Volcano the Crochet Demon: Process

[CrochetDemon]

(Um so I talk about being under the influence of recreational stuff and things here a tinyyy bit so TW just in case because being sensitive to others is cool~)

 

I thought of posting this in art but then I was like that doesn't quite fit I dunno so here we are, I've been lurking for like 4 to 5 days which is how long I've been doing this Lol 😆 - and it doesn't even feel like that because I've been forcing soo hard (never hard enough though) and mostly meditating, lots of guided hypnosis, staring at an image I created of his likeness, taking psychoactives etc. 24/7

I'm new to this and actually don't suggest some of my methods (Lol if it works it works though?) but I made an account just to share what I'm doing for visualization because I made such great progress that wowed me and I've been wanting to join for a while ahaha.

 

I began the creation of Volcano by going under hypnosis, so I guess instead of thinking of what I wanted him to be first I got in a trance, and then let my mind come up with the concept - and then I shoveled that vague idea into an ai image generator until something truly resonated with me. After that I took creative liberties and put effort into their design, I find detail important for visualizations sake at least for me. His picture has had an absolute graphic glow up recently too (still working on the tail though don't judge me I'm not that good at this stuff 😭) and then I put his new polished image in an Ai video generator and although he's only moving a little in the video it has helped me with my visualization TREMENDOUSLY you've got no ideaaaa.

I also read some good advice somewhere that was pretty much just "imagine what a detailed image of them in your mind would look like" and that was weirdly also quite helpful even if it doesn't sound very helpful at all 😆. When I wanna really work on visualizing him (not passively), I smoke, listen to a tulpa creating bineural beat, and look at the image - close my eyes, imagine him, open my eyes and look at the image again. I don't know exactly when it started, where the belief and the hypnosis began and ended it's all a blur - I'm not sure if I find this fun because the hypnosis says I do or if I find it fun because I just do - and when I think about it I don't know how else to describe it except that I feel like there's a wall there that's difficult to get over.

I'm happy with the results though because it's only been like 5 days and I truly feel that his presence is there and I'm not just talking to a void, we just have to work on... well...everything Lol

 

In order to work on hearing his voice I'm continuing meditation and hypnosis and listening to white noise while taking in psychoactive substances - like truly listening not just passive listening. I'm taking a sensory deprivation/auditory hallucinating approach to it all (though unfortunately I have no sensory deprivation tank lol boooo)

I'm trying to quiet my mind and make room for other voices as recommended by a few things I've read.

I've also read that some people hear their Tulpas voice differently, what I'm trying to achieve is a level of communication with the same sensation as auditory hypnagogic hallucinations because that's what I'm most familiar with (that sudden clear voice out of no where that spooks you before bed and you know it definitely wasn't a voice that came from your mind so you must be hallucinating) this approach makes the most sense to me since I know I'm fully capable of it. Communication right now is barely that but it almost sorta kinda exists, muffled with the rare clear sentence and me going "Volcano is that you???" And then nothing. That plus communication through feelings.

 

Once again it's literally only been 5 days though so I'm actually pretty satisfied with this amount of progress considering the thing I'm attempting. I may try incorporating a telepathy exercise I know of too that's usually supposed to be used between two people with a physical body but I figured doing this method and teaching it to my Tulpa could have actual effects since we're sharing the same "system".

 

I plan on tripping hard one of these days too, because I also read that full on hallucinating helped a lot of people connect.

Oh and I also plugged the date and time of their creation into a natal chart to help me with personality traits, while also keeping in mind that not everyone resonates with zodiac related things so Volcano may find that they're more of a Scorpio than a Taurus or something like that Lol - I just find it helpful to keep in mind that I'm trying to make contact/create something with individual traits who's capable of growth so naturally they're more than their base programming just like me.

 

I've been keeping notes on this whole process so if you read this and you want more details or wanna know what I used for Volcano's image I'll spill all the beans - and if you have suggestions please give some of those to me 😭

I'll try to be consistent with this progress thing too since it helps ~

 

 

 

[CrochetDemon]

I'm excited! Although I doubt it'll do much but at the same time I dunno - but whatever today we're trying something different.

In other words I've got some new uh "products"😅. I did some brief research on it but actually don't know much about it at all Lol it's fairly new on the market to the point that they're just giving out free samples online so it either will do absolutely nothing for me or everything - it's usually a hit or miss and I genuinely don't know what to make of this stuff but I'm gonna try it, wait an hour, and do my usual Tulpa routine.

