Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[Earthquake]

Lol to hell with this Mary chick I wanna hear more about Yumi. Oh ya and welcome back and Elia wanted me to say Hi

[sushi]

I lived out of my car for a while, and at work for a while. I recommend you get a job at a restaurant. You get free food sometimes, and you can wash your clothes in the same machine they use to wash aprons. If they make you closing or opening manager, you can sleep in the store, if you're sneaky.

 

The problem with living out of your car is that vagrancy is often illegal. I don't know about your local area, but I had the police harassing me all the time. They never actually caught me sleeping in the car, or I think I would have gotten in trouble, but they did question me several times, and ask to search my car.

 

My new car has a latch on the inside of the trunk. You can open the back seat, crawl into the trunk from there, closing the back seat behind you, and then open the trunk from the inside when you're ready to get out. It's a good private place to sleep, but don't do it unless it's warm enough where you are. It's definitely not warm enough here, and my dad has had friends who froze to death sleeping in their cars. Plus it's easy to lock your keys in the car if you're not careful.

 

You may want to invest in a gym membership. There's a monthly fee, but it's significantly cheaper than rent, and it will give you access to hot showers.

 

You can get free internet at public libraries.

 

Don't get back with Mary. My rule is three months: if you haven't spoken to each other for three months, you can consider getting back in a relationship -- but it's probably still a bad idea then. Definitely don't get with her before three months. It makes you look weak and lets her know she can do it all to you over again.

[Luminesce]

In order to get back together with someone and not have the same problems resurface, you need real change, not time apart. And I seriously doubt they'll change the kind of person they are in 3 months, no matter who they are, enough to warrant getting back together. I wouldn't even consider it an option honestly. That only ever works when it's been multiple years and each of you have had sufficient time to become ~different people.

 

Aside from that, your advice was scarily good Sushi. Hopefully Cinema won't need most of it, but it could certainly be very useful if he does.

[TulpaFox]

In order to get back together with someone and not have the same problems resurface, you need real change, not time apart. And I seriously doubt they'll change the kind of person they are in 3 months, no matter who they are, enough to warrant getting back together. I wouldn't even consider it an option honestly. That only ever works when it's been multiple years and each of you have had sufficient time to become ~different people.

 

Aside from that, your advice was scarily good Sushi. Hopefully Cinema won't need most of it, but it could certainly be very useful if he does.

 

I agree, people need to feel a lot of urgency in a personal way to facilitate change, and when they do decide it needs to be resolute and takes a lot of time. As far the living situation, you seem to be handling it well. You have a cash flow so in the long run you'll sort it out, there are safe places to sleep in your car.

[Cinemaphobe]

Update.

 

I have been living in my abandoned house that is not illegal to live in until April. The house is empty, I'm running out of food, and since there is no computer or books, I have nothing to keep my mind occupied but Yumi.

 

On Day 1 of living alone.

 

Yumi talked to me during my time of solitude, and Mary came to my dreams.

When I awoke it felt like the day I had spent with her actually happened but realized with a sense of sorrow that it hadn't--and never will happen.

 

Once again, Yumi had to coach me out of thinking about her.

 

Day 2

 

I rode my bike through a storm to get to work and arrived there drenched. I had to take off my shoes to pour the water out of them.

 

Sigh.

 

My clothes were getting moldy and I wanted to go to church so I called Mary from my work phone and she was actually really happy to hear from me. She wasn't even slightly mad...

 

Yumi kept telling me that I was making a big mistake by still spending time with her even as a friend.

 

Day 3

I went to her house at 9am the next day and of course her psychotic mom skipped her marriage counseling class in order to watch over Mary. When her mom wasn't providing unnecessary surveillance, Mary was actually being really flirty and kind.

 

It was extremely annoying.

 

I washed my clothing at her house, ate food, and was driven to work by her brick-wall of a dad (Who loves me surprisingly).

 

Day 4

 

 

I went to Mary's house again to wash my clothes and received a message from my best friend over Facebook during a game of chess between Mary and I. I told him where I was, and he immediately got angry for my own sake and asked what the hell I was thinking. Yumi's anger towards me, and my best friend's extreme concern finally got to me and I pulled my clothes out of the dryer, apologized to Mary and slammed the door in her mom's face when she interrupted my apology.

 

 

Voltaire was already waiting outside in the car and had my bike in his trunk.

