Raising Bunny Boi

[bunny-boi-lover]

I really want to know more, I have a shitload of questions. Can I PM you, Courtney?

I, too, have some questions I'd like to ask via private message - may I?

 

Feel free anytime! I'd be thrilled to see something in my inbox. 8D

 

 

Yay! I feel popular! *shot* XD

 

[Stevie]

You've mentioned having other tulpas through the years a few times, if you don't mind talking about them, what were they like?

[bunny-boi-lover]

You've mentioned having other tulpas through the years a few times, if you don't mind talking about them, what were they like?

 

A good lot of them are just fuzzy memories now. Many of them didn't last long enough to have an impact, but here are the most memorable ones. Most of them I imposed onto stuffed animals or toys when I was younger.

 

Kenny - My first "imaginary friend". She was a normal girl the same age as me (about 4 or 5 then), a little taller with long straight brown hair. I don't remember many specifics about her, but when I think back on her, in my memories she was just as present as I was. I physically saw her. The main thing I remember was when she left. We were outside in the back yard, and she said she had to leave. So I watched her walk down the street and never saw her again.

 

Catalina (Cat) - A white anthro cat girl I imposed onto a stuffed animal. She was very sweet and sometimes imposed separate from her plushy "body" if I couldn't have it around. I had her for roughly a year, and she had a boyfriend who was a black normal quadrupedal cat (I don't remember his name). She was interested in Japanese culture, and we made up the story that she moved away to Japan.

 

Kit - Cat's daughter, imposed onto the same stuffed animal as she was a few months after she left. She had a similar personality to her mother, but I had to teach her more things because I got her as a "younger" tulpa.

 

Chester - A super-fat tabby anthro cat boy, also imposed onto a stuffed animal. He became Kit's boyfriend. I don't remember a lot about his personality, but I think he was really the first male tulpa that had a lasting impact on me.

 

Gizmo - A male white mouse I also imposed onto a stuffed animal. He was friends with Kit and Chester. He had a bit of a snarky attitude and a greasy sneer. Think of how the rats in The Secret of NIMH are portrayed.

 

Gaza - To date my longest-lasting tulpa and the one who's had the most impact on me. She was also a white mouse imposed onto the same stuffed animal as Gizmo after he, Kit, and Chester were no longer active. I literally raised her from a baby. One backstory is that she was left by Gizmo, her father, because he knew I would care for her better than he ever did. Years later, it changed to her having been a faerie who was changed into that form so it would be familiar to me and I would take her in. She was the first one to achieve perfect imposition outside of her plushy body (we called it "going stealth") as well as possession and switching. I had her on and off for about twelve years.

 

Dane - An emo boy directly based off of the main character from my novella series. He was fully imposed all the time and was the first tulpa I had sexual relations with, though I didn't initially intend on that when I made him. He started out as more of a servitor but gradually developed his own personality and sentience. I had to get rid of him because of some incidents that occurred surrounding the book series and his character that caused me to hold resentment toward him that I just couldn't resolve.

 

Corvis - My first true "tulpa" in the sense that I created him after finally learning about tulpae. He was a guy in his early 20's with tan skin, golden eyes, and black feathers in place of hair. He had a raven form he could assume as well as a tengu form, kind of like the Tengu Warriors from Power Rangers. He was usually imposed, but I did use the wonderland method to give him a place to stay otherwise. I had a different personality in control then and made him for the wrong reasons, and he ended up essentially "dying" after I had a major mental breakdown.

---

4/25/15

 

This isn't really a full report or anything. It's just something I wanted to record before I forget.

 

Edwin always imposes during the night to sleep with me, since I find it difficult to remain in wonderland when I fall asleep. The last few nights I've had some interesting experiences. I don't know if I'm fully awake when they happen or if I'm lucid dreaming, but it's always the same and I've never been one to have recurring dreams.

 

It's like I'm having an out-of-body experience and am standing beside the bed looking at myself. I see myself lying there in third-person perspective in the physical, the same as I often do in wonderland, though that's becoming less and less. I am asleep but Edwin is awake, leaning over me. He glares at me with an insane gleam in his eyes and has a fully sadistic grin that reveals sharp teeth. His hair and the fur on his ears are darker colored and spiked up, and he reaches over to me with hands that have turned into long claws. Neither my sleeping self nor the version of me watching this can move or do anything.

