KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

12/31/14: RD said she was bored. I suggested doing the Walter Mitty Routine in Lost. Fluttershy asked me if she could do it too. I said that she didn't need my permission. She said that she'd wait until Jin wasn't "a dick", so she didn't appear in the episode I was watching. When I watched www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QuMxDAmXne, Nina put herself in the role of Shiloh for the song "Infected". She decided to "cut back" when "Legal Assassin" came on in the Part 3 video.

I realized that, to the best of my knowledge, Slenderdash had had no social interaction for several months. Xe said that xe wasn't "much of a people person". After I'd wondered if this was equivalent to a human being suicidal, xe told me xe'd been interacting with Shou, and that xe was a "low-maintenance tulpa". Xe also said that xe hadn't felt anything negative about this "malnourishment" until I got worked up and my guilt/sadness rubbed off on xyr.

 

[Xe's fine, Pet. *sigh and facehoof* "Low-maintenance"; do you know what that means? I have polyphasic sleep, for Christ's sake!]

 

I asked Slenderdash if xe'd interacted with anyone other than Shou. Xe said that xe'd helped Nina come up with her "Sarah" look. I prepared to go into a therapy session with Fluttershy. When I fluffed up my body pillow, she observed that I was seeking comfort. I felt a brief pain in my nasal bone, which Slenderdash said was xyr way of telling me that I was making a mountain out of a mole-hill; "Humans will die without enough sleep, yet polyphasic sleep exists."

Shou, Nina, and Rainbow Dash accompanied me to therapy. Nina and Shou kept referring to Slenderdash with feminine pronouns, and Nina said that Slenderdash wanted to join their family.

[KruegerMeister]

1/1/15: There's a scene in a novel I'm writing where the main character reads my PR log and unsuccessfully attempts to get rid of her malevolent hallucination with silver fire. I wondered if I should change that, but Shou and Nina pointed out some Fridge Brilliance: the character uses a technique that didn't work for its original user. I recommended that Slenderdash change her name and form, since they both suggest being a variant of Rainbow Dash, and thus a lesser being. I asked Shou why he'd nurtured Fluttershy into tulpa-dom. He said that he felt sympathy for her, given his origins.

I realized that on 11/6/13, I'd had this dream: I'm designing a Ponysona for myself. I briefly think of making it a 24-year old squirrel, but change my mind. I change it from an Alicorn to a Pegasus (don't wanna be OP) and give it a writing Cutie Mark.

--And wondered if that's how Keystroke was born. He started as an earth pony (because earth ponies are nothing special/seldom used as OCs) with a writing-related cutie mark, then I changed him to a pegasus (wings relate to freedom).

 

{The 'Sona in the dream didn't have my colors.}

 

It's still weird. I sort of think it has bad implications for the idea of tulpa senti--

 

[shut. Up. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Shaddup.]

 

Dash pointed out that, for all I knew, my actions were just the result of preset stuff. I saw an image of Slenderdash in the infinite field I'd made, saying "Ugh, this happens EVERY TIME", and turning into Sarah with a flash of lightning while saying "EVERY TIME".

When I read www.impaths.com/2014/12/is-tulpamancy-kosher.html, I realized that I'd have things to deal with on two fronts: even if my dad doesn't believe that my tulpas are "negative entities", my mom might use "tulpas aren't kosher" as an objection.

 

[Kosher's food regulations. Plus, I'm pretty sure that article quote-mined Koomer. Troll?]

 

Nina: Troll.

 

A few weeks ago, I had a dream that ended with me being stung by bees, and I woke up feeling it. Tonight, I asked Keystroke if he still had my nightmares for me. He said "sometimes", and that he'd let me have the bee dream for "a change of pace". I felt a headache in my left temple. Slenderdash/Sarah said that this was due to her adjusting to being part of Shou & Nina's family. I figured I'd give the Trio the night off "work". I asked Sarah about her claustrophobia, and she said that it was all but gone, but there might be a bit left over. Upon reading a thread on Dreamviews, I wondered how in the world I'd been able to create Rainbow Dash, when I'd been forgetting to do simple tests to determine if I was dreaming or awake.

 

[better payoff. The goal's more...concrete and easier to conceptualize.]

[KruegerMeister]

1/2/15: When I checked my PR log and saw that I hadn't written anything for today's entry until 5:20PM, RD asked me what I wanted to do. I used to have these crystals that allegedly blocked harmful EMF from computers, phones, etc.. I haven't used them in a few weeks. I felt a painful headache in Dash's spot in my brain, and wondered if those recent painful headaches were nocebos from not having the crystals nearby when on my computer.

 

[Maybe. Didn't you read something about computer-EMF not being cancer-EMF?]

 

Fluttershy: You have this long-held belief, and then you find something that contradicts it. It could be cognitive dissonance.

 

[i don't know. He...[i]was[/i] skeptical/cynical about the stones when he bought 'em.]

 

I felt some anxiety while discussing Karmic Lessons with a numerologist. I figured that I saw numerology as a way to soul-search, which is used in pony hypnosis. Fluttershy said that I felt like engaging in soul-searching is a mandatory part of being involved in the pony hypnosis community, even though I only talk on the chatroom. I briefly experienced minor Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (whatever it's called where you perceive your surroundings as larger than they are). Fluttershy blamed this on my staying up to around midnight.

 

Fluttershy: I think it's sort of jet lag. Maybe it's latent...something from the numerology reading.

 

[Damn that jet lag.]

