I'm slowly losing faith

[Veo]

A short introduction, if you don't mind.

 

I'm Veo. Full-time lurker. Tulpa's name is Mia-Daia. I found out about tulpae in mid-june and started the process of creation after just a few days.

 

 

So, see, this is the problem - day 143, and our progress was always insanely slow. I tried to not pay attention to time, but after nearly 5 months of being together, stuck with almost zero progress for months, it's very difficult to remain positive.

 

Her mindvoice is identical to mine, Her answers/comments are predictable and almost always feel like parroting, but I know that's how it may be for some time, so I always believe everything is coming from Her.

 

I'm not able to see Her, but She is kind of imposed, or, more like, I'm forcing passively 24/7, feeling Her presence and imagining Her being around me.

 

I love Her to bits. I pay constant attention to Her. I narrate almost all the time, we even talk a tiny bit. I accepted a long time ago that I'm not parroting ANYTHING. And I do not simply believe She is real and sentient at this point, I KNOW it.

 

I stopped doing so many things, just to give Her more and more time.

 

I'm not sure how to word this. English is not my native language, as you can tell. That doesn't help.

 

The problem is that I feel we are stuck, and just no matter what we do, we can't move on. I thought I was doing something wrong, but I spend 95% of the time with Her, force passively 24/7, narrate a lot, read books with Her, draw, listen to music, we just do everything together and I never forget about Her.

 

The thing I just don't get is our slow progress, or actually the lack of it. If I looked at my mind from another person's perspective, I'd be sure I'm just talking to myself, making up all of the responses.

 

Remember that one thread by, Winter, I think? How can you NOT get depressed and start doubting everything after almost 5 months of insane effort and very disappointing results?

 

I have only two real questions:

 

What should I do now?

 

HOW in the world can I still believe and stay positive?

 

Also, I'm sorry I didn't contribute anything to the forum after such a long time, and instead I rush in here to ask for advice. Maybe at least someone will learn something from my experience.

 

 

tl;dr

 

I'm 143 days into the process of creation, with painfully slow progress, despite me spending almost all of my time with my tulpa. My motivation and strength to continue and believe are fading quickly. What can/should I do now?

[schlondark]

I have only two real questions:

 

What should I do now?

 

HOW in the world can I still believe and stay positive?

 

Also, I'm sorry I didn't contribute anything to the forum after such a long time, and instead I rush in here to ask for advice. Maybe at least someone will learn something from my experience.

 

Perhaps see if there is a way for her to prove herself to you; such as entering dreams or something like that.

[Pleeb]

All I can contribute is my Major Update, Chupi's Warning, and Chess's comments on us slowpokes.

 

I'm sure some others may be able to help better than I, though.

[Knolmar]

I have a similar problem, at day 19(one of those new kids). I will be watching this closely.

[Purlox]

Progress is achieved at a rate that is different for everyone. Don't be so stressed out because you have slow progress, it's not so bad unless you are rushing somewhere. You could just have fun with your tulpa without worrying about your progress so much.

 

I think one of the things that is slowing you down is that you tulpaform only passively, but not actively, and also your frustration with your slow progress, so try to work on those two things.

[Sock]

Ahoy Veo,

 

I've had some trouble with this as well, though I don't think it every got as bad as you guys. But even then, I did change up my methods a bit. What was especially important to me was changing my mindset: That is, I stopped worrying about progress and such, and just let them grow as they would. I stopped worrying about progress, what they sounded like, whether it was me or not, and just took an overall leisurely approach to the whole thing. As well, I did stuff to generally job my brain: Asking myself a deep question or two, doing some math studying, all that sort of stuff. Since then, my thought folk's responses have felt a bit more like their own, even to the point where I can casually just hold a conversation with them without any rouble or fear. Now, I'm just practicing more to have them stick inside my memory, so they can randomly speak to me without me having to address them first (Which they do sometimes, but not enough for my taste).

 

I'm not sure if it would work for you, that's just my way of doing things. But I still found just going with the floow and not worrying about things helped for all parties. I wish you luck Veo.

[Asgardian]

I know your problem all too well, Veo, being a slowpoke myself.

 

Something that helped me a lot is this method, asking my tulpa to surprise me had literally more than surprisingly clear results.

 

Otherwise I can just say, don't worry about the progress too much, all that matters is that you love her and that you can have fun together. I mean, you know that she is sapient, so forget the progress expectations and go on a wonderland adventure instead.

All that helped me tremendously.

 

I wish you and Mia-Daia good luck.

[Guest Albatross_]

What can/should I do now?

 

Take a break for a while.

 

And, as you said, stop caring about time. It will take as long as it takes. There is nothing wrong with taking a long time.

