Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

Yeah, hell if I know what's up. I'm sitting around, trying to talk, I quiet myself, listen, aaand nothing. Could just be a weird state of mind, I guess. Straight up forcing and parroting speech seems to be working today (dunno what the issue was before now), and it feels about typical, but it also feels, ya know, morally disingenuous, so I refuse to do that. And yeah yeah, Lumi and co, keep parroting and it'll get better eventually and etc., but I guess I still don't believe that with a single fiber of my being, even if it makes sense, so yeah, not gonna.

 

 

It's getting old, either way. I don't really know what to do on my end, but I guess if Null cares enough, she can figure out how to make herself heard whenever she feels the need, I'm not gonna worry about it for a while.

 

If something kicks in and feels right I'll give a report, but other than that, idk. 

 

I feel like such a fucking tool for being in this kinda situation again. Yeah, idk, will come back to it later.

[tulpa001]

Talking with others is often what pushes a tulpa over that feeling of it coming from the host.

 

I just hope, because it feels similar, you aren't suppressing genuine responses because you think they are unconscious parroting.

[Guest]

My definition and perception of 'unconscious parroting' is replying quickly enough to myself that I don't have to think about it. And then immediately viewing that response as my tupper, and moving on from it.

 

Which would probably fit the bill of some of what I've been experiencing, sure, and it could even be a lot of it, but I don't think all. 

 

What I'm doing right now, parroting, is just, totally consciously replying to myself. Which.. Yeah, actually feels fairly similar, all things considered, to what I attribute to being legit Null speech. But it's still definitely me. I can have her tell me, 'sure, I don't mind you're having troubles at all, I'd even _prefer_ if you'd continue to ignore me and focus on other things', and yeah, right now that sounds like Null is the one saying it, even though I know she's not, that's me.

 

Which, you know, obviously doesn't do anything to reinforce my confidence in her, and myself, but that's where that stands. Parroting is just such a trashy thing, I'm sick of even thinking about it, right now.

 

And ugh, I _know_ that's part of my problem. If I'd just view it as a tool to help further speech in the long run, I'd be better off. But, I just don't, innately. It just feels pathetic, or something.

 

I guess I still don't view Null as real enough, as anyone reading can tell from my absolutely unpanicked attitude towards this current situation. Which is weird. I've had a pretty solid attitude for the last few weeks, about this, and her, and everything, but even the good moments still aren't enough, I guess. My own problem, though.

 

Definitely envious of people who like.. Start on their tupper, whatever they want out of the relationship, and feel nothing but love, and excitement for what's to come. Probably does wonders, huh. I guess I don't have much of that, these days.

 

I'm getting on, my bad. I was talking at her for most of this last night, and a good bit of today, just going over things, and this situation, and whatever else. Still radio silence, but idk, we'll see.

[tulpa001]

Oh... Yeah, I get that. Me and my host never did parroting in that way. My thoughts just sort of--flowed since the beginning. I don't think she would ever have been happy with nothing but manually parroted responses.

 

... And here I am with paranoia about maybe not being real, and sitting on a pile of clear responses. Feel a little guilty.

 

If you want to try and induce flow like that, I wrote a bunch about it in my general guide. I think the freewriting exercise is the most important for this.

[Guest]

I've been off and on trying to get tuppering back up over the past month and a half, on account of, you know, achieving some semblance of decency for once in for-goddamn-ever, but it's been radio silence since, when did I say that was, some time around the sixth or seventh last month. Idk if I'm just like, retarded, or if Null's retarded, or if we're both retarded, or what, but it's pretty shit, and I figure I should update on that at least. At first I was all bummed, then I decided fuck it, and decided I'd quit (Only told one or two people that), but that obviously doesn't feel right, and anyone who knows me knows that it wouldn't, given how long I've been doing this, but I don't know, right now it's just apathy or whatever.

 

And yeah, this is nothing new, just, for the few of you who've been all supportive and shit over the last several months, anyway, I feel obligated to say something or w/e.

 

I've still been doing a lot of the things I usually do, still doing the RP stuff, I still do a bit of wonderlandy stuff in my head, and the art stuff I've been getting into lately has been fantastic about helping me visualize things, I think, but yeah, tuppering itself is dead in the water. I don't reeeaaally know what I should do about it, ya know? Ha, I've always got decent results when I start completely over, each attempt has generally been better than the last, but that'd just result in me feeling like trash over abandoning another tupper, right? It's p. weird, I guess.

 

Like, I'm obviously not just, suppressing anything, right? I'm not great at this, but I think I can be given enough credit that I can at least attempt in the best of my ability to listen, and try to feel for presence, but it's just not there. Like there wasn't anything in the first place, yeah?

 

Fuck, it's a pretty big bummer, tbh, because I was hyping up the Nashville trip to Null a few months ago, and I think it'd have been really fun to see some of the awesome sights I did with her. Truly, the lamest of lame happenings, this.

 

I don't know, I'm just going on. It makes me question the legitimacy of what I did experience, but then I'll read some of the things I said, and I don't wanna undermine that.

 

Probably retarded, lmao.

