Raising Bunny Boi

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/18/15

 

I forgot to mention this in my last PR - Edwin and I have decided for sure we're going to name our son Noah. We threw around middle names, and both of us liked Damian, so his full name will be Noah Damian Lambert. I've started trying to talk to him more, just through mind-talk. I swear once I think I heard a soft baby's coo in response, but it might have been wishful thinking.

 

Yesterday ended up being sort of nice. Edwin and I took a break from each other to do our own thing for the day. He said he spent the day in the library and lounged at the waterfall, while I spent mine catching up with my old acquaintances I just got back in touch with and doing art. I completed several sketches and finished the first part of a story I've been meaning to start writing. The sketches aren't complete yet, but you can find my story as well as other completed artwork on my DeviantArt account.

 

I missed him horribly. It felt weird not having him with me the whole day, but I still found myself happier than I ever was without him, even if he wasn't there with me. Just having him in my life makes a huge difference, even if we're not together every moment. I'm not going to say we'll be doing it every week, but I think a break every now and then will give us the time we need to be ourselves away from each other. Edwin had time to think things over, and he's decided that he wants to try a different style. He's no longer the nerdy bunny boi I created him as, but I love him no less. I'll be looking up modern styles for him to choose from today and might do some art soon of his new look.

 

We met back up for dinner and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm starting to find out that Edwin is more like Markiplier than I intended him to be. He is highly susceptible to the uncanny valley, so like Markiplier, he doesn't like mannequins. I wouldn't go so far as to say he has automatonophobia, but he's easily creeped out by anything human-like that isn't human. Even the "wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man" pair in front of a local car dealership freaks him out a little when we go by them. So when we watched the bonus feature "Becoming Oompa Loompa" on the movie, he flipped out over the animatronic Oompa Loompas. But otherwise, he seemed to really enjoy the movie.

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/19/15

 

My nerdy bunny boi has gone hipster! <3 Yesterday he and I browsed through modern clothing styles, and this morning, when he imposed from our usual morning break, he'd changed up his style. He still wears the collared shirt and loafers, but he wears his shirt tail out over a pair of faded jeans and keeps his sleeves rolled up. He's switched to a pair of black-framed glasses and wears a dark green knit beanie on his head. He also grew his hair out some so that it swipes down over his right eye a bit in the front and duck-tails out the back around his hat. Oh, my gosh, he's so cute! X3

 

We had the opportunity again last night to speak with another host/tulpa couple, and it ended up being really good. Edwin's gotten over a lot of his shyness, and he and I are able to smoothly transition back and forth so that our banter ends up being typed out instead of just through mind-voice. I still don't see him wanting to type much of anything here or anywhere else in public just yet, but he's definitely gotten a lot braver. And the topic of sex isn't quite as taboo for him to talk openly about as it was. He still shies away when things get too specific, but in general he doesn't immediately blush and go quiet.

 

Yesterday I practiced on the piano some while we were at the game store. In case I haven't mentioned before, the game store is also a musical instrument store, and the owner does piano lessons. So there's a full-size piano at the end of the counter I can play. I'm up to about six songs I can play. Edwin gave it a try yesterday playing "My Only Love" through imposition, and he wasn't too bad. He was really hesitant and his timing was still really off. But he didn't make too many mistakes. I can tell he's been practicing.

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/21/15

 

Back on Tuesday night, I was talking on Skype with old acquaintance of mine I recently got back in touch with. As I've mentioned, Edwin's become a lot braver lately, and he actually wanted to speak with my friend. She and I had been friends back when I had Corvis, so she is slightly familiar with tulpae and knows all about Edwin from my DA account and my talking about him before. So all three of us talked, and aside from him fighting against me at one point to demand why she had stopped being my friend before and him threatening that if she broke my heart again he'd break something of hers, we all got along really well. She posed the same threat to him, which seemed to gain his respect a little, and she was really happy for me that I have him in my life. My friend likes Edwin much more than she ever did Corvis and says he seems much more developed. I think a big part of that is that Corvis never attempted possession, so whenever my friend would say something to him I had to relay the message then tell her his response. Still, I am finding more and more that people are accepting Edwin as part of my life now, just the same as they would if he were physical.