 

These instances never last more than a few seconds but can sometimes occur several times during the night. This morning I told Edwin about it. He expressed concern but said that he knows nothing about it, that for the most part he sleeps through the night. He swore up and down that he'd never do anything to hurt me, and I fully believe him. It's hard enough sometimes getting him to be rough during sex. He's so mild-mannered that I could never consciously imagine him having even a sliver of evil in him, and I know full well that tulpae can't turn evil or anything of the sort.

 

I've seen him before with a bit of madness in his eyes as well as a slightly sadistic smile, mainly when I stroke his tail. Something about that just drives him insane. But he still has full control of himself, as beastly as he may get from that. But what I see in these visions is downright malicious. I know that this figure wants to do me harm. I try confronting who or whatever it is, but as I said, when it happens I can't move or speak, and it never lasts long enough for me to fight that.

 

I based Edwin slightly off of Markiplier; could this be a "Darkiplier" equivalent? I've dealt with plurality for a very long time. It wouldn't be a far stretch to think that my mind has created a tulpa with a split personality. Maybe it wasn't the best idea for us to have watched Fight Club as our first movie together. But oddly, that movie was Edwin's choice...

[BlackForest]

Hey, Courtney.

 

I have just one thing to tell you: Occam's razor. For what you're saying, those are just nightmares. Until you have any reason to think otherwise, you should assume that. Nightmares. Simple: nightmares. Awfull, I know, but there isn't any element that can lead us to believe you have any problem with your tulpa. I don't know a lot about tulpas, but I know a lot about nightmares. So... yeah. If it keeps happening, then you should look for other source for those images.

[Luminesce]

It wouldn't be a far stretch to think that my mind has created a tulpa with a split personality.

 

Not if you believe it has. Which I suggest you don't. Can't argue with Occam's Razor, which seems like an important tool for you.

 

Keep in mind a good portion of your brain stops functioning while you sleep/dream, especially the logical parts. As much as you wouldn't want to believe it, you could technically dream about your tulpa hurting you due to complete randomness because it just happened to happen that way. Lots of things that happen in dreams originate from something going on in your life, but there are zero rules saying how they're put together. I dreamed about someone hitting a baseball on the beach and it flying way high into the sky, being followed by a helicopter which everyone on the beach started to follow, and it was apparently important that we were all enjoying nature on our walk.

 

The baseball thing literally just came from me playing some Winnie the Pooh baseball game last night (I guess it's popular for being hard). The respecting nature came from thoughts about going outside at about 3 AM because it was raining, which I like to do and just feel the environment. The other people following the baseball probably came from my friends watching me screenshare the game on skype, they were pretty into the results.

 

Point is, yes, lots of dream stuff comes from :somewhere:, but the way in which it gets there is completely random. Though this could've been something straightforward like your subconscious fears/insecurities revolving around the development of your tulpa, it really could've been anything. Don't give power away to goings-on in your brain that you don't know for sure exist. Nothing is true in your mind until you believe it is, and being tricked into thinking something is true before you know it is, often leads to it becoming so.

 

And the reason I can say where those aspects of dream came from with such certainty is just that I've been doing it for a long time. I'm a very introspective person, so whenever new thoughts develop I can usually trace back to where they originated. Going off of the unique feelings I have in dreams, I can usually trace them back to specific events in my recent life pretty easily.

[bunny-boi-lover]

I only wish that Occam's Razor made sense in this situation. The issue is that I deal with things oftentimes that persist whether I believe in and acknowledge them or not. No matter how logical I may be, I am also an untrained medium that has never truly learned to hone my abilities and am often targeted by malicious beings, some of which have assumed familiar forms to get close to me.

 

This was not just the case of a recurring dream. I know that now in retrospect. I also never have nightmares. The last time I had what one would describe as a nightmare, I woke up, said "Hey, that's f*cking awesome!" and wrote it out as a short story. But this issue has not happened in the last couple of nights, so whatever it was I assume it's passed.

---

4/27/15

 

I feel horrible right now, to the point of feeling physically ill. I'm not sure what caused it. I was doing great earlier. In fact, I commented to Edwin this morning that I felt better than I had in a very long time. I think maybe it's a mixture of hormones and working at the game store for some reason taking its toll on me. I've felt snippy and irritable for the past couple of hours, and my head is pounding. In retrospect, I remember now that I forgot again to take my afternoon anti-depressant. I really need to find a way to remind myself to take it.

