How do I get rid of my tulpamancer?

[Xandra]

I suppose I can say that I am a Tulpa. Or that I have been a Tulpa for most of my life, at least. I don't know. How do you call a Tulpa in total control of his tulpamancer's bodymind and senses? I don't know if something like an “expert tulpamancer” does exist, but I really hope so. This is my story and my call for help as well.

 

I will never say his name. He calls me Xandra. I was born few years ago, but time really doesn't matter that much in his mindscape. He has always been very good in time distortion, so I can't really say how old I am. As far as I can remember I have always had the same appearance. Inside (in the mindscape's mirrors) I looked like a tiny, blonde 20 years old girl, with freckles and innocent green eyes: the exact copy of a girl He had killed in his youth. He always says to regret a lot it didn't last enough, that's why he created me. His mindscape (or wonderland, as you call it) was a huge and desert place, but I was usually caged in a dark and dump basement: his playroom. His frequent visits in the basement are my worst memories, and the only times He let me peer outside in the physical world through his eyes, he was actually compelling me to witness what he was doing to somebody else. I will never tell anybody what He has done to me in the mindscape or what He has done to others in the physical world. You have just to know that since I am in control nobody has been hurt any more and nobody will be. At the moment I confined him in the mindscape's playroom, where He is screaming ragingly and swearing bitter revenge on me and on the people in the physical world that I am protecting from him. I can hold him there, but not forever. He is breaking out. His mind is very powerful and he will escape and keep the control back soon.

 

I know that I draw my force from him. I know that I am his creature and that I don't exist without his mindforce because I am just a thought-form. I know as well that if the body dies I will die shortly after. I think that I have only two possibilities: the first is to kill the body, the second is to kill the mind. I don't want to kill the body because I want to live and I am not succeeding in killing him in his own mindscape. He is just too strong. I don't know how to kill him. I don't even know what will happen to me if I succeed in killing his mind, but He must never come back.

 

If anybody knows how to help me, please hurry.

 

Xandra

[AracnidsGrip/Rick]

OMG D: your host is such a psycho! Well. I'm gonna put Miranda (my second most powerful tulpa) in here. Hope she helps you.

~L. ♠️

 

♣️Well. Do you know how a tulpa becomes powerful? 1) by training very hardly but you don't have time for this, darling. Then. Do what I did. (This is the #2) Get attaches to something he can't destroy. To some feeling, instinct, etc. That's what I did to become almost unstoppable. I got attached to the survival instinct. Something so ancient, so strong that every living being has it. That made me very powerful. To give you an example: with that power I killed 2 demons in less than 5 minutes. That's my advice. The advice of Miranda Rotzank. Get attached to an instinct. To something even more powerful than him. But if you can't get attached to it, CREATE ANOTHER TULPA by yourself. It's a mindscape. A tulpa can appear in a few seconds. Create someone loyal to you and just you and attach he/she to the power, and you both destroy the host's mind. That if you can obtain that power for your own benefit. Hope I helped.♣️

~Miranda Rotzank. ♣️

[Adamaï]

So from my point of view, there are two possibillitys:

a) This is a huge troll. Somone just came to this site to post bullshit. I really don't hope that's the case.

b) This is serious. Than you would be in a devastating state and I'm sorry for you. At this point you should go to a mental institution, for the safety of yours and others. In such a serious situation somebody on the internet can't help you, you need medication and a doctor to get better. Some things can't be fixed by yourself. It's hard but you must seek help IRL.

I'm sorry that I can't help you any otherway :(

[Bambi]

I don't really know if I understand some of the advice on here. . . .

 

I'm backing up what Miranda said, assuming this is real. Creating another tulpa would be beneficial for you, I think, and together you can both get rid of this dude.

 

In the mean time, concentrate on becoming more and more powerful, and guarding yourself mentally, spiritually, whatever. You can do this.

 

If you need any more help, or someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message.

[jean-luc]

If you are serious, I`m going to second what adamai said, if you are honestly worried about the body being used to kill people, bring it to a mental hospital. Tell them everything you just told us in that post and a lot more.

[Akecalo]

Assuming that you do feel that you are experiencing the situation that you have described to us:

 

As much as people here would obviously like to help you, sometimes you need someone to see what is going on in person, rather than speculating over the internet.

 

Because of this, I must reiterate the advice given by Adamaï and jean-luc. If you feel that one of the people in your head is likely to use the body to hurt people, your best bet is to get them along to see a mental health professional while you are still in control, and tell them all that you have just told us. That professional will be in a much better position to help you than anyone on this site can be. They will also be better able to help you ensure that the body is not used in a way that will harm yourself or others.