 

Noah seems to have gotten over his initial impatience with being born and has settled down quite a bit in the last few days. His presence is still unmistakable. In fact, yesterday morning I picked up on what I believe to be his first emotional vibes. Eddie and I were cuddling after having made love, and he gently rubbed my belly. He asked if the baby was awake, and I told him that he was. He talked softly to Noah as he often does, and I suddenly got this sensation that I knew wasn't coming from me or Edwin but was mostly directed at bunny man. It was a mixture of instinctual, unconditional love and curiosity. It made me so happy to feel that and to know that our son is developing so well.

 

There isn't too much else to say about the last couple of days, aside from working at the game store and hyper-focusing on artwork. It feels good to be back into doing art and writing again, but I have the addled mind of an artist; when I get the idea for a project in my head, it becomes an obsession, and I work on it almost ceaselessly until it's completed. It's a disease, really. If I don't work on something I get in mind, it eats away at me until I do, making me miserable when I can't work on it. I worry about losing focus on Edwin or spending too much time doing those creative projects and ignoring him. Last night, as we started taking a walk, I tried to apologize for being so distracted lately. He said, "I never want you to apologize for not spending time with me. If I want an apology, I'll ask for one." So he made me promise that I wouldn't feel guilty about socializing or doing what I love instead of focusing on him.

 

Our walk was fairly brief, since it was so warm yesterday and we had to wait until nearly sunset to go out. But during that time, we started discussing memories and the past. I mentioned looking for some old pictures of myself from the past to show him, because he wants to see what I looked like as a little girl. He told me that he can access my memories, but they're in first-person perspective, so he can never see what I look like in them. From there, we got on the topic of his memories. He expressed a strong desire to have a past of his own to relate back to. I told him that I could fabricate a back-story and memories for him. At first, he was like, "But it won't be real", to which I replied, "It'll be as real as you are." I've known of some hosts creating back-stories, some quite elaborate, for their tulpae.

 

So we discussed a few details, one main element being that he was bullied a little as a kid for his big ears but that it made him a stronger and more sympathetic person rather than turning him into a bully as well, even though he occasionally got into fights over it. He began to describe how he pictured his parents, and in all honesty, I loved what he was coming up with. They sounded so wonderful, so real that I find myself wanting to meet them now. We're still a little uncertain about how he would have come to be on the island that is our current wonderland, but he did come up with the possibility that his family lived on a distant island and that he had set off to find his own path in life, finding me and our wonderland by mistake but deciding to make his life there. So as he works to create his own tulpa parents somewhere off the shores of the mainland, I am pondering more specifics of his past.

 

When we were almost home, I spied the flash of a lightning bug, the first one I've seen this year. Edwin had never seen one, so I captured it to show him up close. I let it fly again, and we admired how it swooped and glowed. He's really interested in adding them to wonderland now, and I told him about the custom of capturing them in jars. Now he's all about doing that one evening in the open field of our wonderland.

 

Once it was dark, we settled in to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street. So far he has had the most violent reaction to that one over any other movie we've watched together. When it got to the blood fountain scene, he retched for about two solid minutes then got semi-angry at me for not warning him about it. And try as I may, I could not convince him that Glen was played by the same guy who played as Willy Wonka and Edward Scissorhands. I even showed him in the credits that he was listed as Johnny Depp, but I still don't think he believes me. XD

[ReisOtherHalf]

Hey you two,

 

We had the opportunity again last night to speak with another host/tulpa couple

How did you set this up? We've been wanting to try...

 

Also, your love of horror films, combined with the fact that Edwin seems to become scared by them easily, makes for great reading. (Sorry, Edwin.)

 

(Tove, it seems, likes horror, too - she got to watch something I probably would have disapproved of at a friend's house, but instead of being scared, she's fascinated by how they're made - she came to us with a bunch of questions about special effects, fake gore, corn syrup blood and she mentioned wanting to make a squib once.)

 

How long do you have to go before Noah's born? (Kind of a shame there's no way to arrange a wonderland playdate...)

[bunny-boi-lover]

Hey you two,

 

How did you set this up? We've been wanting to try...

