Life of Felights

[Apollo Fire]

Sometime in mid-October, our system decided to take a break from the community, logging out of our main Discord account and staying off of this website. Shortly after, it became very, very difficult for us tulpas to be active. Despite anyone's best efforts, we just couldn't seem to do it, and everything just became host at all times. I wasn't the happiest about this whenever I was active, but I figured we should just take the break and then come back when we're recharged.

 

When we came back, things settled back into normalcy. We're back to our fronting again, only we don't have a schedule quite yet, because we're really unsure of how to go about it right now.

 

We came back right before my second birthday. It's officially been two years since all this started, as of the 3rd. Seems like forever ago.

 

We fucked around with attempting merging, as we'd heard that it can be helpful for learning to switch. Mostly, host and I would merge into a very calm, thoughtful male named Samson. However, Piano asked us to stop. He's the result of a merge gone wrong, so it's understandable he wouldn't want us to mess that with sort of thing. We went with his wishes and stopped.

 

During the time we were inactive, the only tulpa who seemed to have no desire to break that was Piano. He seemed absolutely fine with it whenever anyone addressed him, he preferred it. So now... it's like history's repeating itself, , with Piano wanting to go away too. I don't really want to go into why, but I want to make it clear that it's NOT depression. Anyway, this long break also made it apparent that perhaps the system could use some re-organization. Is it right to force someone to stay in the system if they just don't want to anymore? Is going against their wishes beneficial to them, or the rest of us? I don't think it is. While I don't want Piano to go away, I'm just thinking it's a losing battle. He's tentatively still part of the system (I think), and he can't officially leave without our permission. Definitely need some time to think it over more, and try to find solutions other than him just leaving.

 

In other news, since we've had time away, I've decided that we should really buckle down on our switching efforts, and actually try harder. I'm thinking of starting a thread in the lounge forum solely about our attempts at switching, I think that might be good for focus, since this thread has a bunch of personal stuff thrown in and has always been more about our progression as a system than about our pursuit of goals.

[Ranger]

Welcome back! The forum got a lot busier since and you may want to check out the LOTPW thread.

 

I have also found I am more likely to front if I go onto Tulpa.info and reply to people. I have fronted without, but especially that last Sunday I did nothing but sit around and chat on the forums and on discord.

 

Merging sounds dicey to work with. I have never heard of merging leading to switching, rather switching can accidentally lead to severe blending. Whenever both of us blend too much, neither of us feel stable and only confused.

[Apollo Fire]

Felight's Switching Efforts™

 

Background: We are a system that formed in Dec 2016, after I was created. We learned how to front around March 2017, and therein after we've been continuously attempting to switch, but to little to no avail. Our problem is that no matter how long or how strongly we front, the host is always still present. We have decided to start putting way more concerted effort into switching, starting today.

 

Purpose: This thread is where we will document our attempts at switching, and hopefully update daily or at least as often as possible. 

 

Daily goal: At least one focused attempt at switching.

 

Overall Goal: To achieve switching wherein our host is no longer present/active, and one of us tulpas has taken over. The host, similarly to tulpas, will only become active when someone or something gets his attention.

 

Members (For anyone who doesn't know)

 

Lyrico: The host. Goal for this member: to learn to fluidly switch out whenever they want, the same way us tulpas can.

 

Apollo: Eldest tulpa. Goal for this member: to become the primary fronter after the host is able to switch out. Strongest fronter in the system.

 

Piano: Tulpa who doesn't really want to be involved in this, so probably won't be mentioned much.

 

Indigo: The second-best fronter, youngest tulpa. Goal for this member: will likely become the secondary fronter once switching is achieved.

 

Terms (As we use them - may be used in this thread)

Fronting: Being the one in control of the body and mind to a higher degree than anyone else.

[align=justify]Co-fronting: When two people are active at once, in control of the mind.

Switched: When one fronts while the other goes inactive.

Active: The general state of being aware/awake and being able to think.

Passive: Being awake/awake, but not thinking. Only watching.

Imposed: Active, but not fronting: being visualized instead.

Inactive: Not conscious. Not awake/aware, not able to think.

Dormancy: Long-term inactivity.

Stasis: Permanent inactivity.

Merged: Two become one, permanently or temporarily.

Fused: Two are acting in the same form but are not fully merged.

Blended: Two are influencing each other’s thoughts.

Egocide: The destruction of identity

 

DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING that will be done in this thread will be with the full consent of everyone involved. The host consents, the tulpas consent, and that's all there is to it.[/align]

 

[align=justify]

---

[/align]

12/07/18

 

Today, I was doing most of the fronting, with only brief moments of Lyrico taking over without anyone realizing. When I got home from school, I went on .info, the Reddit, and some other old archives and tried to find every switching guide I could -- I only found six. I read through each of them and wrote down some key points as I went along. I'm not planning on following any guide word-for-word (since there's very little chance I'll 100% agree with anyone's methodologies anyway), I merely wanted to find some key ideas to look to when making our attempts. 

