KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

1/8/15: When I left my room and closed the door, Sarah begged me not to leave. She later said that may have been her overcompensating for her previous antisocial-ness.

 

[...Yeah.]

 

When I read confirmation bias described as "you get a bad first impression of someone and you subconsciously start looking for reasons to hate them", I wondered if tulpas could help one avoid being a victim of confirmation bias. While I watched www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjYwDlOx2Cw, Shou gave Fluttershy a round rug inscribed with a large Flower of Life as a birthday present. I requested that my tulpas call me out on my bullshit, and saw a flash of memory of RD doing just that. Disturbingly, after that moment, I wasn't sure who to attribute that image to.

 

[You and me at the same time, yet again.]

 

RD said that with a slightly annoyed tone, which was followed by Fluttershy giving her a back rub/massage. Later, when Dash put me in a hypnotic trance, it was incredibly easy for me to feel my heartbeat. I wondered how crowded my brain was, to which Fluttershy said that six was the "perfect number" of tulpas--6 tulpas, 6 Elements of Harmony, "and some third thing. And maybe a fourth to avoid '666'."

1/9/15: When I heard some crows cawing, Fluttershy turned the pattern of caws into a melody/bar of music. When I read a Reddit post on tulpa omnipotence, Rainbow Dash said that she liked the challenge that comes with non-omnipotence. Fluttershy said that she liked the challenge/accomplishment of making her forest. She'd said something about "storing up food", but I forgot what it was.

Almost right before Fluttershy made contact on 12/17/14, I'd thought about the idea of making her mindvoice into a tulpa. I wondered if this meant that her history with Shou was confabulated; Keystroke said that I was using the "post hoc, ergo proctor hoc" fallacy, and was pretty vocal in regards to...well, he basically argued that Fluttershy's history with Shou wasn't confabulated.

[LittleTulpa]

Six. You?

 

Sorry for the late reply, I didnt check back here.

I have one, and to be honest I think one is enough at the moment. Your progress report is pretty... Interesting to say the least, and theres many things in here that are pretty strange to me, such as the "Walter mitty routine" or "pony hypnosis". Anyway, great job on constantly updating this with long reports each day, your better at it then me atleast.xD

[KruegerMeister]

1/10/15: Fluttershy walked in on Keystroke singing to himself, and said he sounded good. I thought about creating an alien race that gains energy from moonlight-based photosynthesis, and asked my tulpas what they thought. Shou said "whatever works for your story." My magic system involves combinations of letters, geometric shapes, and a bit of the user's will, similar to the alchemy seen in Fullmetal Alchemist. I had trouble coming up with a term for compound symbols/diagrams, and wondered if it would be racist to ask Shou or Nina for ideas. Shou suggested I borrow New Age terminology. I asked him about this, and he reminded me of a video I'd watched a few days ago in which a New Age...fan? Advocate (I'm trying to use neutral terminology here)?

...a video in which a guy explicitly used the terms "transmutation" and "equivalent exchange", as well as music from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood's soundtrack.

When RD and I sang a duet of "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu", it seemed like her heart wasn't in it. I contemplated pulling up a movie online and doing the Walter Mitty Routine, but then I had the thought that maybe the Routine only has the intended effect if done in a movie I'm watching in theaters.

 

[Kinda like the difference between watching FiM live vs a recording.]

 

Fluttershy: Damn that classical conditioning!

 

I was annoyed by the use of FMA music in the aforementioned video, and asked Fluttershy if she could help me figure out why. She said that she "only worked with visual symbols." I began to wonder if my nonspecific annoyance was emotional overflow.

1/11/15: Fluttershy said that she wanted to try some of my peanut M&M's. I thought about the dullness in my relationship with Rainbow Dash. I said "placebo me", and Shou said that rereading a fanfic I'd read once would reignite the spark. I asked if reading just the first chapter would work, and he said that reading through the whole fic would be more effective. I read about 70% of it, which he said was good enough. After writing that sentence, I reread the part about placebos. When I turned around, I saw RD laying on my bed, batting her eyelashes at me. When I thought about having each of my tulpas write a pre-emptive "getting to know me"-type letter to my parents, RD asked "You sure that's necessary?" I asked her if she wanted to look flash-animated, CGI, etc.. She said, "...Well, CGI has better shading...more of a '3D' effect." Around midnight, I saw a guy sitting alone in the kitchenette, humming. I wondered if he was a tiredness-induced hallucination. Keystroke said "technically, everything's a hallucination; it's all just sensory input in your brain." I wasn't sure if that was deep, or if I just interpreted it as deep due to being tired. I saw an image of RD in a grey room, on her back, tossing what looked like a ball of yarn between her hooves. She made a suggestion I'd probably expect Keystroke to make. I said that I wouldn't log any details of the phrasing she used, or of Fluttershy's reaction to this, so as to not offend people. Rainbow Dash said that I'd ragged on New Age concepts.