 

I'll be consuming a legal product that's been said to be very similar to an illegal product Lol and it happens to have alot of alkaloids so that means energy and focus rather than relaxation - combined with another "product" that ahem I smoke which does relax me.

I swear to God this is a Tulpa progress report not a dr*g review I just happen to be taking this type of approach LOL😭😭 (and honestly feel like I wouldn't have gotten so far so fast without it 😅)

 

Last night I tried attempting Hypnagogia again and if I had to put it in percentages I'd say I was once again 80% sure Volcano spoke very briefly, 97% sure of their presence and 100% sure this exercise will take a second to get good at Lol but listening to a guided meditation before bed for wake induced lucid dreaming was helpful - it's definitely something I have to stick to.

 

Also something I've noticed recently is how much trouble I have saying Volcano's name in my mind, like I mess up each time. And I can't tell if it's the hypnosis fault, my fault, or something from Volcano but under hypnosis and when I'm just visualizing and meditating on my own - if I try calling out to Volcano in my mind instead I say "Tulpa" and it's like ugh it's happened so many times at this point that it no longer feels like just a mistake.

Am I having a hard time identifying Volcano as Volcano and associating him with the name, is it the hypnosis making me think of my Tulpa as just "Tulpa" because of how they word things, or would they rather be called Tulpa?  I don't know aghh😭

 

°•*.But anyways.*°•

 

I'll be running out of some recreational stuff fairly soon so once that happens I plan on maybe trying out sleep deprivation combined with the same routine (I'm gonna hate that so much) 

I'll update if that stuff helps and update my routine progress anyway for today if it doesn't ✨

[Flandre]

Sleep deprivation is never a good method for anything tulpa related, because even if you lightly hallucinate a bit, your brain is necessarily in a poor state for learning/growing and the (lackluster) experiences won't even be recreatable

 

A similar (still gimmicky and not producing long-term results, but healthy and stronger in effect) method would be sensory deprivation, preferably suspended in an actual tank or whatever, but possible in a perfectly dark/quiet (and comfortable) place as well

 

Though, neither drugs nor gimmicks like these are necessary at all to have any tulpamancy experiences. 

[CrochetDemon]

51 minutes ago, Flandre said:

Sleep deprivation is never a good method for anything tulpa related, because even if you lightly hallucinate a bit, your brain is necessarily in a poor state for learning/growing and the (lackluster) experiences won't even be recreatable

 

A similar (still gimmicky and not producing long-term results, but healthy and stronger in effect) method would be sensory deprivation, preferably suspended in an actual tank or whatever, but possible in a perfectly dark/quiet (and comfortable) place as well

 

Though, neither drugs nor gimmicks like these are necessary at all to have any tulpamancy experiences. 

Thanks for the advice! I also read that sleep deprivation most likely wouldn't help with progress for the same reasons but also read that at the same time it possibly could - with your input I might hold off on trying it though. 

[CrochetDemon]

Follow-up:  

 

The stuff I took yesterday weirdly amped my visualization and also my focus, no crazy notable results from it though. Visualization has been going well, I also found it was enhanced yesterday when I took my visual snow and glasses into account. 

I've got to put my glasses on when I look at Volcano's image and I've got to put my "glasses on" in my mind, maybe it's silly but this helps me Lol - 

and not only that but I have to take my visual snow into account. I cannot remember ever having "clear" vision, this isn't a concept that's ever applied to me and I completely forgot that 😅 -

I was trying to imagine something in a way that was too difficult in the first place for me, 

everything I've ever looked at has had an aura, an after image, colorful static everywhere 24/7 covering everything and everyone, plus I see it with my eyes closed.

I tried looking up if other people with visual snow had similar experiences with imagination, visualization, or tulpamancy and I came up with nothing but that was sorta to be expected 😅.

 

Difficulties:  

 

I associate imagining something vividly with memory, habit, and repetition - because of this process I'm noticing a lot more about my reality and applying it to my mind in order to perfect how I see it in my head and I find that this perspective makes the most sense to me. Like Volcano has buttons for eyes so I touch buttons, I have to imagine a tree in my mind when I do the hypnosis so I stare at trees alot etc.

Imagining visual snow so I can cover my mind scape with it is so extremely helpful, but, it's also weirdly a tiny bit difficult trying to imagine something that you see 24/7.