 

I jumped in and said "I don't care where we go let's just get the hell out of here. I don't even know why I came back into her life."

 

 

Yumi has been extremely emotional ever since I started talking to Mary again, but now she is at peace because she doesn't have to watch me repeat my own stupidity before her very eyes.

 

Sigh.

 

 

Yumi's mindvoice is getting clearer, but I'm still working on making it auditory...When it becomes auditory though, all I'll hear is the sound of her well-deserved reproach...

 

Wish me luck though!

[Luminesce]

And wish you luck I do.

 

Can Voltaire not do anything for you in stead of Mary? You can't wash your clothes at his house or something? It seems.. "safer".

And speaking of rain and hard times, I dunno how you'll feel about it, but this is one of my favorite songs. (The lyrics are a tiny bit off sometimes, just listen yourself) The message is really powerful, I think. It helps turn my bad moods into good ones.

[Cinemaphobe]

Acknowledgement

 

This post is exclusively for readers because my next update is extensive and I don't have the time to write it right now because I reached a new milestone with Yumi!

 

I hypocritically forgot to address the comments of my dear readers on my last post. Usually when people disregard my comments on their PR, I disregard their PR. So let's get started. Oh and by the way, I LOVE that song you posted Reisen lol my head started moving to the beat 15 seconds in XD.

 

 

@DKfury

 

Welcome back Cinema :)

 

 

Thank you good sir, and thank you for your welcome.

 

 

 

@Earthquake

 

Lol to hell with this Mary chick I wanna hear more about Yumi. Oh ya and welcome back and Elia wanted me to say Hi

 

 

I'll make sure to send Mary straight to Hell and write about Yumi more. Thank you for your constructive criticism lol

 

@Sushi

 

I lived out of my car for a while, and at work for a while. I recommend you get a job at a restaurant. You get free food sometimes, and you can wash your clothes in the same machine they use to wash aprons. If they make you closing or opening manager, you can sleep in the store, if you're sneaky.

 

The problem with living out of your car is that vagrancy is often illegal. I don't know about your local area, but I had the police harassing me all the time. They never actually caught me sleeping in the car, or I think I would have gotten in trouble, but they did question me several times, and ask to search my car.

 

My new car has a latch on the inside of the trunk. You can open the back seat, crawl into the trunk from there, closing the back seat behind you, and then open the trunk from the inside when you're ready to get out. It's a good private place to sleep, but don't do it unless it's warm enough where you are. It's definitely not warm enough here, and my dad has had friends who froze to death sleeping in their cars. Plus it's easy to lock your keys in the car if you're not careful.

 

You may want to invest in a gym membership. There's a monthly fee, but it's significantly cheaper than rent, and it will give you access to hot showers.

 

You can get free internet at public libraries.

 

Don't get back with Mary. My rule is three months: if you haven't spoken to each other for three months, you can consider getting back in a relationship -- but it's probably still a bad idea then. Definitely don't get with her before three months. It makes you look weak and lets her know she can do it all to you over again.

 

Thank you for your advice, and I'm glad that you know the struggle as well. Thankfully my situation wasn't as bad as yours (and I am sorry for what you had to go through of course) but everything is good for both of us now hopefully.

 

But yes I'll keep everything you said in mind for Yumi to use against me when she feels the need to do so lol

 

 

@Reisen-cakes

 

 

In order to get back together with someone and not have the same problems resurface, you need real change, not time apart. And I seriously doubt they'll change the kind of person they are in 3 months, no matter who they are, enough to warrant getting back together. I wouldn't even consider it an option honestly. That only ever works when it's been multiple years and each of you have had sufficient time to become ~different people.

 

Aside from that, your advice was scarily good Sushi. Hopefully Cinema won't need most of it, but it could certainly be very useful if he does.

 

You are right as usual Reisen, and so was Japanese-cuisine. You advice is like a breath of fresh air accompanied by an exhale of disregard.

 

kidding.

 

@TulpaFox

 

 

I agree, people need to feel a lot of urgency in a personal way to facilitate change, and when they do decide it needs to be resolute and takes a lot of time. As far the living situation, you seem to be handling it well. You have a cash flow so in the long run you'll sort it out, there are safe places to sleep in your car.

