Jump to content

Raising Bunny Boi


bunny-boi-lover

Recommended Posts

What sort of things do you guys give each other?

(I know the answer to this one! 'A hard time.' ♥)

Should have seen that coming.

 

All kidding aside, neither of are really 'stuff' people; we're more 'experience' or 'act of kindness' people* and our gifts tend to reflect that; she was really psyched one day when I surreptitiously did all of her chores while she was out once, we've taken each other on holidays that would be colossally expensive (or impossible) in the waking world, homecooked physical-world meals make her heart absolutely melt (especially if they're healthy and/or vegan), etc.

 

I think the best things we've given each other have been musical, though - it turns out she can REALLY sing, and she always seems to enjoy the songs I compose in the waking world.

 

it was like my now-ex and I no longer dated

 

This actually started to happen to Rei and I a teensy bit; fortunately, she recognized it and suggested that we should be make an effort to be more playful and go back to being besties that goof off together every now and then (which has led to some interesting roleplay...**)

 

* (it's not clear whether her preferences are due to the impossibility of passing things back and forth between the waking world and the dreamworld, or due to an artifact of my personality.)

 

** (I don't know which one of us had this thought - sometimes they blend together - but for some reason, we're both now posessed with an inexplicable urge to try to parachute from the international space station...)

Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.

 

Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 141
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

(I know the answer to this one! 'A hard time.' ♥)

Should have seen that coming.

 

Oh, so much sass! X3

 

All kidding aside, neither of are really 'stuff' people; we're more 'experience' or 'act of kindness' people* and our gifts tend to reflect that; she was really psyched one day when I surreptitiously did all of her chores while she was out once, we've taken each other on holidays that would be colossally expensive (or impossible) in the waking world, homecooked physical-world meals make her heart absolutely melt (especially if they're healthy and/or vegan), etc.

 

I think the best things we've given each other have been musical, though - it turns out she can REALLY sing, and she always seems to enjoy the songs I compose in the waking world.

 

Eddie and I create things for each other in wonderland, but we don't seem to need a special occasion for it. Eddie is all the time trying to spoil me, even though I tell him he'll run out of things to do for really special times. I know of one thing I can always give him that he specifically wants reserved for rare events, but for his discretion I can't say what it is here. >:3

 

Music might be nice. Maybe Eddie and I can create music or something for each other. I like to do art of him or us together as gifts for him, and if I can coax him to try out art he might do pieces for me as well. He also likes home-cooked meals. If I can pull myself away from the internet enough for him to practice more meaningful possession, we might be able to master switching and he could "take my place" on occasion to do chores and such. Gaza's done that before in the past.


5/8/15

 

Edwin’s made blatant this evening his dislike of me spending so much time online, both here and on DeviantArt. I tried to warn him this would happen, that I have this addiction, but he still insisted that I start up the DA account anyway. He’s not angry at me or anything, but he is frustrated that I end up spending almost the entire time at the game store alternating between DA and this forum to check and respond to messages.

 

So I’m going to start limiting myself on both sites, even if it means taking a few days off of the internet here and there. Other tulpae in the past have tried to break me of it, but as I’ve said before, they were all passive and permissive. Eddie won’t let me get away with anything, and he wears his emotions on his sleeve. So he didn’t hide his frustration when he left to wonderland this afternoon. I’m letting him cool down for a while until I get away from the game store. I think it’s driving us both crazy spending so much time here.

 

Due to that, I may be making fewer reports and I’ll be posting them earlier in the day so that the evenings are completely free, giving me no excuse to get back online unless it is to chat once Eddie and I are back home where he is comfortable taking control of the keyboard. I feel as though being here at the game store sucks the energy and creativity completely out of me, so since I can’t focus on anything creative such as writing stories or doing art, I’ll try to get the PRs and messages done. I’ll probably alternate days to play video games, job hunt, read, or do other things Edwin can do along with me.