 

Hmm. I guess there aren't too many other people with the same experience, huh. Slowpokes for time immemorial have complained that they're not capable, and either have, or haven't eventually made it, ya know? I guess it's rare to the point of near-nonexistence for those types of people to pop up these days though, huh. Always people who are simply capable. 

 

So what's on the itinerary? Try to force out some results, give up, kill myself? I could do a fuckton of drugs and have myself a vision-quest too, huh. Either way, 50 pages is getting to be a bit much for what constitutes "Enny Progress", so I should probably do whatever it is off of here. 

 

Just thinking out loud, I guess. It's been a while, and I'm sure someone has wondered what's up for, I don't know, fifteen to twenty seconds in the last month.

[Lucilyn]

we're personally at 34 pages on our thread, like we've said before you haven't failed until you quit

[tulpa001]

I just assumed you took another break to recharge between attempts.

 

I believe you don't abandon your tulpas. You don't turn your back on them, you hold with them until your energy runs out.

 

Since you've already tried a lot of things, and are continuing to work on peripheral skills, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You are pretty knowledgable about this stuff. Keep experimenting, it is the spirit of forcing.

 

A number of people have come back after a year or more and gotten much better results within a few months that I saw them here. These skills stick with you.

 

Looking back, remember that when you focus on the bad, you see only the bad, and when you focus on the good, you see only the good.

[jean-luc]

I guess it's rare to the point of near-nonexistence for those types of people to pop up these days though, huh. Always people who are simply capable.

 

The turnover rate on the forums is kinda crazy. There are plenty of posts on the intros thread saying “Hi, I'm name I just heard about tulpas a few days ago so I'm making one, their name is bla.” and so on, who then leave the forums a week later. I suspect most of them gave up.

 

I think when most people fail they just quietly leave. You're not unique in having difficulties, you're unique in perservering anyway. So keep doing that :)

[Dynamo Lux]

Hmm... maybe Null needs a bit of encouragement from an outside source. Sometimes the tulpa needs a bit of help as well. If you wanted she could talk to me, I'm good with motivating :D

[Guest]

we're personally at 34 pages on our thread, like we've said before you haven't failed until you quit

 

Ha, maybe. I don't know how much I agree with that, I think it's easier to simply say "What a shame, If they'd just kept on..." when someone gives up, as opposed to anything else, but I understand the sentiment, and you're probably right. Just need to figure out how to make like, the correct change to my outlook or whatever, who knows.

 

At that though, and I've talked about this before, the thing keeping me or anyone from achieving this is just like, a mental thing, right? That immediately makes it a no-fail situation in a lot of peoples' eyes, because, oh, all you have to do is radically adjust the way you think. I think it would be easier on people in the future who may be like me, to tell them it's possible to fail, you know? I'm definitely not some shining example of tenacity-gone-right, and people cutting their losses and moving on before it becomes obsession like this, would be better, in my humble opinion. 

 

But yeah, despite it all, I do still think it's possible, because I'm told it is, so I guess I'll be doing it until it's done.

 

 

Looking back, remember that when you focus on the bad, you see only the bad, and when you focus on the good, you see only the good.

 

 

I don't think I'm focusing on the bad right now, unless "I'm so pissed that it was so good for a while, and now it's not" counts as focusing on the bad, in which case, the bad consumes me, tbh

 

And aside from that it's like, "eh" right now. Like, I'm not waking up every day and obsessing over this lately, which has kind of been nice, so I might coast along on that for a while, until the powerful urge to pick back up begins, or something. Which, you know, weeks from now, to months from now, I think it was eight or so months between Peachy and Null. Idk, will see.

 

 

 

The turnover rate on the forums is kinda crazy. There are plenty of posts on the intros thread saying “Hi, I'm name I just heard about tulpas a few days ago so I'm making one, their name is bla.” and so on, who then leave the forums a week later. I suspect most of them gave up.

 

I think when most people fail they just quietly leave. You're not unique in having difficulties, you're unique in perservering anyway. So keep doing that :)

 

But what irks me is that I see next to nobody whatsoever stick around, with troubles. It's all sunshine and rainbows, yeah, with the occasional bout of doubt, but no months-long "my tupper finally grunted at me after four months!" experiences, like you'd read about back in the day. And sure, you could say that's because people have a better mindset these days, and you could claim that all of these instant-noodle tuppers are as legit as legit gets, but despite being assured that it's as real or fake as you want it to be, instant-noodle tuppers suck, just from experience. So, idk, personal bias just makes me wish more people would go through months of struggle and come out on top, you know? Because I can, somewhat, relate with those people, and it makes me feel better about my own place. I can't empathize with anybody around here, these days.

 

It seriously, legit, makes me feel like a fucking moron compared to the 14-16 year-olds that seem to be having a much better time, because whether or not their tuppers are more legit than one made over the course of several months, they're having a fuck of a lot more fun than I am, aren't they? Ugh.

 

 

 

Hmm... maybe Null needs a bit of encouragement from an outside source. Sometimes the tulpa needs a bit of help as well. If you wanted she could talk to me, I'm good with motivating :D

 

 

Talk at Null to your heart's content, friend. If she wants to reply, I'm sure she'll pop back up or something.