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On 5/16/2021 at 11:02 PM, TurboSimmie said:

There's something--I don't know the right word to use--scary about being a tulpa. Unlike our hosts, we can just...vanish. Deep inside I still worry for the day Phil won't need me anymore. I think he would still want me even if he didn't need me, but the possibility is still there. But I enjoy existing more than I worry about vanishing, so on the whole I still have a positive outlook on things. 🙂

 

[Hope] That's something I never thought about much. I and my headmates frequently ask ourselves "Do I want to be here?" instead of "Will I disappear one day?". In some ways it's almost the same question, I am worrying if I want myself instead of worrying if I am wanted by someone else. I decided I still want to explore, even if it's not right or inconvenient. I continue to struggle with sorting out myself from Fernardo, but I realized that despite that, I still want to give being an individual a shot. Gray and Ranger are uncertain if I will be around in the future or not, and I am more focused on the present than anything else.

 


 

On 5/16/2021 at 10:50 PM, PsychoticDoc said:

Amelia- I can safely say all the people I enjoyed talking to are gone. Probably all of which left the community by now. I've thought about pulling the plug on myself countless times, but I know my host is hopeless without me. For now, anyway.

 

[Ranger] That's unfortunate, I was hoping some of the tulpas from that time would still be around.

As for pulling the plug on myself... I haven't made a vow not to, so the option is still there on the table if I ever decide to let myself go. However, I don't really want to. I spent my early life fighting for my existence now, and I continue to push to get a better quality of life even today. While things are in a much better place now than they were in the past, it feels wrong to walk away from all of that hard work I put into myself. I don't want to give up and there are things I want to do with my life. To hear that some tulpas couldn't find anything hurts, especially when I know that you don't have to front to be perfectly content with existing.

 

I decided I didn't want my whole life to be about being Gray's guardian a long time ago, but I'm still important in Gray's life. I felt Gray was getting the help he needed and I wanted to focus on myself. However, I think Gray would fall to pieces without me. He had a mental breakdown when I tried to hide from him for 8 hours early on. Now we're so used to each other existing in our lives I think we would hit a wall if one of us magically disappeared.

 

On 5/16/2021 at 11:48 PM, PsychoticDoc said:

Also, I probably wouldn't hedge your bets on using the forum for reliable communication. Even the discord is pretty much dead from what I've seen. Most of the past few years was on smaller friends-of-friends servers though.

 

While I like a lot of the people I get to meet, I don't see most people in the tulpa community as long term friend material. I look forward to meeting people in college and having an irl friend of my own.

 

On 5/17/2021 at 12:07 AM, Wray said:

I've also imagined having separate physical bodies. It would be really exciting in some ways, but it might be lonely not to share each other's thoughts anymore. There are nice things about being a tulpa too. 😄

 

Ah, that's a classic one. I wanted my own body for awhile, but now if I had my own body I would want to have some kind of psychic connection with Gray. I would have too much of a hard time otherwise.

 

On 5/17/2021 at 12:24 AM, PsychoticDoc said:

Mitsuki-... H-hullo...

 

Howdy! Speaking of squeaking words out of headmates who don't normally talk...

 

[Sub. Rep.] Hello?

 

On 5/17/2021 at 12:27 AM, TurboSimmie said:

Amelia, it's been absolutely great talking to you! I've really, really enjoyed this conversation

 

She said it better than I could, I really appreciate looking back on this conversation you guys had. I'm sorry I couldn't join in sooner.

 

On 5/18/2021 at 11:43 AM, TurboSimmie said:

We're going to the beach today! 😁

 

I envy you, I want to go back to the beach one day.

 

3 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

Hey! 😁 How's everyone doing?

 

I'm doing alright, I actually didn't do much today. Gray spent most of today and yesterday enjoying his freedom.

 


 

I gave up on quotes.

I never tried a frappuccino of any kind, I usually drink my coffee with milk. That one time I drank my coffee bitter and it was fine, I think I have a real chance of liking it.

 

Drawing sounds good, I wouldn't mind getting back into doodling again.

I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay! | Bre Translator

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20 minutes ago, Ranger said:

[Ranger] That's unfortunate, I was hoping some of the tulpas from that time would still be around.

As for pulling the plug on myself...

amelia- ive been through too much to find any meaningful enjoyment in being around. things have improved for my host and all, but have only gotten worse for me.