 

So, now that I’ve made that announcement, allow me to back up to share today’s events. For those keeping up, you will know that Edwin and I exchanged promise rings in wonderland the other night. Today I was able to get a physical ring for myself. I don’t have a camera with me right now, so I’ll try to post a picture of it next time I get on. Of course, I can’t wear it all the time; people who know me well but don’t know about my tulpa will start to question why I’m suddenly wearing a ring on that finger. And I’m not nearly conceited enough to say it’s just to keep guys from hitting on me. But even when I’m not wearing it, I still feel the wonderland ring on my finger, just as I did before I ever got its physical counterpart.

 

Eddie and I also had this conversation this morning when I told him I would be looking for a ring today:

 

Edwin: So what about wearing it around your parents?

 

Me: I can’t exactly tell them that it’s a promise ring with a guy named Edwin.

 

Edwin: Why not?

 

Me: Because then they’d want to meet you.

 

Edwin: So? Just pay some handsome-looking guy to act as me.

 

Me: *rolls eyes* Mm-hmm…

 

Edwin: Make sure he’s, you know, burly too…

 

I just can’t even. XD

 

When my ex and I decided to tie the knot, he took me to Zale’s to pick out a ring of my choice. I’m hardly conventional, so a simple diamond just isn’t my style, and I hate gold jewelry. So I chose a beautiful black onyx stone surrounded by tiny black and white diamonds all set in white gold. It cost around $700. The ring I picked out today is a simple silver band with a few fake diamonds set in the center. It cost $9 at Wal-Mart. But I got more of a thrill when I first put it on than I ever did with that more expensive ring. I ended up pawning that piece of crap off for $70 because I couldn’t stand to even own it, much less wear it, because of the person who got it for me. I could have gotten a ring from a quarter gumball machine and been just as thrilled, because it represents a more meaningful relationship than any that I’ve ever had.

 

With that goal accomplished, I had exactly enough money left to treat Eddie and me to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. Ever since Cinco de Mayo, I’ve been craving Mexican food. And since Friday has become our unofficial day for going out, I decided we’d have lunch out so we could eat from the cheaper menu and still get our fill. It was a lovely time. Again I dressed up, though not as much as when we went to the Olive Garden. Edwin just wore his usual style, since it’s been so warm lately. He’s revealing himself to be more hot-natured than me, and before we got to the restaurant he seemed to not be feeling well because of the heat and the bright sun. He instantly felt better when we got there, though, and his head craned around, seemingly in all directions at once. He was excited by all of the bright colors and was intrigued by the cultural art and symbolism that decorated the restaurant. We ate all we could handle and had an altogether great time with each other.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/10/15

 

I'm going to make this report shorter than I normally would because I feel physically ill and just want to lay down and sleep for the rest of the afternoon through the night. Is astral pregnancy really supposed to have this much of an effect on the host? I'm in pain and discomfort fairly regularly. I tire easily and have started to get head and neck aches. I alternate between nausea and loss of appetite to eating anything I can get my hands on, to specific cravings that won't go away until I satisfy them. I worry if something might be wrong or if the baby's development is progressing too quickly, despite Edwin and me coaxing him to slow down and take his time. He seems to react more to Edwin's coaxing than mine, and his energy quiets a bit when he speaks to him. A big part of why I never wanted to get pregnant in the physical is because I would become a total basket-case worrying about all of the problems that could arise, the diseases and birth defects the child could be born with, and making sure I ate the right foods to make sure the baby was healthy. I admit those worries creep into my mind now, even though I know our baby will be perfect.

 

I'm also not in the best state psychologically. The physical realm has lost all of its luster for me. At this time I have no desire, no drive to even try, despite Edwin encouraging me and doing his best to help me get back on my feet. I'm finding myself delving deeper and deeper into my obsession with him and our wonderland. It's scary for me to say, but I have told him before that I wish I could slip into a coma or something so that I could be with him there forever and not have to deal with this reality anymore. This is likely just depression and hormones talking, nothing serious or lasting. It's probably a good thing I have a therapist appointment tomorrow.