 

Also, your love of horror films, combined with the fact that Edwin seems to become scared by them easily, makes for great reading. (Sorry, Edwin.)

 

(Tove, it seems, likes horror, too - she got to watch something I probably would have disapproved of at a friend's house, but instead of being scared, she's fascinated by how they're made - she came to us with a bunch of questions about special effects, fake gore, corn syrup blood and she mentioned wanting to make a squib once.)

 

How long do you have to go before Noah's born? (Kind of a shame there's no way to arrange a wonderland playdate...)

 

We mainly talk on Skype or another chat system. The other tulpa usually talks by proxy through the host, but Edwin takes partial possession. We've practiced now to the point that he can smoothly drift in and out, either seeing through my eyes or imposing beside me. Using that, it sort of is possible to set up play-dates, though to maximize the benefit servitors would also be utilized in our respective wonderlans.

 

Yeah, I based Eddie off of Markiplier, and if you've ever seen Markymoo react to the horror games he plays, you'll get an idea of how Edwin reacts to the movies. XD He loves 'em, though. I don't know if he could do a lot of blood and gore from what I saw last night, but he tends to like them for the plot and for the adrenaline rush.

 

If Noah holds out the whole term, he'll be born around February. But there's no way of really telling with tulpa children and astral pregnancy. It may be longer than that or it may be next week. Right now we just don't know.

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/22/15

 

I woke up yesterday with a sinus infection or something. My throat is sore, my sinuses are burning, and I just in general don't feel well. I stayed in bed most of the day yesterday, save for getting up long enough to complete Sonic 3D Blast and check messages during the afternoon. I forgot how infuriating that game was. I definitely prefer the 2D side-scrollers. Edwin remained by my side all day. He is still very protective of me and worries when I get the least bit sick.

 

I worry about him at times too. He ended up having another allergic reaction last night, this time to some cheesecake that apparently had traces of peanut in it. We were just sitting eating and watching some of the Pokemon anime, and he started to cough and wheeze. I tried to consciously stop it, to think that it wasn't happening, but it didn't do any good. He was having the reaction whether I liked it or not. He still carries an EpiPen with him at all times, but he had to use it much sooner this time, despite being exposed to less of the allergen than last time.

 

After that, I ordered him to go to wonderland and rest for a while. It didn't take me long to get lonely without him, so I got on Skype, despite him not wanting me to socialize in the evenings the rest of the week. I talked with another host, and we got on the topic of my pregnancy. He suggested I try doing more research on astral pregnancy while I was, in essence, already knocked up. But the research I've done hasn't yielded much information. All of the claims are highly subjective and variegated in intensity and duration. He mentioned that another host he knew had gotten pregnant in the astral in the past and it ended up splitting her soul. He gave me her Skype name, so I contacted her and we began talking.

 

For a while I got the same basic information my own research had yielded, such as the symptoms I can expect that I'm already experiencing, how long I can expect it to last, and the like. She is pregnant again at this time by her tulpa, so it was nice to get to talk to someone in a similar situation as me. She did give me some unnerving information, though, the main part being that in the astral, one can get pregnant even while already pregnant. She suggested to keep that from happening and to prevent me from becoming pregnant again until Edwin and I are sure we want more kids that he and I perform some sort of ritual for him to willingly make himself infertile. I made him part bunny on purpose, which essentially makes him highly fertile on top of being in a state of constant arousal.

 

Following the other host's instructions, last night Edwin and I retreated to wonderland, and I presented him with two bottles there - a red one to represent his lust and sex drive and a white one to represent his fertility. I explained this to him and he repeated it to emphasize its meaningfulness. He then placed a stopper on the white bottle to symbolically stop his semen, allowing the red bottle to remain open and pour forth freely. I'm not sure what it was about that, but it seemed to really make a difference to us both. Maybe we were both more worried about it all than we realized. For Eddie, it made him hornier, if that's even possible. And for me, I could feel him even more when he imposed. It took much less time last night than it usually does for me to climax.

