JGC's Progress Report

[Guest]

Thank goodness Jamie. It's almost summer!

[Jamie]

Late this morning I went... "Today has been okay. I've been okay, Gavin's been okay, Cassidy... uhhhh, Cassidy?" And he stuck his head out from under the covers in wonderland and went "noooo let me sleeeeeep." It was cute. He did stay up late, but it's also obviously him trying to stay away from the more chaotic stuff. I do that too, so... not in a position to throw stones. 

 

Clone Adventures Episode I Don't Remember So Let's Start At "I" Again

NSFW. Some of it is redacted or censored, but I left a lot of the cussing alone. 

The first full session I've posted!

[Hidden]

Rethunk that one.

 

 

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Weirdos, the lot of them. Give me a few months and I better've changed my mind. 

 

- Jamie

 

edit: published clone adventures on hiatus until clones are better-mannered.

[Jamie]

Last full week... And next Monday is Memorial Day, so, today was my last Monday of school. 

 

I don't even want to say how many times I've switched today... messy, messy switching, just trying to stabilize what's messy, messy blurring. It's a weird balancing act. There are two factors: Who can "person" (walk, talk, focus, be not-dissociated, hold a conversation, interact) the best, and who can keep the front the best? Cassidy cannot be in front because he cannot "person" right now. Gavin can usually "person", but he's been losing the front, sometimes suddenly, to Cassidy. So, if Cassidy is too close, sometimes it's a safer situation for me to front, and let Gavin stay in his Gavin Chair where he's most comfortable. But, Gavin holds the front better than I do. So, what's been happening, is this little limbo game of me losing the front to Gavin, who wants me to have it because we don't want Cassidy to switch in. And, if you didn't guess from the mess of names above, this causes a lot of blurry-blendy-dissociative side effects. 

 

At school, we haven't lost this game yet. Home is a different story, but we have different standards for that more private environment. And if you've talked to JGC online recently, you've probably talked to at least two of us in even a five-minute conversation :\

 

Any stressor, any stupid stressor, has been causing storms of internal nonsense that take way too many resources to solve. I'm real piss-poor at it, right now. Gavin's trying to teach me. Gavin's also got a pet project (one of several initiatives...) to further identify trends, I guess "trigger" is the word but "trigger" has so much baggage. Today so far, we've made this nifty list: 

 

Things That Started Storms

• Sister yelling for me
  
• Sister yelling for me
  
• Someone slamming a heavy door at school
  
• A student downstairs screaming and crying 
  
• "Nurse Rozetta" playing via internal radio, at school
  
• Hip doing that thing where it gives out for a few seconds 
  
• A student stomping downstairs
  
• A student in class cussing out the teacher 
  
• Realizing my hand is clenched into a fist in my lap, at school
  
• Accidentally knocking a patch of broken skin against a shelf
  
• Seeing a bottle of lotion
  
• Sister yelling for me 
  
• Mentally shouting "
  fuck this
  "
   
   
   
  That's eleven storms in the majority of a day... and storms can take anywhere from five minutes to twenty, I'd say the average is ten, so that's an hour and 50 minutes... factor in that I'll probably have a few more, and well, all in all, let's just say JGC is spending about two hours a day in partial breakdown mode AKA complete-breakdown-avoidance mode. Already, the most blatantly clear trend is that I don't like school and it's a major stressor. It's the last full week: I'm not putting much effort into building up some coping regimen for 7 school days. 
  Next, is that "sister yelling for me" is on there three times. Well, give it a few years and she'll be out of the nest. Work in progress. I'm still figuring that part out, I need to investigate my options. 
  The most important are the ones I kinda brought upon myself. Definitely didn't need to shout expletives in my head in the manner I did- we have a pit in wonderland for that. The whole point of the pit is to make it clear to everyone, "I'm not yelling at you, I just need to yell." Definitely can work on my reactions to certain random stimuli that have tendencies to freak me out. Definitely can work on making sure we're not doing that thing where you slowly tense up your entire body and lock up- such a Gavin thing. 
   
  

---

 

 

 

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about human beings was their habit of continually stating and repeating the obvious, as in It’s a nice day, or You’re very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behavior. If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don’t keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn’t know about. - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 

Gavin is human, of course, it's silly that I even have to make the disclaimer. He's new to the knowledge that he is human. He tells me, "I believe I'm a good person, but I'm not sure I'm a very convincing human, just yet." He tells me, he's not meant to be host and he could never be a singlet. Maybe that's part of it. I think he's just anxious and experiences more ambient derealization than he thinks he does. Whatever the case, he's always related to Ford Prefect. 