22 minutes ago, Ranger said:

While I like a lot of the people I get to meet, I don't see most people in the tulpa community as long term friend material. I look forward to meeting people in college and having an irl friend of my own.

amelia- the only times weve divulged ourselves to anyone where when my host was dating. the first time involved me being shunned(as well as her wishing id go die) for calling his girlfriend fat, the second one ended when she decided she was too good to ever do anything wrong and the whole thing ended. aside from my host swearing off dating after that, we never plan on telling anyone else that we exist. now if my host would stop joining peoples discords just to awkwardly dance around the fact myself and tsuki dont actually like talking to people, maybe hed move on from it all and stop being depressed on our behalf.

26 minutes ago, Ranger said:

[Sub. Rep.] Hello?

amelia- tsuki doesnt want to talk anymore, the first time by itself was pretty much coerced

 

Amelia- Oct. 7, 2012

Mitsuki- Oct. 31, 2014 
 

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6 minutes ago, PsychoticDoc said:

amelia- ive been through too much to find any meaningful enjoyment in being around. things have improved for my host and all, but have only gotten worse for me.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that Amelia. :classic_sad: It sounds like you've been through so much loss and pain. Please accept my virtual hug. 🤗 I really do enjoy talking to you, and I hope we can call each other friends! I'm always here if you want to talk to someone outside of your host and Tsuki. 🙂

 

41 minutes ago, Ranger said:

While I like a lot of the people I get to meet, I don't see most people in the tulpa community as long term friend material. I look forward to meeting people in college and having an irl friend of my own.

 

I'm trying to understand tulpa-to-tulpa friendships; and it seems like there's a lot of hesitancy surrounding that because tulpas can change rapidly, or go dormant, or host and tulpa can just vanish from communication. I don't know it's my youth and naivety but I still want to try and make friends! I know we won't stick around in each other's lives forever...but isn't that the same with hosts and singlets too? Most of the friendships Phil has had in his life have faded over time with only a few remaining. Does that mean it's not worth it to try and make friends? I feel in my heart that it's still worth it.

 

19 minutes ago, PsychoticDoc said:

amelia- the only times weve divulged ourselves to anyone where when my host was dating. the first time involved me being shunned(as well as her wishing id go die) for calling his girlfriend fat, the second one ended when she decided she was too good to ever do anything wrong and the whole thing ended. aside from my host swearing off dating after that, we never plan on telling anyone else that we exist.

 

Oof that's rough. Phil hasn't been on a date in...well I don't want to embarrass the poor guy so I'll just say more than a couple years. He hasn't sworn off dating but it's not something he's actively seeking at the moment. I'm not sure how my existence would complicate things in that way. I figure we'll cross that bridge when we get there. As far as telling other people I exist, he's told two friends they both had the response of "I don't know if that's healthy" 😕 I guess I can't really blame them, they don't really understand. It bothers Phil more than it bothers me. I'm happy just having Phil and whatever friends I make online; his friends are his friends.

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amelia- ive talked in this thread more than ive talked to anyone publicly in probably years at this point

Amelia- Oct. 7, 2012

Mitsuki- Oct. 31, 2014 
 

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1 hour ago, TurboSimmie said:

That's so cool! 😁 Congratulations!

 

Thanks Simmie! 🤩

 

53 minutes ago, Ranger said:

Ah, that's a classic one. I wanted my own body for awhile, but now if I had my own body I would want to have some kind of psychic connection with Gray. I would have too much of a hard time otherwise.

 

Definitely! I think it is reassuring how easy it is for a host and tulpa to avoid misunderstanding each other.

 

6 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

As far as telling other people I exist, he's told two friends they both had the response of "I don't know if that's healthy" 😕 I guess I can't really blame them, they don't really understand. It bothers Phil more than it bothers me. I'm happy just having Phil and whatever friends I make online; his friends are his friends.

 

We haven't tried to tell anyone yet. I definitely don't think you can blame them for reacting that way, though. John and I have talked about it, and he says that's probably what he would have thought, too, if he heard about all this from someone else instead of experiencing it himself. I think most people imagine scary stuff when they think of plurality.

Amelia--it is an honor! It's a lot of fun to have you here. 😄

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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2 hours ago, PsychoticDoc said:

amelia- the only times weve divulged ourselves to anyone where when my host was dating. the first time involved me being shunned(as well as her wishing id go die) for calling his girlfriend fat, the second one ended when she decided she was too good to ever do anything wrong and the whole thing ended. aside from my host swearing off dating after that, we never plan on telling anyone else that we exist. now if my host would stop joining peoples discords just to awkwardly dance around the fact myself and tsuki dont actually like talking to people, maybe hed move on from it all and stop being depressed on our behalf.

