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Understanding your Tulpa: A healthy Relationship


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

Hey.

 

Esterina is away from me right now, in our wonderland I would assume, doing magic tricks for her own amusement, knowing her.

I actually did call her here to ask if she wants to hang out some more after our walk outside, but she told me she wants to be by herself a bit after spending so many hours together non-stop. Have some "alone time", as one would say.

 

And that gave me the idea of putting together this "advice set" on interacting and living with your tulpa. Or your tulpas, whatever it is for you.

 

I'd bring Esterina in to give her own advice too, but like I said, she's off relaxing in our wonderland right now, I guess. I don't wanna force her out of her alone time right now.

So I'll have her read it later, and she'll add something if she feels like it.

 

Also, I'll write this advice from a "host-perspective", but it can be used and applied by you tulpas out there too!

So you too should give it a read.

 

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"You're not me. And I'm sure as hell not you."

 

This is something that, from the short time I've been hanging out on tulpa.info, I feel some don't get. But it's something I understood almost immediately, and respected almost immediately.

Your tulpa is not, I repeat, not an imaginary friend. You read it in the bigger guides, didn't you?

 

Your tulpa has his / her / its (I will use the gender-neutral "it" from now on; some tulpas don't have a gender, after all) own personality.

Its own moods, its own feelings, its own view of the world (especially over time), and you need to respect that.

It seems to me that there are people who treat them as conceptualizations of their favorite characters, a way to escape loneliness, or just treat them as an imaginary friend.

 

But that's just wrong, see?

It's as much a real person as you are, even if it doesn't have a physical body in the real world.

You're sad sometimes. Right? Sometimes you want your opinion to be heard. And sometimes you feel lonely. Hell, sometimes you're all crazy and you wanna spend an entire afternoon listening to music, doing nothing!

 

Guess what, so does your tulpa.

 

Ask your tulpa for its opinion. Or did it maybe ever ask you for your opinion, for advice, or it just wanted you to listen?

Your tulpa is your friend; it's not its job to be there for you. It's not your job to be there for it either.

You're friends.

I don't need to explain to you what a friend is, right? Not to mention a friend who's that close to you, like no other friend could ever be.

 

Be there for each other, have fun with each other, and truly get to know and understand each other.

I feel that this is the most important thing, more important than any imposition or visualization or auditory hallucinations.

Let your tulpa be what it is: A living, thinking being. And a true friend.

 

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"Yer face looks like a vacant parking lot. What're ya thinkin' 'bout?"

 

I'm against sharing every thought, memory and emotion with Esterina and vice-versa.

And she shares that opinion. We don't do that. We will allow each other to do so when we feel like it, but in general, we keep out of each other's head.

 

Why?

Personal space. Again, you're both real people. Even if you're both fine with sharing a lot all the time, my personal opinion is still that it's sorta better to not constantly share everything. Think about it - isn't a conversation more meaningful when both sides have their heads closed off to each other, like it would be with any other normal human? Isn't it exciting to get to know someone more and more even after weeks, months or even years? Isn't it fun to not know what the other one thinks, doesn't it make social interaction so unpredictably enjoyable in the first place?

 

I can't begin to count how often, in just these two days since we started talking, Esterina made fun of me, surprised me, was being silly or made a joke, or simply asked me something or gave me her own opinion -

- and it's fun, it's natural! It's what a friendship should be like!

 

Again, this goes into treating your tulpa for what it is, a separate person.

This is really more personal advice to an extent, but also general advice to a different extent.

Take this advice and make of it what you will, but take it to heart. Especially if you're, like me, new to it, and, unlike me, a bit lost on how to deal with your tulpa.

 

And how would you have your tulpa stay out of your head?

Well - hellooo, we just talked about it! Your tulpa is a person, a real, thinking being. Just ask it to!

All I did, personally, was to tell Esterina that I'd prefer if she wouldn't just rummage through my head, and that I trust her in that she won't do it. Simple as that, and she agreed. That's all there is to it - talk!

 

All you need is trust in each other, the thing that is a requirement for working together in tulpa-forcing in the first place.

 

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"Hey, I'll be gone for a bit, aight?"

 

This is advice that I deem more important than you might think.

 

Don't be afraid to leave each other alone sometimes.

 

Your tulpa won't die from being alone for a few hours or so, and your host won't start feeling awful if you're not there for a while.

(If they do, well, then maybe you should have a talk with them, because they seem to have some issues with loneliness and maybe depression. Not making fun of anyone here, I went through that myself for many years.)

 

Again, you're both real people.

You, dear host, don't stick around your human friends twenty-four seven, right? Of course you don't. You'd get absolutely sick of them, and your friendship might even break.

 

Your friendship might even break.

 

Yeah, from what I read in personal stories about people "splitting up" with their tulpas, what I read between the lines is often times just being... full of each other.

Again, treat each other for what you are. Sure, your relationship is one that would go as supernatural or literally-insane to people who don't know what it is, but what it breaks down to is a very close, intimate friendship.

 

Everyone wants to be alone sometimes.

Everyone needs privacy, from everyone.