 

I just realized, I rarely ever feel a twinge of loneliness. Last year, and even early this school year, I had a lot of problems with that. It wasn't really why I became plural again, but... I can definitely see the difference. I've got brothers now, on top of friends. Feeling the sting of social isolation? Yes. Feeling lonely? Not so much. I'm put in a corner and not spoken to in the school day, yes, but there are people who I can really talk to with. I can't imagine what state I'd be in if I hadn't found out about tulpas when I did. 

 

Part of me actually says, "Better off." Better off never having learning about tulpas?  Really depends on how far you can look ahead. Maybe present-Jamie is a little pissy and on edge, but I know what I will reap will be worth it, worth all the effort and growing pains. It's a short-sighted impulse to say, "I would have been better off not knowing what I know now." 

 

---

 

Thorns and Bramble, Here's a Ramble

[Hidden]

It drifted in and out of my mind, after we found out while at school. I literally couldn't hold on to what had happened, to the memory of it. Gavin was keeping me safe from it, or at least trying. He wanted me to be away from it, so that I could hold the front, because he was in too poor a state to "person." When I came home and read over the notes from the school day, I found where he had written it down as he remembered, and it made me remember and hold on to the memory. He was worried I would cry. Gavin keeps going to the verge of tears, it's really not his style, but he's just upset. But, I haven't reacted like that. When I think about it, my reaction is... blasé. I don't know what that means. Am I supposed to be crying, like them? Sad? No, I don't think I'm at "sad" yet. 

 

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d8/K%C3%BCbler_Ross_grieving_curve.png[/img]

Gavin was speaking with me about catharsis, just this morning... I wanted to know why Cassidy had done something. Gavin spoke with Cassidy. (Yes, it's a shame about the middle-man factor, there...) In the end he came back and told me, it was a step, a phase, for Cassidy, and the emotions Cassidy was invoking, although negative and upsetting, were healing and, in the end, not dangerous. Gavin promised he'd do better to make arrangements with Cassidy, instead of the spontaneous cathartic reaction that Cassidy had had, which had thrown me in a pissy tizzy fit in the morning. "Why? Why would you do this? How could you do this? For what reason?" 

 

Now that I know, I can back off. I fear, I did make him feel guilty. Just as I was staring at that diagram, I realized I never apologized to him. I checked in, but he's not in a state to want to talk with me... he either wants alone, or he wants Gavin. Our interactions have been too negative, too upsetting- for the both of us, in our current frames of mind. 

 

Incomprehension? Argument? Revolt? Sabotage? Why, it seems I'm sitting somewhere between Denial and Anger... leaning toward Anger. Oh, how I look forward to being Sad next! /s. I know it's not always that linear of a progression, and the stages sometimes even occur out-of-order, or more than once, stuff like that. 

 

I have a little routine going. I wake up early (well, more usually, Gavin wakes up early, after Cassidy is the one to go to sleep), and don't even turn on the light or put on my glasses, I just stay under the covers. I google things I don't want to google, read things I don't want to read, and have conversations with Gavin I don't want to have, all before Cassidy wakes up. And I spend the day thinking, and then in the afternoon or evening, after Cassidy goes to bed, I journal about my conclusions, what I figured out today. Like freaking Twilight Sparkle.

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-Jamie

[Guest]

Dear Princess Celesta...

 

I always get the stages of grief (loss) in order, it's funny how I can watch them go. You could say my year long depression was in that cycle. The shock event was fuzzy, a lot of shocks, things that shouldn't have happened, none are my fault, in spite of me trying to fix it actually. The denial lasted two years, then I revolted for a year or so and when I finally understood my situation was unsolvable, That was October 2017. The deepest part of the depression curve lasted from April to August 2018 I suppose, then it slowly rose as I sought help, made new friends and resignation marked a clear end to depression; it was a heck of a lot easier. Still, all those subtitles in your graph applied.

Suicide fantasies were always there too.

