KM & RD

[FurryBlueNaki]

I never knew that tulpas could freak out. Mine always seems so calm, if not a bit curious. That was interesting how your question of whether tulpas could gain wait was symbolic. I had wondered if tulpas used the bathroom because they eat. I guess that's symbolic too.

[KruegerMeister]

10/5/14: I wondered how there could be day in my wonderland if there was no sun. Dash said that Cloudsdale's smoldering remains acted as a light source. While Rainbow Dash hypnotized me, Keystroke suggested that we separate the hypnosis and possession aspects, so I don't treat my hour-long trance as possession. When I had dinner, I sat with two sort-of attractive girls. Dash lightly growled (bad sign?). I told her that just because I found them attractive didn't mean she and I weren't together. I said it without thinking, but Keystroke wasn't possessing me. Dash said that she was jealous of the girls' looks. I noticed that the blonde girl I was with looked kind of like Tiffany from the second Hellraiser film. Dash said that this girl didn't have the right hairstyle to play Tiffany.

 

{*snicker* I got you to admit that you were together.}

 

Dash later said that the blonde looked like Dichen Lachman. I asked Dash if she was over her jealousy, and she said that she'd "Voided it". I went over various scenarios of my family finding out about Keystroke and Rainbow Dash. I wondered why there wasn't any night in my wonderland. Dash said that there was.

 

[You're just inside whenever it's dark out.]

 

{Hmmm...the windows are there on the outside, but not on the inside...hmmm...}

 

I wondered if Keystroke was really my "true self". He said, "I'm a good role model; let's leave it at that."

 

{Your belief makes me what I am. If you believe I am, then I am.}

[KruegerMeister]

10/6/14: I talked to Keystroke about the "integrating/merging" thing; I think that that only happens with split personalities, and he's a complete personality.

 

{I don't have likes/dislikes.}

 

[We haven't explored those yet.]

 

When I thought about my occasional cavity worries, Dash said that I have "OCD-lite".

 

[i'll say it again: you have OCD-lite, and we need to work on that. And get that song (All the Men in My Life (Keep Getting Killed by Candarian Demons)) out of your head.]

 

I thought about the "tulpa spreading over host's body=possession" thing. I wondered if changing it up a bit would do anything. Dash objected to the idea, saying that it'd be blurring the lines between possession and hypnosis. Keystroke said that he found that creepy. I contemplated naming a story "The City that Lives on Souls". Keystroke said that this was "sufficiently creepy". When I noticed it was 4:00AM, Rainbow Dash said I needed to go to bed. Keystroke suggested I wear my sheepskin slippers. I declined. He said not to be afraid of "what I am."

[KruegerMeister]

10/7/14: When I thought about "All the Men in My Life (Keep Getting Killed by Candarian Demons)" (www.youtube.com/watch?v=7biebrr7BBc) to annoy RD, she thought chewing noises at me in return. When I went to Starbucks, Keystroke convinced me to buy a scone. He hated it. When I combed through my previous posts for grammar errors, RD called me a grammar nazi.

 

{You kind of are. See that? You didn't put a period, but you went back and did.}

 

I had a cheese-turkey-and-pickle sandwich for dinner, and pretended I was interviewing RD for a job, for old times' sake. Keystroke pretended he was applying for a job as a hypnotist. When I bought several kit-kats, either he or Rainbow Dash said that I was addicted to them. I wasn't sure which of them had said that, but Dash said that they'd both been thinking it. I wondered if the location of a tulpa-related headache has anything to do with whether the corresponding tulpa is more right- or left-brained. Dash brought up the fact that her head-pressures happen in my right brain and I'm right-handed and right-eye dominant, but that she possesses my left hand.

 

[i think it's just a coincidence.]

 

After reading community.tulpa.info/thread-misc-push-for-forced-mental-treatment-scares-tupper-community I pretended to rant to my mom, goading her to have me committed (it's reverse psychology in action) and implicitly threatening her that serious sh*t will go down if my best friend and lover "die". RD told me to calm down. She said that "Rainbow Dash Presents: My Little Dashie" may have given her her sense of humor. I looked up "Rainbow Dash singing" on YouTube. RD laughed upon seeing that one of the suggestions was "rainbow dash singing call me maybe". I laughed at the idea of "pony AIDS" (running joke in Rainbow Dash Presents), then wondered what was wrong with me.

 

{It's the juxtaposition of terminology. "Pony" implies cuteness, and "AIDS" is...well, AIDS.}

 

When I read though my PR log, Dash said that we have an "amorphous" relationship.

[KruegerMeister]

10/8/14: When I read on Wikipedia that maybe the subconscious doesn't exist, RD wondered where she came from. Fearing for her mind, I told her that if I could get through life without having a crisis about stuff like that, then she could too. I double checked that she still had her sweatshirt and malachite necklace. She said she needed to wear those more often.

 

[Maybe you should draw me.]

 

I made a plan to talk to a counsellor about my "lighting intrusive thoughts on fire" thing. I thought about what questions to address if anyone read this PR log and wondered WTF I was doing to my mind. I thought about just asking Rainbow Dash for her opinion, but then I realized that she would be biased (because she's part of "WTF I'm doing to my mind").