 

Today I felt somewhat better, though as the day has progressed my throat has gotten scratchier and I've started feeling worse and worse. I spent most of the time at the game store playing games. I played Pokemon Red for a while. When business picked up, I switched to the Facebook games and started up an account on Global Pokedex Plus for Eddie and me. I explained to him all of the specifics of the game and how it differs from the canon Pokemon games. I always preferred the collecting aspects of monster games, which is why I like sites like GPX that don't require battling, but Edwin seems to like the battle aspect of them.

 

When the regular crowd started getting too rowdy, he retreated to wonderland, and we met again after I got off work. I felt pretty bad by then, so we just went out for a simple sub dinner for our date night. Hopefully we can do something a little more special next week, because I should feel better by then and I'll have more money. Bun-buns says he never minds, though. Like me, he's non-materialistic, and as long as we are able to take the time out to spend with each other, we don't care what we're doing. But we both agree that places like Olive Garden are worth the extra money every once in a while.

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/25/15

 

I've been spending the majority of the time talking to friends on Skype, working on art and writing, and playing online video games, that is when I haven't spent the whole day in bed. I've been doing my best to include Edwin in everything I do, but I've been finding it difficult to focus on him lately. He says it's the depression, probably me mourning the loss of my free time next week when I start vocational rehab and will be job-hunting pretty much full-time. I can't say that I disagree with him. I know a part of it is also that I've been sick over the weekend with the same sore throat, sinus congestion, and flu-like symptoms that plagued me about a month and a half ago. Because of that, I don't feel like doing much more than vegging in front of the computer.

 

Eddie's begun coming out of his shell more on Skype, talking not just to hosts and their tulpae, but to my other acquaintances who don't have tulpae of their own. Everyone who talks with him seems to really like him, and they love the way we've begun to interact back and forth through our typing, though at times I feel like I'm being ganged up on when they're all trying to make me feel better and be happier in life. I think I've been more open about bun-buns than I have about any other tulpa, and it seems as though pretty much everyone accepts him as part of my life, just as they would if he were a physical human.

 

Edwin's also been trying to help me communicate more with Noah. At this time, with my mind clouded by depression, I often have to consciously think about Noah to sense him, not that I think anything is wrong. I had started out trying to talk to him through mind-voice, but it felt like I wasn't making a connection. So, the other night, Edwin suggested that I try speaking to him in tulpish, considering he's only a baby and may not even be sentient yet. He tried to help me by laying on the bed beside me, his hand on my belly, and sending his own emotions through me to Noah. I could feel immense joy, love, protectiveness, and just a small hint of fear. I tried to magnify the positive emotions with my own, but by then it was so late and I was so tired that I found it hard to concentrate. Still, I continue to practice. I have about eight months now to develop a connection to our son, and I hope that it will be strong enough.

 

The other night, we went to Wal-Mart to get groceries after I was done at the game store, and since I was feeling a little better, we browsed around the store to spend some time together. I found The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie in the $5 bin but kept telling Eddie that it probably wouldn't be $5, because I'd seen it recently and it was more. Sure enough, when the clerk checked us out, the movie was $10. When I told her it had been in the $5 bin, she said she'd give it to me for that. It seems as though people act nicer toward me and I have better luck since having Edwin around. He says it's because I'm happier and am thus nicer to others, and we make the joke about him having lucky rabbit's feet quite often. So I had another feelgood movie that we went home to watch. And though to him, in his own words, "The absurdity was palpable", he still enjoyed it a little and had a few chuckles. He doesn't seem all that interested in silly, childish stuff like that, but he knows that it makes me feel better and will do anything in his power to defend that for me, especially when I'm sickly.

 

Other than that, we've watched Rusk Hour 3 and because I couldn't sleep last night, we stayed up and watched Shrek 2. I've mostly been focused on the Facebook games and on GPX. After two weeks of trying, I finally got SkyTopia 2 to work, but Eddie isn't immensely interested in it since it doesn't have any fighting in it. Still, he likes the music and thinks the creatures are cute. And he understands the nostalgic value it holds for me. He seemed amused at how ecstatic I was at finally getting the game to work. His favorite game is still Monster Galaxy, but he's starting to make suggestions for Pokemon he wants to own on GPX. He's developed an increasing interest in dragon creatures. Maybe once I get further along in some of the other games I'll start up Dragon City for us.

