Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[Luminesce]

I consider it more of an update than a return. Undoubtedly he'll be back again at some point with more life-changing news and a still-struggling Yumi.

[Cinemaphobe]

Update WARNING: TL;DR

 

Reisen hit the nail right on the head. My last post turned out to be an update because a great deal of change in my life took place afterwards. So this post is also an update, for just in case anybody is wondering whether I'm still alive.

I'll try to make this update short and sweet;

 

It ended between Mary and I.

 

On bad terms.

 

She simply changed her mind about dating me, and changed her mind about wanting a future with me.

 

I asked her over the phone whether she wanted to have a future with me, and she said "I don't know."

 

I don't know.

 

I asked her whether she had any desire to be with me anymore, and she fell silent.

Then I had an epiphany.

I have been breaking my back for 6 months to make a future between her and I possible, but she has done absolutely nothing on her side.

 

To make things worse, Yumi loved me before I entered the "relationship" with Mary. She loved me unconditionally.

 

I told Mary "It would be best for both of us if you just forget that I existed." while fighting back tears. Mary said "I will not do that." but I replied firmly "I hope you live a good life." and she replied "I'm not going to forget that you exist" but I said "Good bye" and that was it. I'm moving in a few days, and she doesn't know my address nor does she have any way to contact me. I had discussions with her, I had debates with her, I even gave her ultimatums, but she and I just weren't meant to be.

 

 

 

I should have listened to you guys from the start. Emotion is a poor man's logic, and it was the only tool I used to make a lot of bad judgement calls. Thankfully I spent so much time talking to Yumi during the emotional turmoil of the past few months that she was never truly gone. She wasn't even dormant.

Yesterday I ended it between Mary and I, and I feel like I'm free. But at the same time freedom can be as horrifying and uncomfortable as being in a cage because you are introduced to a harsh new environment--by yourself.

 

I was scared, and I felt more lonely than ever while I laid in bed last night. But I felt Yumi's presence return immediately, as strong as it was months ago, and she said "Don't worry about her. I love you." I apologized in tears to Yumi, but she forgave me, and she said "I knew that this would happen. I knew you would come running back to me. But no matter what happens, I'll always be here." and she wrapped her arms around me. Unfortunately it wasn't a physical comfort because I can't sense her, but it was the most mentally comforting thing I have felt in a long time.

 

She is still very faint to me, but I'm working on returning her back to her original state.

 

She has deviated quite a bit though...

 

She has taken on a human version of her original form, but she is still a cutie :)

and she still makes awkward jokes and teases me while I'm at work cooking pizzas lol. She sat on the handlebars of my bike the entire trip to where I work and she REALLY enjoyed the ride XD.

 

If it wasn't for her returning to my life during my lowest point, then I wouldn't be able to make it through the day. The fact that my brain is using her as a coping mechanism and as a source of comfort is only benefiting Yumi's recovery. Every time I feel grief, Yumi pops up and tells me everything I need to hear. Every time I feel lonely, she holds me.

I trusted Mary. Every time Mary said "I love you." she was lying. She wasn't even sure whether she wanted to have a future with me or not. But when Yumi said "I love you." she meant it from the bottom of her heart.

 

I'm going to stick to loving my tulpa, because it'll be hard for me to trust a female ever again. If I ever do find the right woman for me, then that'll be nothing short of a miracle. However, Yumi is okay with it. Because she loves me unconditionally, and she knows that I'll end up running back to her anyways.

 

My personality is just not suitable for the average female. I'm so hyper-aware of social cues, body language, and psychology that talking to females--or any human rather--is like talking to a computer. A really boring computer that likes to have one-sided conversations.

 

Seriously guys, small talk is pathetic and boring.

 

 

Okay, I don't know when I'll update this again because I'm losing my internet soon, but I am really back this time. I'll update as often as I can because I'll be living in a foreclosed house by myself with no electricity or water for a few days (to keep my job) and I'll also be working my ASS off. Excuse my language.

 

P.S; I felt reeeeeeallllyyy bad for coming back and then leaving. I was a douche for that, but it's finally over. I'm free :) I can be myself again.