It was October-February or so that I could finally feel my emotions above baseline and they've been above baseline on average for the last few months, it's really very nice. I am not the same person with the same life I had 5 years ago, but I'm in a much stronger place, and I'm a better person. Not perfect, but still better. Of course discovering my tulpas at that valley of depression was one of the major reasons I survived. I had a friend who didn't survive it; I consider myself lucky now, and my system couldn't be happier. I still have moods, this diet has put me in an aggressive mood lately, all that meat is spiking testosterone definitely, I can really tell, oh trust me. But recovery will always come if it's trauma based. If it's some sort of imbalance, then that's the trickier bit.

 

Hang in there! We're here to help.

[Jamie]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, Bear. It means a lot to see how someone has really been through the gamut, and recovered. 

 

 

I get spooked awake at night. It's a Gavin thing, no one else. I never slept (that I remember or know of) in my first life. Jamie jokes, but I sincerely believe, I don't really know how to be a human yet... I know how to do my jobs very well. My jobs are more internal ones. Point is, I haven't figured out how to sleep, yet. 

 

This hilarious (in hindsight) chain of events happened this morning, and flavored our whole day:

1. I spook awake at 4:30, and read until I'm calm enough to get to sleep, around 5:15. 

2. I spoke awake around 5:30.

3. While calming down, Cassidy sees his stuffed duck in the bed, and blurs forward to make the body grab it. He says "soft" out loud and BAM, switch. He's about to start screaming. 

4. I grab the front back. 

5. I lose the front to Cassidy within seconds. Jamie wakes up, realizes the dissociative spell and adrenaline going on, and cusses. 

6. Cassidy gets scared and retreats to wonderland, and I shove Jamie into the front. 

7. Jamie keeps the front for about 20 seconds, then loses it to me and goes straight into dormancy. 

8. I sit up in bed, put the stuffed duck out of view, and spend the next ten minutes going "It's Gavin. GAVIN." while trying not to slip into a panic attack as the heavy dissociation fades, leaving the fight-or-flight response to still affect me. Cassidy goes dormant. 

 

So... five switches in about three minutes. Mornings are always tough like that, trying to figure out who can best keep the front, but usually that's a one or two switch process, or just a matter of sorting out the level of blurring... These were hard, drop-off-the-edge-of-a-chasm switches. Funny enough, I started slowly blurring with Jamie at school, and eventually he was switched in after he got mad while reading some legal papers about himself. I was having difficulties keeping any focus, I was so tired. Jamie was still tired, but he was much more awake. It was interesting to see. 

 

I took a nap in wonderland. Cassidy asked to sleep on the sofa, so I put him in my lap, and he fell asleep... and next thing I know, Jamie is going "Gavin where are you?" and I was right there, he woke me up from my nap... half-on the floor, smoke does funny things sometimes. He let me sleep more: we were both pretty sure if I started blending in, I would have made him more sleepy. Sleeping in wonderland is a unique experience. I recommend trying it, if you haven't already. 

 

Some potentially upsetting content, sad subject matters

[Hidden]

Dear .info,

 

Today I stress-read some Wikihow articles because I wanted to be given the most streamlined, widely-applicable guidance available. Later, I also read two papers, which I found much use in. Here are some sections from one of them.  Please note, it's got some heavy subject matter and explicit examples. 

 

"Why did the dam break when Cassidy started long, twice-daily hypnosis sessions centered on further embracing a childlike state of mind?" (emphasis mine)

 

Both Janet and Freud observed that early memory traces can be activated by later events that cause partial reliving of earlier traumas in the form of affect states, anxiety, or re-enactments. Their patients generally had a poor memory for traumatic childhood events, until they were brought back, by means of hypnosis, to a state of mind similar to the one they were in at the time of the trauma. In the past few decades, these notions have gained scientific confirmation with the discovery of state-dependent learning; for example what is learned under the influence of a particular drug tends to become dissociated and seemingly lost until return of the state similar to the one in which the memory was stored. State dependency can be roughly related to arousal levels. For example, state-dependent learning in humans is produced by both psychostimulants and depressants: alcohol, marijuana, barbituates, and amphetamines as well as other psychoactive agents. Reactivation of past learning is relatively automatic: contextual stimuli directly evoke memories without conscious awareness of the transition. The more similar are the contextual stimuli are to conditions prevailing at the time of the original storage of memories, the more likely the probability of retrieval. Both internal states, such as particular affects, or external events reminiscent of earlier trauma thus can trigger a return to feeling as if victims are back in their original traumatizing situation.

