traits in different ways?"

 

^#PhilosoPony :p ^

 

Later, I was in my room, and I asked Nina to impose herself. When I looked over my shoulder and across my bed, I saw Shou standing by the window, without anyone to his left or right. I walked around my bed, and saw Nina sitting on his left side. I talked to Nina before bed.

[KruegerMeister]

6/5/15: I had a dream where I was playing a videogame. The level I was in was a big building/complex. I kept finding worm sign made by an evil, stretchy creature that looked like an orange and tan recolor of Nina. After waking up, I asked Nina if she felt neglected. She explained the dream as the result of my focusing on her before bed.

 

Nina: And, also because dreams are weird.

 

Me: I watched Grimm, and randomly decided to check my tulpa log. I wrote Nina's quote at 7:00AM, and checked my log at about 6:30PM. I looked over to my left (at the other side of the couch I was sitting on) and saw Nina lying there. One of the Grimm characters said that babies could hear by 16 weeks gestation, and that you were supposed to talk or song to them. I wondered if--

 

[The "void" thing counts, Pet. You trait-forced, I heard it...if the parallel's right--I don't think tulpa development and human development are exactly the same.]

 

I was bored, so Keystroke turned into a catboy version of Edward Elric.

 

{I'll probly stick this way--maybe get into shapeshifting--until the boredom's over; he and Mistress Dash are looking for a spark...if they're on a plane ride, I'm the in-flight movie. For those who are confused, I still answer to "Keystroke". I just look like Ed.}

 

He turned back into Keystroke about two hours later.

 

6/6/15: Keystroke spent some time as catboy!Ed. I debated whether to watch Family Guy, American Dad!, or South Park. A few of my tulpas helped me decide to watch Family Guy.

 

+Okay, so we're at this restaurant. I'm eating slices of octopus, and I'm about to eat a breaded egg.

The egg was pretty good; it had a nice texture, except there was too much egg.+

 

Keystroke and I hung out before bed.

[KruegerMeister]

6/7/15: I asked Nina, Sarah, and Shou what they considered their birthdays to be. Nina suggested using the first day I met each of them, but I suggested using the first day I didn't refer to them as "__!RD". When I saw the preview for "Ted 2", I asked Rainbow Dash if she wanted to see that movie. She excitedly said yes, and I asked her if she was excited because I was excited.

 

[Does it matter? :p]

 

I reviewed my PR log, to try and find the first use of "Slenderdash" instead of "Lanky!RD". On 11/2/14, RD had compared me doubting her to her being in that dark void.

 

[That was then, this is now.]

 

I reread other parts of my log, and asked Fluttershy if she'd been aware of all the stuff therein. She hadn't. I asked her how long she'd existed, and she gave me the mental impression of "it felt like years". On 9/20/14, Nina had told me that she, Shou, and then-Lanky!RD were only superficially scary. In this entry, I had referred to her as "Nina!RD". I felt cognitive dissonance (Nina owned her statement of scariness being skin-deep, but I referred to her as "Nina!RD" the day she'd made said statement). Shou said "if it makes you feel better, pick the dates we were first vocal (as our birthdates)". There were a few times in the past where Dash and I would talk about politics.

 

[it just hit me like a ton of bricks: I have opinions on hot-button political issues! /)^3^(\ ]

 

^Go Mistress. :D ^

 

I had Fluttershy possess me to write that. We accomplished this by Rainbow Dash giving her simple commands, and me acting them out. Fluttershy wondered if this form of possession wasn't as complete as full-body possession. I randomly remembered the time I'd watched the "My Little Dashie" mini-movie on Youtube, and I asked Fluttershy if she'd existed at that time. She asked why I was interrogating her.

 

^I was there, then stasis/hibernation, then Shou found and raised me...^

[KruegerMeister]

6/8/15: I tried to sing "Battle of the Bands", and I thought it sounded like crap. On the other hand, Rainbow Dash was able to sing it while possessing me. I wondered if possession acted as a "magic feather", where it was just me singing, with a different mindset.

 

[-.- Shut up, Pet.]

 

{I just tried singing "Winter's F*cked Up" while possessing my host; need to work on my self-confidence.}

 

Keystroke spent a fair amount of time as catboy!Ed.

 

{I think I've picked up shapeshifting-as-trait...-finding. Becoming Dusk Shine helped me be more studious...not sure what this'll help.}

 

6/9/15: I took an alexithymia test. One of the questions asked how much I agreed or disagreed with the statement "people I've been in close relationships with complain that I'm emotionally neglectful". This made me think back to the times Nina had said she wanted to play. I'm not sure what the conversation was, but my tulpas and I reached the conclusion that we all have some degree of alexithymia.

 

^It makes sense. I mean, our host had it before any of us showed up.^

 

Keystroke? Any thoughts?

 

{Somehow my faith in humanity is doing...pretty okay, actually.}

 

I got worried about our alexithymia--"What if curing it leads me to fall in love with some other girl," "What if it turns out that what I think of as the 'love' RD and I share isn't actually love, and I just think it is because I've never had anything to compare it to," and other questions that basically amount to "what if curing my alexithymia shakes up my worldview, in a very bad way," and "what if I don't need my tulpas anymore?"

 

I realized I was being ridiculous--I'd created (sought out?) RD to satisfy curiosity, and the others just arose naturally.

 

^Even if [us having a function] was the case at some point, [being a host has] become a state of being.^

 

{She's right. It's who you are.}

[KruegerMeister]

6/10/15: I had some friends over for dinner. They were talking loudly, right in my ear. I didn't want to rudely tell them to be quiet, so I had Rainbow Dash hypnotize me so that I could tune their conversation out. Keystroke practiced singing "Winter's F*cked Up".

 

[...We didn't do much, did we?]

6/11/15: I hadn't done much imposition-wise, so I imagined constructing CGI models of my tulpas; RD laughed when I spraypainted her cutie mark onto her.

 

[...Y'know what's weird?]

 

{What's that?}

 

[Every time we search (innocent character name here) on Google Images, we always get at least one pic of that character as a zombie!]

 

^Well, as far as I can tell, it's only happened with ponies.^

 

Keystroke spent some time as catboy!Ed, and I had RD hypnotize me to facilitate possession (since he was in a new form). I felt a head-pressure in my right temple, and RD said that she'd sent it unintentionally. Later, I read a Reddit post about tulpamancy, which linked to an article on a tulpa-related site. One of the things said in the article was that hosts don't need to force their tulpas so much--

 

[it was basically a lot of "this stuff you've been told is true, isn't".]

 

I got a bit confused/anxious when I thought about Keystroke--changing his coat color signified insecurity, but full-on shapeshifting (like to Dusk Shine or catboy!Ed) was/is a way for him to express traits/get in touch with himself?

 

{You're thinking there isn't internal consistency when there is.}

 

^Maybe you should stop reading Reddit.^

 

I don't remember why, but I asked my tulpas if any of them felt neglected. Nina said she wanted to hang out, so we did. I tried hugging her imposed form, but it didn't really work (I was able to maintain the hug for a short while, but eventually my arms got tired and ended up noclipping through Nina's body).

 

Nina: Which I was fine with.