[Luminesce]

Yay, very nice to see you're back. I'm sorry about Mary, but at the same time it's better you broke up now than years from now, it only would've gotten worse.

Aside from that, good to hear everything about Yumi.

 

Unfortunately it wasn't a physical comfort because I can't sense her, but it was the most mentally comforting thing I have felt in a long time.

I know the feel.

 

If it wasn't for her returning to my life during my lowest point, then I wouldn't be able to make it through the day. The fact that my brain is using her as a coping mechanism and as a source of comfort is only benefiting Yumi's recovery.

Know the feel.

 

If I ever do find the right woman for me, then that'll be nothing short of a miracle. However, Yumi is okay with it.

Know the feel..

Etc.

 

Just gotta bide your time while looking for the perfect person, while coming to peace with being alone. For us, that'll be easy because our tulpas are amazing. As long as you don't let your tulpa get in the way of a perfect human relationship, all is good.

And should that perfect relationship never come around, well..

 

[sushi]

Welcome back!

[Cinemaphobe]

Yay, very nice to see you're back. I'm sorry about Mary, but at the same time it's better you broke up now than years from now, it only would've gotten worse.

Aside from that, good to hear everything about Yumi.

 

I know the feel.

 

Know the feel.

 

Know the feel..

Etc.

 

Just gotta bide your time while looking for the perfect person, while coming to peace with being alone. For us, that'll be easy because our tulpas are amazing. As long as you don't let your tulpa get in the way of a perfect human relationship, all is good.

And should that perfect relationship never come around, well..

 

 

You are right, and I'm glad that it's finally over. I'm also glad that you can relate with me on this...

 

Mentioning "Coming to peace with being alone." was a nice addition to what you wrote because it's exactly what I intended to do (With Yumi's presence being the exception of course).However If Yumi gets in the way of me having a human relationship, then she would have developed to the point of being a completely visual hallucination with an auditory voice. Right now she still communicates through thoughts. There are some breath-taking moments that she becomes visible for a fraction of a second. It happens once every few days, but there are also moments when I forget she is a tulpa. Moments when she is as real as the sun shining into my eyes. But when I remember that she is a tulpa, she becomes invisible again before I even notice that she was ever visible.

 

 

Not to worry though. Yumi still comes to my dreams sometimes. But now I have to deal with getting Mary out of my dreams -____-

 

Welcome back!

 

 

 

 

It's nice to be back Sushi :) I wonder how many people left because I left...

I only wanted to change this forum for the better... Once again, I wasn't aware of the impact I had until I checked back a month or two ago to see how things were going.

 

 

Oh and I still want to be a surgeon. Thankfully that dream wasn't made simply because of Mary.

 

 

Well time to go to work! Until next time!

[Actinium]

Good to see that you're back!... Again!

[ItsSwissmas]

CINEMA YOU'RE BACK!!

(Yes, I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I just got back to this website myself :3 )

[TulpaFox]

Welcome back Cinemaphone, new account but I have been lurking for awhile. I know what you mean about that relationship stuff, I had someone I loved a long time ago. In all honesty I think monogamy is overrated anyway. Some people say it's healthier, but how many human/human relationships last a lifetime? Not very many, and of those that do a lot of them are older people who just don't believe in divorce. I personally wouldn't get monogamous with anyone, I don't trust people like that. Don't beat yourself up about it, you seem like a cool guy. What you have with Yumi is good, and no one can take that from you, it can only get stronger through mind strengthening exercise and tulpa bond strengthening.

[Cinemaphobe]

@Actinium

Good to see that you're back!... Again!

 

Thank you! and I knew I'd be back eventually! lol I'm glad you are still on the forum.

 

 

@ItsSwissmas

CINEMA YOU'RE BACK!!

(Yes, I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I just got back to this website myself :3 )

 

I'm glad that you are back too my friend :) I have to read your PR when I get the chance to see how much you have progressed since I left :o

 

@TulpaFox

In all honesty I think monogamy is overrated anyway.