 

 

Several "Whys"

The frequency with which abused children repeat aggressive interactions has suggested to Green a link between the compulsion to repeat and identification with the aggressor, which replaces fear and helplessness with a sense of omnipotence. There are significant sex differences in the way trauma victims incorporate the abuse experience. Studies by Carmen et al. and others indicate that abused men and boys tend to identify with the aggressor [...]

 

       Reiker and colleagues have pointed out that "confrontations with violence challenges one's most basic assumptions about the self as invulnerable and intrinsically worthy" [...] Assuming responsibility for the abuse allows feelings of helplessness to be replaced with an illusion of control. Ironically, victims of rape who blame themselves have a better prognosis than those who do not assume this false responsibility: it allows the locus of control to remain internal and prevent helplessness. [...] Anger directed against the self or others is always a central problem in the life of people who have been violated. Reikers concludes that "this 'acting out' is seldom understood by either victims or clinicians as being a repetitive re-enactment of real events from the past."

 

 

More Why (emphasis mine)

 People who have been exposed to highly stressful stimuli develop long-term potentiation of memory tracts that are reactivated at times of subsequent arousal. This activation explains how current stress is experienced as a return of the trauma; it causes a return to earlier behavior patterns. Ordinarily, people will choose the most pleasant of two alternatives. High arousal causes people to engage in familiar behavior, regardless of the rewards. As novel stimuli are anxiety provoking, under stress, previously traumatized people tend return to familiar patterns, even if they cause pain.

 

I want to write more, but I'm falling asleep here... I'll add more tomorrow, how about it? Have a Hosico video. You deserve it. 

 

[video=youtube]http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpsGLsaZKS0

[/hidden]

[Guest]

[hidden]

"Ironically, victims of rape who blame themselves have a better prognosis than those who do not assume this false responsibility: it allows the locus of control to remain internal and prevent helplessness."

 

wut... the literal F this is absolutely horrible. Not because anyone is doing it but because maybe they should be doing it and that is unironically abhorrent. I really shouldn't be posting today because of reasons

but I want to physically castrate rapists

.

[/hidden]

 

Aww what a beautiful cat painting. You don't want to know how satisfying that is, and I'm glad the cat doesn't mind.

[Jamie]

Today, upon walking into class, I hit the wall of "I don't want to be here." It used to be around lunch, then before lunch, then second hour, and recently, it's shifted up to first hour, upon sitting at my desk, and sometimes as early as getting on the bus. There are lots of factors, but the approaching end of school is a major one... it's not a big priority, with so little school left this year. It just adds a level of "suckiness" to my day. 

 

I've really taken up Gavin's strategy of writing down what's going on internally, whether that's wonderland, internal radio, clones, dissociation, emotions, thoughts, whatever. In the situation I'm in (but not for very longer!) I'm very much stuck alone with my mind. A big piece of advice you'll get about these internal conflicts is, "distract yourself." I can't, I can't get away, I'm stuck at my desk without much to do. So easy to dissociate wildly, so instead, everything gets written down as to process it. 

 

Here's a cut section. I started writing when things were upsetting me, which... is why it starts off upsetting. Some sad and gross subject matter, some of which is behind spoiler tags, some of which is redacted. A day in wonderland :) A few hours, at least, and these aren't the sunniest hours of our day. 

 

[Hidden]

 

Cassidy is in the shower, [being sad and lewd]. Gavin shifts the scene to a bubble bath and gives Cassidy a toy shark. Cassidy kisses it and splashes bathwater. He squealed. He asks to be cleaned up so he can go hide. He asked Gavin to lean in, then kissed Gavin's cheek and told Gavin it was okay and he could hide too if he wanted. Cassidy asked if he could not get dressed and stay with just a bath towel, but Gavin had him put on sleepclothes. 

 

Cassidy

threw up

in the sink and confirmed he wanted to do it, he wanted to "get something out." Gavin gave him some water and Cassidy took the glass and hid in the bathroom closet. He told me he was mad at me. I said that was okay. He said we hurt Gavin. I said "yeah" and that we were lucky he's so understanding. Cassidy told me no, Gavin doesn't understand. Gavin asked if there was a certain part he didn't know or get. We [got memories.] IRL heart rate increased and dissociation jumped. Cassidy cried and pleaded apologies. Gavin said it was okay, he had seen those memories before. Cassidy said he was sorry Gavin was so scared and sad. Gavin said he was doing okay at the moment, he was there to help Cassidy calm down. Cassidy crawled out and took Gavin's hand and kissed it and pressed his face into Gavin's arm. Gavin asked if he wanted picked up, but Cassidy said he just wanted cuddles to feel

full.