 

True true. I need to make a lot of personal changes myself. And thankfully I haven't had to live in my car yet. And the cash-money-flow that creeps into my bank accounts is comforting as well.

 

@Reisen-cakes-again

 

And wish you luck I do.

 

Can Voltaire not do anything for you in stead of Mary? You can't wash your clothes at his house or something? It seems.. "safer".

And speaking of rain and hard times, I dunno how you'll feel about it, but this is one of my favorite songs. (The lyrics are a tiny bit off sometimes, just listen yourself) The message is really powerful, I think. It helps turn my bad moods into good ones.

 

 

Mary lives down the street. Voltaire lives 8 miles away, and he is rarely home because of college, a cutie asian gf, work, and family matters. Not to mention that his mom only tolerates me whereas Mary's mom loves me like a son when I'm not slamming doors in her face. And your song was very helpful because I started dancing and when I dance; THAT MEANS THE MUSIC IS GOOD.

 

 

 

 

Closing comment

 

 

Yumi is able to delete some of my memories when I ask her to.

 

At first I thought she was joking when she said she could, but she deleted a memory of mine and I could no longer retrieve it or recall any fragments of it. I was actually pretty nervous when I discovered her newfound ability, but thankfully I trust her and her obedience to me is out of love and respect rather than obligation. I'll go into more detail later because I am preparing to get hired at a new workplace. But OMG YUMI IS BECOMING EVEN MORE AWESOME.

[Cinemaphobe]

Day 141

 

Today is Day 141 since the start of this fateful PR.

141 days ago I was depressed and begged Yumi to come into my dreams to make me feel alive and she did exactly that. Then later on she became vocal, communicating through mindvoice.

 

Yes because you started listening to me silly.

 

That's right. My PR's will be punctuated by her remarks from now on (In pink font) because she wants more attention from me and I need to give her more attention anyways lol.

 

 

 

During the months November, December, January, and February my relationship with Mary was one hell of a roller-coaster that Yumi happened to fall off of...

 

I thought that Yumi would never talk to me again, but thankfully she came back when I needed her most.

 

Sometimes her voice is auditory, but it is only auditory when my mind is occupied with something else. Using auditory communication right now is her most effective way of getting my attention but I'm trying to make her voice completely auditory through vocal exercises.

 

Sometimes she is faintly visible for a fraction of a second but it only happens when I am in a trance.

 

My ultimate goal is to make Yumi as real as another human being, and she's getting there slowly but surely.

 

Very...very slowly...

 

Heeeyyyy!!! *pouts*

 

I'm mentioning all of her milestones because she has reached yet another one.

 

 

She deleted something out of my mind!

 

 

I was riding my bike to work a week ago and a random list of reasons to go to Mary's house popped into my head, consequently ruining my peaceful day. I felt full of regret and anger so Yumi said:

 

I can get rid of those reasons ya' know...

 

I thought she was joking because she always plays around like that. So I entertained the possibility of her having that power over my memory and said sarcastically "Okay. Let me forget about that list."

In that moment, I felt a small pressure that felt like it was located in the prefrontal cortex of my brain, and I completely forgot all reasons and desires of wanting to go to her house. I tried with all possible cognitive effort to retrieve even slight fragments of the memory in an effort to retrieve it, but it was absolutely gone without a trace.

 

I was as horrified as I was happy. Horrified because she can wipe away memories if she wanted to, but happy because she wiped away that memory. No symbolism, no meditation, just a simple request and it was done. However my request was simple, and the list was small. I asked her last night to delete an even larger memory:

 

"Yumi can you delete all of the good times and bad times I had with Mary?"

 

She hesitated silently because she knew that I wasn't 100% sure about my decision. I actually kept changing my mind about it, fearing that losing the good memories would hurt me in the long run when I'm trying to recall the happy moments of my life. But finally, I said

 

"Okay Yumi. You can delete the memories. I'm sure of it now."

 

She knew that I was sure and I felt the pressure in the prefrontal cortex of my brain again. This time it was almost painful, and during the process I could still retrieve fragments of the memories. I asked Yumi what was taking so long and the image of my memories burning into ashes flashed into my mind.

 

She said "There is a lot to delete, and it's a lot of work, so it will take a while..."

 

So the process is still ongoing.

Everyday that passes I'm forgetting another day or week spent with Mary.