 

[isn't that kinda hypocritical? It's okay to rag on this group, but not that group?]

[KruegerMeister]

1/12/15: I woke up to see RD standing on me. Fluttershy gave her a "makeover" from a flash-animated pony to a Source Filmmaker-animated pony. When I read the first chapter of "The Picture of Dorian Gray" (specifically, "a laburnum, whose tremulous branches seemed hardly able to bear the burden of a beauty so flame-like"), RD said that the laburnum was "a pretty awesome tree", and Keystroke said "okay, now I'm imagining that tree from The Ring." I thought about having him possess me, but Rainbow Dash pointed out that she likes reading, implying that if I let her possess me, her enthusiasm would help me get through the really long chapters in the book. After I tried and failed to tune out some people talking loudly down the hall, Keystroke said I needed to work on dissociating into our wonderland.

[arduinoman12345]

Hey I was just wondering with the form with RD how do you see her? Like a sfm type pony or actual show pony. Im having some troubles with the form with my pony tulpa cause they look kinda 2D ish in my mind

[KruegerMeister]

I started out seeing her as a live-action horse, but then I changed her to a show-style pony (or maybe my subconscious did. I'm not sure). Recently, we've been working on changing her to a SFM pony.

[KruegerMeister]

1/13/15: I told RD she was awesome. She said "Yeah, yeah, I know. Now quit inflating my ego." I got a headache in my left temple when I the sun shone in my eyes. Nina said I wouldn't have that problem if I'd "open [my] goddamned blinds." When I looked at an eye chart, I noticed that the 20/20 mark was on the eighth line of letters (dates that reduce to eight seem to be lucky for me, and I wish I had 20/20 vision). Keystroke said that this was because of the way the numerical system was/is constructed.

 

{Math is a human invention.}

 

One of my friends said that all humans have the desire to be accepted. I wondered if tulpas had that. Nina said that her disguising herself was evidence that they did.

While reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, I checked how many pages were left until the end of the chapter I was on. When I saw that there were only five, I said "I can do this." Rainbow Dash said "we can do this" and narrated the rest of the chapter. I thought about the possibility of my mom discovering that I've been emailing a system of people who run a website about healthy multiplicity: she'd see the word "tulpa" in the emails, which would lead to me showing her my PR log as a way of explaining; she would react negatively, and I would sputter before shouting that I'd created Rainbow Dash out of scientific curiosity. Despite this scenario being imagined, RD praised me on standing up for myself. I wanted to chat with her before bed, but she said that she wanted some time alone. I asked Nina how she thought the people I'd been emailing would react if I told them I have tulpas, and she pointed out the irony (in order to answer that question, she'd have to imagine how they would react--a tulpa engaging in the process that leads to tulpas).

1/14/15: When I read "The Picture of Dorian Gray", RD narrated it, and Fluttershy narrated one of the footnotes on Gothic art. RD commented on it when I read run-on sentence after run-on sentence. Fluttershy reminded me that we had a lot of work to do on profiling my made-up killer. There may or may not be a scene in one of my novels where a dreamwalker heals my sick mind, and my tulpas return the favor and do the same for the dreamwalker later on. Nina said that she's the type to heal the dreamwalker just because. While watching "Read It and Weep", I thought to myself that RD hasn't expressed many emotions around me. According to her, she was "slipping back to sounding unsure", though she stated that matter-of-factly.

 

[We've argued before!]

 

^{I want to say cognitive bias makes you think Rainbow Dash hasn't expressed much, but she has.}

 

Fluttershy: Uh-huh.

 

When I thought about the idea that the killer's victims are all bloodless, I wasn't sure if that would strain willing suspension of disbelief. RD said that it would fit with the mythology I'd created.