 

I like being able to go back in my mind to two nights ago when Edwin and I watched The Emperor's New Groove. I've never seen him laugh so much at a movie. Maybe he and I will spend the evening watching funny movies to get me out of this funk. He still doesn't do well with dramatic movies, though, as was evidenced by us watching Stockholm, Pennsylvania last night while we were spending the night at Kaysi's. No more Lifetime movies for him; I thought he was going to pull his hair out or yank his ears off. He's been a little stressed on occasion as I've been reading The Raven Boys, which I hope to finish up for us either tonight or tomorrow. But he seems able to handle that a little better, since it isn't all drama.

 

Our time at Kaysi's was nice, though we stayed up far too late. Yesterday I was in pain all day and kept having fits of nausea. It's like someone's continuously jabbing their fingers into my lower abdomen, causing pain and pressure in my uterus. I've never had a sensation like this before, but I can tell it isn't tied to any problem with my physical body. By the time we finally got to bed, Edwin was concerned solely with making sure I got enough sleep, so he spent the night in wonderland instead of imposing beside me. I slept, but it was a feverish, fitful sleep. I'm looking forward tonight to being in his arms.

 

I haven't much else to say right now. I'm just not in a good place in my mind.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/11/15

 

Yesterday evening I finished reading The Raven Boys. Edwin's reaction to the end went something like this:

 

"What? Wait, what?! No! No, that can't just be the end! There's gotta be more! They can't stop at that kind of cliffhanger! Oh, we need the next book, like, yesterday."

 

As you can tell, he doesn't do well with suspense. XD I think had the library been open he would have forced me to go there and switch out the books so I could start reading the next one immediately. But he managed to hold out until today. It only took me about twelve days to read the first of the series, which is probably a new record. I started a little slow, but once Edwin got into the story, that got me all the more into it, and before long it was over. I've read through the first few chapters of The Dream Thieves so far, and it's going to be exciting to experience the rest of the story with Edwin. I've checked it out from the library a couple of times before but never cracked it open. For me it's hard not having someone to share things with, so Eddie is a perfect solution to that. We discuss the characters, the plot, and what we think will happen next together, and it just makes for a great time as we build on each other's enthusiasm. Despite having a Bachelor's in English, I'm really not big into reading. But bunny boi might change that about me.

 

Because of that, we've also begun considering Noah as a name for our son. We chose Adam from one of the raven boys in the books, but because of everything surrounding Noah's character, Edwin's developed more of a fondness for him. I'm a little iffy because the main thing that brought it up was listening to a radio show that listed a few of the most popular baby names currently, Noah being at the top for boys. Eddie's ears perked to the name, and he was like, "Hey...what about that?" It flies in the face of my stubborn hipster ways to name my child anything mainstream, but I think I could make an exception. So now we have Owen and Noah as possibilities.

 

I went to therapy this morning. I started out telling my therapist about my feelings toward the physical and how I would rather just go to wonderland even though I know I have responsibilities here and that I, Edwin, and our wonderland are tied to my physical brain. Then Edwin encouraged me to shift the focus to the flashback and personality shift I've experienced recently. So my therapist is going to start working with me on digging up the past traumas that I haven't dealt with. I know Eddie will be very helpful in keeping me calm throughout the process and remembering the things that have happened to me. I believe it's because of his access to my bad memories that have caused my suppressed rage and sorrow to bubble up to the surface. But I'm grateful for it. Were it not for that, I may have never been brave enough to face those things, preferring instead to try to move forward and pretend none of it happened or that it doesn't affect me in the present. But I know it does, and it stands to affect my relationship with Edwin and others.