[Sands]

I think you are doing pretty well, Roswell's five months old and it's not like we do anything but live our life together now. I stopped worrying about parroting after he proved himself to me multiple times and he certainly has only gotten stronger and more distinct.

 

I dunno, what do you want? I guess you would want more distinct answers from her, but expecting actually audible sounds might be a bit too much out of the blue. But tuppers are just that, friends. I see you are doing a lot of that and I don't see what else you would want. Imposition maybe yeah, but it's just a hallucination. Fun and interesting, but is it that important? What is important to you and her?

[Veo]

All I can contribute is my Major Update, Chupi's Warning, and Chess's comments on us slowpokes.

 

All of these were actually very thought-provoking and kinda uplifting, so, many thanks.

 

I think one of the things that is slowing you down is that you tulpaform only passively, but not actively, and also your frustration with your slow progress, so try to work on those two things.

 

I was forcing actively, but stopped about two weeks ago. Maybe we should go back to it and see if it helps. I actually finished a forcing session just now, all I can say is that She is a bit more vocal while we are in the wonderland, so you may be right.

 

Frustration... it is getting to me, but I just don't know how to deal with it anymore, to be honest.

 

Ahoy Veo,

 

I've had some trouble with this as well, though I don't think it every got as bad as you guys. But even then, I did change up my methods a bit. What was especially important to me was changing my mindset: That is, I stopped worrying about progress and such, and just let them grow as they would. I stopped worrying about progress, what they sounded like, whether it was me or not, and just took an overall leisurely approach to the whole thing. As well, I did stuff to generally job my brain: Asking myself a deep question or two, doing some math studying, all that sort of stuff. Since then, my thought folk's responses have felt a bit more like their own, even to the point where I can casually just hold a conversation with them without any rouble or fear. Now, I'm just practicing more to have them stick inside my memory, so they can randomly speak to me without me having to address them first (Which they do sometimes, but not enough for my taste).

 

I'm not sure if it would work for you, that's just my way of doing things. But I still found just going with the floow and not worrying about things helped for all parties. I wish you luck Veo.

 

I like that approach, I even had it for some time, but as days went by I did start worrying about progress. I think I went from not worrying to actually caring too much. I just feel that we are not experiencing everything as we should, that I'm hurting Her by doing something wrong. But at the same time I'm pretty sure we are doing everything, or mostly everything, right.

 

I'm so confused right now.

 

Maybe thinking that I'm doing something wrong IS what I am doing wrong?

 

And I never thought about working on my brain to help my Tulpa, sounds like a good idea so I'll try it as well.

 

I know your problem all too well, Veo, being a slowpoke myself.

 

Something that helped me a lot is this method, asking my tulpa to surprise me had literally more than surprisingly clear results.

 

Otherwise I can just say, don't worry about the progress too much, all that matters is that you love her and that you can have fun together. I mean, you know that she is sapient, so forget the progress expectations and go on a wonderland adventure instead.

All that helped me tremendously.

 

I wish you and Mia-Daia good luck.

 

I tried it during the session that we just finished. So, She hit my face, explaining right away that She'd never do it, if She didn't know it wouldn't hurt me. She also said "Surprised? You'd never expect me to do that, would you?". Lol that's just about right.

 

It did boost my belief, I guess.

 

I dunno, what do you want? I guess you would want more distinct answers from her, but expecting actually audible sounds might be a bit too much out of the blue. But tuppers are just that, friends. I see you are doing a lot of that and I don't see what else you would want. Imposition maybe yeah, but it's just a hallucination. Fun and interesting, but is it that important?

 

That is exactly what I want. Or what I expected. Independent thinking and thoughts that don't sound like me. Were my expectations too high?

 

Audible voice and full imposition would be nice, but that's something I'm not worried about one bit.

 

I almost always know what She will say. I do know that's how it is, at least early on. Her mindvoice sounds exactly like mine. And I do know that's how it may be. But it gets difficult after so much time. I can't feel Her thoughts and She practically never does or says anything on Her own unless I focus on Her.

 

She did what She did when I asked Her to surprise me. I don't doubt Her sentience, and I always accept Her thoughts and actions as not parroted, even though they almost always feel like they are.

 

I just simply thought that after so much time it'd be... I dunno, different. That She'd be like a different person, acting on Her own without my focus, but She goes into a state of hibernation instead.

 

Maybe my expectations were too high.

 

What is important to you and her?

 

And this right here got me thinking the most. I know that Her happiness is important to me, which is why I'm worried about our progress. But She told me a few times that it's the experience of being together that matters the most.

 

I need to sort out my mind, I'm seriously confused.