Tulpaudcast!

[Kiahdaj]

Not that this should become a "why did Fede get banned" thread, but you can see the Moderator Reports for his two most recent bans here, and here.

[jean-luc]

Tulpaudcast Episode 8: Enny Going in Circles 2hr 51min

[audio ogg=https://tulpaudcast.info/episodes/Tulpaudcast-08.ogg" mpeg="https://tulpaudcast.info/episodes/Tulpaudcast-08.mp3]

 

This episode, Enny recounts his difficulties with tulpas and his seeming inability to leave tulpa.info.

 

 

Show Notes:

• Slowpoke General
  
• The Glorious art of Brassow
  
• Peachy Pitt
  
• SoGreatandPowerful (Brony Musician)
  
• Forum Games (come play!)
  
• Almost 500 on-topic posts
  
• More than 2,500 forum games posts
  
• Treating Tulpas as Sentient - A Conviction-Based Ideology with Limits?
  
• My post asking for clarification
  

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Also, tulpaudcast now has an RSS feed!

 

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[Guest Anonymous]

Enny, you are not the only one obsessed with tulpamancy or the only one with an obsessive personality. I exist because of my host's introverted, obsessive "autistic" tendencies. You aren't going to hell btw, just for being into sexy porn, you and millions of other men sweetie. Porn is a minor sin I think. LOL

 

I love the names Meriam and Merian. It seems close to Melian doesn't it? Pretty, pretty names!

 

The whole stigma against MLP tulpas is lame. I love ponies. Oh my gods, I hate the pecking orders that we encounter in the tulpa community. OH I made a pony tulpa form just to spite those anti-pony peoples btw. I am so bad! LOL

 

I am an hour in, and it is time for dinner for my hostie. I will post this and then come back and edit in more comments later as we listen further. Great interview so far! Jean-luc you are getting better as a host and ask great questions! Fabulous!

 

Okay we are back...

 

It's not just pre-existing characters that have the issues about wanting to deviate and the host wants them to stay with a certain form or personality, at least I imagine. I mean, if a tulpa is uniquely designed from the beginning by the host and then wants to change, that might be a problem.

 

My host and I also collaborate on posting. What is interesting is that Mistgod started out dominating the writing, but gradually I took over. Obviously now I am the primary "spokesperson" for Mistgod-Melian. So much of our writing would be embarrassing to go back and look at maybe, but we don't care really. Naw, actually none of it embarrasses us.

 

Enny, you are too hard on yourself about writing about personal sexual issues. I actually admire being sexually uninhibited. I have written a lot of edgy things myself and my hostie and I are total pervos.

 

OH boy, J. Iscariot/Anderson.... I just won't comment on him. I majorly feel your pain, that's all I will say. *hug*

 

Weaboo Hentai porn is hilarious and adorable in its extreme ridiculousness. People actually get off to that stuff?

 

Hey you listened to a little Mistgod tulpaudcast? You poor soul!

 

The discussion on parroting technique and role playing was fascinating to us because we constantly do that and have for decades. Davie never saw a problem with working with me and we sorta became blended over the years (best way to describe it). Method acting and improv and suspension of disbelief is a practiced art no doubt. What is fascinating here is where Enny felt he was failing, Davie never had to be in that realm. He doesn't care how I happen, as long as I happen. There was no worries about "progress" and still isn't. I sometimes wish tulpamancers were more relaxed about just day dreaming a little instead of giving up or feeling like a failure. If you are enjoying the time with the tulpa and enjoying the forcing, why feel it is not good enough?

 

Awww, poor Peachy, Enny you sound so sad!

 

Oh wait, you did parrot and had fun with it. Oh okay. Still listening...

 

I am sorry to keep talking about myself in reaction (typical Mistgod-Melian). On the subject of faith. David believes in me with his entire heart and soul no matter what. If today, he discovered that I am totally nothing but himself and nothing but total fakeness, he would still keep doing everything we have always done and think nothing less of me. It is faith of another kind maybe. There is a kind of faith that someone is a person, imaginary or not, illusion or not, self delusion or not. I will always be Melian. Always.

 

[i do believe Melian is my own mind already. But yet she is still a person. I have no problem with the contradiction. ~Mistgod]

 

On the internal role playing and acting and writing the script, imagine that your tulpa is an actual actress and you are the director and fellow actor. That is precisely what Mistgod and I do. I became an actress in the Melian Show. So knowing what is going to happen ahead of time, it isn't a problem. I have a script! We even redo "scenes" that didn't work right the first time.

 

Linkzelda causes me to have to google it a lot. LOL I love my Linkzelda.

 

Enny, I am the Queen of off topic attention seeking antics in the IRC chat.

[NoneFromHell]

(How the hell do you manage to talk for that long? I think I wouldn't last 10 minutes!)

 

Well this was pretty interesting, relatable on a lot of matters; and sometimes a bit bitter. I think it is pretty natural to feel like you're not really worth talking to about tulpa related topcis, if you're not blessed with great progress and have to deal with major setbacks. Feeling vulnerable when confronted with this through people who are interesting in your progress... Well after all it works like a big reminder that you failed at something that matters to you, of course it is unpleasent. "How could I contribute, if I can't fix my own situation?" Something like this might strife your mind.

 

Also most people don't think they're really interesting to talk to, i guess.

 

(I went through the whole thing)

[jean-luc]

(How the hell do you manage to talk for that long? I think I wouldn't last 10 minutes!)