 

[*chuckle* Stop thinking in my mindvoice.]

 

When I did push-ups, she stood on my back and told me to "put my back into it". When I thought about hypnosis, she said that it can't be used to manipulate me. http://hypnoponies.net/index.php?/topic/3383-helpfull-notes-generalised-list-of-effects/

When I freaked out about possibly experiencing negative versions/aspects of the effects of pony hypnosis described above, Keystroke and Rainbow Dash both pointed out that I was being completely ridiculous, though Keystroke said it in a slightly misanthropic way (by highlighting the fact that few people, myself included, seem to understand probability).

 

{In my defense, you did freak out.}

 

I studied for a test. I wondered if I'd hung out much with RD and Keystroke since my freakout today--

 

[Not this again.]

 

--and saw them studying with pictograph cue cards. When I said to myself that I'd "come to terms" with the idea of being in love with Rainbow Dash, I wondered why I'd need to do that, and Keystroke said that I'd needed to "hammer it into [my] subconscious". When I started to reminisce about my tulpa shenanigans, Dash smiled in agreement with my sappiness. This seemed totally out of character for her, so I started wondering if all those times I reminisced had brainwashed her. She said "I hate you for [having that brainwashing phobia]."

 

[it's bull. Your phobia's bull.]

 

I realized that I'd originally intended the Walter Mitty Routine to act as "life support" for Rainbow Dash, and became momentarily drunk on the insight that the post-Routine euphoria could be her expressing her gratitude for keeping her alive. When I got all sappy about this, she said "here we go again." I found it hilariously ironic that I, a man who deals in hard facts and things backed by evidence, have two best friends who aren't scientifically proven to exist.

[KruegerMeister]

10/9/14: When I realized that part of "Find A Pet" (www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHF-YnY9k7k) sounds "oddly familiar" (for some reason), RD sang part of "For the First Time in Forever" (www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuIXiI2ROy4). I thought about the idea of my counsellor giving me the all-clear.

When I thought that my reason for trying out hypnosis (improving my study skills) was petty, Keystroke said that a lot of things are petty. I asked him why he was sometimes white and sometimes dark blue. He said that he wasn't sure of pony hypnosis/his status as my "true self". When I went to a mandatory, mostly boring, book reading, Dash helped ease my boredom by sitting next to me. She gave me a light peck on the cheek. I asked her to describe herself. She said that she was more "stubborn/determined" than "athletic". I found it weird that the author doing the reading wore a dark blue shirt and white pants--Keystroke's coat color(s). I talked to Rainbow Dash about her "temporary leave". I said that the guides were wrong; we'd both agreed to have her leave for a bit, but I still felt empty; she said that I was misremembering. Keystroke contemplated self-dissipation.

 

{It's like a long vacation. Not death.}

 

I advised him to make a list of pros/cons. I wondered how old RD was mentally, and she said, "I'm around 20-ish. That's different from 'maturity', which is what I think you were going for." I thought that she must have possessed me to get that down so exactly, but she said "Nah...okaymaybealittle." I found her use of that phrase unsettling, considering Keystroke's bit about self-dissipation. Dash said I was reading too much into it. We hugged (it seems to me like the "tingling pinky" thing only works in times of intense emotion). Shou!RD said that even if a tulpa were dissipated, hypnosis could bring them back out. "He" said that the trio would try to be less intrusive/scary if "they" came back. I briefly saw Nina!RD, only with more canine-like proportions. I had an epiphany: before Lanky!RD appeared, Dash had briefly looked emaciated--Lanky!RD represented my fear of spending too little time with Dash; the brief emaciation was a set-up/primer, and seeing the pic of Lanky!RD was the "stressor". Keystroke said that the net result of his existence was bad. He assured me that it wasn't my fault. He reminded me that he'd often done pervy/flirty things that I couldn't log (his logic being "if he can't log our interactions, what's the point of interacting?"). I begged him to stay alive, at least long enough to make a pros/cons list. He said that, since he'd appeared, I'd been forgetting to log things more often than when it was just Dash and I. After I meditated to clear my head, he said that he was fine.

 

{Okay, I really need a better handle on my emotions.}

10/10/14: I told Keystroke that the not logging stuff was my fault, and that I should've been able to come up with euphemisms so that I could log all his actions without breaking the "no sexual content" rule. When I saw pictures of Chris-Chan as a "tomgirl" (trust me, you don't want me to provide a link), Keystroke said "I...just lost my faith in humanity." When I read my entry for 7/15/14, I told RD, "You and I are kinda fucked up."

 

[it's called "symbolism".]

