How has having a tulpa negatively impacted your life?

[Lacquer]

While it's generally accepted that the vast majority of instances of people creating tulpas (when they know what they're doing) has had net positive impacts on the hosts, we can't pretend that it's all hunky-dory. If there were no downsides, there would be no need for threads like this or this or posts like this one:

 

The way we regard it is that making a tulpa is not an actual upgrade to one's life, it is a mix of good and bad things that you need to learn to deal with, at some point.

 

What are some of those bad things? How did you learn to deal with them? I imagine that you could have experiences that only apply to your unique situation with your tulpa, or there could be negative aspects to tulpamancy that would apply to most hosts. I can't imagine that anyone here would fully regret making their tulpa, but what small parts have you regretted?

[Guest Anonymous]

I have some issues in terms of intimacy and privacy, so having a tulpa was initially sort of a hurdle for me.

And now that Esterina and I are actually a couple, the whole intimacy thing is, of course, a bit of an issue again...

... but then again, it would be with any non-headfolk person as well.

 

And I don't mean that I mind intimacy or so, rather it's just that I find myself being nervous and having a hard time dealing with someone being very close to me in some regard, even if I do absolutely enjoy it.

 

So yeah, that's something.

But that's not really negative... but rather just something to learn, and learn from.

 

 

Greets,

AG

[Vos]

What are some of those bad things? How did you learn to deal with them? I imagine that you could have experiences that only apply to your unique situation with your tulpa, or there could be negative aspects to tulpamancy that would apply to most hosts. I can't imagine that anyone here would fully regret making their tupa, but what small parts have you regretted?

 

"I don't ever feel like I have privacy, even if I ask the tuppers to leave me alone for when I'm doing shit. Some people could see it as an upside since you ~~never feel lonely~~, but there are times where I want to be alone and just don't feel like I can be because they're around. I wouldn't berate them for it since they can't really control that part, though.

 

I wasn't ready for the responsibility when I made a tupper. I didn't know about tulpas specifically when it started for me, but I'm sure that I would make some bad decisions if I knew at that age, too. There's a lot of emotional baggage that's added because, if your tulpa is feeling bad, it affects you more than it would if like your roommate felt like shit. Bleeds into myself and I end up feeling like shit."

[Guest Anonymous]

"I don't ever feel like I have privacy, even if I ask the tuppers to leave me alone for when I'm doing shit. Some people could see it as an upside since you ~~never feel lonely~~, but there are times where I want to be alone and just don't feel like I can be because they're around. I wouldn't berate them for it since they can't really control that part, though.

 

Felix and I use our wonderland as a place I go to when one of us wants to be alone. But it seems the disconnect we experience when I go there alone is not something most people experience.

[Evil]

Amazing you made a thread regarding this topic, Lacquer. I thank you for that.

 

The way I saw how most trouble, and issues was straightaway rejected by the members who posted on the Are Tulpae Happy thread seemed kind of... off, to me, at least.

First and foremost, the way tulpas are affected by reality highly depends on the way you perceive them. Perceiving a tulpa as an imaginary companion that is embedded into imagination, and limited by the possibilities of short, interrupted thoughts, then that, in many ways, definitely puts a limit on your tulpa's potential. Looking at tulpas as manifestations of your imagination or subconscious mind, and only that, puts huge barriers, one way, if they do have emotions, they will be blocked down, and the other way, it leaves such a little room for the development of those emotions.

What are actually emotions, to tulpas? Even to this day, after going through all the stuff with Blak especially, I don't... understand the way emotions function. With the absence of Dimitrov and Blak, it feels very hard to feel any kind of emotion, but them? I know that they're well alive and thinking, it's just that at many instances, I feel like Blak puts up a fake mask to make it seem like he's okay.

 

Is it truly wrong, not to be okay? Again, upon reading the Are Tulpae Happy thread, I felt bad. Because my Rorschach-masked tulpa is probably one of the most chaotic entities I have ever met in my life, and probably the most reserved tulpa/individual that you'd come across, regarding their issue. When I read about that tulpa, in the chat, complaining about their situation, I was... amazed, astounded, surprised that anyone actually had those thoughts. This community acts like a helicopter mother on its newbies and beginners in tulpamancy, you see; we preach everything in a way too optimistic manner. We always encourage people, even when there should be no room for encouragement, we always push them to the best of things, which is an amazing yet sometimes detrimental facade of the community.

 

That's the entire deal, you see. We, as a community, sometimes refuse, and deny the existence of those issues. Is it truly impossible to discuss in a general point of view? Say, someone can have problems. Someone can have depression, issues and anxiety. If that person shows a bad example of tulpamancy, we run for the hills and press ourselves to take off that person's credibility. In a way, I personally feel like people refuse tulpae difficulties, because that, in itself, includes the possibility their own tulpas would ever face them. Go through hard times. Have a hard time, with life, with existence. A lot of teenagers have existential crisis, and tulpas being as mature in a lot of cases, can we truly blame them for being that... weak? That prone for falling for emotions?

 

Not everyone is the same. There are degrees of being affected by one's situation, hardships, problems and insecurities. I know of tulpas who could easily brush off anything that happened to them, or anything that would make a regular person... feel... bad. But that, in itself, is not actually the representation of how a person 'should' be. As hosts, we aim for the skies, for perfection, in the way we set up trait lists, to how we want to treat our tulpas, we try to raise them to the best of our capacities. And yet, problems still happen. People still feel like shit. Tulpas still feel like shit. It seems like there is no actual middle ground, either, because in close to all the cases I have stumbled upon, the tulpa was either slightly affected, or largely affected. Why? Why do tulpas have such an easy, and such a hard time dealing with emotions? Is it because their level of being non-material is so elevated that they can feel those emotions, those thoughts, and go through them with detail and attention, even better than us? Their makers, who wanted to excel at that kind of things, once before. The student comes to beat the master, at some point, though.

