KM & RD

[TheSanctuary]

Heh yeah good point. I get that lying to people sucks - although even if you told them doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell them you have an account - you could easily say you got the guides and info from site x y and z without saying "oh and btw I logged everything I did for the last xx days on there" but anyway - to answer your questions - the only thing I can really think of that comes to mind that could potentially alarm someone in my

Honest opinion would be the original appearance of those unexpected variants you tried to get rid of. Thankfully in your later posts it's evident you have worked through it and that all is fine and dandy in Kruegerland - a lot of it is subjective though I've talked to many people about tulpas without admitting I actually am working on my own. Some have been open and receptive about the idea whereas others have been downright "why would you do that to your mind yoy crazy fools!" So yeah. As with anything, people are people and will react in their own way to something new that they perhaps don't understand. With something like tulpas where society doesn't as a whole even register it on their radar of things that exist, there is no preconditioned societal response so it's gonna be a coin toss as to how each person responds to it I guess.

---

Gah sorry for the double post. Missed the point about the link and reasons - if you think an explanation would help then go for it- obviously you know the content of it better than I do, but if it explains stuff rationally then I can't see the harm in it. What do The other Kruegerland residents think?

[KruegerMeister]

Shou, Sarah, and Slenderdash all agreed that it would be a bad idea to link to the blog post (as it could lead to the person who made it being trolled/made fun of), but the vote devolved into all of us wondering if they counted for three votes or one (since they all started as Rainbow Dash's deviations) before Dash and Dusk had a chance to voice their opinions.

[TheSanctuary]

Hahaha well that is a conundrum indeed. Well then yeah I guess for the sake of said other person it's better not to link it then. Also should be noted - tubby wubby pony waifu - lovin it.

[KruegerMeister]

11/16/14: When I bought a brownie, I wasn't sure if it had nuts in it. I assumed that it did, and then RD said that it did (we were both wrong). She told me that the subconscious thinks of stuff before the conscious mind does, as a way of assuaging my worry that I was parroting her. I asked her if she wanted to meet my parents, and she declined.

 

[The offer's nice and everything, but I don't think we're ready to explain much.]

 

{"Explain mu"--Does "self-fulfilling prophecy" mean anything at all to you?}

 

I wondered if I treated my tulpas as equals. All three members of the Trio said that they were fine with the whole "silver fire" thing. Sarah clarified that it didn't hurt, since "[they] weren't tactilely imposed--no nerves. Or whatever tulpas have."

 

[screw biology!]

 

I wondered how many candles a birthday cake for Rainbow Dash, or any tulpa, would have, given that their mental age would likely differ from the duration of their existence.

I read about skepticism/denial/negative opinions of tulpas. I was about to snuggle with Rainbow Dash, but she said that she didn't want to. She told me that she was irritated by my "intellectual masochism". I lay down in bed, and she put her hoof across my chest.

[KruegerMeister]

11/17/14: I wondered if Rainbow Dash's trait, "likes to meet new people" was more like "likes to help people besides me" (someone had asked me for info about tulpas. RD had correctly guessed that he'd want to meet her, so her talking to him could be considered helping him). Dash explained, "I just wanna leave my mark on the world, y'know? Leave something behind to commemorate my existence."

I asked Dusk Shine what he meant by "having my nightmares for me" (whether he starred in nightmares in my place, or just had any/all nightmarish dreams for me). He said that "it varies". When I read "The Twilight Fall", Dash said she wasn't sure who to root for.

 

[basically, Twilight gets corrupted by a guy who's...kind of easy to sympathize with. ...She takes the corruption, and tries to be really moral with it. On the other hoof, Celestia's opposed to this. The protagonist everypony's invested in vs the mentor figure who's pretty much the pony version of God. Warning for those who want to read it: don't. Not unless you're okay with said protagonist crossing the Moral Event Horizon. Just...don't. It's well-written, but it's...pretty damn sketchy.]