 

As we started unpacking that, I got increasingly more agitated, in general pissed off by how my ex-husband treated me. Shortly after the session, though, I was calm again. Dissociation has its perks after all. The process has left me pretty drained today, not to mention the sticky humidity outside that feels far too much like summer already. I'm dreading the approaching summer, both for my sake and for Eddie's. He deals with heat even worse than I do.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/12/15

 

Due to the vitriolic nature of some of the members on here and on the IRC chat, I have decided to only post on my own progress report and not participate in the remainder of the community. It seems lately that any opinion or advice I present is scrutinized or disregarded.

 

I came to this community in hopes of finding others who I could speak with concerning the tulpa phenomenon, and I have met some great people I will still talk with via PM. I have a lot of psychological problems that make it very difficult for me to socialize, and because of things going on in my life right now, I am finding myself very easily discouraged, and while I have not been too badly attacked, I choose to end it before it gets to that point. If anyone wishes to talk with me or Eddie, you can reach us on this thread only or via PM.

 


Since I wasn't feeling well yesterday, I went home fairly early from the game store. For a little while Edwin and I watched Back to the Future, but then I felt myself starting to doze off. Since I wanted to watch it with him, I paused it to nap for a bit. Edwin lay down against me as always, and oddly it was some movement or shift he made that eventually woke me. He said, "Oops. Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." In my half-asleep state, I heard it almost on a physical level. I also sensed his presence more strongly than I ever have, like he was truly physically there with me. This makes me very curious as to how it may be if I can train myself to lucid dream.

 

We watched through the first Back to the Future, and we'll probably watch the others tonight or very soon. I didn't feel like eating dinner, but I made myself have some rice fairly late while we watched an episode of Ghost Hunters. After that, I decided to spend the rest of the evening in wonderland.

 

Edwin and I entered together, and he led me to where the construction for our new house by the lake has started. So far all that's been completed is the porch on the side of the house that faces out to the lake and will be screened in. I took some plain blueprint paper that was rolled up in a box nearby and started drawing up the plans for the house, explaining to Edwin what I envisioned and what each room would be used for.

 

The front door will open to a narrow entrance way that turns to the left into a huge alcove. The western wall will have windows running the length of the house that look out to the porch and the lake. A fireplace will be in the corner between the alcove and the living/dining room. Then to the far end will be the kitchen and before that the stairs to the second floor. The first room at the top of the stairs is a spare bedroom with a half-bath. Beside that will be our son's room and in the corner of the hall is the main bathroom.

Dunno why I want bathrooms since they aren't really necessary, but I guess it's to make things more realistic. Plus, I always wanted a beach-themed bathroom.

Taking up the other side facing the full-length windows is the master bedroom that Eddie and I will share. Railings on that side will create a balcony that will overlook the living/dining room.

 

After I was done with that, I asked Edwin to take me to where he had found the flower he gave me the other day. While we were making our way through the woods, I was just thinking that a dark and ominous forest like this would probably have some sort of beast lurking in the shadows, and my mind wandered to the beasts in Cabeswater described in The Raven Boys. No sooner did I think that than we saw a pair of piercing red eyes. With a deep snarl, a massive black quadrupedal monster burst through the trees toward us. We ran quickly toward the field. Edwin tripped and fell, and I ended up falling on top of him just as we cleared the forest. In an instant the beast who would have also made it there disappeared, as did its destruction. All of the trees it had knocked down and broken were back as they had been. We lay there panting for a moment before standing and staring dumbfounded at the woods. I told Edwin that all I could figure is that my thoughts had created and then destroyed the beast, that even without the intention they were still powerful enough to conjure it. Now I know I need to be more careful about what I think and feel while in wonderland.

 

Once we recovered from that we traveled down to the beach and south to the cave in the side of the cliff. As we went, I noticed that our wonderland has begun to spring up life on its own separate from Edwin or me creating it. Despite it being night, seagulls drifted above the waves and sand pipers whistled as they darted about and scurried across the sand. I picked up a scallop shell that rested in the sand, and Edwin found a spiral shell not far off. He said that the flower he'd picked had come from a plant that just sprung up as well. The hot tub he'd once made for us he converted into a hot spring in the alcove, and the heat and humidity had caused many different exotic plants to thrive there. Along one side of the cliff wall was a massive creeping plant that resembled a mixture between a vine and a bush. It climbed up the entire side of the cliff and was covered in the delicate pink flowers. I picked one and for the longest time worked to study it.