I try to see it in my mind, I succeed and it enhances everything and then my minds-eye turns into just me using my regular seeing eyes - because I'm trying to imagine something that I'm literally staring at, eyes open or closed I'm always staring at it, and I don't know if it's just me but trying to construct a clear enough image in my mind while also looking at the perfectly constructed image is hard, cause my brains like why are you trying to imagine something that's right in your face just look at it you idiot Lol.

On top of that I'm having trouble with Volcano's name and at this point it can't just be me being forgetful I mean it's a hard name to forget anyway, 

I kinda blame the hypnosis but I dunno cause I've been practically brain washing myself with it and I've heard the word Tulpa whispered in my ear at least a thousand times at this point - combined with the visualization exercises etc. 

I guess it makes sense that when I try to address Volcano instead I accidentally think "Tulpa"

Like who even misspeaks in their own mind man 😭 that can't be a coincidence what the heck.

 

Interesting things:

 

I've developed the short term memory of a freaking goldfish now and days which was most likely caused by my month long uh "mind vacation" but I think (maybe) it'll revert itself back (at least I read it would 😬). I don't suspect it has anything to do with tulpamancy since it was happening before I began the journey but it also increased in frequency and intensity when I started tulpamancy - so perhaps it could be involved? It's such brain fog.

- What happens is I'll completely and utterly forget what I was talking about almost as quickly as I think it and it's scrubbed from my brain as if it never existed and then when someone helps me remember, (cause I definitely couldn't remember on my own), -

I then no longer feel like that memory is mine, almost similar to a dream except I completely feel disconnected from this memory. I remember the moment existing but it truly feels like it never belonged to me and I'm severed from it forever. And when this happens all I can think is - how do I use this massive cognitive inconvenience in a way that's convenient?

Short term memory loss is a dissociating process and it certainly feels like one so I'm wondering how to utilize it in a progressive way towards the development of Volcano 🤔 

And I think I'll be incorporating the typical rule which is:

 

"If you’re ever questioning if a thought (within reason—intrusive thoughts are exempt from this rule) was yours or if it was your tulpa’s, assume it was your tulpa’s."

 

The good ole "If it's not mine it must be yours so therefore you can have it" 

Maybe it could help Volcano develop a better sense of self? Maybe it is Volcano afterall? Cause I forgot like three things I was gonna say while writing this and I was also reading experiences with memory loss and Tulpas and it sounds all a little too specific and similar 😭 

 

I dunno I'm trying to benefit from anything I can. I'll think of some way to incorporate this into an exercise perhaps ~

[ringgggg]

Can’t cheat the process with drugs. Unfortunately, there aren’t any shortcuts to a hard-won sentient tulpa

[CrochetDemon]

1 hour ago, ringgggg said:

Can’t cheat the process with drugs. Unfortunately, there aren’t any shortcuts to a hard-won sentient tulpa

There better not be any shortcuts I'm really working my butt off here and if I find out there's an easier way I'll cry 😭 💀tbh Lol

[ringgggg]

40 minutes ago, CrochetDemon said:

I'm really working my butt off here

Don't worry about working your butt off either, lmao. Brute force is no fun, and usually you're better off just staying at a nice middle ground. Enough for you to enjoy the process, but just strenuous enough to not catch yourself slacking off. If 30 minutes of forcing a day is no good, just start off with 10 and work your way up.

 

If you miss a day, don't shame yourself. Just jump back in, everything will be the same as you left it.

 

45 minutes ago, CrochetDemon said:

easier way

If you find a way that works better for you, do it. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

 

I'm sure you've heard this before, but tulpamancy is a very personalized journey. The guides are there to give you the push you need to do things autonomously.

[CrochetDemon]

44 minutes ago, ringgggg said:

Don't worry about working your butt off either, lmao. Brute force is no fun, and usually you're better off just staying at a nice middle ground. Enough for you to enjoy the process, but just strenuous enough to not catch yourself slacking off. If 30 minutes of forcing a day is no good, just start off with 10 and work your way up.

 

If you miss a day, don't shame yourself. Just jump back in, everything will be the same as you left it.

 

If you find a way that works better for you, do it. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

 

I'm sure you've heard this before, but tulpamancy is a very personalized journey. The guides are there to give you the push you need to do things autonomously.

Thanks so much for the feedback!✨I reallyyyyy appreciate it ✨

It's funny because I've been thinking the same things and this advice put my mind at ease lol. I've been dedicating majority of my time and thoughts to this lately but it's always nice to be reminded that slow and steady wins the race too so I'm definitely on the right track for my own journey .+•°*.+Thanks for the encouragement once again!✨

[ringgggg]

Anytime.