 

I tried to brainstorm filler items for my Christmas list ("acceptance of my tulpas" would raise too many eyebrows, even though I wouldn't have to lie anymore), but I couldn't come up with anything. I think that this is somehow connected to my subsequent bout of what I consider anhedonia.

 

[i think the story might have a role. Twilight--MLP's [i]protagonist[/i]--crossing the Moral Event Horizon.]

 

{Also, that guy died and you...freaked out a little about feeling nothing. Never mind that you, y'know, didn't know him. Obviously feeling nothing is a Bad Sign, regardless of how close you...aren't. /sarcasm}

 

[Anhedonia relates to depression. Mmmaybe you do feel something for that guy you never even met. I think it was Luhrmann...there was some survey saying that tulpamancers are high in empathy.]

 

Rainbow Dash suggested checking Wikipedia for new episodes of Family Guy, which I was very grateful for.

 

[Anhedonia's a state of mind.]

 

While I was laying in bed, RD imposed herself over my body pillow, in the style of an SFM pony. I noted that the diameter of her eye (from top to bottom) was a bit under the length of my hand.

[KruegerMeister]

11/18/14: I wondered if I'd ever used Rainbow Dash as an escape from reality. She said I hadn't. She also said that our being in a relationship doesn't imply that I'd ever used her as a substitute for real friends.

 

{The only real time you "escaped from reality" was when you got stitches. You're good.}

 

[You enjoyed watching Naruto last night. You're not anhedonic.]

 

Dash proposed that she and Dusk stay in our wonderland over Thanksgiving, and I put myself out there.

When I left my room to go to class, I locked the door. Slenderdash didn't like that. I explained that the reason I locked the door was to keep people from getting into my room and stealing my stuff, not to symbolically keep him/her/it from getting out. Rainbow Dash revealed that, apparently, all of my tulpas had set this up as an "intervention" (I was under the impression that I didn't care for material things anymore, and they proved me wrong).

 

[it was more like a "delusion".]

 

I, KruegerMeister, hereby agree to give you, Rainbow Dash, and you, Dusk Shine, permission to, if I ever use you for escapism or interact with you to the detriment of my social and/or academic life, punch me in the face. I'm not joking. You can do that.

 

[Did you think this through? At all?]

 

{We aren't tactilely imposed, so it wouldn't hurt. I don't really think a punch in the face would do anything.}

 

In one of my stories (The Angel of Oak Way), the protagonist has dreams of the villain killing people by draining their blood. The current draft has him have a dream in which the villain kills Sam, who's being bullied in school; it then cuts to Sam's funeral. This is too unambiguous for my tastes. Rainbow Dash and I brainstormed, coming up with the following: Sam copes with his situation by doing drugs; the protagonist hears that Sam died of an overdose, and assumes that his dream came true.

When I attended a candlelight vigil for the deceased, I wondered how I could feel nothing, get home, and almost immediately watch Naruto like nothing happened. Dusk Shine explained that I didn't know the deceased. Dash told me that she still had fears about pony hypnosis (which is something I would use for practical benefit, such as becoming more studious), but that she didn't know what they were. I suggested doing group therapy/engineering an epiphany (like my tulpas did for me).

 

[We don't have a place for that. In our wonderland, I mean.]

[KruegerMeister]

11/19/14: I did five sets of 10 push-ups. RD coached me on my form. After this, I saw her as an SFM version of herself. She booped me with her muzzle, and then brohoofed me. I planned to do 50 more push-ups, with RD standing on my back. She told me that, being a pegasus, her bones were lightweight, and I responded by pointing out that her hair, feathers, and muscle would probably weigh something.

 

[uuunless of course I'm 95% helium :P.]

 

{waitwaitwait...you're telling me, that you're seriously trying to figure out the weight of--apply physics to a magical pony?}

 

Um...yes?