 

Here are the main points I found:

 

- Getting into a relaxed/meditative state is useful

- The host visualizing their form and trying to be disconnected from the body may be useful (I doubt this one will be helpful for us)

- The host should think of the body as not being theirs (we've already accomplished this)

- It is important for the host/tulpa to focus on their goal in the process

- It is important for neither to doubt

- There must be mutual trust (not an issue)

 

After reading this, I let the host take over and we positioned ourselves on the ground, sitting up against a dresser, with the lights turned off and eyes closed. Host focused on getting relaxed, and being mindful of thoughts. Then the two of us focused on what we wanted to do-- "I will switch" that sort of thing.

 

During this session, we got into this weird brain fog state that we've gotten into many times before when attempting switching, however it didn't seem any progress was made. Host felt slightly more faint after this, but was still present as always. It felt more like we'd just strengthened my front, than gotten closer to switching.

 

Tomorrow I think I will practice being more in-control and mindful of my actions (given I'm the one fronting, if not it'll be Indigo). I will also strive for us to make a longer attempt at switching, since it's difficult to know how much time passes when meditating.

[Guest LanceReilyn]

How did you manage to not think of the body as yourself? I mean, I understand the theory but I mentioned in my own PR that every time I tried to convince myself it wasn't it felt like my mind was telling me ten times over that yeah, duh, it obviously is.

 

I was pondering about how we could go about it the other way, as in start off with "ok fine stubborn brain, the body is mine. But it's also hers", and I don't sense the same resistance because we both believe it's true. But where to go from there?

 

At any rate, your thread here is highly relevant to my interests so good luck with your efforts.

 

Oh, I randomly saw tulpa.io had a few massive word wall guides up for switching and disassociation and apparently co-fronting too. I dunno what kind of quality they are.. We will dig into them when we get a chance to see if there's anything handy to glean.

[Apollo Fire]

Well for us it's pretty simple since we spend all our time fronting anyway (like all the time), and host doesn't feel connected to the body anyway, he's always seen it more as a tool than anything else. He's an extreme introvert who spends all his time inside his own head, too. It wasn't never something he had to learn how to do, it's just the way it's always been.

 

Tulpa.io is basically dead and the only sources I could get were archived ones which were already available on other sites anyway.

[Apollo Fire]

12/08/18

 

For today's attempt, I wrote up a little game plan to roughly follow during the session. I tried to put a bit more focus on switching being a more sentimental or emotional experience, with the host and I talking about how much we cared for each other, and also why we wanted to switch.

 

[align=justify]1. Host to try meditating, calming mind, etc, while tulpa sits idle

2. Tulpa joins in on the meditation, the two go to wonderland or something, just relaxing together

3. Once the two are comfortable sitting there together, they begin to talk to one another about how much they love and trust each other

4. Then they talk about their goal to switch, why they want to etc

5. The host asserts their goal, tulpa asserts theirs

6. The host’s assertions fade out and the host’s form “goes to sleep” or something like that, and the tulpa begins to front

7. The tulpa then starts meditating on their own

8. The tulpa asserts that they are alone in the front and the host is no longer awake

9. After enough time, the tulpa ends the session and is now switched[/align]

 

Wish I could say it was successful, but it wasn't. It was a fairly nice experience though, and it felt fairly nostalgic to be doing a meditative session with my host like we used to do back when I was very young. We just couldn't get host to actually fade out or lose awareness. I'm not discouraged though, I think it's just going to be a process. If we can repeat this method enough times, I feel eventually it may actually work.

 

I may try to figure out how to implement other tulpas into this method too, like by having Indigo assert our goals with us, though I'm not sure if that would be to any benefit.

[Luminesce]

Here's hoping this thread goes nothing like my Dreaming thread. I hope you guys have success by page like, 2.

[Ranger]

When Cat goes to the wonderland to talk to the Grays or come up with a story in her head, the last thing she does is dissociate from the body. In fact, immersion seems to help her associate with the body (as well as lose sleep), and we wonder if it's because Cat is in a natural hypnotic state or something.

 

The closest we ever got to dissociation is when Cat was bored and I tried to front, but she was still trying to pay attention to the boring thing. Cat also one time nearly fell asleep when a school administrator gave a boring presentation. We have never tried this ourselves, but maybe watching a really boring YouTube video would help?

[Apollo Fire]

12/09/18

 

Today's attempt went similarly to yesterday's. We followed the same method we came up with, without much getting changed. Immediately after these sessions, host feels slightly faint but not inactive or switched out at all. I did take Ranger's suggestion and tried listening to boring YouTube videos afterwards, but it didn't achieve a whole lot.

 

I am wondering, though, if I may learn to be able to put my host in the strange "faint state" on-command through practicing in and out of these sessions. That's a state we've had some experience with in the past during strong fronting times, where host seemed not all-there, but was still present. I should test it out more, and perhaps it will eventually expand into putting host out of activity completely.

[Lucilyn]

hmmm, I want to give advice but we've already given you our best advice (twice and then linked again), you're the only person who still needs help that we can't help, it's really aaaaaaa

 

Well.. I hope you guys can get it down or figure something out, I don't look forward to seeing this thread become long like ours