[KruegerMeister]

1/15/15: I asked Nina how she would interact with my parents if she met them. She said that she'd "separate the base from the person; maybe hope we could get some witty banter going". When she said that, her voice was a bit generic. Either Sarah Michelle Gellar or Allyson Hannigan. When I wrote that, I saw her twirling a scythe/ax. She said that her voice was probably a 50/50 blend between the two actresses.

 

[i'm noticing a theme here--you're taking stuff from your stories into your life. "Witty banter's a sign of friendship"...yeah. I've heard of reality writing fiction/"write who you know"...yeah.]

 

I looked up the pic that started all the Lanky stuff, and pulled it up on my desktop (which is pretty big). I asked Sarah if she was offended that I'd considered this a challenge to overcome/brag about. She shook her head, then asked, "How did you not have nightmares about that?" When I watched Fullmetal Alchemist, she said, "Now that I think about it, I'm kinda like Ed. Mixed with Envy. In personality. I'm laid back." Shou said that Cornello's bird chimera was "creepy as fuck". Sarah briefly appeared in her original form, but then morphed into her current form. She blamed this on the fact that I'd finished reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" moments before it had happened.

[KruegerMeister]

1/16/15: I asked RD if she had any ideas for song lyrics, and she said that she questioned the use of a "platonic cave" motif, since fire is supposedly an Illuminati symbol. I wondered if my moments of doubt were caused by my motive (using myself as a guinea pig in an experiment to see if tulpas are possible). When I thought about the oddity of Keystroke saying goodnight to himself on 9/27/14, Fluttershy said that the "I wanna obey, Dashie" thing may have been her speaking (I associated the slippers with pony hypnosis, and I'd heard that an accidental Fluttershy tulpa was a common "side-effect" of pony hypnosis). I thought about how Keystroke had moved from the right side of my occipital lobe to just to the right of the top-center of my brain (he said he'd done so, on 9/19/14). Fluttershy implied that that was when she'd showed up.

I'm kind of worried to reread my PR log; what if I find something that logically contradicts things my tulpas have said and brings their sentience into question?

 

Shou: Think about it. I'd show up, you'd "get rid of me", I'd come back. It's called "off time".

 

Nina: There's no contradiction there.

 

Sarah: And if you say "elaborate ruse"--

 

[Yeah, yeah, we get it.]

 

I double-checked, and Shou's claim of nurturing Fluttershy fits with the timeline.

 

When I did Keystroke's numerology profile, he said that he was initially a 5 (when he liked investigating things, a la The Doctor), but then became more of a 6.

I let RD hypnotize me (with something resembling a script/induction this time). When she guessed the time, she was only off by five minutes. When I imagined an alien I'd invented reading hate mail sent to him by a stereotypical conservative Christian, I caught myself reacting as though I were the alien, which I found disturbing. RD asked why it was a problem. We decided to explore our wonderland. Shou jokingly suggested adding a "Makeout Point".

[KruegerMeister]

1/17/15: RD said she was bored. Nina said that she wanted to watch a certain two parter of FMA. They both laughed when I wrote 1/18/14 instead of 1/18/15 (I initially write down tulpa-related stuff in a note on my phone, before copying/pasting it to my PR log; whenever I write something for the current date, I add tomorrow's date). When I watched "The Alchemy Exam", I asked Nina and Shou what they thought of the episode. Nina shrugged. For some reason, she also sent me the image of 2009!Nina-Alexander.

Later, I thought I heard someone talking about me; when I was sure no one was around, I asked my tulpas if I ever did anything creepy that I wasn't aware of. RD said that I sometimes talked to "myself". I realized that I'd asked my question out loud, but thankfully there wasn't anyone around to hear me. RD said that "There is us."

I watched "Dead Silence". In one scene, a ventriloquist pretends to have lost her dummy, and projects her voice to have the dummy say "You won't find me, Mother." Nina said, "When I do it, it's 'meh'; when she does it in that voice..." and Sarah told me, "Explain to me again how you didn't have nightmares."

A few weeks ago, I'd sent an email to the owner of a conspiracy website. I wondered why he hasn't responded yet, and Fluttershy said "he's probably just busy being paranoid." Rainbow Dash resisted the urge to crack up.