 

{*facehoof* The operative word here is "magic".}

 

I solved Rainbow Dash's problem with soul-searching by equating it with introspection. While I was in a chatroom, one of the users made me wonder if tulpas and healthy multiplicity were real.

 

Here's an experiment: imagine you're shoplifting, while on a unicycle. How would your best friend react to that sight?

When you thought about that, you used the part of the brain that, I think, is responsible for a tulpa's personality.

 

{Also, math. We can do math.}

 

I used the above knowledge to counteract my doubt.

 

[is this another doubtsplosion?]

 

I think of this as a "call to arms"--I'm gathering up scientifically-validated bits of info that can be used as evidence in favor of tulpas, so that I can refer back to it in case a doubtsplosion seems imminent. I ran a cost-benefit analysis: humans are fundamentally self-interested. My tulpas have positively impacted me, therefore keeping them around is in my best interest. If they are merely delusions, and holding such an opinion is not in my best interest, then not holding that opinion is in my best interest. Rainbow Dash wondered if I was turning into Spock. I asked how she knew that name, and she reminded me that I'd watched a Star Trek clip in high school Biology (it was the episode with the giant cells, and we were discussing cells in class). I thought about setting things up so that the minute my tulpas act against me, they self-destruct, so that I could assure my counsellor that they wouldn't ever go against me (even though I know that such a mechanism is completely unnecessary). I wondered if Dash's memory of being in a void while I list her traits was confabulated. When I wondered if it mattered, she smiled (meaning that it doesn't matter).

[KruegerMeister]

11/20/14: I wondered if Rainbow Dash and I could eventually practice parallel processing to the point where she can do quadratic equations. I gave her the problem "X/2+Y/2=3". She said that X and Y were both 1.5, but that she'd meant to say 3. I asked her if she wanted to do the Walter Mitty Routine in "A Beautiful Mind". She declined, on the basis that it was about a man with schizophrenia. I had a whim to make a Youtube channel split into a section for my videos, a section for Rainbow Dash's videos, and a section for Dusk Shine's videos.

[KruegerMeister]

11/21/14: I turned on my computer to find that I'd left Safari on this page: www.ponymindbleach.com/index/46. I said, "That face", and Rainbow Dash said, "Yeah, I'm awesome." We didn't hang out much. I got really frazzled while planning for the weekend/Thanksgiving, during which my scalp was really itchy. Rainbow Dash said that the itchiness was her and Dusk Shine trying to calm me down. I thought about how I could prove tulpas to a hypothetical asker. Dusk said that I could bring up my childhood imaginary friend going against my expectations (I once imagined myself home from school, expecting this friend to make me a snack, but no snack being made even though it took place in my imagination).

[KruegerMeister]

11/22/14: I'd watched a few pony-related Youtubes yesterday (forgetting to sign in to my account). This morning, I heard my mom say something about "making a statement online", which was "weird to [her]". Dash assured me that this was a hypnopompic hallucination, not her going on Youtube and finding out about my bronyhood.

 

{One question, though: does it matter?}

 

When I went out to a French restaurant, I ordered a hamburger. Dusk tried to get me to eat something else. Sometimes, Dusk would look like Doctor Whooves (or, more recently, my ponysona)--I didn't log that because I didn't want to somehow interfere with his free will). Today, his form stabilized as Dusk Shine.

 

{The problem is that there aren't many opportunities for me to express my special talent. I...want to say it's mild CMFIS.}

 

When I thought about watching the 3D showing of "Big Hero 6", RD thought that doing the Walter Mitty Routine in it would lead to accidental tulpas. When I queued up an episode of Doctor Who on TV, I said, "Attention fillies and gentlecolts, the Doctor will see you now." Rainbow Dash said that was creepy. When the Doctor and Clara entered a Dalek, RD and Dusk Shine briefly appeared as Dalek/pony mutants. When I thought about our wonderland, Dusk suggested adding a panic room (in case of freakouts).