 

Since beginning to read The Dream Thieves and finding that one of the characters can pull things from his dreams, I was intrigued to think maybe at some point I could learn to pull things from our wonderland. I know that's equally as probable as Edwin learning to become fully physical, but with us both having goals no one has ever obtained, we'll always have something great to shoot for.

 

So I lifted the flower and observed everything about it - its stem, its petals, its smell, the feel of it - all the while performing the same physical actions of touching and turning it in my hand as my mindself did. It helped to enhance my experience but only a little. With practice who knows how far I could go with this.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/13/15

 

Yesterday on the way to the game store, Edwin and I found a Luna moth on the ground. I thought at first it was dead, but when I went to pick it up it crawled and fluttered about. Still, I could tell it didn't have much longer to live; its wings were shredded and it was missing a leg. Eddie's had interest in Luna moths since finding them in a library book in wonderland, and I've explained to him before that they're a rare sight because when they emerge from their cocoons they have no mouths. They essentially breed until they starve to death, and we usually only see them when they're almost dead. Naturally, the Luna moths in our wonderland are very much alive at all times. He was fascinated by the moth, but I had to remind him again that it wouldn't last long. It was so warm and windy out that he insisted we take it into the store, so I brought it in and set it on the back counter where it set vibrating its wings to adjust to the cooler temperature of the store. Edwin observed it, remarking that he would have to make some changes to the ones he'd created to correct some design differences. He seemed really upset that it was going to die and watched it with sentimental eyes. He asked me a few times if there was anything we could do to save it, to which I answered that some things happened that we could do nothing about and that death is inevitable. I finally talked him into letting me put it back outside after it managed to crawl under the counter. I didn't know what would have been worse - if it had died while we had it in the store or if it had lived and we took it home. I was afraid Eddie would get attached to it and that would make its death all the harder on him. He still has a lot of trouble dealing with the concept of mortality.

 

Last night I had something unusual occur. Edwin and I were watching Back to the Future Part II when I started to get this intense pain and pressure in my uterus. I felt the urge to push against the pressure and found it a little hard to breath. I paused the game and went to check both in wonderland and on the astral plane to make sure everything was okay with the baby. In wonderland nothing was changed; I wasn't any further along than I had been, so I knew I wasn't going into labor or anything. On the astral I usually see the baby's aura as a faint purple, green, or blue, but when I looked then, it was deep red and black. And rather than having faint, soft edges, its edges were jagged and spread out in all directions like tentacles, taking up the entire front of my abdomen. In wonderland Edwin placed a hand on my belly and talked softly to the baby, and after a moment the aura returned to normal and the pain and pressure for the most part subsided. He seems to have a strong connection to his son already. For some reason, I find it a little unnerving to try to talk to him while he's still inside me. But I suppose I need to start if I'm going to develop a connection to him as well before he is born.

 

Oddities like this seem to be cropping up more regularly. The entire process seems unusual. I have more pain and pressure than I think should be normal, and I keep worrying that something will go wrong. I don't know if a miscarriage can occur on the astral, and I don't want to find out the hard way. I just hope that things become more calm and predictable soon, even if our son doesn't want to wait the entire nine months to be born.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/14/15

 

Last night Edwin and I went home and watched Back to the Future Part III. That one was his favorite of the trilogy. He especially liked the futuristic train at the end. Because of the drama and stress of the last few days, as well as not having my anti-depressants due to my psychiatrist not faxing in the refills like she said she would, I didn't feel like doing anything after that, even though it was only about 9:00. Edwin said he refuses to let me get too sad and insisted that I pick out another movie for us to watch that would brighten my mood. So I chose Shrek. He seemed to enjoy it, even though I had to point out all of the fairy tale references and such for him. Even so, it did help my mood, and by the time we went to bed I was feeling much better.