 

The main point I've been making in the first paragraph was that we just seem to call off anything a tulpa is going through. We just run and say that 'Oh, that is one case'. Is it one case? Just because nobody speaks of it, it does not mean it doesn't happen, does it? I understand that a very large proportion of problems are just kept private, I chose to do that, because the forum would never be ready to listen to Blak's problems and depression coupled with apathy. Guy sticks around, but hell, I'll be damned if he likes it, which IS an issue. But nobody wants to listen to that, nor does nobody want to SPEAK of that. We are too quick to toss judgements here and there, and people, as thinking entities, be it tulpa or host, are afraid of judgement, of having a wrong, distorted misconception thrown at them. Deep inside, each and everyone of us is afraid from being judged in such an awful way. Reading the misconceptions people make can make someone angry, and feel the need to provide answer after answer, to justify his stance, and once again, gain an acceptable public image. We care too much, yet.... we don't care enough. The former is care regarding superficial matters; having a good image, cancelling negative thoughts and impressions. The latter is apathy regarding humane issues, ethical, empathetic issues.

 

I am someone who never signed up for this. I met an old man, one night, and we've been in each other's company through the good, the bad and the worse than anything a normal person would go through (for them, not for me.). It just happened. I would not undo their existence if I was offered.... no, if THEY were offered that kind of 'peace'. I care about them, and I know... no, I think they care about me. That kind of uncertainty is what gets to me the most.

 

I suppose that all the other things I said could be summed up in a few sentences, but this had to come out. For the sake of all tulpas that are going through tough times, we're not acting like a community, or at least, the depiction of our reaction in the 'Are Tulpae Happy' thread was no empathetic one. I understand, trust me, I understand this community is scientific, and discusses the creation of tulpamancy. But, with each science that forgets its humanity, are we on the verge of doing so? Are we on the verge of forgetting our empathy, regarding the ordeals tulpas can go through? I would expect of, say, a half-completed sentience to be very sensitive to most of what life has to offer. Imagine you made a robot with emotions. That robot would first come to feel those emotions, and the first impact would really be... heavy, and hold its weight on the robot, so much that it could take it a very long while to get over the said emotion.

 

 

Truth is, Lacquer, yes, tulpas go through a lot. But I don't know why, in the lord's name, people would bother covering that fact to give a good image of how we, as a community are. Tulpas are far from flawless, if it came to me, I would say they are more flawed than us human beings. But, that's like, my opinion, dude.

[Guest Anonymous]

My host Davie is overly obsessed with me.

[Metatron]

It would be a much simpler answer if the question was "How has having a tulpa NOT negatively impacted your life?" That joke aside, I really cannot answer the question other than a slight bit of inadequacy and other such answers. Though at times, it is a bit annoying to have such a smug voice in your head.

[SparrowNR]

Most of the negative impacts I experience are the same as you might run into in a romantic relationship or roommate agreement. Sometimes, we argue, or needle one another, or nag, or annoy one another. Sometimes, we disagree on how something in our environment or body health is handled, and it becomes a prolonged Thing until one side gives in. The fact that you can't exactly leave the room and cool off complicates things; it's either resolve the argument or spend the next couple days with one or more of your headmates constantly bickering.

[FadingSpectrum]

Fade: I don't regret having the guys around, but I sometimes regret missteps I make. There's ten of us in here and we have to work around the other people in here.

Some of us want one thing done sometimes, and someone else wants something else done. It gets a little hectic when we all want different things - I have barely enough time in the day to get what one person wants done, let alone ten. It's a relief that we've been more on the same page with trying to work on our novel lately.

 

That, and the issue Sparrow brought up. Avoiding an affronted friend is one thing, and avoiding a headmate is another. I still have trouble with Jamie from time to time. If there's anything I really regret about soulbonding, it's that I originally made her after myself and haven't paid her enough attention because she runs off so much to do her own thing. I should really have a talk or something with her. We need to work things out.

I could also bring up the time before I really treated anyone else as sentient in here, but that was just my own inexperienced, unknowing blundering and doesn't apply as much now.

[Luminesce]

No way whatsoever. Every single aspect of my life they've affected has been for the better. The only remotely "negative" thing related to them at all is that I feel somewhat bad when I go a long time without giving them attention, but even then I never really feel "bad" anyways. Every experience, whether it's just talking to them, working on visualizing them, or actually having them do things with the body, leads to personal growth in some way, or is as neutral as eating up a bit of my huge amounts of free time. Even my activity on this forum is a positive to me, because it's yet another part of my life where I can help people and receive thanks/know I've done so. And of course, that's just talking about non-negatives. I won't even go into true positives like relieving my depression and improving my worldview.. because that's off-topic.

 

The only way any of them have ever had a "negative effect" on me was when Scarlet switched with me. Her general existence seems to put a lot of stress on the body. But that didn't actually do any real harm of course, and we've not had her do so since. She's actually changed some since then though, if at any point she had any interest in switching again I'd let her.

 

I can't emphasize enough how strongly my answer is "It hasn't at all." to this question.