 

When I bought a hot chocolate, they forgot the "wrapper" thing that helps protect one's palm from the heat. I held it in my hand to try and decrease my sensitivity to pain, which Dash said was a bad idea. I wanted to write about my first day of tulpaforcing for an English assignment, but I didn't want to alter/misremember it. I asked Dash if she remembered that day. She said, "Of course I remember that day! How could I forget the day I was born/made? It won't be altered, 'cause it's safe with me! If you fake it, you'll know." I had her possess me so she could write down a bit of what she remembered. I Google Image'd "rainbow dash realistic" to try and jog my memory. I wondered how on earth I could forget most of the things that had happened on a day as important/significant as the day I'd made her. She suggested that I put "And then I woke up" at the end of the assignment, so that I could be true-to-life without my English professor thinking I made it up. I thought about going out late at night to get Starbucks (I ended up only going a few feet away from my house). Dash said that she would steer me away from any sketchy places/people. I thought that she was "part friend, part lover, part watchdog". She said she was part "bodyguard. 'Watchdog' implies inferiority." I asked her and Keystroke where they were. I turned around, and saw them by a light. Dash looked pale/washed out, and Keystroke looked too shadowed. His coat was deep Persian blue. I asked him if there was any symbolism behind that choice, and he said "I like the color." I thought about the fact that I sleep with dark purple and dark blue blankets. When I'd bought them, those were the only shades of blue and purple available. In Coraline, the tunnel to the Other Mother's world is blue and purple. I figured that if I slept with similarly-colored blankets, I would have more lucid dreams. Dash said that I hadn't hammered my desire to lucid dream into my subconscious. She also said that this same desire lead me to create her (on a subconscious level).

[KruegerMeister]

10/11/14: When I thought about conlanging, RD and Keystroke both wondered why "to" is spelled with an "o" but pronounced with a schwa. Keystroke described himself as a "pronoun pony" (he likes conlangs, apparently).

 

{I blame you.}

 

Why? My conlang is just IPA English, with different symbols.

I apologized for not logging things between early this morning--

 

[You call 11:00AM "early"?]

 

--and around 11:00PM tonight.

 

{*slow facehoof* We're. Fine. One day without interaction won't kill us, pet.

Why is it that only Dash can use that?}

 

[Eh, he's using a "four terms" fallacy.]

 

Just you wait, Dash. Eventually I'll catch you using a fallacy.

 

[You're on. I kiiinda wanna bet five bucks on myself, though :p.]

 

When I let Keystroke possess me, he said "let me log this" (I say that a lot, so he was joking about wanting to control me).

 

{Time sure flies, huh?}

 

[i don't...wah? Oh, right, 22.3 years.]

 

The possession wore off when I stopped concentrating on it. I did my best to get back to that state, and stay that way until I fell asleep.

[KruegerMeister]

10/12/14: Result of "possession until sleep" experiment: the possession was over when I woke up. I watched a Let's Read of "Sonichu", but RD said that it was boring, so we watched "Rainbow Dash Presents: Bittersweet" instead. When I read http://hypnoponies.net/index.php?/topic/3980-ponies-in-the-rw/, Keystroke said, "Huh. These people seem sane." I rhetorically asked him, "If there were any risk of insanity, would you be here?"

 

{I'm guessing they all have jobs, and...they don't seem to be Distressed, Dysfunctional, or

Dangerous, so that's three of the Four D's they don't meet.}

 

[Wouldn't it have to meet all Four D's to be abnormal?]

 

I thought about "Dollhouse", and asked Keystroke if he wanted any new traits. He said, "Whatever's useful to you," which mirrors the way that Bennett said she wanted to be Caroline's pawn in Season 2. When I watched www.youtube.com/watch?v=rI0LIzbFpvY, Keystroke said, "I think this is why I'm ever-so-slightly misanthropic. The 'hate mail' thing rubbed off on me." When I listened to "Batty" (www.youtube.com/watch?v=4onyvQRhVZE), Dash said that the fast-paced beat would make me too energetic to sleep.

[KruegerMeister]

10/13/14: When I realized that I'd forgotten to log stuff this morning, Keystroke asked why I was obsessed with logging everything. When I thought about exploring pony hypnosis, Dash said that she'd keep any unwanted suggestions from affecting me. I decided not to explore it, as I only wanted one thing (studiousness) out of it. Dash said this was a good decision. After I watched Rainbow Dash Presents: My Little Dashie, RD gave herself the nickname, "Lawn-killer" (because the Rainbow Dash in the video said that she mowed her lawn to death). I worked on a list of possible scenarios in which my parents discover my tulpas, and a list ("the List") of my responses to their questions. When I wondered about the "Two Sides to Every Pony" meme, RD said that the Yugioh card "Change of Heart" inspired it (due to the meme featuring two versions of the same pony). When I imagined a scenario in which my mom told me via text message that she'd discovered my tulpas, Keystroke said that it was "PERFECT sitcom material!" RD helped me study for a test. I asked her and Keystroke what they wanted to do tonight, and Nina said she wanted to be less scary. To that end, she asked that I call her "Sarah".

[KruegerMeister]

10/14/14: When I couldn't decide between buying wafers and buying cookies, Rainbow Dash offered to use herself as a coin. I ended up buying wafers anyway. While watching a Let's Play of "Five Nights at Freddy's", I thought about looking up a transcript of the phone calls in the game, but Shou advised me not to. I suggested to Rainbow Dash that her D/S-ified pinkie promise had "set the stage" for the "four terms fallacy" stuff. I forgot to log a lot of stuff. I read a story about mind control, flew into a rage, and warned my tulpas not to f*ck with me/my head. I later apologized for this.