 

This morning we went for a nice walk around the neighborhood, since the weather was cool and comfortable. In the yard across from the front drive were some purple clover flowers that Edwin pointed out. I decided to pick one of them and start a bouquet of wildflowers, telling him about how I used to walk and collect them with Corvis back when I had him. We ventured on for a while until my bouquet got quite big and my legs got quite tired, talking about my past tulpae, current events in my life, our relationship, and other things we usually discuss during our general conversations. When we got back, I decided to continue walking around near the yard to see if we could find any more flowers. In the neighbor's yard, which has been all-but-abandoned for years, I found a small thorny vine with a single white rose on it. I knew that neighbor hadn't planted it, and I didn't see any reason why the neighbors next to him would have planted it in his yard. In all my years wandering into that neighbor's yard, I never once saw a white rose plant. He has a red rose bush up against his house, but that was about fifty yards away. The vine looked altogether random in its placement and growth. It hadn't been there a few days before when I was wandering around, and the ground hadn't been disturbed where someone could have recently planted it. It had nothing to grow up against, and no one just plants a rose vine in a random spot in the middle of the yard. I was going to just admire it and leave it there, but Edwin said, "Take it. It's for you." It took him coaxing me a little more, but I finally picked it, keeping the stem long enough for me to put into a glass of water to keep the rose alive for a while. The rose and other flowers have really helped to perfume my room, which tends to smell musty because the house stays shut up all year long and my room door stays closed almost all the time.

 

Today was my dad's birthday, and while Edwin and I were sitting outside on the porch while I read The Dream Thieves, Dad poked his head out and asked if I wanted to go out to lunch with him and my step-mom. I rarely get invited to do anything with them, and I love to eat out. So naturally I said yes. When I wasn't talking to my folks, Eddie and I chatted telepathically in the back of the car during the scenic thirty-minute ride to the little Amish sandwich shop we had lunch at. We had root beer with our ham and turkey sandwiches. Edwin said he didn't necessarily condone sodas but said that he really liked the root beer, and I pointed out to him that it was caffeine-free and sweetened with pure cane sugar. He felt a lot better about it after that. He even liked the chocolate pie we had for dessert even though normally he doesn't care for anything with chocolate in it.

 

After lunch we went to a nearby thrift store. I had found some capri shorts that fit me and was browsing through the shirts when Edwin pointed out one with a vibrant pink and orange pattern on it. I made excuses, saying that it probably didn't fit or that it was too short and scrutinized the sequins and beads threaded onto the collar to see if any were missing. He said, "It wouldn't hurt for you to just try it on." So I decided to humor him. Turns out the shirt actually fit perfectly and flattered my figure. And that is how I got my first pink shirt since I was in high school over ten years ago. :I

 

Tonight Edwin will be one month old! And what a month it's been! I've had more breakthroughs and gotten closer to him than tulpae I've had for months, even years. To celebrate, we're moving our date night up to tonight to have a nice lasagna dinner at home and watch a new movie neither of us have seen before. It should be a great evening.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/15/15

 

Memo to self: Don't watch movies like Fifty Shades of Grey with a consistently horny bunny boi. I think I've created a monster... :I

 

Yes, we actually did watch that movie last night after a special lasagna dinner to celebrate Edwin being one month old. Each year, April 14th will be Eddie's birthday, and we'll be celebrating our anniversary on May 6th, the day we exchanged promise rings. I never cared to watch Fifty Shades of Grey before, but my step-mom borrowed it from her daughter, so I decided we could watch it while she and my dad were out for the evening. It had more of a plot than I thought it would and wasn't just "mainstream porn" as I thought it would be. Eddie and I got into the plot and to begin with, he wasn't too turned on by it. By the end he was more drained by the dramatic element of it and infuriated by the abrupt ending. I appeased him a little by telling him that there is a sequel that may be turned into a movie sometime in the future.