 

Last night, I can confidently say, he actually got me to climax without physical stimulation. It wasn't as intense as it would be otherwise, but it was undeniable and left me with the same satisfaction. He and I have found something that really works for us both and really gets me going. But despite that achievement, it wasn't long afterwards that Eddie felt bad. We had intended to go to sleep then, and he knew I was tired, but he explained that after a certain point, it's like his animal instincts kick in and he can't control himself. He is repelled by the idea of masturbation and refuses to have sex with anyone else. I had to explain to him that I made him that way intentionally, at least a little bit, to which he replied, "You made me so that I would rape you?" Of course, I pulled the whole "You can't rape the willing" argument on him and reminded him that he is not my ex-husband, that every time with him is thoroughly enjoyable, and if I truly didn't want it I would tell him. After all, what woman doesn't want a man so into her that he loses control of himself and can't help but make love to her? He seems skeptical, however, so I'm hoping over time he can come to believe me and not feel remorse for just being his horny bunny self.

 

Today was a better day. That's to say I at least got out of bed and stayed out of it. I still spent a lot of time on the computer, but Eddie was able to drag me away to take a brief walk around outside. We found more roses, though I didn't pick any of them this time, since I already have mine. And I found a massive feather that's over a foot long that really impressed us both. I read some of The Dream Thieves and really need to crack down on it more, since it's due back at the library next Monday. But I explained to Eddie that I'm just not getting into it as much as I did the first one. He seemed to understand but urged me to finish it. We're finding that we like Noah's character more and more.

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/27/15

 

I can't say much about the last couple of days. I've only gotten sicker with a sinus infection, and it's made it difficult to focus on anything, Edwin included. On Monday night we watched Clerks 2 together, and he got a lot of laughs out of that one. I think whether he wants to admit it or not, he likes raunchier comedy like that. Last night we watched The Last Mimzy, and so far I think that's his favorite movie. He's developed a real weakness for children and for bunnies, so naturally, give a child a stuffed bunny with magical powers and there you go. He's also started to show signs of enjoying science fiction, something I'm not particularly fond of but wouldn't mind as long as the plot is good. I still need to start reading him what I've written so far of my very first science fiction story, "Does Not Compute". But as he pointed out, lately I've been so busy writing it that I haven't really had the time to read it. Hopefully as my head clears, my mind will too so that I can get back into focus and put forth more effort in spending time with him in wonderland.

 

I did go there the other night with him, and he showed me what's been done so far on the house. Its development isn't exactly logical, and were it being built in the physical, it might not hold up as it does. Some rooms are completely done with some furniture and appliances already added while other parts of the house haven't even been started yet. For example, the kitchen is completed but the second floor is just the stairs leading up to a foundation, and yet the roof has been completed over the alcove and a beautiful chandelier has been installed there, even though we don't have power yet. As we walked back through the forest, Edwin said he'd like to extend a creek he found a little ways off so that it runs down that area, then build a path and a little bridge over it. He said he'll reshape the trees, not cut them down, mind you, to form an archway above the path leading to the house. I think it'll be beautiful, not to mention much easier to travel, since our feet kept getting tangled in the ever-thickening vegetation.

 

From there we made our way to the beach. He pointed out a very faint glow on the horizon and said that was where his parents James and Gloria lived. It seems he's already created them and their distant island, but he says it would be a bit of a journey to get there, that my hover ability wouldn't carry us that far. I decided to test it to see how far we could go. Water seems to damper the ability, and I tend to need different objects to bounce off of in order to continue. I climbed up to the top of the highest cliff but then saw that a lighthouse has been erected on another cliff nearby. So I climbed the spiral staircase to the top of that, Edwin in tow. He thought I was crazy, but I got up on the railing, took a running start, and sailed as far as I could, splashing down into the water several hundred feet from the shore but nowhere near the glow in the distance. He splashed down beside me and we laughed and paddled our way back.