This starts with things like sitting on the pot and ends with really private things like masturbation or sex (with another human in this case, of course).

 

Everyone needs alone time, and this is a reason why I feel that wonderlands are such a good thing. It's such a neat little place for your tulpa to bugger off to. Hell, I'm sure Rina wouldn't appreciate having to sit around in the kitchen on the other side of that wall there.

 

With our wonderland, she has a place where she can bugger off to if any of the two of us wants some alone time. Wants some privacy.

And also...

 

... like I said, it's okay for you to feel that way, whether you're a host or tulpa.

 

Just now, like I said above, Esterina declined the offer to hang out some more. She felt like being by herself for a bit.

And guess what? That's completely fine.

 

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That's all!

 

Again, I'll have Rina read through this and hopefully add her own viewpoints, so that there's also something in there "from the other side".

 

Until then, I hope this is helpful, and that it gets approved!

 

 

Greets,

AG

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Guest Anonymous

What I DO admire here though is AGGuy's enthusiasm and interest! I like that he wants to discuss things a lot and dives right in! We need more new members like this and I think it is great. The best thing for someone super new to the forum is to write about the experiences you are having and avoid making blanket statements about all tulpas or giving advice to others for a while.

 

OMG! Everyone is going to freak out at what I just said, because Mistgod giving this advice is like the pot calling the kettle black multiplied by a thousand. Trust me I know from experience what being too eager to talk about all tulpas too early will bring. Just relax, but keep writing. I really like your personalities so far AGGuy and Rina.

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What I DO admire here though is AGGuy's enthusiasm and interest! I like that he wants to discuss things a lot and dives right in! We need more new members like this and I think it is great. The best thing for someone super new to the forum is to write about the experiences you are having and avoid making blanket statements about all tulpas or giving advice to others for a while.

 

OMG! Everyone is going to freak out at what I just said, because Mistgod giving this advice is like the pot calling the kettle black multiplied by a thousand. Trust me I know from experience what being too eager to talk about all tulpas too early will bring. Just relax, but keep writing. I really like your personalities so far AGGuy and Rina.

 

He even managed to get top poster, so be afraid Mistgod :D

Tulpa: Alice

Form: Realistic Humanoid/Demonic Creation

She may or may not talk here, depends on her.

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Lumi above is not an outlier. Well, he's an extreme case of the norm; I would typically expect a little friction but

 

I like how you said I'm not an outlier despite having no friction with my tulpas, lol. Well maybe in the privacy sense I'm not, but in most other ways. I know I haven't had my tulpas for 30+ years like Mistgod, but I still consider myself about the same as him in this way: Everything I know about (my) tulpas I came to my own conclusions on long before knowing anyone else had such things. I'm a pretty introspective and logical person (especially combining the two), so my relationship to my tulpas was quite a project to me over the last five years or so. At this point, I can't even imagine what "friction" would look like. My only remaining problems lie in motivation and things that would improve were I more motivated. The rest.. Well, I consider my beliefs relatively flawless, but I guess everyone does. I suppose there might be things we could do better, but it's awfully hard to tell because I can't make myself do anything in the first place to find out.

 

Anyways, I actually have no problem with this guide as it feels like every other guide to me. None of them are going to cover all types of tulpas, I figure we just settled for having newbies read a ton of different opinions to reach the "Do what works for you" mindset on their own. And I won't use their lack of experience to judge the guide if I think what I read was solid. That being said, I do think a little (lot) more time will help them smooth it out and encompass more types of people & tulpas. So yeah, continue existing for a while.

 

WHAT?

 

God damned upstart!

 

Lol'd

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Why did I miss this one?

 

I have to say that I agree with what has been said. You say good things and have a lot of potential for writing neat things, but you pretty much just started this whole tulpa thing! I suggest you keep going for some time and come back, take a look at what you wrote and see if you still agree. Or hey, maybe you come up with something else that's great and helpful.

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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Guest Anonymous

Yup.

 

Rina and I discover more and more from day to day how new this is to both of us.

... to me more so than to her. >_>

 

You are making good progress. Be proud for once.

 

Yeees, okay. xP

 

 

Greets,

AG & Rina

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Hm, I feel inclined to disagree with a few of these points. Firstly, privacy. NoneFromHell kinda nailed that point earlier, and i'd merely add this, as many a existing idea on the internet, is subjective to host and tulpa. Many tulpamancer and tulpas view their collective counterpart as more than just a "friend" but a lover, or just a better-than-best friend, usually excluding any secrets and telling each other everything.

That aside, I agree wholeheartedly with your other points, especially in how a person should treat as a person. Your ability to comprehend material so quickly is truly a talent, and it is an impressive feat to see you creating guides so early. I cannot wait to see what things you may make in the future!

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This is an excellent guide; especially because it's optimistic. I often have to describe tulpas to other people as 'like imaginary friends', so I guess my perception has changed despite that I know they are not this. Inevitably, being reassured that they are not was helpful. Your section about 'personal space' is also very important; often times tulpas seem to 'leave' and the host usually worries, even though the tulpa just may want some alone time. Anyway, overall good 'guide' if you will.

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