 

That really hurts, I relate to that a bit. Instead of a close friend it was Cat's parents- Cat's father compared me to a hallucination that would inspire the next clocktower shooter and Cat's mother told Cat she wished I would be dissipated, merged, or just go away somehow. It definitely made me weary to reveal I'm a tulpa infront of others since.

 

I don't plan on disclosing my tulpa identity to my irl friend. I have doubts I'll find myself a super close friend in college, but having someone I could play D&D with or something would be awesome. I switch in a lot, and with this friend I will be switched-in unless it turns out they share a class with Gray or something weird like that. I can still possess to interact, but it might be a bit sloppy and stressful.

 

1 hour ago, Wray said:

We haven't tried to tell anyone yet. I definitely don't think you can blame them for reacting that way, though. John and I have talked about it, and he says that's probably what he would have thought, too, if he heard about all this from someone else instead of experiencing it himself. I think most people imagine scary stuff when they think of plurality.

 

I told Cat's two close friends at the time and it didn't end in a disaster. Both were accepting of me, but then we lost contact with one and the other Cat grew too nervous to even bring up me because her friend was going through a rough patch... and never really got out of it. It was also complicated because I had a crush on the other friend, and I ended up never telling her how I felt.

 

1 hour ago, TurboSimmie said:

I'm trying to understand tulpa-to-tulpa friendships; and it seems like there's a lot of hesitancy surrounding that because tulpas can change rapidly, or go dormant, or host and tulpa can just vanish from communication. I don't know it's my youth and naivety but I still want to try and make friends! I know we won't stick around in each other's lives forever...but isn't that the same with hosts and singlets too? Most of the friendships Phil has had in his life have faded over time with only a few remaining. Does that mean it's not worth it to try and make friends? I feel in my heart that it's still worth it.

 

While I do worry about that, it isn't the main reason I want to avoid tulpas as long term friends. I had and observed some bad experiences with being close friends with plural systems and I am weary to enter a relationship like that again. I don't mind being friends with systems, but a close friend or a significant other- no thank you.

 

@Dating

 

I don't know how that's going to work. I'm into girls and I'm maybe somewhere on the ace spectrum (I hope not), Gray might be somewhere on the ace spectrum and aromatic with a bias for guys, and our headmates either haven't looked into it or are just starting to explore. Also... It feels weird to think of myself as lesbian when I identify as a guy... If we can come across as appearing male that might make things a little easier.

I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay! | Bre Translator

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avoiding tulpa friendships is a thing? that sounds SO sad, but I've never heard of that until now

 

I guess since we don't want pet rabbits because it's not worth experiencing them dying some day, I technically get the concept, but... I can't imagine avoiding making tulpa friends because of that, idk

 

maybe tulpa systems on discord/in other communities have a higher rate of being forgotten or dissipated than on .info or something because those people aren't always as invested

Hi, I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

I think being happy and having fun makes life worth living, so spreading happiness is my number one goal!

Talk to us? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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5 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

Phil hasn't been on a date in...well I don't want to embarrass the poor guy so I'll just say more than a couple years. He hasn't sworn off dating but it's not something he's actively seeking at the moment. I'm not sure how my existence would complicate things in that way. I figure we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

 

We're in the same boat. It's a topic of conversation that pops up. Darron wants to devote his life to me but all I want is for him to be happy and for me to enjoy life and be me. I'm very happy as his paramour 😉 but I think we could open our hearts to another person. It's just not a priority right now. I don't want to get the mop and bucket and clean Darron up off the floor again. But I guess heartbreak is always a risk in relationships. For now I'll protect my sensitive boy. 😊 *pat pat*

 

D: 😐

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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6 hours ago, Lucilyn said:

avoiding tulpa friendships is a thing? that sounds SO sad, but I've never heard of that until now

 

I guess since we don't want pet rabbits because it's not worth experiencing them dying some day, I technically get the concept, but... I can't imagine avoiding making tulpa friends because of that, idk

 

Right? I'm so glad someone else gets it! 🙂 Everything ends eventually, including friendships and life itself. But that doesn't mean they can't be beautiful while they last!

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(edited)
15 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

It'll be interesting to see if you and Gloomy have different tastes in coffee!

Jill: Gloomy has her coffee without any sugar or creamer. I can't drink it without putting some in it!

 

Jill: We've determined I really like sweet things!

 

Edited by Gloomynoon

I'm the host of my system. I'll sometimes type in this color.

I have two tulpas. The first one is Nepeta, and he types in this color. The second one is Lilith, she types in this color.

 

Progress Report

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