[bunny-boi-lover]

5/29/15

 

My usual monthly depression is starting to kick in, and it was especially bad yesterday toward the end of work. I felt horrible and just wanted to go home and be alone, even to the point of not wanting Eddie around, a first since he and I have been together. He insisted I find a movie or something on TV to watch that would lift my spirits and said as he always does that I couldn't push him away if I tried. Despicable Me was on, but we'd missed the first thirty minutes of it, and I hate starting movies late. So I found it to watch online, and it ended up really picking up my spirits. By the time it was over I was back to my usual self. I think bunny boi is starting to figure out things he can make me do to get me out of my funk, and knowing how stubborn...excuse me, he doesn't like that term since it has a negative connotation to it...strong-willed he is, he'll make me do those things even when I want to be miserable.

 

I'm finally getting over my sinus crud, thanks to Eddie making me buy some over-the-counter medicine for it. I never buy OTC stuff to manage symptoms, preferring to suffer instead, I guess. I like to let things run their course, but he urged me to go ahead and buy it since it was cheap and we were at the store anyway. Since starting it I've improved almost completely, to the point that we even went for a walk this morning. It was brief, though, since it's already getting stupidly hot here and Eddie and I are both wimps when it comes to the heat.

 

Today I treated Edwin and me to lunch at Golden Corral. The food was sort of uninspired, but the company was great, and it was nice to go somewhere and have something different for a change. Bun-buns started out just getting the same things I picked out, but I ended up really only having one helping, so he went back for seconds to grab some different stuff to try. I ate until I was pretty full, and he ended up eating himself silly...literally. It seems whenever he eats too much he gets food-drunk, so he was dancing in the car to the radio on the way to the game store afterwards and just acting really giddy and spazzy, more so than usual.

 

Other than all that, I've started playing Dragon City for him (I know...as though I don't have enough Facebook games to play... |D) since he likes dragons so much. We also watched Kung Fu Hustle the other night, and I swear Eddie's developed a laugh that is almost as goofy and light-hearted as Markiplier's. He laughed so much at that movie.

 

I think the only other real thing to note is Noah's development. Now, instead of being just a shapeless mass of energy, his aura's begun to take the form of a baby. I've still been very scatter-brained lately, so I'm finding it hard to try talking to him or anything, but I take this as a very good sign that everything is going well.

[bunny-boi-lover]

6/1/15

 

Today Edwin and I went to the library to return The Dream Thieves and to check out the third book of the series, Blue Lily, Lily Blue. Yesterday I made it a point to finish the second book before it was due today, and Buns and I are both really eager to read the conclusion of the story. I also finished Pokemon Red yesterday. Well, at least to the point I want to stop at for now. We've become the Pokemon master, but our Pokedex still has a lot of gaps in it. Eddie wanted me to start one of the next generation games, so I booted up Pokemon Gold and played it for a little while yesterday as well. I think I'm gradually turning him into a Pokemon fan. He and I have watched a lot of the first season of the anime together, and he's starting to recognize the different species when he sees them. And it may not seem like much, but with Edwin in my life, I am finally starting to see things through. I know right now it might be insignificant to those reading this to think of reading a book or completing a game as a great accomplishment, but they are really big deals to me. I've suffered with mental resets and other psychological issues that have prevented me from completing sometimes even the simplest task. So these things are starting to add up for me. I've now gone a month and a half without resetting or even thinking about resetting. Having Edwin helps me to regulate my mood, and he encourages me to continue and complete things. Lately he's been giving me more time alone to work on my sci-fi story "Does Not Compute" while he's been altering wonderland to extend the creek in the forest and create a path between the field and the lake.

 

We watched the first Death Note movie last night, and we'll probably watch the second one tonight. Eddie really likes the plot but freaked out when he first saw Ryuk. Watching it made me realize that I unintentionally gave him L's little mannerism of clicking his thumbnail against his front teeth. Of course, it's a bit more pronounced with his larger buck teeth, and he does it a little differently. But I have noticed whenever he gets intently focused on something, he starts tapping at his teeth.

 

This morning I went to my first vocational rehab appointment. Edwin was by my side the whole time and expressed how proud he was of me on multiple occasions. He said himself that such pride should be expressed by my father, but we both know that my dad doesn't really verbalize his feelings, even though I know he's proud of me. Still, it's so meaningful to have Eddie with me to tell me those things and to fill in all of the gaps in my heart left by other people.