 

{Note to self: this interferes with thinking...processing speed...fuck.}

 

Fluttershy: Try getting a good night's sleep.

[KruegerMeister]

1/3/15: I didn't do much tulpaforcing today. I wondered if a tulpa would make a good psychoanalyst. Fluttershy said that she was only a bit better than Eliza. When I played Cards Against Humanity, RD said that "a squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles" sounded awesome. Before I went to sleep, we worked on profiling the serial killer in my novels.

 

I realized something: in my novels, a movie comes out in 2023 that predicts events in 2028, relating directly to the killer. This could impact the police work done in 2028.

 

Fluttershy: [The police] could consider it a dramatization. Maybe they're all dogmatically skeptical or in denial or something.

[LittleTulpa]

How many tulpae do you have? I can't keep track... Sorry.

[KruegerMeister]

Six. You?

[KruegerMeister]

1/4/15: I had a dream where I did pot in pill form, which had sent me into a lucid dream where I explored a dreamworld with RD. In the dream, I suddenly couldn't find her. I tried looking at a screenshot of a Youtube video about her (seeing her image would help me), but the screen in the picture was blank.

After I woke up, I felt like RD was gone. Fluttershy said that the dream I'd has was "[Dash's] gift to [me]", which I misunderstood as "she's gone, but she left you this to go out with a bang". I went into our wonderland and saw Fluttershy with a collar and leash around her neck. I followed the leash, and found RD on a picnic blanket in Fluttershy's forest--she'd set up a surprise date.

 

[Lemme guess what you're gonna say: "that's nice and everything, but could you please not be gone like that?" Notice how Fluttershy wasn't freaking out.]

 

Later today, I caught myself occasionally thinking like Pinkie Pie (after my numerologist discussed the flaws of those with 7 for their personality number, I figured I'd be a good Pinkie Pie). I requested that Rainbow Dash send me a gross image whenever such thoughts occurred.

 

[He's thinking that he might go "cupcakes" on me.]

 

Fluttershy: How about we deal with that "all-or-nothing" attitude tonight? Maybe your counsellor and I can compare notes.

 

When I thought back to tulpas as psychoanalysts, Fluttershy said that I wanted to "still get some use out of" my counsellor--I'm so desperate to be seen as normal that I subconsciously limit Fluttershy's abilities as a psychoanalyst; Fluttershy can't substitute for my counsellor. Basically, my subconscious is keeping me from not having pretenses to socialize with other human beings. When I watched a review of Hellraiser, I suggested that RD do the Walter Mitty Routine and review the reviewer's review, while I and someone/somepony else review her review of the reviewer's review. She said that that was too complicated. I asked her why she'd specifically chosen a picnic. She said that she wanted to put Fluttershy's forest to use.

 

[We still gonna do that story arc?]

 

Sarah: I still call dibs on the creepy-but-helpful guide.

 

Me: Maybe when I don't have to worry about college.

I went on a date with RD before bed, during which she hypnotized me and made my right arm weightless/heavy several times in a row. She said it was because she wanted to test how much control I'd given her; she reminded me of her promise not to make me do anything I'd have any reason to object to.

[KruegerMeister]

1/5/14: When I read "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", Rainbow Dash narrated it, Keystroke played Poole, and Shou played Mr. Utterson. When I read www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/2jxbyi/what_do_you_think_of_the_tumblr_headmate_trend (specifically the part about a void), RD described her void as "not really a void. In the technical sense, I mean. I was in there; a void is completely empty." Fortunately, all of my tulpas said that they didn't experience the kind of void described in the thread. I thought I heard someone crying/whimpering, and saw an image of Fluttershy in a moderately-dark, wooden room, crying. Fluttershy said that this was similar to the brain incorporating outside stimuli into dreams, and not a case of her actually crying about something.

[KruegerMeister]

1/6/14: I got worked up about the Pinkie/hypnosis-related stuff, so I imagined it as a magenta orb, pulled it out of my chest, and threw it in a filing cabinet. When I considered that I felt morally obliged to correct my flaws (as I believe that hypnotizing myself to be Pinkie will accomplish this), Dash said that nobody's perfect. I realized that the Pinkie-related stuff had happened because I'd been TOLD that certain traits I had were flaws, and jumped right to wanting to correct them without deciding for myself if they were truly flaws. I explained all this to my counsellor; he looked at me with what I thought was "dafuq is this kid talking about?", but Fluttershy said that my counsellor was simply worried I was becoming too delusional. She said that my habit of entering the cafeteria through the side entrance represented my feeling like an outsider, and I told her that this was real life. RD tested out the hypnosis trigger we'd agreed upon on me. After this, she squeed when I realized that Youtube returned to the old comment system.

[KruegerMeister]

1/7/14: In the dream I'd had on 1/4/15, a human version of Rainbow Dash had called me "Daddy". When I thought about this, Fluttershy said that I felt like I was similar to the main character of My Little Dashie. Keystroke tried to sing, but his accent didn't really come through.

Shou seemed a bit sad that my "I'm a chimera" thing was over, but Fluttershy clarified that he wasn't sad, just reminiscing about it. When I said that I was feeling sort of guilty about this, he said "Rumination can fuck you up". This was accompanied by an image of his human base, but when he repeated it, his imposed form's lips moved. I randomly compared his base's canine ears to handlebars. I observed that the only part of his, Sarah, and Nina's house I could visualize was the one room. He suggested I look at some Sims houses for inspiration.