(better.) Gavin said it was very good behavior and took Cassidy in his lap. 

 

Cassidy apologized for trying to refuse clothes. He asked if Gavin wore clothes. Gavin said "sometimes", but often he's not "anatomically detailed" enough to really require them. Cassidy picked at Gavin's shirt collar and asked why I don't write. I told him I do write- he said, "okay." 

 

He asked to go see the baby's breath and forget-me-nots in the window box. He held Gavin's hand and they walked out on the porch. Cassidy gave Gavin a handful of baby's breath for his hair. When Gavin attached it to his form, it turned Gavin Green. 

 

After a clone storm and breaking skin, Cassidy's form manifested a hurt. Gavin offered to banish it but Cassidy asked to be cleaned up instead. He said he felt empty and asked Gavin to make him feel

full like a good bitch.

(better.) I got a little aggro and Gavin tactile-imposed a kiss on my forehead to mellow me out. After being cleaned up, Cassidy [was sad and lewd], apologized, and pleaded with Gavin. Gavin walked him outside, where it's now in the high 80s, and gave him a big bubble wand. Cassidy licked it experimentally and said soap tastes bad because he's

dirty.

(bad.) He asked if he would ever get better. Gavin told him yes and showed us both the flowers in his hair. 

 

Cassidy triggered a rather neutral memory, which upset the clones. They calmed down within a few minutes- no aggressives showed up in response to the criers! (One of Gavin's pet projects has started to pan out)

 

Cassidy asked to bake cinnamon rolls in wonderland because it'd make the cabin smell good. At one point, Cassidy stuck his nose in a jar of nutmeg and it made my nose itch IRL. 

 

Gavin was laying on the sofa, but Cassidy told him to go lay on his bed. Gavin went and laid down and Cassidy hugged and kissed him, pet his hair, and once Gavin fell "asleep", he started braiding it. It wasn't working so well due to the nature of Gavin's form. Gavin woke up, laughed, and kissed Cassidy's cheek. After a while, Cassidy started getting sleepy but he said he couldn't fall asleep because the oven was on. It did smell really good. 

 

 

Cassidy woke up and hugged Gavin and cried. Gavin woke up and Cassidy said via tulpish, he wasn't scared or anything, it was just a relief/catharsis to cry and he felt safe enough to do it. He told Gavin that Gavin could cry if he wanted because he's only 12. My eyes IRL watered. Gavin said he was alright and Cassidy was very considerate. Cassidy asked why rain clouds are sometimes dark, but sometimes white. He asked to see the bird nest behind our house IRL after school. He asked if me and him will ever stop feeling

dirty and empty.

(bad.) Gavin blew a raspberry into Cassidy's shirt, but he didn't laugh. Gavin said we would feel better. Cassidy apologized for "breaking" me and "

fucking everything up.

" He kept his hands over himself. He blushed in wonderland and I blushed IRL. He thought about asking

"Am I a good bitch?"

(sad) but stopped and hugged and kissed Gavin's arm instead. 

 

(sad, moderately graphic/lewd)

 

He kissed Gavin's palm. He tried to put Gavin's hand over his own crotch but felt our resistance and stopped. He moved Gavin's hand over Gavin's crotch instead, and said "Banished." and "It's healed." Gavin said yes, he felt better. He said, while he wouldn't kiss or touch Cassidy there (like he can do to banish intrusive form manifestations), he could kiss Cassidy's palm, or Cassidy could kiss his own palm, and it would work the same. Cassidy said that made sense.

He said he wanted to go home (IRL) and shoved a handful of the bedspread into his mouth. He heard Gavin's thoughts about wanting Cassidy to be happy and said, "I want to be happy too." and hugged around Gavin's arm. 