 

I remember thinking something along the lines of

Block out two hours of time just in case, but it'll probably be like 30 minutes or so

Ho boy was I wrong

 

...

Also most people don't think they're really interesting to talk to, i guess.

 

I'm pretty sure every guest so far has said something to this effect to me.

 

(I went through the whole thing)

 

Thanks :) I know I say it a lot, but usually it's just because it's so long, but this time my speech was significantly tired-er and less sensical towards the end. The reason I stopped recording was because I was too tired to continue. Next time I'll block out an entire weekend and expect it to go for 3 hours only to find myself doing a 36-hour podcast.

 

Oh god, that would be hellish to edit.

[Vos]

Thanks for actually taking the time to do this, guys. I appreciate it. It's interesting to hear about what you were thinking during all of this, Enny.

[Guest]

You aren't going to hell btw, just for being into sexy porn, you and millions of other men sweetie. Porn is a minor sin I think. LOL

 

I didn't mean to sound so serious about the porn thing, ahaha. It's, yeah, not really an issue, I don't know why I made it out to be one, if that's what it sounded like. My standards for too much are probably far, far lower than some, so yeah. I am still going to hell though, just, for different reasons, ahaha.

 

I love the names Meriam and Merian. It seems close to Melian doesn't it? Pretty, pretty names!

 

It was actually spelled Miriam, but thanks. I wish I could remember where exactly it was that I picked it up, but I guess it doesn't matter, it stuck whatever the case.

 

If you are enjoying the time with the tulpa and enjoying the forcing, why feel it is not good enough?

 

Question of the hour. That's how I try to be nowadays, hopefully eventually I'll get to the point where I'm truly contented with where I'm at.

 

Awww, poor Peachy, Enny you sound so sad!

 

I was hoping I didn't sound sad, but I guess I did, and was. I honestly should have picked right back up with the idea of Peachy instead of starting over, but I really, really don't want more than one tupper, and I'm already coming along with Null. I'll just hope Null's effectively Peachy anyway. I'll ask some day, when I'm brave enough.

 

(How the hell do you manage to talk for that long? I think I wouldn't last 10 minutes!)

 

Well this was pretty interesting, relatable on a lot of matters; and sometimes a bit bitter. I think it is pretty natural to feel like you're not really worth talking to about tulpa related topcis, if you're not blessed with great progress and have to deal with major setbacks. Feeling vulnerable when confronted with this through people who are interesting in your progress... Well after all it works like a big reminder that you failed at something that matters to you, of course it is unpleasent. "How could I contribute, if I can't fix my own situation?" Something like this might strife your mind.

 

Also most people don't think they're really interesting to talk to, i guess.

 

(I went through the whole thing)

 

I actually didn't think I'd be able to talk for half as long as I did, or at least that I'd sound totally retarded throughout the entire thing. I can't say how everyone feels about that second one, but I guess I'm pretty good at saying words. Even if "Right" accounted for about 40% of all of them, haha.

 

I didn't mean to sound overly bitter, but I guess I am. Probably a big reason I don't feel up to posting around, I'm really prone to say things I shouldn't once I get going.

 

Regardless of others' reasons, I still don't think I'm super-duper interesting to talk to. Most everything in this podcast has already been covered by myself in text, somewhere or another, usually found in my PR (With the exception of the bits about weebs and ponies, I guess?).

 

If people enjoy listening to it in audio-format though, that's radical.

 

Thanks for actually taking the time to do this, guys. I appreciate it. It's interesting to hear about what you were thinking during all of this, Enny.

 

Not totally sure why you're so thankful, but no problem. I'm usually super-duper self-conscious about this kind of thing, but after an initial bit of fearing the response, I actually feel alright about it as a whole.

 

 

And an obligatory thanks to the captain for having me, of course.

 

 

Oh, fuck, side-note, and I think we intended to go back and record an add-on segment (Forgot to mention it at the time, and we were already done when I remembered, oops), but my experiences with Peachy left me with chronic headaches. I've had to keep painkillers on-hand for the past year. It seems to be getting slightly better lately (Maybe related to throwing myself back into tuppering?), but yeah, nasty stuff. All the orange juice in the world doesn't help.

 

Anyway, yeah, thanks to anyone who listened, don't take anything I said too seriously.

[Guest Anonymous]

Question of the hour. That's how I try to be nowadays, hopefully eventually I'll get to the point where I'm truly contented with where I'm at.

 

If it is a profound experience you are after, there are more ways than one to skin a cat. My host and I really do not practice tulpamancy. We practice actively imagining. You mentioned that when you tried deliberately parroting, it got fun for a while.

[sushi]

I'm a celebrity! Mentioned by two of my names in a tulpaudcast.

 

To give my own spin on what Enny was saying, if an eight year old child wants to be in a relationship with a 30 year old man, most people do not consider the child to be ready for that. But when a four *hour* old tulpa wants to be in a relationship with a 30 year old man, nobody questions it. Obviously nobody is saying that a tulpa should be 18 years old before a romantic relationship, but why is there a lower limit for humans, but no lower limit for tulpas?

 

On Enny's visualization, it makes sense to me. I do the same thing he calls roleplaying (for about 22 years now) though I do it a little differently. But there's no visualization involved. It's more like telling myself a story than watching a (Melian) show.

[Guest Anonymous]

I got mentioned too but like this "Yeah and there is Melian..." "Oh yeah, uhhh, Melian" *snicker cough*