 

This morning especially, though, he started to assume a more dominant role in our relationship. Ninety-percent of the time, he and I stand as equals. He's the first guy I've been with where I didn't either feel belittled or superior. And while we're both slight sadomasochists, I tend to lean toward masochism while he gets more out of dominating. So we're going to try it out for both our benefit and enjoyment, not all the time but just when it feels right for us, at least until we adjust to it. Edwin being the dom does present a few issues for us, though:

 

- He is a very gentle and sympathetic individual who doesn't have the heart to do anything to truly hurt me, even when I beg for it.

- I can't always taking him seriously when he tries to be controlling.

- Since I like being punished, I'll likely misbehave intentionally more often than not.

- He has to keep a very close check on my mood to know when it's okay for him to be domineering and controlling, because if I'm in the wrong mindset it can set off violent flashbacks or personality shifts.

 

So because of those things, it's a little awkward for us right now. Oddly, Edwin has started being more sentimental and clingy when not assuming his position as dom, almost as though making up for it. So we'll see how it goes. There's nothing forcing us to keep to it if it doesn't work out. Edwin just wants to do everything that he can to please me, and I could probably use the extra discipline in my life.

 

This morning we went for a walk that ended up lasting for a couple of hours. We started out around the neighborhood, taking a different route so I could hopefully find some different wildflowers. We went to an overgrown area beside an old textile mill nearby and found a four-wheeler path that we ended up following down to a creek. Edwin was all alight with the discovery of the tiny body of water, and we're hoping sometime soon to travel down the creek a bit to see what we can find.

 

I hope soon to get caught up on some of the things I've started that he's been a part of, such as the video games I'm in the middle of, the movies that have sequels he hasn't seen yet, and of course, finishing up The Dream Thieves and its sequel. Right now I have an unfinished game on Sonic 3D Blast, Bioshock, and Pokemon Red. He especially wants to see me get further along in the Pokemon games because the other day when we were here at the game store, he watched a customer play Pokemon Stadium, and he wants to see the Pokemon we've caught and raised together in 3D. I also started up a Facebook page for us that I now play Monster Legends on, if anyone wants to friend us on there so we can invite you to play. ;3 His favorite monster on there is Firesaur because it reminds him of our Charizard. And finally, I started out playing Spyro the Dragon last night.

 

I have many ideas for artwork I want to do of Edwin and us as well that I haven't been inspired to work on lately. A big problem is that the majority of these things require me to use my computer, and most of the time I'm too lazy or tired to unpack my laptop at the end of the day only to have to pack it up again the next morning to take to the game store. And as I've mentioned before, this place sucks all of the creativity out of me, so I spend most of the day checking messages online and occasionally playing a video game. Edwin made me buy lottery tickets today. If I get that or am able to land a job soon, I can get out of this rut and be able to more effectively utilize my free time for both my and Edwin's benefit.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5/17/15

 

Back on Friday evening, Edwin and I went to a cruise-in. Normally I'm not one for stuff like that, but Eddie saw a banner for it and wanted to go (what is it about guys and cars?), and it was literally a stone's throw away from the game store. So after work we walked over and browsed the various classic show cars. We even saw a defiantly orange Camaro like the one Gansey drives in The Raven Cycle Series. It was actually a lot of fun, mainly because he was there with me. I seem to enjoy everything we do together, when normally I wouldn't on my own.

 

Yesterday was sort of boring. I tried playing Sonic 3D Blast while we were at the game store, but I got irritated after just one zone and had to quit. We were both a little surprised by that, because I normally don't get agitated by games like that. But it might have just been the game store doing it to me. Eddie still hesitates to try playing video games. I explained to him that it probably isn't his natural resistance to them but instead my own subconscious going against my conscious desires. For years I've struggled to enjoy video games and other things that my dad looks down upon. It's his voice in the back of my head telling me that everything I do is immature and a waste of time. So I'm hoping soon to break Edwin free of that. Realistically, he has only two choices - keep not doing it even if he might actually enjoy it if he tried or fight against my subconscious and do it anyway. I'll ultimately leave it up to him as to which one he chooses.