 

They got the cinnamon rolls out of the oven. Cassidy sat under the kitchen table to watch. Gavin got him out by saying he needed to come pick out one for himself. I could almost smell it IRL. Making me hungry... Cassidy asked some reassurance questions before he would eat. Gavin sat under the table with him and reflected that he rarely has a tongue in his mouth- when he has a mouth at all. Cassidy couldn't finish his cinnamon roll (they are pretty big) and so Gavin put the rest with the others in the breadbox.

 

He brought Gavin a bin of wooden blocks, a plush tiger, and two barbies with the wordlessly communicated, "let's make a city and the tiger will Godzilla it." 

 

Cassidy caught me picking skin and said, "the door creaked." I said, "but why would that upset me?" He said,

"get your act together right-fucking-now."

 I remembered some creaky doors in my life and how mad I got a few days ago, when my mom was joking around and opening my door slowly and pointing out the creaky noises. Afterward, I had picked skin with "no reason for it." Gavin thanked Cassidy and told me to thank him too. I did. Cassidy told me when I next visited wonderland, there were cinnamon rolls in the breadbox for me and he had remade my (wonderland) bed, if I wanted a nap or a cry. 

[/hidden]

 

Cassidy's a real sweetheart... Later we went to the dog park for our dog's birthday, he was in a much better state. I'm still figuring out how to be around him again. It's a me thing, I'm well aware. This morning Gavin talked to Cassidy before I woke up, and then later in the morning, talked with me while Cassidy was dormant. We both apologized to Gavin for something we did, that Gavin ended up taking care of for us. It was a bit of an unplanned bonding moment... Cassidy and I talked about our conversations with Gavin. 

 

I wonder how strong I can get my tulpas' presences to be... it definitely has a bit of wiggle in the intensity, from day-to-day as well as within the day. 

 

Hmm. 

 

-Mostly J

[Guest]

You're story reminded me of something that happened today. Ashley and I were talking about our system and she said, "Dashie would follow you to the end of the world and back." I found that incredibly touching and teared up. Dashie then smiled up at me and burried her head on my chest with a hug. It was hard not to cry about it, just retelling the story. Dashie acts tough, but she's still my big softie.

[Guest Reilyn-Alley]

Hi guys! That's quite a lot going on.. Gives me a tiny bit more context too. What are you all gonna do when school is out?

[Jamie]

Awww. Jamie's my softie. Even when he doesn't realize it.

 

When school is out, the first order of business is to clean so all the school stuff is put out of view and our room is in Summer Break Mode. The next order of business, a day of going to bed super early, and waking up super late- call it a passage into summer. We tend to actually go to bed around 8:30 and wake up at 4:30 in summer, or at least, the last summer I remember, but the day of sleep is like purging the stress of the school year.

 

Pretty soon, we have two online high school classes and one on-campus college class, so, our summer won't be empty! And then, I think we all have some personal projects.

 

The dog got out and was fighting the cat. Jamie's mom was screaming for him and we actually felt it: he woke up, and then switched within a few seconds of waking. No injuries sustained, I ushered the dog straight into another room and shut the door, then the cat was relocated to cool out. Super fluffy, as you'd imagine.

 

There's a switching counter website I want to track my system with, but it's too much of a hassle right now, since we do switch at school and in messy situations, and often forget the times, sometimes the switches altogether. Last night Jamie realized he had 0 memory of Monday ever happening. He had to check his phone to see it was really Wednesday- if he only remembered two school days, then it should have been Tuesday. Gave him a shock when it was not. Showed me, some of this system's old issues are popping out again... maybe there's good reason to track switches. I remember how our friends used to joke about how Jamie could lose the way to his classes, months into the school year... Could, within a conversation, imply lunch had already happened- third hour. Forgetting the date, forgetting assignments, forgetting entire conversations, especially fights. I remember a few times someone came and apologized and Jamie had no idea what had happened. The first time, he thought they did something like gossip or talk behind his back, so they thought Jamie knew when he did not, but the other times... That didn't make sense. Not to mention people coming and asking, "Well, what did you decide?" What did I decide for what? Those conversations are much harder to pretend to know what you're saying. Ohhhh, I remember some upset teachers... upset mother.

 

"I just don't pay attention", "These things just slip my mind", and "I'm just forgetful/distracted" eventually fell away to "I'm going absolutely insane", so, it's vital to manage these things. It's one of those unique ways stress can manifest in a system.

 

What are you all doing for summer? How's the weather been treating you? It's lovely here.

 

-Gavin