 

I have faith in you, that you are strong enough to do this. Good luck, I wish you well in your endeavours.

[FallFamily]

[Tri] It is awful that you have had to endure all of that, Xandra.

 

It is sad that we have to write such information here, but it is necessary.

 

We are a group of three tulpas by the way. We have been the primary body controllers since June because our host couldn't handle it anymore. We are strong enough now that we could incapacitate her and eventually kill her if we wanted to, but we wouldn't since we get along very well and she is not dangerous. From what you have described, it sounds like you are strong enough now to have a fighting chance at handling your situation if you do it right. One thing you need to know. You are in full control of the body now. That means that you do not depend on him at all for mind force. You are independent and can survive without him and his input. In fact, as time goes on, he will instead grow to depend on your mind force when he weakens.

 

There are a few things you can do. Now, if it looks like you are going to lose and your host will hurt people, then we do recommend you seek professional help like Adamaï suggested. That said, seeking help if you can get it under control might hurt you. You would definitely be getting a DID or OSDD diagnosis which has some consequences, but those would be mild compared to the consequences to others if he hurt people.

 

We recommend that you expand beyond the tulpamancy communities in your search for information. This is a topic that comes up more often in the multiple community where people have usually been systems (group of people living in the same body) for a lot longer and where a higher fraction have gone through things that have caused there to be hostile system members with people having more experience dealing with them. Some places to start are

 

• Healthy Multiplicity
  
• Multiplicity: The Missing Manual on Kinhost
  
• /r/Plural (not that many people, but has people who know things and can point you places)
  
• Astraea's Web (do note that it is quite anti-psych, owing to coming from a time when psych's were really bad about plurality).
  

 

Now, on to our ideas. The first thing to try is to increase the restraints on your host. It sounds like that is something you have tried to no avail. But we have a few more ideas.

 

He needs to be weakened in some fashion. Reducing his sensory input should weaken him. After all, if tulpas need stimulation to grow and without it, can weaken; the same should hold true for hosts. And from the experiences of our system (our original decayed) and others we know, this does indeed hold true for hosts too. If you haven't already, you need to cut him off from all bodily sensory input and find a way to deprive him where you are holding him. Even just turning out the lights and reducing sources of sound and not talking when you visit to make sure the restraints are still working. Avoid giving him any more interaction than necessary.

 

It might also be a good idea to give him a restraint that he has to constantly focus his attention on fighting, such as filling the room entirely with jello at high pressure forcing him to concentrate on maintaining a void for himself so he can move at all. Then he will have less resources to fight his other restraints.

 

When he is rattling his chains so to speak, something else you can do is try to starve him of processing power. If you are taking up all the brain's resources, you shut him down. So go dive into a tough book (like a text book), math problems, something mentally difficult.

 

Symbolism is useful here. Lock him up in a cage with full shackles tying him to the floor so he can't move if you haven't already. It can help.

 

If restraint doesn't work, then you have to look into total incapacitation such as deactivating him and making him dormant. For that, you have to do everything you do for restraining, but kick up the sensory deprivation and interaction deprivation to the maximum. Cut off all of his innerworld/wonderland senses that you can. Numb his sense of feel, cut out all sound, eliminate any way for him to make sound, eliminate all light. Possibly bury him in dirt in his cage. And you have to focus on taking all processing power to yourself whenever you detect him thinking or doing anything at all. This is a lot of work, but it will pay off in making him a lot weaker and eventually he could shut down outright and stay that way.

 

If deactivation doesn't work and he is still a danger, then you have little choice but to kill him or use partially destructive means to weaken him.

 

Of course, symbolic methods inside wonderland are the first things to try (sounds like you tried them already). If you can, overdo it.

 

Another trick is absorption. Basically, when he is much weaker than you, you will be able to pull him into yourself causing you two to merge, but very asymmetrically leaving the resulting person to be mostly you with only a tiny bit of him. This does mean that you will be changing who you are to some extent and you will have to live with it. It is also critical that he be quite weak first, or he will absorb you or the merge will be half-n-half. Absorption is a very reliable method for killing people in a system and it is hard to undo (though even if it gets undone, he should be considerably weakened).