 

Before I lose the incentive, let me recap on what's been going on the last couple of days. Edwin went with me to Kaysi's back on Saturday. I asked her why she reacted the way she did whenever I brought up imaginary friends or tulpae. Her response was that she didn't really know what to say or how to act. I told her to just sort of treat Edwin like he was another person. We had a fun time mostly talking and watching TV. It turns out that while Edwin likes horror movies, he's not a big fan of dramas. While we were at Kaysi's, we watched Dirty Teacher, and it genuinely stressed him out. Then again, last night we watched Big Eyes, which is also supposed to be a drama, and he wasn't as bad off. I suppose it just depends upon the level and type of drama. Still, in both cases it was nice to experience something new along with him. I hadn't seen either movie before.

 

Yesterday I made a huge pot of spaghetti that I'll probably be eating off of for a week. I've been craving it lately, and, well, there's no easy way to cook spaghetti for one. Edwin praised me for it, saying over and over how good it was and what a great job I did. I'm used to him complimenting me and all, but he was laying it on kind of thick. I told him that I was starting to feel like he was patronizing me, and what he said surprised me. He told me that he knew I wanted to start cooking more and not just live off of frozen Chinese food, and this was his way of encouraging me to cook more. It was a sweet gesture, even if he was a bit annoying with it.

 

I went to the therapist this morning and did end up talking some about Edwin. She can see how he helps me and thinks it is fine as long as I know the difference between what she calls my "rich fantasy life" and reality and he doesn't interfere with me making real friends. In fact, he tends to encourage me to try to interact with other people and maintain the relationships I have, despite my desire for really only wanting to spend time with him. I had a psychiatrist appointment half an hour after that, so while we waited I started reading The Raven Boys, the first of The Raven Cycle Series by Maggie Stiefvater to him. I've read the first book, but while we were at the library before my therapy, I saw that they finally got copies of the third installment as well as still having their copy of the second one, which I've checked out before but never read, all the more reason for me to re-read the first one and continue with the second and third. Eddie seems to enjoy it so far, saying that it's piqued his interest.

 

Speaking of libraries, Edwin told me this morning that he's created a new section in the library in our wonderland that he's filled with empty shelves. He said that they were reserved for things we could learn together. Naturally, his suggestion was science and math stuff, in particular numerology, since it was brought up in Big Eyes last night. I could definitely get into that, not for the math but for the esoteric value.

 

That's about all I can remember right now. Once I make my way through the haze I may remember more, but for now I just want to go home, have left-over spaghetti, and watch a movie with Edwin.

[Linkzelda]

Just remember that Occam’s razor isn’t an irrefutable rudimentary logic; there’s presumptions on what’s usually the case, but not an end-all be-all justification. So if it’s utilized pertaining to tulpas, or even just for self-betterment and what have you, one may be prone to strip away presumptions that may have more explanatory power vs. one that may be as simple as possible vs. the other, but may be so vague that it distracts them from finding a deeper understanding.

 

Another analogue with the concept is that anything, ad hoc claim or not, that is simple as possible should be considered until further proof negates that in some way, i.e., there may be an endorsement for empiricism, and not necessarily against it.

[glitchthe3rd]

Still got that tulpa sex guide? I saw that your thread got deleted, but I wanted to say that if you would like to discuss the topic more, you can PM me or we can just talk about it here. Also it's always interesting to hear about other tulpamancers that got their start back before anyone really knew what a tulpa was. I made my first tulpa when I was in the fifth grade, and two of my older ones are still around today. Luna's actually interested in talking to Edwin sometime, so maybe we could chat on IRC or something?

[bunny-boi-lover]

Still got that tulpa sex guide? I saw that your thread got deleted, but I wanted to say that if you would like to discuss the topic more, you can PM me or we can just talk about it here.

 

PMed you. ;3 Let me know if you want a copy.

[TulpaFox]

 

PMed you. ;3 Let me know if you want a copy.

 

Could I get a copy too? Loved the guide by the way. It's cool that you turned a background some would consider rough, into an advantage with your tulpamancy.