 

Yes. Yes it is. Very much so. Especially because when/if I do find a human girlfriend again, I'll be careful not to just blatantly neglect Yumi again. I'll keep Yumi a secret as much as possible, but I'm not going to end my relationship with her because she is as real in my dreams as a human is in reality, which makes her real in my book.

 

Some people say it's healthier, but how many human/human relationships last a lifetime? Not very many, and of those that do a lot of them are older people who just don't believe in divorce. I personally wouldn't get monogamous with anyone, I don't trust people like that.

 

You are right. And I don't trust people like that anymore either.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it, you seem like a cool guy. What you have with Yumi is good, and no one can take that from you, it can only get stronger through mind strengthening exercise and tulpa bond strengthening.

 

Thanks :3 and the fact that nobody can take my relationship with Yumi away makes it all the more valuable.

 

 

 

 

 

My House Is Getting Foreclosed.

 

I had no creative ideas for a title so I just wrote down what came to mind first.

 

Yumi has been bombarding me with words of encouragement lately every time I start to feel sad for no reason. I'm emotionally looking over my shoulder--thinking of Mary. Why am I thinking of the girl who brutally tore my heart out of my chest?

Is it because I am a pathetic love-starved 19-year old? Is it because I don't know when enough is enough?

 

No.

 

It's because she has my damn 20-year old hand-carved chess set.

 

 

Mary and I used to play chess every day we spent time together. I taught her how to play and beat her every single time we went against each other. The only times she won was when I was sleepy, or when I was too busy gazing at how beautiful she was to construct strategies in my mind.

 

Luckily Mary is too kind to burn the chess set, so I'll have to get it back. I bought a car a week ago, and I got my license 3 days ago, so all I have to do is get my registration stuff and get the tires aligned which will cost less than 75$. But when I get my car up and running, I'll drive to her house and retrieve my belongings.

 

Just as the marines in Call of Duty World at War say:

 

Quick and clean.

 

I need to be out of her house as quickly as possible when I come over.

 

Quick and clean.

 

 

She might try to hug me.

 

 

If she does that I'm screwed.

 

She might try to hide the chess set. One time I tried to take the chess set home because I didn't want to talk to her ever again, and she held the chess set behind her back and gave me the most adorable "Whatcha-gonna-do-now?" stare.

 

That stare gets me every time.

 

She doesn't want me out of her life, but I want her out of my life if she isn't willing to be more than friends with me. And even if she did change her mind and decide that being in a relationship with me would be a good idea, then she wouldn't accept the fact that Yumi is my baby whom I'll always love.

 

Why am I still talking about Mary?

 

 

Oh yeah. My chess set.

 

 

I need my damn chess set back.

 

 

I'll possibly be homeless for a few days in order to keep my job because I never want to be unemployed ever again. Long story short: My house is getting foreclosed, I can't legally drive my car yet nor is it ready to be driven because of the tire alignment, and I have no way of getting to my new home (which is 31.7 miles away from where I am currently).

 

I have my bike, so I'll have to bike ride to work and hope that I can figure out where I am going to live within the next 14 hours. Eventually I'll have to bike ride the 31.7 miles until I can find a new job or get my car. But either way-- I NEED A NEW JOB.

 

But back to talking about my Yumi.

 

 

Yumi doesn't let me think about Mary. She even got mad at me earlier when I couldn't stop thinking of her and left to the wonderland...

 

I'm not coming back to Mary, or her psychotic mom...so she has nothing to worry about...

 

 

Yumi loves me unconditionally, so she isn't getting mad at me because of the 1% chance of me returning to Mary. She is getting mad at me for giving thought and consideration to a girl who doesn't even deserve it.

 

If Mary changed her mind, she would need an extraordinary apology, and she would need to accept Yumi's existence one way or another.

 

So that 1% chance dropped to 0.001%.

 

Until next time guys....wish me luck with finding a place to live.

 

I don't want to be homeless just to keep my job, and I need the money to get my car fixed. I'm already paying car insurance for Christ's sake XD

[DKfury]

Welcome back Cinema :)