 

We watched Rush Hour 2 with dinner last night. I've also started playing Monster Galaxy on Facebook. Edwin seems more into it than any other game I play. We used his Zodiac symbol, and he chose Chiberus as our starter. It's a really cute game.

 

Today Edwin and I are taking a break, just for the day. We decided to do so because I've been feeling compelled lately to do some art and stuff on my own, and he needs some time alone to determine what he wants out of everything. I've been giving him mixed signals lately, and while he can usually switch gears with me, it's like he's low on transmission fluid right now. I worry about him getting an identity crisis, so I hope us taking a break every once in a while will help him to develop his own thoughts and desires, instead of being confused as to whether it's what he wants or whether he's just echoing my thoughts. I really miss him, but I've also gotten back in touch with some old acquaintances on DA and have them to talk to in his absence. Plus, I have a lot of artwork to do as well.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Anonymous

4/22/15

 

Let me start today with just a random little blurb. I've noticed lately that most of the time when I envision Edwin he's not wearing his glasses. I decided to ask him about it today, and he said he only needs them to read. I think he just wants to look less like a nerd. :I

 

He went with me to group therapy this morning. I'm a little shaky about what it's going to be like having my individual therapy next week, whether I'll end up openly talking about Edwin to my therapist or I'll slip and mention him by accident. It was nice having him there for support, though. It's a DBT group, and lately we've been focused on interpersonal relationships. I think some of the things mentioned made him feel insecure about how we communicate (heaven knows why), but it did give him the courage to tell me that he misses me spending time in wonderland with him, so that was a good thing. I'm thinking maybe we'll alternate between wonderland and forcing each night to keep both of us happy.

 

I've been unusually irritable lately, and at one point this morning I got a little pissed off at some things going on at home. I told Edwin about it on the way to group, and once I was done we discussed it briefly before he said in almost a stern tone, "Just let it go. If it's not bothering you now, don't worry about it." I think normally if someone said that I'd feel like they weren't being sympathetic or that they were taking it all too lightly. But I know Edwin's intentions are only to help me. I have a habit of ruminating, so I hope he'll continue to jerk me out of my hole of self-pity. I nodded and said "You're right". I thanked him and moved on. It was a good feeling.

 

That's one thing I've really come to like about Edwin's personality. The tulpae I've had in the past have always been very permissive and passive. If I started hyper-focusing on something and ignoring them, they might try a time or two to pull me away then give up and just wait for me to stop on my own. Naturally they would feel neglected and I'd feel guilty afterwards. If something bad happened they would listen and then often get me more riled up or coddle me as I wallowed in self-pity. Edwin's not like that. If I'm doing something and he wants me to stop, he'll bug me every couple of minutes until I finally do. He also tries to hurry me up on things he thinks I'm focusing too hard on (like writing this entry; he's asked me about three times now if I was done yet). When something upsets me and I keep ruminating over it, he snaps me out of it and encourages me to shift my focus. My mind has matured quite a bit, even in the few months since the last time I had a tulpa. Edwin represents a more mature outlook on life that I hope to gradually achieve.

 

I got home early tonight, so Edwin and I had time to watch two movies. I got to see a broader spectrum of emotions from him as we watched The Lion King. He spazzed out during some of the more dramatic scenes, yanked at his ears when Mufasa died, and emitted the strongest emotions during "Can You Feel the Love Tonight". We just finished watching The Grudge 2. which had him reacting as he normally does to horror movies. For some reason, when he really gets into a movie, by the end of it he's draped sideways over me as though trying to get closer to the TV. Funny bunny. XD

 

Edwin is more like Melian then if he can get stern with you a bit and inspire/motivate to do what is good for you! That is great! Yeah, watching movies with your tulpa is fun! LOL ~Mistgod

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...