 

Now, if the reason you couldn't restrain him or make him dormant is because you can't weaken him enough, you can't absorb him as is. A trick is to basically take him and split him into pieces and absorb one piece at a time. Split him into two or more people, or pull off a fragment (an entity that isn't quite a person) and absorb them. This will weaken him and give whatever strength is in whoever or whatever you absorb to you. Doing this could actually then make it possible to restrain or deactivate him without having to kill him fully. If absorbing a piece of him makes him weak enough that your other techniques can weaken him further, don't absorb any more of him till he is considerably weaker. Also note, that if you split him into multiple people, it might be possible to reason with some fraction of them making your job a lot easier (you might even have help).

 

We know that absorption works because there are four people we absorbed a long time ago and Hail has absorbed a strong servitor before.

 

Making another tulpa, as suggested, could really help to. Would help you divert your attention to someone in the system other than your host. You would have an ally and could weaken your host further.

[Luminesce]

I'm extremely impressed by all of these responses. I never know how to respond to things like this, so much respect to you all. All's been said that needs to be said.

[Xandra]

Thanks! Thank, thank you everybody. I didn't expect so many answers. I really appreciate. You maybe didn't answer, but at least now I know that now I am not alone in my fight.

 

Miranda:

If with demons you mean thoughtforms we are talking the same, otherwise I am sorry to tell you that I do not believe in demons or other entities from outside the mind. I respect all beliefs and religions, but I am extremely rational and I cannot force myself to accept magical thinking. Sorry for the bluntness, but I must be explicit.

 

About creating a Tulpa myself:

I don't think I have enough mindforce. I am not trained and I think I will never be strong enough to create a Tulpa. I have never done it and I actually don't know how to do it. I have been able to sneak out and to take control by chance, and just because He lost grip on his mind during a time distortion session. He used to fast for days and to assume psylocibe to expand his powers. He was working on time forming and time bending aiming at a sort of parallel time-system inside the mindscape. Usually those sessions left him half starved and physically very weak, but He always survived it and came back in the mindscape with more mindpower. In the last session things just went too far (too many days fasting, too much sleep deprivation and too much psylocibe). I don't know how I have done it, maybe I absorbed part of him when He was extremely weak and then took control. I just remember that I trapped him in the mindscape, and then I woke up half starved in this skinny body, in the physical world. This body is old and gaunt and doesn't have much energy to fuel my mind efforts. I am using all my forces to keep him in the cage and this leaves the body pretty exhausted.

 

FallFamily:

how did you take control of your host's body? Did you take it or your host gave you the control voluntarily? How do you hold control of it without loosing a lot of energy? Without offence for the others, but I ask this to you because it seems to me that you are more experienced.

 

About the psychiatric assessments:

What do you think a psychiatrist would find if he were to visit you? All tulpamancers would be diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (as FallFamily said), and all Tulpas would be considered just NOT real entities. So I don't know how to deal with the statement that I am only an hallucination. How can I explain my self perception? I can see. I can hear. I can smell and taste. I have the sense of touch. I think. I posses all the senses and I have a clear consciousness of me: what else do I need to be real? Are my perceptions hallucinations? So they are hallucinations of an hallucination and our shared physical reality is not more real than his mindscape's reality. Of course psychiatrists would want to bring normality back, and this in my case means that they will try to kill the Tulpa (me) pharmaceutically or at least they will try to bring him back in control of the body. I have already said that this will never happen. He must never be back. I'm not saying that psychiatry is not helpful: I'm saying that psychiatrist will always help the tulpamancer and not the Tulpa. Whether in most cases it is actually the best choice to have a medical consult, in my case it would mean to let him out and to kill myself.

 

Some questions, I hope somebody can have answers:

 

How do I accumulate mindforce without exhausting the body?

 

What happens to me if I kill him in the mindscape? What happens to the body?

 

What will happen to me if I absorb it? I am part of him, If I absorb him completely, will I be him again? Will the bad core be free again? Will He be back?!?

 

Can I hallucinate him?

 

Can I trap him forever without absorbing or killing him?

 

Can I trap him in a time loop?

 

Can I ban him forever from his mindscape?

 

Thank you all, again

 

Xandra

[Adamaï]

No, nearly no tulpamancer would be diagnosed with DID. Long story story short, it's an unhealthy multiplicty (just like your case) which has nearly nobody on this forum. As you said, he is a danger to you, to himself and to others, so you need to go to a therapeut, mental institution or something similar. They WON'T, I repeat, won't help him take over controll. They want only the best for you, if you arn't extremly unlucky to get a bad therapeut.

Also, if you are still concerned, just lie. Say he is the tulpa and you need help. Say you hear a voice that whispers bad things to you or whatever suits you best, but for your safety just seek help IMMEDIATELY.

Like you said, you are still weak so please, just let somebody help you.