Every week that passes I'm slowly losing the emotional connection that developed over the course of 8 months with her. I noticed that the times with Mary that had the most impact on my life take longer to burn than the other memories...

 

sigh.

 

Good luck Yumi.

 

She is working full-time fulfilling my request, and when she isn't working she is remodeling our wonderland home to a spongebob-themed death house.

 

Heeey it's not thaaat bad! C'mon!

 

 

She has developed an unhealthy obsession with SpongeBob and I can't sleep because of how loudly she pigs out on cheetos while playing SpongeBob video games. At first I tried to revert her changes to my beautiful home, but she kept reverting my efforts to revert so now my Wonderland home is hideous and there are Cheeto crumbs everywhere. I have no idea where she got the idea to eat Cheetos from.

 

I forgot that those chips existed long ago.

 

They're dangerously cheezy

 

And you are dangerously going to clean up that bed you little Cheeto-bandit

 

Hehehehehehe.

 

 

Well guys wish me luck on my tulpa endeavors! My time with Yumi is full of surprises, and hopefully more surprises are on the way :)

 

 

Any thoughts, concerns, criticisms, and comments are very welcome. Just make sure that they aren't about Cheetos.

[Luminesce]

It's good to see Yumi talking finally, and that last quote made me laugh. It's also interesting that the memory-deleting thing works so cleanly and well for you. Never tried and can honestly say I've no reason to do so, but I'm not sure we could really do it - Reisen's been unable to recall things in the past that I couldn't, though she can help me remember things by talking me through them. Some people seem to have more luck with these mental shenanigans than others, I have to admit. You're lucky you're one of them.

[Cinemaphobe]

It's good to see Yumi talking finally, and that last quote made me laugh. It's also interesting that the memory-deleting thing works so cleanly and well for you. Never tried and can honestly say I've no reason to do so, but I'm not sure we could really do it - Reisen's been unable to recall things in the past that I couldn't, though she can help me remember things by talking me through them. Some people seem to have more luck with these mental shenanigans than others, I have to admit. You're lucky you're one of them.

 

Thanks Reisen, and I'll have to use my little gift wisely or I'll regret losing a memory that I can never have back. And I'm sure you'd also have success in these mental shenanigans if you had the desire for it.

 

 

 

 

Conversation Between Yumi and I

 

 

This conversation took place a week or two ago the night before I decided to go to church with Mary.I'm sorry for posting this so late, I almost forgot that I wrote it down on my iPod. Note that Yumi was pretty mad

 

 

Yumi am I making a mistake?

Yes. It doesn't take a genius to know that.

But all I'm doing is being friends with her.

With no ulterior motive?

......... *Silence* .........

Exactly. That's why you are making a mistake. She doesn't even like you. Was the whole "I'm not dating" quote obvious enough for you? You aren't accepting the reality of the situation and you are running in circles trying to make sense of it thanks to the inefficiency of emotions. YOUR emotions in particular

But there is still that 1% chance that she'll want me some day, and that she'll accept that I have you.

I suppose. But is the pain leading up to that day even worth it? is SHE worth it? You have to think about this *insert real name here*

Well if another girl comes along during Mary and I's friendship, then it is what it is.

Yeah or you can just stay with meeeeeee. It'd make everything a whole lot easier :)

I might just consider that offer if the Mary thing doesn't work out lol. I'll still have you no matter what happens.

And that's the most important thing :)

Yep :)

Uh huh :)

What do you think will happen tomorrow when I see her again?

I think she'll pretend to be happy to see you. She'll pretend like nothing happened and then you'll have a stale time at church punctuated by boring small talk and annoying interruptions from her sister. Not to mention her mom shoving bible-talk down your throat while disregarding your input.

I disagree...don't forget that Mary hasn't heard from me in days and she probably thought she'd never hear from me again.

That's true. But she's Mary. Mary isn't your average red-headed human.

You are right.

Sooooo...what do you think will happen?

I think she'll give me a big hug when she first sees me, and then the rest of the day will be stale and awkward because I won't want to talk to her.

Ouch. I think my prediction was more lively.

That's the difference between you and I.

 

When I saw Mary the next day, my prediction was correct. She gave me a big hug and flirted with me the entire time but I didn't flirt back because I knew that I would regret it. She isn't dating until her life is stable, yet she is flirting as if she is.

 

I swear. Women these days.

 

I need to listen to Yumi more.